A Long Way to Go
by freakybella
Summary: Two broken families in search of happiness. Two broken hearts in search of their true other half. Based on my one shot ALFGALW. Edward and Bella had a long way to go find each other, but now that they have, follow them as they fall in love.
1. Choices

**This story is based on my one shot 'A Little Flirting Goes a Long Way'. Real life has gotten in the way of starting this. Plus I am so addicted to reading fan fics that it is almost like a drug to me. LOL! And if you haven't heard of the Black Dagger Brotherhood, you should really check into it. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Myers owns Twilight and all of the characters. I am just playing around. I do however own an almost unhealthy obsession with Rob Pattinson. He inspires me. **

Chapter 1: Choices

EPOV

I can't believe how one decision could change a person's whole life. One choice that you make will ultimately change your entire future. Whether you are aware at that exact moment when you make the decision is the problem.

Once you make that choice and your life sets down the path you have chosen, everything that happens from that point on is because of your choice. Whether it goes bad or good is something that you don't know will happen until it is too late.

And if you make the choice, and everything goes to hell, but one good thing comes out of it, does it mean that you should have chosen different to begin with. Would you really go back and change it all and lose the one good thing left in your life.

This is why I am so confused. If had not chosen to do what I did, I would never have one of the most precious things in my life now. And again if I had not gone through with my choice, then I would not be hurting the way I am. And I would not be sitting in this courtroom right now having yet another decision change everything in my life again.

"Mr. Cullen … Mr. Cullen"

Sitting here just proves that your decisions come back to bite you. I didn't want to be here, but this time I didn't have a choice. This time my choice was made for me and I didn't like it, but I have to sit here and take it.

"Edward"

I felt a nudge to my side shaking me from my thoughts.

"Edward, the judge is talking to you." My lawyer spoke quietly nudging me again. "You have to stand up."

Snapping out of my revelry shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I jumped to my feet. "I am sorry your honor."

The judge narrowed his eyes at me for a moment and then looked back and forth between myself and my lawyer. "Mr. Cullen are you in agreement with the terms of your divorce."

"Yes, your honor. I am." I answered quietly nodding my head.

"And Mr. Cullen do you accept full custody of your daughter." The judge questioned me.

"Yes, your honor. I do."

Looking down the judge started shuffling through some papers then looked up and over to my future ex wife. _Tanya._ "Mrs. Cullen."

"Yes, your honor." I chanced a glance at her. She stood straight and smiled showing no remorse for what she was about to do.

"It is my understanding that you do not want anything from the divorce. No alimony or any type of settlement. The only thing that you have requested was…" the judge looked down shuffling through the papers once more before picking up one adjusting his glasses so that he could read it more closely, "a piece of property in North Carolina. Is this correct?"

"Yes, your honor." Tanya answered smoothly with no regret in her tone.

The judge furrowed his brow and stared intensely at my future ex wife for a moment before he spoke again.

"Also it is my understanding that you are not asking for any type of visitation with your daughter. In fact you are turning custody over completely to Mr. Cullen. Do you understand that you are relinquishing all rights of your daughter to Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes, your honor. I do." Tanya smiled and nodded to the judge. Her back was straight, shoulders held back and her head held high as if she was not about to give up one of life's most precious gifts. How could she just stand there like this was not breaking her heart?

The judge glared at her for a moment, probably thinking the same thing that I have been thinking for the past month. Hell who am I kidding? It is the same thing I have been thinking for the past five years. Since the day our child was born. How could anyone give up on their child?

The judge shook his head and looked back down at the papers in front of him. He looked back up at me then at my soon to be ex wife.

"In the case of Cullen versus Cullen, I hereby grant the divorce. In the matter of your daughter, Claire Marie Cullen, I hereby grant full custody to Mr. Edward Cullen." The judge lifted his gavel slamming it down making me flinch in the process, "this case is closed. Court adjourned."

And with that decision, my life has changed yet again.

After Tanya shook hands with her lawyer she looked at me giving me a half smile and walked out. She didn't seem to be affected at all which really didn't surprise me though.

My lawyer said a few words to me which I didn't hear or respond to. He clapped his hand on my shoulder giving it a slight squeeze to show that he understood and left without another word. He knew how this was affecting me. How this was going to affect _my_ daughter.

I sat in the courtroom until everyone had left. I can't believe eight years of my life had been wasted. Not a complete waste though, not by any means. If I had never made the decision to be with Tanya, I would never have my beautiful five year old daughter.

_Claire._

The one good thing that my decision has brought me is my sweet innocent five year old daughter. If I had never chosen to be with Tanya, I would never have had Claire. So even though everything else has been screwed up in my life because of my choice to be with Tanya, I can't regret that it gave me Claire.

When you are a child, your parents tell you that your choices are what make a person. If you choose wisely, then good things will happen. If you choose poorly, then bad things happen. It is a philosophy handed down from generation to generation, but no one tells you how to know how to make a good choice.

I mean they teach you from right and wrong. They teach you how to be a good person. They teach you how to be kind to others. But I don't remember every being told how to know that your decision is a good one or a bad one. In the grand scheme of things, how would you ever know for sure until the choice is made?

When I was first introduced to Tanya, a mutual friend had set us up on a blind date and we had dinner together. I was in my first year of law school and working at my father's law firm. Tanya had just finished college with a business degree working for a corporation specializing in real estate development.

Our conversation flowed easily and I enjoyed being with her. Tanya was easy to like. She was straightforward and didn't bullshit. She was smart and sassy, unlike some of the other girls I had dated in the past that were as dumb as rocks.

We continued to date and see each other when our schedule allowed it. Weekends were the only time that we really had time to see each other. Since I was so busy and rarely had time for anything through the week, I started looking forward to seeing Tanya. It was nice to know that there was someone waiting for me.

After about six months we decided to move in together. There was nothing personal about the gesture; it just seemed like the next step. The decision was mutual as we discussed how it was foolish to have two apartments and wasting money when we could just consolidate and be together. We talked about it saying that it felt like a good thing to do financially. It was convenient for both of us considering our work hours. Looking back the whole arrangement sounded much like a business decision.

There was no big spark or real chemistry between us, and I should have let that been my first sign. But I had resigned myself to believing that there was no true happily ever after in my future. This was real life, not a fairy tale.

Tanya and I got along well. We both enjoyed baseball and on the weekends we would either go to a game or watch one on television. We both enjoyed reading and laying around in bed together.

Then there was the sex. When I was in high school and college, I focused on studying, not being a man whore. I had not had many partners in my life. So when Tanya and I started having sex, I experienced more with her than I had with anyone else because I had been with her longer than any other woman. The sex was good and I believed at the time that it couldn't get any better than that.

Before I graduated from law school, I decided since I enjoyed Tanya's company and we got along so well, I would ask her to marry me. There was no big romance or gushy feelings; again it just felt like the right step. When I asked her, I never even thought about getting down on one knee and doing something romantic. We were at dinner one night and I popped the question and she accepted. Again it was like a business arrangement and didn't feel personal at all. This should have been my second sign.

My parents liked Tanya, but my mother thought I was just settling. She wanted me to try and find someone that would make me feel the way she felt about my father. We had a few arguments about it, but I held firm that this was what I wanted. I told my mother I was not going to start over now. I had invested so much in the relationship and even though there were no fireworks and grand gestures, it was right for me. Or so I thought.

Just a few weeks before the wedding was to take place, one of these arguments developed while I was sitting at my parent's house having breakfast with my mother. She had asked me to come by so we could talk, claiming that we had not spent much time together lately. Being the good son that I am, I granted my mother's request.

My mother stood against the kitchen counter sipping coffee looking at me over the rim. I knew she wanted to say something by the look in her eyes, so I finally gave her the opening she wanted.

"Spit it out Mom. I know you have something on your mind, so let's hear it." I barked out causing her to narrow her eyes at me before she set her cup down and grimaced.

"Edward. You know how much I love you. Your father and I would do anything for you. But…"

She trailed off when I interrupted her. "But, what Mom?"

My mother took a deep breath and exhaled noisily before she started again. "But, I don't think I can sit by and let you marry Tanya. She is not right for you Edward. I don't think you two want the same things out of life. Tanya is a dedicated business woman. She is not suited to be a wife and definitely not mother material. Sure she may like some of the things you like, and that is fine, but that does not mean she will make a good partner for you. Tanya is more interested in making money than she is in making a life with you Edward. You both are doing this out of convenience, not love."

Incredulously I stared at my mother lost for words. Somehow I knew what she was saying was right, but I was not going to let that change my mind. I had made a choice and I was going follow it through. Another lesson I learned was, once you make a decision, stick by it.

"We have had this discussion before and I am not going to change my mind. Tanya and I can make this work; we have for a while now. I work long hours at my job and so does she. We both enjoy ourselves when we are together and that is what matters."

"Edward, I have never heard you say that she is the one. Never have you told me that. You may love her, but you are not in love with her. What happens when you have kids together, do you think that her lack of compassion will work then. Do you honestly think she will change once that happens? I don't think so. Just call it mother's intuition, but she is not the one for you Edward." My mother placed her arm around my shoulder and squeezed in a loving gesture then kissed the top of my head. "I don't want you to waste your life on someone who will not grow to want the same things you do Edward. I want you to be happy, but not at this price."

"Mom, I know you mean well." I sighed knowing that my mother was only looking out for me. "I think that Tanya and I will work through whatever happens. We may not have the romance of the century, but I can be happy with her. You and Dad have something that only comes along once in a lifetime. I don't think that it is going to happen to me and I have accepted that. I am not going to waste my life trying to find it."

My mother wrapped her arms around me tightly rubbing soothing circles on my back. "I don't want to fight with you Edward. I love you. I just want you to be happy. If this is your choice, I will support you however I can. I am here for you, just remember that."

My mother had made some excellent points. I often wondered why she was not a lawyer, because she could argue a good case. Knowing she just wanted the best for me, I could not be mad at her for trying to do what she thought was right. But no matter what she said, this was my life and I wanted to move on.

Tanya and I married right after I graduated law school. We flew to Jamaica and got married on the beach. The vows that we exchanged were the standard ones everyone used. There was nothing romantic about the ceremony other than the location and the sunset. Even our kiss was just a kiss, not one of those kisses that you hear about that the guests have to clear their throat to interrupt before a full make-out session started.

Only our parents and a few friends were there. Neither of us wanted a big wedding. Neither of us I guess wanted to share something with a lot of people maybe because there was nothing to share. Looking back I should have realized that Tanya wasn't anymore into this marriage than I was.

A woman usually wants a big wedding. Thinking back, it really surprises me that Tanya didn't chose to have a more formal affair. As I later found out, she was extravagant to say the least. Always wanting the best of everything, our wedding was a small blip in the grand scheme of things. I had seen redneck weddings that were nicer and more intimate than ours.

During our entire honeymoon, nothing seemed anymore special than it had all the times before. There were no deep feelings in me that were stirred or shaken. There was nothing that made me feel like Tanya was truly mine. Nothing in Tanya's actions seemed changed either.

On the last night of our honeymoon, Tanya and I were laying in a hammock listening to the sounds of the ocean. My arms were wrapped around her and she had her head against my chest. This felt right to me and I hoped that maybe this was the beginning of something deeper to our relationship.

Tanya was gently rubbing her fingers up and down my bare chest. I could feel her mouth open and close a couple times before she finally spoke. "Edward. This has been a great honeymoon. I have had loads of fun and as always the sex was wonderful and I really hate to see it end, but we have to get back to the real world. We both have jobs to do."

How many men get to hear that their new wife had "loads of fun" on their honeymoon? I couldn't argue much though; there was nothing spectacular about it. Nothing stood out about our honeymoon, other than the trek up Dunn's River Falls and snorkeling. Even the sex was just as it always was, no fireworks going off or white dots behind my eyes.

"Yea, it's back to the real world. Like you said, it has been fun." I hoped that she didn't hear the bitterness coming through my words.

"Well Edward, before we go back, I think there is something that we should discuss. Maybe we should have discussed this before we were married, but the subject never really came up." She paused for a moment then rose up to look me in the eyes. "We never talked about children. I don't know how you feel, but I am not ready to have a child. My job is too important to me. One day maybe we can _talk_ about having kids, but right now, I just want to enjoy my job and us of course." She patted my chest in an almost friendly gesture and then gave me a peck on the check. "I'm going in to take a shower. See you inside." With that she walked off to our bungalow and went inside.

Sitting there dumbfounded, I wasn't sure that we really ever discussed anything. More like she informed me of how things were going to happen. No, we had never talked about children, and sure I wasn't ready to have one nine months from now, but she made it out like I didn't have a choice in the matter. She said we would talk about it again, but she had made her choice and not given me one chance to talk about it.

Marriage was supposed to be about compromises. There were two people involved and therefore each had an equal say in how everything worked and I knew that there was no great love between us, but I believed that we would be equal partners in this.

How could I have been so stupid? I should have thought this through more thoroughly. Believing that one day our marriage would grow into something more was a foolish thought. But I was determined I was going to make this work, no matter what it took. Hopefully one day Tanya would change her mind about children, until then I would try my best to make this marriage work, even if I would be doing it alone.

Tanya may have not been into our marriage, but she was into money. She had no trouble spending mine or hers for that matter. When we were looking for our first home together after we were married, she looked at nothing but the best in the best neighborhoods. The home was all about show and when she decorated the inside, it looked like something out of a magazine.

The house was ostentatious, which I learned that everything she liked seemed to fall in that category. More rooms than we needed, the house was enormous with four bedrooms and three baths, with a master bedroom and bathroom that took up more room than some apartments. Over five thousand square feet of a home for nothing but the two of us was definitely for show.

I didn't argue with her. I just wanted her to be happy and I didn't want to worry about trivial things as long as we were getting along. Going along with everything she wanted just to keep her happy. What color the couch was or what the bedroom set looked like was not something that I was going to lose sleep over. Tanya was in heaven because she had free reign to do what she wanted.

Skimping on nothing, even her wardrobe was all designer clothes, with coordinating shoes and jewelry. Taking a bonus that she earned at work, she bought herself a Jaguar XK convertible which she considered her pride and joy. Material objects were more important to her than I had realized. All of this really didn't matter to me just as long as she was content and we were getting along.

At work, she was an absolute cut throat. Suave and smooth she could close any deal. Everyone at her company knew she was the closer. Her work meant more to her than anything. She put in late nights and didn't mind traveling at all, anything to help her move up the corporate ladder, she would do. Making money and moving up was all that mattered to her.

As soon as I passed my bar exam, my father threw me right into the lions den so to speak. Within the first week, I was assigned to a client, went to court, and won my first case. My excitement was evident and my father's response was as if I rode my bicycle alone for the first time without training wheels. He continued to pass more cases my way, happy to have some spare time for once to be with my mother more. I was envious, but still just believed that not everyone could have a relationship like my parents.

Being a lawyer, my work hours were long and tedious. Working in a firm was nothing new for me. When I had turned sixteen, my father put me to work, starting at the bottom, and working my way up. My first position at his office was in the mailroom holding that position throughout high school. During college, I was allowed to do research for my father and help out some of the other lawyers when they needed the help. Having long hours and concentrating on my job were nothing new to me.

As I made a reputation for myself as a lawyer, Tanya made her way up through her company as well. She worked on different projects and closed many deals that shot her up through the company fast. We both worked long hours during the week, only spending quality time with each other on the weekend. If you could call hanging out together quality time. We were not growing any closer together, if anything we were drifting slowly apart.

I knew what a true marriage was, seeing first hand the love my mother and father shared with each other and I hoped that one day when Tanya and I had been together for a while, our relationship would be loving and strong like theirs. Spending time together only on the weekend was not going to accomplish this, but I didn't know what else to do to change it.

We traveled when we could. Sometimes Tanya would have to go away for her job, and I would fly to meet her. Those times were spent making love and cuddling, nothing different than what we did when we were at home, but it was a little special spending time away with her.

Still there was no romance or strong feelings of love. We had fun hanging out with each other. But it was more like a friend with benefits relationship than a true marriage. I knew I loved Tanya, but I was not in love with her. Not wanting to waste the time we had spent together so far, I kept hoping against hope that our love would become stronger over time.

Our marriage continued like this until something happened that changed everything. Another choice that set things in motion that could never be altered or taken back.

**A/N: So here is the deal. I am setting Edward's life up and how he came to be alone with his daughter. Next chapter will be how Claire came to be. It will be a while before you hear about Bella's life which should be fairly more interesting. Then the flirting will begin and a whole lot of sexy daydreaming!**

**I have the whole story going around in my crazy head so bear with me. Oh and I am not a lawyer but I have had friends who have gone through similar experiences so I am basing some of the legal stuff on what they went through, so don't shot me if it does not sound real. It's just fiction people.**

**Please read and review!**


	2. My Choice

**So here is the 2****nd**** chapter. Let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Myers owns Twilight and all of the characters. I am just playing around. I do however own a copy of The Sexy Stars of Twilight that I like to drool over. **

Chapter 2: My Choice

After what seemed like forever, I finally left the courtroom. Sitting there deep in my thoughts, I was trying to compose myself before I had to go and pick up _my daughter_ from my parents house. Claire was not required to be in the courtroom today because Tanya relinquished all her rights to her. I was beyond thankful that my daughter did not have to witness what I thought was a very cold and callous decision on Tanya's behalf. But then again, I know how Tanya had felt since the day she found out she was pregnant with Claire.

Tanya had been really busy with work right before she found out she was pregnant. There was a merger going on between her company and another real estate development company from Texas. Tanya was busy helping the president of her company sort out all the details of who was moving up and who was moving out.

By this time, Tanya had become Vice President of the real estate division. Her constant dedication to her job had paid off nicely for her. Between her college degree in marketing and her pit bull stance on the job, she had become a very valuable team player in her company.

Tanya's hard work was catching up with her though. She worked long hours at the office and when she was home; she was constantly working on her laptop gathering information regarding the merger. I could tell that she was running herself down, but whenever I mentioned to her that she slow down and take a break, she would just scoff at me then act as if I had never said a thing.

Which this shouldn't have surprised me, since from the time we were married until this point, her job always came first. Our weekend time had slowly waned and besides what little time that we saw each other through the week, it was almost if we were roommates instead of a married couple. We had a few intimate moments here and there, but I could hardly remember a time that we fell asleep cuddling or woke up together in each others arms.

When Tanya had finished with the merger between the two companies, she was exhausted. Working to keep up with her regular everyday duties and then taking on the merger as well had really taken its toll on her. As soon as the merger was over, she decided that we should take a nice relaxing trip.

"Edward dear," Tanya purred against my chest while we were lying in bed. "Let's go somewhere for the weekend. We'll leave Friday and stay through Monday. I really need a break, doesn't that sound good to you." She shifted her body over rubbing her hands up and down my chest while she looked into my eyes.

What I would have given to see in those eyes at that moment was love. But it just wasn't there, only lust. She only needed me for one thing and I almost hated her for it. But I hung on still, hoping that one day she would love me.

"Yea, Tanya, that sounds good. Let's go to the cabin. You always like to go there to get away. While we're there, you can go to the spa and we will spend the rest of the time just hanging out at the cabin."

"You're right, Edward, I have always loved going away to the cabin. I will call ahead and have it opened for us." She ground her hips over mine pressing her core right over my building erection. Bringing her mouth down to mine she alternated between nipping and sucking at my lip. As a man and her husband, I couldn't help but to be aroused. We may have never had a close relationship and there may have not been any type of true intimacy, but damn sex was good with her.

Damn it to hell it was just sex though. That is all it was. It was hot and spicy and the way we moved together was really good, but there was no feeling to it at all. Where were the sensual feelings and gentleness that you should feel when you made love to someone? That was something that I never felt like we were doing, making love. When it was over, there was no closeness or bonding. I really thought over time that those feelings would come. But they never did.

At first I really thought we were happy. Every time that we had sex, I really believed that we were making love. When we spent time together, I thought we were truly husband and wife. I really thought that how we would spend our time together on the weekend cuddled up in our bed was what life was about. It felt as if we were making love when we were together. But the longer we were together the more I knew that what we shared was not love. Just lust.

We had fun when we were together. Sometimes we would just laugh and talk and hang out in the bed all day. I loved lazy Sundays with just the two of us hanging out together not worrying about the outside world. Only us, there was only us.

Damn I thought we could make this work truly believing that together we would find our way. Trusting that one day we could really love each other and make a life together was something that had kept me trying. I gave Tanya everything she wanted and more. But no matter what tangible things I gave her or how much affection I tried to show her, nothing seemed to bring us closer together.

I tried so hard to love her. Trying everything I thought of to bring us closer. Sometimes I would send her flowers just for the hell of it. Other times if I arrived home before she did, I would have a candle lit dinner waiting for her. Little things that I thought might make some romance flourish in our relationship did nothing. She would thank me and say how sweet it was, but she never really showed any true affections or tenderness towards me.

I never believed that I could find a love like my parents shared. For some reason I thought that something like that was a once in a lifetime thing. I did believe that I would find some semblance of love. There had to be something out there that was better than what I had.

I sound like such a fucking girl, but I was dying inside. Slowly and surely I felt like I was dying inside. Since Tanya and I have been married I have become more sensitive about how I thought things should be between us. I just thought… I just thought that over time I would love her and she would love me. I thought that love would come to us, but no matter how hard I tried, it slowly kept fading away. And with it, so did I.

~*~

Tanya and I made our way to our cabin in North Carolina. The cabin was something Tanya found when she was working on a development project for her company. She called me and emailed me pictures explaining what a good deal it was and how she could let her clients use it and that it would be a great little get away for us. Of course I gave in because I was willing to do anything to keep us together and somehow make this work.

The cabin, a two story log and stone A – frame, had three bedrooms and two baths, sitting on two acres up in the serene Smoky Mountains. The bottom floor consisted of one huge room with a kitchen area with a table that seated eight, a living area with a flat screen over a fireplace and a pool table. There was a panoramic view from every window and off the living area were French doors that opened out onto a deck where there was a Jacuzzi. Upstairs the master bed and bath were on one side of the house and the two bedrooms joined together with a jack and jill bath were on the other side.

We have had some good times at this place. Every time we came up here, it was like coming for the first time. For some reason being up in the mountains with no one around for miles was rejuvenating to me, to Tanya, to us. Whenever we left, I was always in a better frame of mind feeling like we could work through this and eventually we get closer. I was never going to give up hope. I had made a choice to be with Tanya and I was going to do whatever to make it right.

Our time at the cabin seemed to restore some of my faith. Just because things weren't exactly how I thought they should be, I was not going to give up. I vowed to do whatever to make us work. We spent most of our time in the bed loving each other and holding on to each other. This one time I felt like we did make love and it was more than just sex. I truly hoped that Tanya felt the same way.

Tanya and I never discussed our feelings much. Both of us seemed to be emotionally inept when it came to expressing how we felt. Tanya seemed detached from anything that would make her have to open up and show her true feelings and I was not much different. For some reason I felt uncomfortable showing how my true feelings. Because I felt weak inside and not entirely whole, I was scared to open up, afraid to be hurt more than I already was.

Making our way back to the real world, things seemed to go back just as they had before as far as our work schedule. Tanya was ready to get back to work to see if the merger was affecting the day to day operations. And even though she was business as usual, she seemed a little softer around the edges. On our last night back home before we went back to work, she fell asleep in my arms staying there until the morning. Something she never did.

When I went into work Monday morning, my father was waiting for me inside my office. Carlisle was sitting in front of my desk with his head buried in the sports page of the newspaper. I'm sure that he was checking the scores of all the college football teams. As I made my way around to my seat behind my desk, he finally broke out of the trance he was in acknowledging my arrival.

"Hello, Edward. How are you today?" He questioned me as his lips turned up into a smirking grin. How is it your parents always now when you have had sex?

"Hey, Dad. I'm good. Yea Tanya and I had a good time. Every time we go up there I always come back feeling good." I answered fervently earning another look from my dad making me think he thought I was talking about sex. Damn he needs to get his mind out of the gutter and out of my sex life.

"Well, I'm glad you had a good time. There is a new client coming in and I wanted to know if you were interested in taking them on. I am still trying to reduce my client list and refer them to you or another partner in the firm. I wanted to ask you first before I passed them off to someone else in the office." My father stated as he closed the newspaper up and laid it on my desk.

"Yea Dad, I will talk with them. Thanks for asking. When are you and Mom leaving for your cruise?" My father was reducing his case load so that he could spend more time with my mother. I really tried to be happy for them, but in all honesty I was jealous. _What a fucking girl I am._

Their whole story was like a fairytale. My parents had fallen in love during their first year in college. My mother was working in the college campus library and when my father came in to do his first research paper he went to the desk to ask for help finding a particular book when he saw her for the first time. They both claimed it was love at first sight.

After dating for six months they became engaged then were married six months later. Nine months later my mother gave birth to me. They had a bond unlike anything I had ever seen. As long as I can remember, we were one big happy family. Sure my parents had their squabbles as all couples go through, but never a harsh word was said and they always told each other they loved one another as often as they could. And even this many years later, they were still inseparable.

Yea, so I am a little jealous. Jealous of my parents, how fucking sick is that. I really wanted to have something like they shared, but I just didn't see it in the cards for me, so that is why I settled and chose the path I did. _I so fucked up._

"In three weeks." My father responded enthusiastically breaking me out of my inner bitch session. "I am really excited about going to the Mediterranean. Of course you mother worries that we will be gone for too long."

My father stared at me for a moment then nervously began to speak again. "She worries about you Edward. We both do. Sometimes you look so dejected. We just want you to be happy."

Dropping down into my chair I placed my elbows on my knees and sank my head into my hands. "I am really trying Dad." I muttered while tugging on my hair. "It's hard when I have to do it alone. Please just give me some space. I'm doing the best I can." The silence after I spoke was almost deafening. My father knew exactly what I meant. He knew that I was the only one who seemed to work to keep our marriage alive.

Slowly my father made his way over to me placing his hand on the nape of my neck squeezing and massaging trying to relieve the tension that had settled there. "Just know we are here for you Edward." He spoke softly increasing the soothing ministrations on my neck. "We love you." With one last squeeze he made his way out of my office closing the door behind him.

Was I that transparent? Trying so hard to keep up this façade was surely wearing me down. Making people believe that you are happily married and just happy was just too fucking hard.

Finally pulling myself together, I shook off the conversation with my dad and tried to focus on the good feelings that always came back with me when I went to the cabin with Tanya. My parents mean well I know, and most of the time they don't voice there opinions because they know that it will not make much difference.

~*~

After the conversation with my dad, we didn't discuss it again. Usually after my parents would voice their opinions, I was allowed a reprieve for a while before they would approach the subject matter again. I was able to get back to the good feelings I had when we had left the cabin.

Since we were back, Tanya's work hours had gone back to the way they were before the merger and my schedule was close to hers. It seemed like every night we made it home about the same time and we fell into a routine of making dinner together, eating together, and cleaning up together. On the weekends we were spending time together, whether it was watching a game on TV or sitting together while reading. Together. I really liked the sound of that word. It actually felt like we were a real married couple for a change.

Most of the time, I know that my way of thinking seems to run along the lines of feeling sorry for myself, but truly I am not like that all the time. Just sometimes I feel that there should be more to what Tanya and I have. But I cannot compare what we have to what my parents have. It is not fair to my parents because of the feelings of jealousy it provokes in me towards them and it is not fair to Tanya because she should not be expected to fulfill some fantasy on my part.

Things were going good right now and I was going to hang on to that. The good times are what got me through the times that I felt like I was empty.

Tanya seemed to have a mood change after we came back from the cabin as well. During the times that we were together sexually, she was very emotional. Her rush through sex seemed to slow down considerably and her passion appeared to gain strength. I was beyond hopeful that finally we were breaking through this barrier and have a true love for each other.

Not only was she different about sex, she was different in the way she responded to the things I would do for her. Before she would not get emotional about romantic or thoughtful things I would do. Instead of being closed off, she seemed more open. Her edges appeared to soften more everyday whereas before she was rigid.

Besides Tanya being more emotional than normal, she contracted some stomach virus that was making its round through her office. The stomach thing really was draining her down. Between going through the merger and her normal duties at her job, it was no wonder that she was run down and sick. After a week of throwing up almost everything she ate, Tanya finally relented to go to the doctor.

Unfortunately the day of her appointment, I had to appear in court. The case had been postponed twice already, and after the last time the judge stated that that would be the last time and if we didn't show up for the next court appearance he would dismiss the case. Needless to say, there was no way I could get out of this. Tanya assured me she would be fine and that she would call me once she got home.

Once court was adjourned, I made my way to my car so that I could check my messages on my phone. Having a cell phone in the courtroom could get you contempt of court, so I would always leave my blackberry in the car to make sure I wouldn't have that problem. The only message on my phone was from the office stating they had cleared my schedule for the rest of the day so that I could go and be with Tanya.

Concerned that I had not received one call from Tanya, I immediately started to panic. After repeatedly dialing her phone number and reaching her voice mail, I decided to drive by the doctor's office to see if she was still there. Tanya's car was no where in sight, so I started towards home. _Where the hell could she be?_

When I pulled into the driveway, relief swept over me when I saw Tanya's car sitting in the garage. Strange though the garage door was still open. Pulling my car in beside hers, I shut off the engine and closed the garage door. As I reached the door to go inside I could hear Tanya's muffled voice.

Following the sound of her voice I was instantly aware that something was very wrong. I raced up stairs to find Tanya stomping around our bedroom and yelling out.

"Why me? Why did this happen to me?" Tanya shouted out as she paced around the room with her arms wrapped around herself.

I entered the room and instantly felt the tension rolling of her in waves. "Tanya. What's wrong? What did the doctor say?" I stammered out. My brain was buzzing wondering what could be wrong.

Tanya stopped dead in her tracks and whipped her head towards me. Her eyes were red rimmed and swollen from crying and her face was contorted into an expression of complete sadness. For what seemed like forever she stared at me, almost through me as if I wasn't there. The longer she stared at me her features changed. The sadness slipped from her face and was replaced by pure anger. Her eyes narrowed to slits, her forehead creased into a scowl and I don't think I had ever seen her so mad.

"You want to know what's wrong with me." She seethed through her teeth arms straight down to her side while clenching her hands into a fist. "I'll tell you what's wrong with me. I'm pregnant."

Silence. There was nothing but silence. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. This wasn't what I expected. The words kept rushing through my brain making my head feel as if there was a river running through it. Shit I thought she had a stomach virus. This was so not what I expected.

But a little thought started way back in my head. My baby. Our baby. We are going to have a baby. The more the thought rode the rapids of the river in my head, the rushing started to slow and the words anchored into my brain.

_My baby. Our baby. _

I felt a tingle run through my body from the top of my head down into my spine stretching to my toes. The happy little feeling warmed me and my next thought was _'Wow. I'm going to be a Dad.'_ My vision became blurry and I could feel my whole face stretch as I started to smile.

Looking up at Tanya, all I could think was she is going to have our baby. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and hold her and protect her with everything I had. Without even realizing what I was doing, I started moving towards her and reached out to bring her into my arms.

"Oh Tanya. This is so wonderful." Before I even touched her, she closed the distance between us and shoved at me pushing me away.

"Don't touch me. Don't you dare fucking touch me! This is all your fault. You knew I never wanted to be pregnant. What the fuck am I going to do know?" Tanya started pacing around the room so fast my head started to spin. Fumbling backwards my knees hit the bed and I sank down on it placing my head in my hands. While I sat there trying my best to understand what was happening she started speaking.

"I never wanted to get married. I had all kinds of dreams when I was growing up, but I never thought I would get married. My parent's marriage was a joke. While my father was with other women, my mother was with other men. When they divorced, I thought it was the greatest thing in the world because the merry go round was going to stop spinning."

"When I met you, you were the complete opposite of my father. I knew you were faithful and would never do anything to hurt me. When we started dating, that was the first time I had ever considered marriage. I really didn't want to get married, but I thought hey, it would be convenient. There would always be someone to come home to, I would never have to worry about getting a date for parties, and I would never have to worry about going out and finding someone for sex."

Tanya stopped in front of me. "Don't you see Edward? Why do you think you had to try so hard for us to work? I tried to put on a good show so you would think that we were happy. That I was happy. And I was to an extent. But damn I felt smothered. I enjoyed hanging out with you and sex was great, but I just couldn't do the whole love thing. It's just not me."

"I'll tell you what else that's not me. Having a baby. That's so not me. I just can't do it. I am many things, but I am not and will not ever be a mother."

My head felt so fucking heavy in my hands. The wonderful thoughts that were bouncing around in my head just mere moments ago were gone. The words she had just spoken were now seeping in taking all the good away and replacing it with bad.

What a fool I have been. What a damn fool. How could I not have seen through her? Was I that fucking desperate when I met her or that fucking stupid. I never expected a fairy tale, I never expected a happily ever after, but I damn sure never expected this.

The term shell shocked was good to describe what I was feeling at the moment. My ears started ringing from the blood that was rushing through my head. That damn river was raging now. My heart was pounding along to a beat that sounded like the war march. My body was vibrating from the anger that was coursing through me.

Then as soon as the anger appeared, the sadness of what she said sank in. My mother had been right all along. Tanya cared for no one but herself, and here she was carrying my child. _My child._ And she didn't want it.

Looking up at her I felt as though my heart was about to shatter. There was pain in my chest that was emanating throughout my whole body. My mind was numbing from the anger, sadness, and hurt I felt. But one thing kept coming through, _my child._

"What are you saying Tanya?" I murmured pushing myself to stand up from the bed. A resolve started to push through me that was stronger than anything I had known before. My spine straightened my head held high and I knew that what I thought was a fight before, would now be a war.

"I'm saying I don't want this baby." She whispered back to me as she wrapped her arms around herself in a defensive action.

As I stared at Tanya she must have seen the spark in my eyes because her disposition changed from being upset to frightened. She could see what I felt within myself. This was not about her anymore. This was not about what she wanted. She was not alone in this choice and there was no way I was going to let her do anything to _my baby_.

It all flashed before my eyes so fast, me holding a baby in my arms, rocking the baby and carefully lying it down in the crib to sleep, then a child playing with me in the backyard, us running together, singing to the radio in the car, and so much more. There were so many things that I could see us doing and I knew then that there was no way she was going to do anything to hurt this baby. _My baby._

**I know there are people out there reading this because you have put my story on alert. So please read and review. Thank you so much!**

**The next chapter may not be as long, but it will tell how Edward deals with Tanya. If anyone is interested in being a Beta for me, please contact me.**

**I will not write a full sex scene with Tanya and Edward, just can't do it.**


	3. The Only Choice

**So here is the 3****rd**** Chapter. Please read and review!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Myers owns Twilight and all of the characters. I am just playing around. I do however own tickets to the Creed and Staind concert in Nashville. Can't wait!**

Chapter 3: The Only Choice

"What did you say?" I whispered, not quiet able to gather the strength to speak any louder. Tanya was standing there with her arms wrapped around herself looking at me like she had seen me for the first time. Considering the change in my stance, she probably has.

"I said I don't want this baby." She answered timidly darting her eyes around the room as if she was looking for a place to escape.

"Why would you say that? Why? You have explained how you feel about our marriage, but this could be good for us. This baby is a part of us. We may not be the couple of the year, but we don't hate each other. We could be so much more if you would just let us." I retorted. No we weren't the picture perfect couple, but we could try.

"This is not what I want Edward. I told you when we got married that I wasn't ready to have children." Tanya muttered as she sat down on the chaise lounge across from the bed.

Slowly I sat back down on the bed facing her. Maybe if we just sat down face to face we could talk about this calmly.

"I remember what you said Tanya. This may not have been planned, but it doesn't mean this has to be a bad thing. A baby doesn't mean the end of the world. We have money and a nice home. We can provide anything and everything for it. This wouldn't be a burden on us." I responded truthfully.

"No you're right Edward. It wouldn't be a burden on us, just me. I'm the one who is going to get fat. I'm the one who is going to be miserable. I'm the one who will be sick and have to miss work." Tanya yelled back at me jumping off the chaise to resume her pacing.

Sitting there while Tanya paced the room, I tried to think of what I could say to her to make her change her mind. She obviously was concerned about herself and not the baby, so what could I do to change that. Some way I had to reach her to make her see that this was not a bad thing.

"Tanya listen to me for a moment. Please just listen." Standing up I gently caught her in my arms embracing her. This time she didn't try and jerk away. Pulling her back over to the chaise, I sat her down taking a seat next to her.

"I know this is a shock. It is for me too. But we can do this. Please don't do anything you will regret." I whispered wrapping my arms around her holding her close to me.

Tanya sat there saying nothing. I could her breath coming slowly in an out as if she was trying to calm herself. Hopefully she was considering what I was saying instead of making a decision she would regret for the rest of her life.

"What if I told you I wanted to get an abortion?" She whispered quietly then looked up into my eyes. "What would you say?" Immediately I stiffened. Somehow in the back of my mind I knew she was contemplating this, but to hear her say it out made it too real. My chest tightened and my lungs seem to scream for oxygen, because at that moment I know I stopped breathing.

There was no way I was going to let her take the easy way out. And there was no way in hell I was going to let her kill my baby. We had lived her way for far too long, this time we were going to do this my way whether she liked it or not.

I jumped up from the chaise stepping over to the window. I couldn't look at her right now. Anger was fueling me at the moment churning through my body. This was not the way I wanted this conversation to go, but now that it had, I knew I was going to stop it.

Whipping around I stared at her hard. "Let me tell you something Tanya. Let's just get this straight right now and I don't want to ever hear you say or think of this again. Are we clear?" Tanya nodded her head in compliance. Silence was her best ally right now.

"I will never let you do that. Because we are married you cannot get an abortion without my consent and I can promise you that is not going to happen. If you get an abortion, charges can be brought against you. And if you are thinking that you could just divorce me to get the abortion, you can't do that either. You will not be granted a divorce because you are pregnant. So right now your only option is to keep this baby. Do you hear me? Do you understand what I am saying?"

Again Tanya nodded in compliance. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks suddenly making me feel guilty for upsetting her. The last thing I wanted was for her to become stressed out and lose the baby. So I took a deep breath exhaling slowly to calm myself down.

Kneeling down in front of her, I gathered her hands in mine rubbing soothing circles with my thumbs. I made myself a promise right then and there, I would do whatever to get Tanya through this and not give her any reason to think about getting an abortion again.

"Tanya, I'm sorry. I know you're shaken up by this and the last thing you need is me yelling at you. I'm upset too. This is a shock to both of us, but please don't let this be something bad. I am begging you, please. Can we please try?"

I had to reassure Tanya that she wasn't alone in this. She needed to know that I would be with her and support her any way that I could. If assured her that we were in this together, maybe she would change the way she felt.

"I want you to know something." I gathered her in my arms laying her head against my chest slowly running my fingers up and down her back. "Whatever you want me to do to make you happy I will. I will pamper you and take care of you. There is no limit to what I will do for you and this baby."

"Once you have the baby, I will by your side every step of the way. I will help you take care of the baby and of you. No matter what you want me to do, I will do it. I will change diapers or feed the baby. Just name it. I do love you Tanya. And I will love this baby. We can make this work. Do you trust me?"

Tanya didn't say anything for a moment. Her small body began to vibrate as I felt her sobs take over her body. Holding her close, I continued to whisper my love for her and my guarantees that she wasn't in this alone. This was our baby, and it was a blessing.

At that moment, I did love Tanya, no matter what was said before and how we handled things, she was my wife and there was nothing I wouldn't do for her.

~*~

Tanya confessed to me that she would have never gone through with an abortion. She was scared of what was going to happen. Between the effects the pregnancy was going to have on her body and how she would manage her job, had been the driving force for her anxiety.

As far as pregnancies go, Tanya's was relatively normal. She took care of herself and followed all of the doctor's instructions. Each doctor's visit was routine the doctor praising her each time on how well she was doing and that the pregnancy was coming along fine.

Every time she went to the doctor, I went with her to let her know that I meant what I said; I would support and be with her every step of the way.

When Tanya felt the baby move the first time, she placed my hand on her belly so that I could feel the movement, but when I looked in her eyes, I could tell that I was more thrilled about it than she was. She was going along with the pregnancy, but she had no emotional attachment to the baby so it seemed.

There were very few times that I would see a spark in her eyes, something showing me that she was happy about the baby. Anytime that she felt the baby move when I was around, she would take my hand and rest it on her belly so that I could feel it to. Besides those times that she would reach out to me to let me feel the baby move, I was the one who initiated anything pertaining to the baby.

An ultrasound was scheduled when she was at twenty weeks. It would be the first time Tanya had had an ultrasound and we were going to find out the sex of the baby. When the nurse ran the wand over Tanya's swollen belly and showed us the baby for the first time, tears pricked my eyes as I watched the baby swim around in her womb.

Watching our baby moving around and occasionally sucking its thumb was nothing short of a miracle. That was our baby in there. Our baby created by us. All I could do was marvel at the picture on the screen.

When I looked over at Tanya, she was watching the monitor, but she seemed to be a thousand miles away. I wasn't sure what she was thinking about or what she was feeling. So far, Tanya had taken care of herself and did everything the doctor said for her to do, but she had not seemed excited about the pregnancy. I kept saying that it would come in time, but I wasn't so sure anymore.

The nurse continued to move the wand around pointing out fingers and toes. The swishing sound and the heartbeat were all that we could hear in the room. When the baby changed positions, the nurse asked if we would like to know what we were having.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, would you like to know the sex of the baby?" The nurse prompted while moving the wand around and punching keys on the computer so that she could capture the image.

Glancing over to Tanya our eyes met and we held each other's gaze for an instant. In Tanya's eyes I could see that she was still far away from here at this moment. Reaching up I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear stroking my finger tips down the side of her neck.

"Do you want to know what we are having Tanya? Or do you want it to be a surprise?" I asked as I began to rub my fingers up and down her arm trying to show her any tenderness that I could. During the pregnancy, I would touch Tanya as much as she would let me to show her that I loved her and she hadn't taken a backseat to the baby.

Tanya looked back at the monitor watching the baby move. As she continued to watch the baby she responded flatly, "Whatever you want is fine with me Edward."

I tried my best to not show my disappointment that she didn't appear to care. "Let's find out. That way we will know how to decorate the nursery. Is that okay with you?" Reaching down I took her hand in mine and pulled it up so that I could kiss the back of her hand.

"Sure. Why not?" Tanya muttered, laying her head back against the pillow and staring up at the ceiling. The nurse looked at Tanya then looked over at me giving me a sad smile making me think she could see exactly what was happening.

"Okay, here we go." The nurse said sweetly obviously dismissing what she had witnessed, positioning the wand a certain way before she pointed to the screen. "See that right there or what you don't see rather, that means you are having a girl." Giggling the nurse asked if we wanted a video tape along with the pictures for a keepsake.

Nodding in response, I felt the tears slowly start to spill over my lids and down my cheeks as my heart swelled making my chest tighten with the anticipation of having a little girl. Since I had discovered that Tanya was pregnant my thoughts had raced back and forth between having a little girl or a little boy. Either one was fine with me as long as it was healthy, but knowing for sure that we were going to have a little girl, my mind instantly started thinking of little pink dresses and dollhouses.

Looking down at Tanya, I knew that I wanted our baby to look just like her. One of the things that had drawn me to Tanya in the beginning was her beautiful long blonde hair and sky blue eyes. Tanya was truly a striking woman whose features made her stand out from all the rest. Yes, I thought, I would be very happy if our baby girl took after her mother.

~*~

As the time drew near for her to deliver the baby, we would discuss everything from nursery themes to baby names to how the baby would be cared for when Tanya went back to work, but there was no real emotions on her side. I kept saying to myself that she would come around that this was something she would have to get used to. I had been telling myself this over and over, hoping that somehow she would change.

Even though she didn't show much of an emotional attachment to the baby, she spared no expense in preparation. Tanya ask my mother to help her design the nursery working with her closely to make sure that it was picture perfect if nothing else. A painter was hired to come in and paint a mural on the wall which consisted of fairy tale characters on the walls and blue sky and clouds on the ceiling. The furniture she purchased included a changing table, dresser, and a rocking chair. The crib was round with a canopy over it looking like something a princess would sleep in.

The closet was filled with so many clothes that she would never wear the same outfit twice in a year's time. Between what Tanya bought and what she received at the baby showers, she could have opened a baby boutique. At each baby shower, we received so many things it was almost ludicrous. From diapers to wipes, clothes to blankets, strollers to car seats, it was amazing all the things that had been given to us for the baby.

One night Tanya and I were sorting through everything and trying to organize what we had to see if there was anything else we needed to buy. In awe I looked around at all that we had uncertain of what else we could possibly need, because as it looked we had two of everything.

"I can't believe we got so much stuff." I muttered, making another stack of diapers by the changing table. "I've never seen so many diapers in my life."

Tanya snorted. "They won't last long. It may seem there is enough to last for months, but in reality, this is only a drop in the bucket. We will need so much more."

Tanya was sitting in the middle of the floor folding laundry. We had washed everything so that it would be fresh and clean for the baby.

"I can't believe she is almost here." Pausing my stacking to look at Tanya, I asked the question that had been on my mind for the last month. "Are you worried Tanya?"

Tanya shrugged. "Not really. From what we learned in childbirth classes, I know what to expect. As long as I get the epidural I think it will be okay. I have my bag and the baby's bag packed and sitting by the door ready for when its time. The only thing that really worries me is the recovery. I don't want to be down for six weeks, but I'm sure the doctor won't release me to go back to work before then."

In the tone of Tanya's voice, I could hear what she was saying without coming right out and voicing her opinion. She was upset that she would be unable to work for that long.

Tanya went to stand up and I helped her to her feet. She arched her back placing her hands on her sides pushing her chest out to stretch. Moving behind her, I placed my hands on her lower back and started to massage and knead the tension out.

"Mmm…that feels good." Tanya sighed leaning back into my touch. Her emotional side was getting the best of her and she had been more eager for my touches and caresses. Her libido had been in overdrive due to her hormones and anytime that she wanted me, I would comply willing. There was nothing I wanted more than for her to be happy so anything she wanted I would do for her.

Even though Tanya was willing to go through the pregnancy and agreeing to us working on our relationship, there was still nothing there. There was no strong love or bond between us, nothing that made me think that this was going to last forever.

During all of this I really had hoped that the baby would bring us closer. It was probably wrong on my part to use a baby to try and make a relationship work, but I wanted so bad to make this work between us, to give this baby a family, a mother and father who loved her. I wanted it all, and I was willing to do whatever to make it work.

~*~

As it goes, time moved on and before I knew it Tanya was in the delivery room giving birth. We were at home one night just sitting around watching a baseball game on TV when Tanya yelled out at the umpire for a play he called. As soon as she yelled out and threw her arms over her head in frustration, she winced and brought her hands down to her belly.

"Uh, Edward. I think it's time." She stammered, looking down between her legs. When I followed her gaze, I could see a huge wet spot soaking into her clothes and on the couch. "Uh… yea… uh, I'm pretty sure it's time."

"Oh shit." Was my brilliant response as I jumped off the couch. Looking from Tanya to the door I muttered. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Follow our plan Edward. Go get the bags and take them to the car. Then come and help me. We will call the hospital on the way." Tanya directed with authority. It was a good thing she had her head at the moment because I was freaking out. "Go, Edward." Tanya snapped at me breaking me into action.

Running upstairs, I grabbed Tanya's bag and the bag packed for the baby. After placing them in the car, I came back and helped Tanya out to the garage gingerly placing her in her seat. As I was driving I called the hospital to let them know that Tanya's water had broke and we were on our way.

Upon arriving at the hospital, they wheeled Tanya to labor and delivery, where she was immediately checked in. Before I could even register what was going on, her IV was in place, a fetal monitor was registering the baby's movement and Tanya's contractions, and I could hear heartbeats of both Tanya and the baby's sounding off from the machines.

Not long after we arrived, Tanya was given her epidural because she was progressing fast, already dilating to an eight. When it was time for the delivery to start, Tanya was strong and kept her head about her, not freaking out or yelling out obscenities at me or the staff. The doctor instructed Tanya to push as I sat behind her reminding her to breathe like we learned in the class.

As I watched our baby being born, I was struck by the overwhelming feelings and sensations that coursed through my body. Nervousness, fear, and worry about Tanya and the baby coming through this well and healthy. My chest was tight with sobs that I continued to choke back so that I could give Tanya all the support that I could. Then my heart swelled from the love for my baby as she was brought into this world.

When she was placed into my arms after the doctors had assessed her and were concentrating on Tanya, time stopped for me. This little baby was created by me, by us, and as any birth, she was a miracle and a blessing. She was precious from her pouty lips to the tips of her ten little fingers and toes and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

The delivery team finished with Tanya leaving us alone for the first time with our baby. I walked over sitting on the edge of the bed holding the baby in my arms. Reaching out to Tanya, I smoothed the hair back from her forehead, placing a lingering kiss there.

"Well Mom, are you ready to hold your darling baby girl? I'm sure she's ready to meet you." I asked speaking in a hushed voice as to not disturb the sleeping baby in my arms.

Tanya squirmed some, then settled deeper in the bed lying back against the pillow. "I'm really tired Edward." She responded in a raspy voice while nervously playing with the sheets smoothing them out. "I don't want to fall asleep holding her."

It struck me as odd how Tanya didn't want to hold the baby, but I just figured she was right; she was tired and didn't have the strength at the moment.

Looking over at the baby, Tanya reached out taking a finger tracing her nose, lips, then around her head and ears. "She looks like you Edward. She has your nose and your lips." Tanya continued running her fingers all over the baby counting fingers and toes along the way.

"I can't tell yet who she looks like. I do know she is beautiful." I whispered out of reverence both to Tanya for giving us this opportunity to be a family and the precious baby I held in my arms. "We need to give her a name. We can't keep calling it her or she." I chuckled lightly so that I wouldn't disturb my daughter still sleeping peacefully in my arms.

"What do you want to name her Edward? There were a few names we both liked. What about Lauren? Do you like that name? Or do you like Claire better? I remember you really liked the name Claire." Tanya responded as she closed her eyes then yawned.

"If it's a choice between Lauren and Claire, I'll pick Claire. Claire Cullen…" I responded softly. "That sounds nice. How does that sound to you sweetheart? Are you a Claire?" As I spoke these words, the baby in my arms wriggled slightly then looked up at me with her big eyes. My heart melted at the sight. At the moment they were blue like Tanya's, and although I knew that could change, I really hoped it didn't.

Tanya opened her eyes then leaned closer to me, laying her head on my shoulder peering over so that she could see the baby. "I like Claire. How about Claire Marie? That sounds nice together."

"Yea. I like that. Claire Marie Cullen." I murmured, running a finger down her nose and tapping it lightly on her pouty little lips. "I love it." I wrapped my free arm around Tanya molding her to my side. "And I love you Tanya. You have made me the happiest man."

Truly she had. There are hardly words to describe holding your baby in your arms for the first time. The fact that Tanya had given that to me even after the way things have been between us, made it that much sweeter. Hoping that this would be a new beginning for us, I held the two most important things in my life and said a little prayer that everything would be better now.

~*~

Coming home with a baby was nerve wracking as hell. Before I even put Claire in the car, I checked the car seat over and over again to make sure it was installed properly. Driving away from the hospital I was a bundle of nerves gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were turning white. I was beyond relieved when we made it home, only to start worrying again about having Claire in the house with us.

Tanya was taking everything in stride. She was calm and cool assuring me that everything would be okay. The more I listened to Tanya the better I felt, but I had this feeling in my gut that she was just too composed, almost as if she was closing herself off from us.

Claire was truly an easy baby to care for, only crying when she needed a diaper changed or wanted to be fed. We fell into an effortless routine of feeding, changing diapers and bathing. When I say we, I meant Claire and myself.

Tanya seemed to be just going through the motions when it came to Claire. For the most part, I was the caregiver to Claire. When we first came home, I did everything I could for Claire so that Tanya could rest. The doctor had told Tanya not to lift anything heavier than the baby and to rest whenever she could. So I took it upon myself to do anything and everything to take care of Claire so Tanya could recuperate. But as the weeks passed, Tanya didn't try to help out any at all.

I didn't mind in the least taking care of Claire, if anything I enjoyed it. The way she would coo as I would hold her and talk with her was sweeter than anything that I had ever experienced before. Each day was a whole new experience and I would delight in every minute of it.

I guess because I was so wrapped up in Claire that I didn't notice how Tanya had seemed to be perfectly content with me taking care of everything. She would occasionally hold her or change a diaper, but most of the time she would ask me to get Claire. Tanya would get a bottle ready for Claire, but then hand it to me so that I could feed her.

At first I thought it might be post partum depression, but when we went for Tanya's six week check up, the doctor released Tanya to go back to work, and from the look on Tanya's face I knew that it had nothing to do with depression, it seemed it had everything to do with Claire.

And as time went on it became even more obvious. As soon as Tanya went back to work, she got right back into the swing of things working long hours and bringing work home with her. After only a few weeks back at work, she received a promotion. Now not only was she Vice President of the local office, but she was over the office in Texas that her company had merged with, which made her have to travel more.

I was upset at first, but only because she would be away from Claire. I had already resigned myself as primary caregiver to Claire, so that didn't bother me at all. But my hopes of us being a happy family were blown away. I knew that Tanya wouldn't leave us though; she was too concerned for money and appearances for that.

As time went on, Tanya spent less and less time at home whether she was at the office or out of town. Claire and I continued on just the two of us in our own happy little world. Everyday I would take Claire to her babysitter and pick her up. Once we were home I would play with her, we would eat dinner together, and then it was bath time, reading a book and tucking her in bed. I absolutely loved it. The only thing that was missing was Tanya.

Claire and I continued on like this for almost five years. Whenever Tanya was home, she would spend some time with Claire, but not for very long. Birthdays and holidays were the exception. On birthdays Claire was number one for the day, Tanya would spend the entire day with her treating her like a princess. Tanya would throw her a lavish party with all the extras. Christmas was much the same way, Tanya would play the part of Mommy for the day, making sure we had a traditional Christmas with all the trimmings.

But when Tanya was around, it made it all that more clear to me that she really wasn't here. The way she acted around Claire was more the part of an Aunt than a mother. She just seemed emotional detached and I had no idea how to change that.

**A/N: Please read and review. The next chapter will be Tanya leaving and Edward picking up the pieces after she left. Then the chapter after that will start on Bella's life.**


	4. Moving On

**This is Chapter 4. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Myers owns Twilight and all of the characters. I am just playing around. I do however own a copy of The Sexy Stars of New Moon. Rob is gracing the cover. Damn he is hot!!**

**Thanks to TheGreatAli for answering some questions for me on this one!**

**Chapter 4: Moving On**

Coming home with a baby was nerve wracking as hell. Before I even put Claire in the car, I checked the car seat over and over again to make sure it was installed properly. Driving away from the hospital I was a bundle of nerves gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were turning white. I was beyond relieved when we made it home, only to start worrying again about having Claire in the house for the first time.

Tanya was taking everything in stride. She was calm and cool assuring me that everything would be okay. The more I listened to Tanya the better I felt, but I had this feeling in my gut that she was just too composed, like she really wasn't that concerned.

Claire was truly an easy baby to care for, only crying when she needed a diaper changed or wanted to be fed. We fell into an effortless routine of feeding, changing diapers and bathing. When I say we, I meant Claire and myself.

Tanya seemed to be just going through the motions when it came to Claire. For the most part, I was the caregiver to Claire. When we first came home, I did everything I could for Claire so that Tanya could rest. The doctor had told Tanya not to lift anything heavier than the baby and to rest whenever she could. So I took it upon myself to do anything and everything to take care of Claire so Tanya could recuperate. But as time went on, Tanya didn't try to help out any at all.

I didn't mind in the least taking care of Claire, if anything I enjoyed it. The way she would coo as I would hold her and talk with her was sweeter than anything that I had ever experienced before. Each day was a whole new experience and I would take pleasure in every little thing she did.

I guess because I was so wrapped up in Claire that I didn't notice how Tanya had seemed to be perfectly content with me taking the part as primary caregiver. She would occasionally hold her or change a diaper, but most of the time she would ask me to get Claire. Tanya would get a bottle ready for Claire, but then hand it to me so that I could feed her, she would set out her clothes, but ask me to dress her. It was like Tanya would get everything ready, but when came time to actually do it, she would pass it off on me.

At first I thought it might be post partum depression that Tanya was suffering from that made her keep her distance from Claire. But when we went for Tanya's six week check up, the doctor released Tanya to go back to work, and from the look on Tanya's face I knew that it had nothing to do with Claire, she wanted to get back to work. She wanted out of the house.

As soon as Tanya went back to work, she got right back into the swing of things working long hours and bringing work home with her. After only a few weeks back at work, she received a promotion at work. Now not only was she Vice President of the local branch, but she was over the branch in Texas that her company had merged with, which made her have to travel more.

I was upset at first, but only because she would be away from Claire. I had already resigned myself as primary caregiver to Claire, so that didn't bother me at all. But my hopes of us being a happy family were blown away because of the lack of interest from Tanya. I knew that Tanya wouldn't leave us because she was too concerned about appearances and my money for that. She loved to spend my money way too much to give it up and there was no way she was going to do anything to hurt her reputation by leaving her baby.

Tanya spent less and less time at home whether she was at the office or out of town. Claire and I continued on just the two of us in our own happy little world. Everyday I would take Claire to her babysitter and pick her up. Once we were home I would play with her and we would eat dinner together. Then my favorite time of the day was our night time routine which consisted of bath time, reading a book and tucking her in bed. I absolutely loved it. The only thing that was missing was Tanya.

Claire seemed to be oblivious to the fact that her mother was never there. I'm not sure why, maybe it was because I was taking on the role of mommy and daddy. But whatever the reason I was glad that Claire didn't seem to be affected by it. It bothered me a lot more than it bothered Claire.

As Claire grew it was apparent that she looked exactly like me. Her hair was the same crazy bronze color of mine, but instead of the wild disarray that my hair held, she had soft curling ringlets. Her eyes were the same hue of green as mine. From the shape of her eyes to her full lips, her face was the mirror image of my face. Sometimes an errant thought would make me think that there was a chance Claire wasn't mine. But looking at her, there was no doubt in my mind that she was my child.

There were often times that I thought that Tanya might be cheating on me. She was never home and most the times when she was there, she wouldn't have anything to do with me. The few times that we did have sex, it was meaningless as hell.

Those times that Tanya was home, she would spend some time with Claire, but not for very long. Birthdays and holidays were the exception. On birthdays Claire was number one for the day, Tanya spending the entire day with her treating her like a princess. Tanya would throw her a lavish party with all the extras. Christmas was much the same way, Tanya would play the part of Mommy for the day, making sure we had a traditional Christmas with all the trimmings.

But on a day to day basis when Tanya was home, it made it all that more clear to me that she really wasn't here. The way she acted around Claire was more the part of an Aunt than a mother. She just seemed emotional detached.

Although Tanya was consumed by her job, mine moved to the backburner. After Claire was born, I never took on more clients than I could handle. The thought of not being able to be there for Claire made me realize that family was more important than any job. I had to be there for Claire, because Tanya sure as hell wasn't.

So here I am in a loveless marriage with a child that her mother shows no interest in. I know I should have left a long time ago, but I just kept hoping against hope that Tanya would change. Was I stupid? One word, yea. Was I wrong to expose Claire to all of this? Two words, hell yea. But I just kept thinking that it all might turn around for the better. How wrong I was, because it was the beginning of the end, and I just couldn't see it at the time.

~*~

Right after Claire's fourth birthday, Tanya was approached by the president of her company about running the office in Texas or North Carolina permanently. She had done so well with the Texas branch that he was going to give her a choice. At first Tanya just shrugged off the idea of moving trying not to make a big deal out of it, but I could tell by the excitement in her voice, that this was a chance of a lifetime for her.

I wanted to question Tanya regarding how she felt about the job offer. But the more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to know. Tanya was going to do whatever she wanted to do no matter how it affected anybody else.

About three months after Tanya received the offer, I was working on a case in my office when my secretary told me over the intercom I had a phone call. Something about my neighbor thought someone was robbing me. This must be some kind of joke I thought to myself when I picked up the phone.

"This is Edward Cullen speaking." I answered.

"Yes, Edward. This is Mrs. Richardson. I wasn't sure what to do so I called you. There is a black SUV parked in your garage and it is being loaded up. I know it is none of my business, but I wanted to call you first before I called the police." This little old lady lived across the street, so I knew that she was able to see exactly what was going on. I knew that it was Tanya's SUV, because I had purchased it for her before Claire was born.

"No, don't call the police. I am sure it is Tanya cleaning out her closets and donating the stuff to Goodwill. I will call her and make sure. Thank you so much for looking out for us." The lady was in her eighties, and didn't have anything better to do than to stare out her window all day, but I wasn't about to admonish her for it.

"Oh, your welcome, Edward. Like I said, I know it is none of my business, but you have been such a good neighbor to us, I thought I would be doing the right thing by calling you. You should bring Claire over sometime for a visit; she is such a precious little thing with all those bronze ringlets. Call me if you need anything. Goodbye for now."

Saying my goodbyes, I made a note on my desk to call Tanya, but at the moment I had to finish the settlement I was working on so that we could end the lawsuit before it went to trial. Being a civil lawyer wasn't as demanding as criminal lawyer, but I still had to file my papers in a timely manner.

Whenever I had free minute, I tried to call Tanya's cell phone and every time I would reach her voice mail. Emailing her at her office, I received no response either, so I finally called her secretary and was informed that Tanya had taken the day off. Tanya hadn't mentioned being off, so I thought it was rather odd. She never missed a day of work for no reason. When my lunch hour rolled around, I decided to drive to the house to see if Tanya was still there.

As I pulled in the driveway, I had an odd sense of déjà vu. The garage door was open and Tanya's car door was open just like the day I found out she was pregnant with Claire. Parking the car, I walked inside the house hearing Tanya's footsteps walking around upstairs. Looking around there were shoe boxes everywhere along with Tanya's suitcases.

Walking up the steps, my movements seemed like they were in slow motion. My feet felt heavy as lead and my head throbbed with anticipation and worry. Making my way down the hall into our bedroom, my heart clenched from the sight before me. Tanya was emptying out her closet, and she wasn't donating anything to Goodwill either.

I stood in the doorway until Tanya noticed me. When she did, she just gave me a fleeting glance and continued with her assault on her closet. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that this was going to happen, but the reality of it all just broke my heart.

Finally I mustered up the courage to ask the question I really didn't want the answer to. "What are you doing Tanya?" I choked out, clearing my throat trying to rid it of the huge lump that had formed there.

She took a deep breath and exhaled noisily before turning to face me. "Edward I just can't do this anymore. Now that Claire is about to start kindergarten, it just makes me feel old. And I just can't be a school mom, that's not me. I have stayed as long as I could take it, but now the reminder is just too much. I need to go live my life. I can't be tied down with this anymore." Throwing her arms up in exasperation, she spoke with conviction and I knew that this was it.

"Tanya can't we just keep trying for Claire's sake. She is just a little girl. Claire needs to know her mommy loves her. She needs us. She needs a mommy and daddy. Please, I will give you anything if you just stay." I begged her. I had to try. I didn't want my little girl growing up knowing that her mommy needed to go live her life more than she needed to be with her daughter.

"No, Edward. You can't keep me where I don't want to stay. I don't care what you are offering. I make more than enough money now and I have the cabin in the mountains you bought me. I can't stay here and have a reminder looking at me and telling me that my life is over. I have done it for five years now. I am not wasting anymore time. I am taking the job in Texas and starting my life over. I suggest you do the same." Tanya said bitterly as she walked past me to put more of her things in the SUV.

I walked over to the bed, shoved some of her things to the side and sat down. Putting my head in my hands, I closed my eyes trying to stop the tears that I felt forming behind my eyelids. This was it, she was finally leaving. My thoughts became consumed of how I was going to explain this to Claire.

Tanya never stopped loading the car until her entire closet was cleaned out. She hauled out every piece of clothing and jewelry she owned. Finally when she was finished, she came and stood in front of me. Once more I tried to reach out to her.

"Don't do this Tanya. Please I am begging you. Please don't do this." I muttered. My voice sounded foreign even to me.

"The begging is getting old Edward. This time you can't stop me from doing what I want to do. You will be hearing from my lawyer. Goodbye, Edward." With that she was gone. I faintly heard the garage door close before she pulled out of the driveway for the last time.

I'm not sure how long I sat there. My mind couldn't wrap itself around what had just happened. It seemed more like a movie on the big screen than reality. The next coherent thought I had was Claire. Tanya had left without even saying goodbye to her. What was I going to tell her?

Forcing myself to move, I knew that I had to be strong for Claire. I was it for her now. Although it had seemed like that from the beginning, it was a hard truth to swallow. It was now too real to try and ignore. Vaguely I remember leaving the house and picking Claire up at pre-school and driving home. We played outside together for a little while before we ate dinner.

After dinner we began sharing our normal bedtime routine. I was sure that she could sense something was wrong because I was just going through the motions trying my best not to break down.

We were in bed together reading a book when Claire finally started questioning what was wrong. "Daddy", Claire whispered while we were lying in bed together.

"Yes sweetheart," I whispered back trying to keep my voice from cracking.

"Mommy is gone isn't she Daddy. She isn't coming back ever again is she?" She whispered again to me, grabbing my hand with her little ones.

I just sat there and stared at her for a moment wondering what the hell I was going to say to my daughter to make this better. I have never lied to her before, so I was not going to start now.

"No, Claire she's not." This time my voice did crack and a tear fell from my eye. She reached her tiny little hand out and wiped it away. She looked at me with love in her eyes and spoke with more strength than I had at this moment.

"It's okay Daddy. I like it better when it's just me and you. You are always here and that makes me happy." She smiled a little smile then reached her little arms around my neck and hugged me. "We have each other Daddy." She whispered in my ear. "I love you." And I knew in that moment that she, no we, were going to be okay.

~*~

That night I stayed in the room with Claire as she snuggled beside me in the bed. Worrying that she might wake up and be upset; I wanted to stay with her. I was concerned about her. She seemed to take it so well that Tanya had left. Maybe Claire had figured out a long time ago what Tanya was really like. Children are keener than adults are sometimes, picking up on feelings and emotions that we miss. If Claire has known the whole time that Tanya didn't love her like a mother should… I shuddered, thinking of what Claire really thought about the way her mother treated her.

Sleep escaped me as my mind raced through everything from meeting Tanya to her leaving. I shouldn't have been so stupid to stay in a loveless marriage. No matter how much I wanted it to work; I should have realized that I was fighting a losing battle. The signs were all there, I was just didn't want to face them.

My life had revolved around Tanya too long. Besides my job and Claire, everything in our life was the way Tanya had wanted it to be. Our house, Claire's preschool, our clothes everything was how Tanya thought it should be.

What really bothered me was this house. It was not me and certainly wasn't Claire. Nothing about the house seemed like a home. Tanya had designed the house to look like something out of a magazine and nothing in it felt comfortable or relaxing.

Looking around Claire's bedroom, I thought of all the memories that were burned into every corner of this house and I knew what we needed to do. We need to leave this place. There was no way I was going to stay here any longer. This house was all about Tanya, there was nothing here that said it was a home, nothing that resembled me or Claire.

Not only did I want out of this house, I wanted out of this town. Every place we would go, there would be a reminder of Tanya. I didn't want Claire to be reminded of her any more than I did.

Before I made any decision I would wait and talk with Claire. If she wanted to stay here, I would, but I really thought that she would want to be somewhere that was more like a home than just a house.

I knew where I wanted to go, if Claire was willing. My parents had moved out of the city and into a smaller town several years ago and they loved it. They didn't mind commuting to work or shop or eat out. The town the lived in may not have a huge mall or fancy restaurants, but it had a nice park, a good school, and the best thing was that there would be no reminders of the one who had abandoned us.

Before I mentioned any of this to Claire, I wanted to talk with my Dad. After taking off a few days to be with Claire, I finally made my way back into the office. The first thing I did was seek my Dad out. My parents had been so supportive since Tanya had left. They had kept their thoughts to themselves about Tanya and only showed sympathy for us.

When I found him he was in the break room making a cup of coffee. "Hey Dad." I said coming into the room and closing the door behind me. "Can we talk for a minute?" Walking over to the coffee machine, I began to make a cup for myself.

"I always have time for you Edward. How's Claire holding up?" Dad asked patting me on the back, then crossed the room to sit at the table.

"She's better than I thought she would be. I kept waiting for her to get upset or cry, but she seemed, I don't know, almost relaxed. I'm worried about her." I replied honestly. Claire was holding up much better than me. My emotions were running from relieved to depressed that Tanya had left.

Dad shifted in his seat to face me as I sat down across from him. "How are you Edward?"

"I don't know Dad." I mumbled running my hand through my hair. "I'm upset because Tanya left without saying goodbye to Claire. I just can't believe that she would abandon Claire like that, but it is no different than her being there and acting as if she didn't exist half the time. I feel guilty because I made Tanya keep Claire when I knew she didn't want a baby. I kept thinking that she would change, but if anything she just turned away from us more. I so screwed up Dad. It was bad enough how Tanya would treat me, but the way she treated Claire is unforgivable. I don't know, maybe I should have left with Claire a long time ago."

"Son, don't be so hard on yourself. You did what you thought was right. For you. For Claire. It's not your fault that Tanya didn't want the same things you wanted. You did everything you could to make your marriage work, and you shouldn't have had to work so hard by yourself. You tried Edward and that was all you could do. Don't blame yourself for not being able to fix something that couldn't be fixed." Listening to my Dad didn't make me feel any better, but I knew he was right. Tanya just wasn't relationship material from the beginning.

"I know you're right Dad. It's just…it's hard knowing that everything I did with her was a failure." I responded taking a sip out of my cup.

"Not everything was a failure Edward. You have Claire. She was worth it all."

Taking a deep breath, I exhaled slowly to keep myself together. I had to be strong now for Claire. There were choices that needed to be made and this time I was going to listen to my parent's advice.

"You're absolutely right. She means more to me than anything. That is why I wanted to talk to you. I want to sell the house and move closer to you and Mom. But I'm not sure if that would be a good thing or a bad thing for Claire. I can't imagine staying in that house another minute, but if Claire wants to stay, I'll stay. I want to do the right thing for once and I'm just not sure how to do that anymore."

"I think that would be a wonderful idea Edward. Getting out of that house, moving away, starting fresh with Claire and making your life what you want it to be. Your mother would be overjoyed if you moved closer to us, I would be too son." Dad came over and squeezed my shoulder. "Just talk to Claire. Ask her what she wants. But I have a feeling that she would be just as happy to get out of that house as you are."

Standing up, I embraced my father for the first time in years. My insecurities had hurt my relationship with my parents for far too long. "Thank you Dad. Thank you for listening to me. And for being there for me and for Claire."

"I love you Edward. I would do anything for you just like you would for Claire. It will be okay." Dad held me close for a minute giving me a strong embrace before letting me go. The whole scene was like looking back in time when I was a child and he would comfort me. I had missed this more than I knew.

That night I decided to go ahead and tell Claire what I was thinking about doing. Talking with her had been easier than I had anticipated. She was just as ready as I was to leave this house and move on. When I suggested moving to where Gammy and Papa lived, she was more than willing to go.

The next morning, I contacted a realtor and put the house on the market, then called my Mom and asked her to get in touch with a local realtor there to find us a house. She said she would also speak to the board of education to find out exactly what I needed to do to enroll Claire in school since she would be starting kindergarten in the fall.

Within two weeks of Tanya leaving, I was served with divorce papers. The court date was set soon after and I knew that because this would be a no contest divorce, it would be over quickly.

The realtor called with several offers on the house. I wanted to get rid of the house fast so I let her list it below market value, letting all of the furnishings be included in the sale. Claire and I had decided that we were only going to take our clothes, books, and all of her toys. There was nothing I wanted in that house. Nothing that would remind me of Tanya and our life together.

My mother had worked closely with the realtor on her end. Together they had found several houses that met my criteria. I wanted nothing big or fancy, just something modest in a middle class neighborhood. That was more my style.

Claire and I met with my mother and the realtor and toured all of homes that she thought we would like. All of them were exactly what I had pictured, except for one that stood out from the rest. The house was brick with three bedrooms and two and half baths. There was open kitchen and living area with a bonus room over the garage that would be perfect for an office or playroom for Claire. There wasn't anything extravagant about the place; it was a home, not a showcase.

But what really sold me was the neighborhood. All the houses were normal, how's that for a description. But that meant a lot to me. There were no brick entryways or fancy brick mailboxes. No high privacy fences blocking your view. Everyone was mowing their own yard and there were kids outside playing with their dogs. Toys were littered across some yards. This was normal. This is what I wanted for Claire.

After taking a tour of the house, I asked the realtor a few questions. Claire and I did a walk through alone giving me the opportunity to ask her what she thought.

"So what do you think of the house Claire." I questioned her as she walked into one of the bedrooms that had a window seat. Looking around I knew that this room would be perfect for her.

"I love it Daddy. When can we move in?" She responded crawling up onto the window seat pressing her hands and nose against the glass so that she could look outside. "Look at the back yard Daddy. It's big!"

Walking over, I took a seat beside her to look out the window. She was right, the backyard was big. Where we lived now, the house was bigger than the yard. "So, you really like it?"

Claire looked over to me, her eyes wide with excitement. "I do. I want to stay here Daddy. Please." She crawled into my lap wrapping her arms around my neck. "I like this better than our house." She whispered turning her head to rest on my chest and looked out the window again.

And just like that, I knew that this was the right place for us. After asking the realtor a few more questions, I made an offer on the house explaining that I would pay cash to speed up the process, and it would also help the seller out because there wouldn't be a mortgage involved.

As far as the divorce, it went through fast just as I expected. Our old home sold just as our offer for the new house was accepted. Claire and I packed up all of our belongings, rented a U-haul and moved to our new home. All of the furnishings we bought were not name brand and didn't come from a high end furniture store. It was what we wanted.

So here Claire and I are in a new town and a new home. I'm nervous about how Claire will react to her new surroundings, but on the other hand I'm happy that our new start is everything that we wanted, a choice we made together.

For once in my life, I made a choice that would make me happy without sacrificing myself in the process. My only hope was that things would only get better from here.

**A/N: So this is where I will stop Edward's POV for now. The next chapters will be about Bella and then I suppose the chapters will start to switch POV throughout each chapter.**

**I am not a lawyer. I just looked up stuff on the internet. Don't forget, this is fiction people.**

**Bella's POV is next starting with how she ended up with Mike.**

Carlisle saying it will be okay son.


	5. I Told You So

**Here is chapter 5. This is from Bella's POV.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Myers owns Twilight and all of the characters. I am just playing around. I do however own two tickets to New Moon. I can't wait until November 20!**

**Sorry about the blooper on the end of the last chapter. I make myself notes as I am writing and think of stuff. After I wrote it in I forgot to erase my note. Forgive me, I don't have a beta. But I do have TheGreatAli and tawelephant that listens to me. Thanks girls!**

Chapter 5: I told you so.

Why didn't I listen to Alice? Why in the hell didn't I listen to Alice? I could just hear her now telling me that she knew that this was going to happen. She told me from the beginning that I shouldn't have done this. She told me that this wasn't right for me, that he wasn't right for me. Alice said that one day I would realize that he was a selfish prick and I would be stuck with an asshole. She was so right.

But I was afraid. Afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. I had lost so many people that I cared about that I didn't want to lose anyone else. I didn't want to be alone.

And I wasn't thinking about someone saying 'I told you so.' I never dreamed that it would come to that. Maybe if I had listened to Alice I wouldn't be sitting where I am now.

But her I am sitting in this room with my lawyer while Mike was sitting next door with his lawyer. We were in mediation over our divorce and I didn't think things could get much worse, but I was wrong.

"You tell that cunt whore that she is getting nothing from me. You fucking tell her, I mean nothing. Go back and tell her I said that!" Mike yelled his voice was so loud that it had carried through the walls. Looking over at my lawyer my face reddened at the humiliation and shame that was I was feeling. My lawyer just shook his head then continued to make notes. He already knew what kind of person Mike was so he was not surprised in the least.

My head hung in shame as we waited for the mediator to come back. _I can't believe he just said that. Well yea I can. I'm sure the whole floor heard him. Hell maybe even the entire courthouse heard him he was so loud. And calling me a cunt whore? Who the hell calls the mother of their children something like that Well Mike does, doesn't he Bella. You should know that by now._

Finally the door opened and the mediator walked back into the room taking a seat across from my lawyer and myself. After making a few notes in his file, he addressed me.

"Mrs. Newton, are you concerned for you safety?"

_Well what the hell do you think_? I thought to myself. My future ex husband was arrested for domestic assault towards me on one of the most embarrassing nights of my life. Yea I would say that he scares the hell out of me, and my kids to for that matter.

"Maybe, yes, I suppose. But truthfully, if we just get through the mediation, and not have to go to court, I think he will leave me alone. Mike has made it very clear to me that our marriage is over. He wants nothing more than for us to be out of his life."

"Well, Mrs. Newton, I am sure that you heard what your husband said. Who didn't for that matter?" The mediator snorted then leaned back in his chair. "But if you want to settle this without going to court, you will have to agree to all of his terms. Your husband has stated that he will not give you any child support or any form of alimony. He also declared that he does not want any scheduled visitation with your two children. Is that what you want?" The mediator questioned me as he leaned forward placing his folded arms on the table.

"I don't want his money. We don't need it." I responded wearily. "I just want this to be over. My kids and I just want to move on."

The mediator studied me for a moment. I'm sure he was wondering what kind of idiot didn't want monetary support for their children or themselves. Well, I will tell him what kind of idiot, the kind of idiot who has endured more suffering than she is willing to tell. The kind of idiot that has tolerated more than her fair share and just wants the suffering to stop, for herself and her children.

"I have to tell you, if you do take this to court, no judge will go along with your husband." The mediator responded back to me. "Your husband is a fool if he thinks he can get away without paying child support for your two kids. Even though he has said that he doesn't want any type of visitation, he will still have to pay child support. His lawyer all but told him that after his outburst in there. Your husband's response was that he would find another lawyer if he wasn't man enough to do his job and represent him."

"He's a real piece of work, your husband is. I have to tell you Mrs. Newton, I will have to report everything that happened here today to the judge in my file. Even though you are trying to go through mediation, the judge will still have to sign off on the papers. What do you want to do?" The mediator asked looking back and forth between my lawyer and me.

Looking over at my lawyer, I nodded signaling him to do what I had requested. My lawyer knew that no matter what, I was going to go along with Mike so that this could be over. If we went to court, there is no telling what would be revealed there. There was no way that I would repeat some of the things that Mike has said to me or the way he has manhandled me. My kids had seen enough, I didn't want them to hear anymore about it. Nor did I want to relive it for that matter.

One of the reasons we had decided to go through mediation was because it was a confidential process. There was no public court to attend or court reporter taking notes. I didn't want my dirty laundry aired out in public anymore than Mike did. Although Mike would have more to lose because he would be seen for the asshole he really was, my children would have been the ones who had suffered because we lived in a small town and people talked.

Mike had made it abundantly clear to me that he didn't want the kids. Nor was he willing to pay child support or give me any money. He said that all I was getting from him was what I had left with the night the kids and I moved out. And that was okay with me. We didn't have to sit in court for that.

My lawyer cleared his throat before he responded. "My client does not wish to contest anything that her husband suggests. Mrs. Newton is conscious of the fact that her husband does not want to see his children. She also is aware that he is not willing to give her any form of monetary support for the children or herself. My client does not wish to contest the divorce or the conditions there of. Would you please report this to the judge so that this case can be resolved and closed? Mrs. Newton wishes this to be over as soon as the court sees fit."

The tension that was building up within me was almost unbearable. My head hurt from the throbbing of the blood rushing around. My chest was tight as my heart clenched from hearing those words. Yea I was the one who had asked my lawyer to say those things, but it hurt like hell to hear it out loud.

The mediator glanced over to me after my lawyer finished his little speech. From the look in his eye he could see my anxiety.

"Mrs. Newton, may I ask you a question?" The mediator asked as he closed the file that pertained to our case. Nodding in agreement he asked the question I was most afraid of answering.

"Did Mr. Newton threaten you to make you go along with whatever he said?"

Well, how should I answer that? If I tell him that 'yes my husband threatened me by claiming that he would take my boys away from me, or he would do everything in his power to ruin my life and make my life a living hell', then what will happen. The judge may try to intercede, but who is to say that Mike would do his worst before the law could actually stop him. He is not afraid of the law. That was apparent when he attacked me in front of the police that night that I really just want to forget.

Knowing Mike the way I do, I know he doesn't want the boys, but he would drag it out in court long enough for it to embarrass the crap out of me or the boys would find out more than I ever wanted them to know.

As far as him ruining my life, there is nothing he can do besides hurting the boys that could bother me. There was no way he could interfere with my writing. He has already embarrassed me enough times as it is, so I'm not sure what else he could come up with there, but I wouldn't put anything past him.

His statement about making my life a living hell, I couldn't really think of what else he could do, other that not allowing us to live a happy life. And God I really wanted our life to have a happy note for a change. The boys deserve to be happy anyway they could. They had enough problems as it was, they needed some normal.

So the only option I have is to lie. I would rather lie than live another day knowing that I would have to endure any more of Mike's shit. So yea, I am going to lie, so please God forgive me.

"No, he did not threaten me. I really just want to start a new life with my children. I hope you can understand that." It wasn't a complete lie. Moving on was the one thing that gave me hope, besides my children.

"Very well Mrs. Newton." The mediator grudgingly responded giving me the idea that he knew I was hiding something, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. "I will make a draft of the agreement then submit a copy for you and your attorney to review and one for your husband and his attorney. Once you and your husband review the agreement and sign off accordingly, I will file the papers with the court. This process will start the termination of the marriage and then I will prepare and file the required disclosure documents. The final documents will be filed with the court. There will be no need to appear in court. You will be hearing from my office soon, the documents should only take a week to prepare." He placed the file in his briefcase, said his goodbyes and left. Releasing the breath I didn't realize I was holding my body eased slightly.

My attorney escorted me from the building discussing the mediation process in more detail. We had already gone through all of the details, but he was just reminding me. My attorney was a very reasonable man, and although he didn't agree with the terms that Mike had demanded, he knew that I just wanted this to be over.

I was relieved that this part was over. This was the first step to a new life with my kids. There would be no one telling us that we weren't good enough. No one telling us that they had better things to do than spending time with us. We wouldn't have to worry because we didn't live up to someone else's standards.

When I first met Mike, I would have never believed that he would have turned out this way. He was so kind and gentle with me. I'm not sure what changed him, the jealousy or his quest for perfection. But whatever it was, it drove a wedge between us, and killed the love I thought we shared.

~*~

I met Mike my junior year of high school after moving in with my grandmother. My parents were killed in a car crash the summer between my sophomore and junior year in high school and the court awarded custody to my grandmother since she was my only living relative, so I went to live with her. My mother's parents had passed away when I was younger and both of my parents were only children.

My grandmother and I were really close. Since I was a child, I had visited with grandparents for two weeks every summer. During that time, my grandmother taught me how to cook and bake and my grandfather would take me out to a little farm he rented where I would help him tend to a small garden and corn patch he had. Then at the end of the day we would go fishing in the creek that ran through the woods on the farm. Some of my best childhood memories were made with them.

When I was twelve, my grandfather passed away and I spent the entire summer with my grandmother helping her around the house. Most of our time was spent going through old papers of my grandfathers and sorting out the things that she wanted to donate to Goodwill. During that summer, my grandmother and I bonded together over the death of my grandfather, which was morbid in a way, but nonetheless we were closer than every before.

Throughout the summers that I would spend time with my grandparents, that is when I met and became instant friends with Alice. Her and her family lived next door, and her mother and my grandmother were always sharing recipes and canning ideas. While they did there thing together, Alice and I would play.

Alice wasn't anything like me. Whereas I was quiet and shy, Alice was energetic and outgoing. We were total opposites and I guess that was what drew us to each other. Alice felt more like a sister to me than a friend. She was my confidante when I was to shy to talk to my family about things, and I was hers on the things she truly kept a secret, when Alice was able to keep a secret.

Even though I only saw Alice during the summers, we always kept in touch either by phone or email. We would always see each other throughout the holidays because my parents and I always went to see my grandmother for Thanksgiving and Christmas because it was much easier for us to travel and see her.

When my parents died, their bodies were shipped back to be buried in the family plot where my grandfather was buried. After the funeral Alice and her mom drove me back to my house so that I could gather up everything I wanted to keep, the house was sold, and the furniture was donated.

In the room that I had become mine during all those summers with my grandparents, I unpacked my things and the tears began to roll. During the visitation and the funeral I had been so strong for my grandmother and myself because I didn't want to break down in front of all those people. I was and still am a very private person and was very good at keeping my emotions bottled up.

Curling up into a ball and wrapping my arms around myself, I vaguely remember someone coming in and laying down beside me. They pulled a cover over us and pressed themselves against my back and slowly stroked my hair until I fell asleep. Falling into a fitful sleep, I let my sobs overtake me and my tears wash away my grief.

When I woke up, looking over my shoulder, there was Alice still stroking my hair consoling me. She looked down at me with tears in her own eyes and smiled.

"Your grandmother called me. She said you might need a friend." She whispered, sitting up against the headboard motioning for me to put my head in her lap. Moving closer I obliged laying my head down as Alice continued to stroke my hair. "I know there is nothing I can say that will make this any better for you. But I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Whatever you need me to do, listen, hold you, or cry with you I will do."

"Thank you, Alice." I choked out before more tears streamed down my face. Alice continued to stroke my hair and rub my back before I fell asleep again. As I drifted off into sleep, knowing Alice was here made things feel not so hopeless.

~*~

Starting school that fall was intimidating to say the least. New people and a new place had my nerves set on end. My insecurities and shyness combined made me wary when I met new people, and crowds made it worse.

At my old school, I was no different. Most of my time was spent either reading or helping out in the library. My fashion sense leaned towards the nonexistent and I was more like a tom boy than I was a girly girl, so other girls stayed away from me, which was fine by me.

Alice was with me every step of the way, and so was her older brother Emmett. From the time I was a child and first met Alice, he had always been like a big brother to me. He was protective and watched over my shoulder for me all the time. During my parent's funeral, Alice and Emmett stood behind me all the way.

Emmett had a girlfriend, Rosalie that would hang out with us, but if anything I was intimidated by her because of her drop dead gorgeous looks. But she was nice to me and never talked down to me, and even though we had nothing in common, we became friends to say the least.

Between Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie, I had a small band of friends and that fine with me. At school, it was the four of us, although there were a few that joined us from time to time. The ones that did, there was one guy that stood out the most.

Mike Newtown.

Emmett was captain of the football team, and even though he was extremely popular, there were just a few he actually wanted to spend time with. Mike was one of them.

Mike was Emmett's co-captain, so they got along with each other well, and that carried on off the field. They weren't best friends, but they hung out with each other and had some classes together.

When I saw Mike for the first time, Alice and I were at one of the team's football practices. Alice didn't like to drive, and neither did I for that matter, so we rode back and forth to school with Emmett. We didn't mind hanging out waiting on Emmett because we always had homework to keep us busy, and it was nice to get some fresh air after being in class all day.

During practice, I would watch the players as they would exercise and run their plays. It always amazed me how much effort the players would exert sounded out by the grunts and hits there bodies would take.

While watching them practice, that was when I first noticed Mike. Of all the players, Mike was the fastest and effortlessly moved down the field. Even under his shoulder pads, I could tell that his shoulders were broad, while his back was corded with muscles. Looking at Mike was like looking at my father. At the end of each practice when the players would pull off their pads and helmets, it amazed me at the similarities between Mike and my father's build.

My father played high school football, pictures of him were lined up in his office on one wall along with his trophies, that I would always look at every time that I would go into the station. Anytime there was a game on, my father would try and explain what was happening on each play, sharing with me his own memories from when he played. Although I couldn't keep up with what was going on or all the positions of the players or what exactly there job was, my father wanted to share it with me, so I listened.

Watching Mike was the highlight of my day at times. In my mind, watching him was almost like watching my father again. I know that was truly sick, but for some odd reason, it calmed me to watch him.

When I was watching Mike, my mind became void of everything else. His movements on the field were like watching a dance, choreographed by the plays called and executed with finesse. To me, it was mesmerizing.

"You know, Mike has caught you watching him." Alice said to me one day breaking me out of my football dance fantasy.

Blushing from my hairline to down to my neck, I responded in a stutter from embarrassment. "Um…uh…what?"

Alice giggled at my obvious discomfort. "Yea, he asked Emmett what your deal was. Emmett told him you were clinically insane if you were staring at him."

"No he didn't! Did he?" My exclamation of horror turned into a question. Knowing Emmett, the big goof, I wouldn't put it past him.

This time Alice full out laughed at me as I looked around in humiliation as her laughter echoed across the football field. "No. But damn, the look on your face is priceless."

"Alice. Damn. What did Emmett tell him? Ugh. This is so embarrassing!" I retorted, my eyes darting around the field to see if anyone was watching us. Did I mention I was paranoid to?

"Emmett told Mike that you liked to watch them practice." I gave Alice a questioning look. "I swear that's all I know." Alice held her hands up in defense, looking around as well to see if anyone was listening to us. "Why do you watch him? Do you like him?" She asked with a sparkle in her eye.

"I don't know Alice." I responded quietly. Because I didn't know at the time if I did like him or not. All I knew was that whatever kind of spell that I surrendered to when I watched Mike made me forget everything else.

My parents and I weren't exactly close so to speak. My father and I were both reserved and quiet and never expressed ourselves. My mother was flaky almost to the point of being an airhead and couldn't hold a coherent thought for long. We got along, cohabitated together peacefully, but I wouldn't classify us as the 'All American family'.

Even though that was all true, it still hurt like hell to lose my parents. Knowing they would never be there for me again, never being able to talk with them if I wanted was a feeling I couldn't explain. And for some reason watching Mike during football practice somehow made me forget my worries for a little while.

Although Mike asked Emmett what my deal was, he never approached me. He would hang out at Emmett's sometimes or sit with us at lunch, and I would catch him looking at me, but he never tried to talk with me. And I was more than grateful. The last thing I wanted was attention, from anyone.

Football season came and went and so did my junior year of high school. Between school, Alice and my football fantasy, my life moved on.

~*~

The next year, when school started, I was a little more at ease. I still kept to myself, hanging only with Alice, Rosalie and our little band of friends, but I didn't shy away if anyone tried and talk with me. There was just one person missing.

Mike.

Although school was back in full swing, football season wasn't, at least not for me and Alice. Emmett and Mike had graduated, starting college at the university that was in the next town over.

That summer, there were people in and out of casa McCarty all the time celebrating their last bit of freedom before real life kicked in and they had to start college. Mike came over almost everyday.

The first few times Mike came over, I was completely mortified remembering the conversation that Alice and I had, and I figured he thought I was some kind of idiot. Freak. Weirdo. You name it. So I tried my best to avoid him.

One day, Mike showed up unexpected to see if Emmett was at home. When the doorbell rang, I answered the door without thinking because Alice was in the shower, and there stood Mike.

Standing there in the doorway, I stared at him unable to look away. Mike was not the most gorgeous boy I had ever seen with dishwater blonde hair and eyes blue like the sky, but there was just something about him that I was attracted to.

"Bella…Bella…" Mike said as he waved his hand in my face trying to get my attention. Who knows how long I had been like that. "Is Emmett home?" He asked with a smirk on his face.

"Oh…Uh…Hey, Mike. No. Emmett went with his dad to the store. They should be back any minute." I stammered, still standing in the doorway like an idiot.

"Oh. Well, I guess I'm early. Can I come in and wait?" Mike asked tucking his head while he kicked his shoe around nervously. Why would Mike be nervous?

"Yea. Sure. I'm sorry, come in." I said moving out of the doorway to let him in.

Mike sat on one end of the couch while I sat on the other end, awkwardly at first saying nothing. Then Mike started a conversation with me and we fell into any easy discussion and I calmed slightly.

It became a habit for Mike to come around whether Emmett was there or not. We talked gradually getting to know each other, making it easier and easier for me to be around him. This was the first boy I had every felt comfortable with besides my dad and Emmett.

The more I felt at ease with him, the more open I became discussing football, our friends and even about the courses he would be taking at college that fall.

The first time Mike asked me out on a date, I answered almost too eagerly, making Mike laugh. It surprised me I guess when he did, because Mike was the first guy who had ever given me a second look.

We went on several dates and then started dating exclusively within a month, and even though it seemed rushed, I went along with it.

We continued dating for the next two years as I finished high school and began college. Alice and I decided to go the same college with the boys because we would be close to home, and that didn't sound bad to me because I would be close if my grandmother needed me.

While we were dating, Mike always mentioned us being married and it surprised me to say the least, but it felt good knowing that he thought of us being together long term and considering I had no one left in my family except my grandmother, it was nice to know I might be able to start a family with someone.

By the end of my sophomore year in college, Mike and I were engaged. Mike only had one year left, but he already had a job as a junior salesman with a local sporting good manufacturer. Between Mike's knowledge of sports and his degree in marketing, he was making enough money to support himself and rent a modest apartment close to campus.

Alice wasn't as excited as I thought she would be about my engagement. At first I thought she was upset because of my age, but then she finally admitted it was Mike. She said she had a bad feeling about him and thought he would hurt me, she didn't know how but she was worried about me. Alice thought Mike was controlling and kept me to himself, which I assured that wasn't the case, because he knew I was shy so we stayed at his place or he would come hang out with me wherever I was.

Thinking back now, I see things more clearly than I did then.

Right after Mike graduated we were married in a huge church wedding. I tried to tell Mike I didn't need an elaborate wedding, but he insisted, stating he wanted _everyone _to know I was his.

We went to Cancun for our honeymoon and it amazed me how romantic Mike was. Mike and I had never had sex, adamant that I was saving myself for marriage; we had fooled around plenty, but had yet to go all the way.

Arriving in our honeymoon suite, I was astounded by the measures Mike had taken to make our first time everything it should be. Sparing nothing, Mike had called ahead and made arrangements for rose petals to be littered across the floor leading from the door to our bed, candles were scattered around the room lighting the room in a magical way, champagne on ice with strawberries beside the bed.

Even with all that he did to make it special, sex with Mike was not like I thought it would be. Our first time was uncomfortable, which I expected because I was a virgin, but even after trying again, I just didn't see what the big deal was. Mike enjoyed himself, but I never really got that into it.

The rest of our honeymoon was spent either on the beach or by the pool. One thing I immediately noticed was how Mike had suddenly become very possessive of me. He would become angry if anyone looked my way for very long and then he started making me wear my wrap around me to hide my body from onlookers. I thought this was because we were on our honeymoon and he didn't want others to see me. I was wrong.

We made a home in Mike's apartment until his lease was up. Mike was busy working most of the time and I expressed my wishes to get a job and help out, but Mike wouldn't hear anything about it. Mike also stated more than once that he didn't like the idea of me attending school while he couldn't be there to protect me, but I assured him that this was my last year and I wasn't going to skip out on my last year of college.

My parents had set money aside for me to attend college and there was enough to pay my tuition and my books, so there was no way I was going to walk away without finishing school.

That fall after I started back to school, I started feeling sick, throwing up all the time and I was exhausted. I thought I had some kind of bug at first, but after about three weeks, I made an appointment with my doctor.

The doctor ran a few tests and then informed me I was pregnant. I hadn't even noticed that I had skipped my period being so busy with school. He asked me if I had been taking my birth control pills and of course I had, faithfully every morning when Mike handed it to me with my multivitamins he insisted on me taking.

Driving home I was in a daze. Pregnant. Wow. I hadn't really thought of kids before, but knowing that a baby was growing inside of me warmed my heart.

Mike was waiting for me when I arrived home, anxious to hear what the doctor said.

"Well, baby. What did the doctor say?" Mike asked as he drew me into his arms.

"I'm pregnant." I mumbled into his chest nervously. I wasn't sure how Mike was going to take the news, so I was worried that he might be mad.

"Oh, Bella. That's wonderful. Now you can quit school and stay home to take care of our baby." Mike responded happily holding me close. "This is exactly what I wanted." He whispered so low that I almost didn't hear what he said.

"What do you mean Mike, that this is exactly what you wanted." I asked, leaning back to look in his eyes. "What makes you think I'm going to quit school and stay home just because I am pregnant? The doctor said that from the date of my last period he estimated that I was about six weeks along and I wasn't due until May. I have plenty of time to finish school."

Mike was quiet for a moment, and then his jaws tightened and I could hear his teeth grinding together. His hold on me increased slightly before he loosened his hold and stepped away to look at me.

"I meant what I said Bella. I want you to quit school. I don't like the idea of not knowing where you are or who you are with." Mike's fist were clenching and unclenching, his eyes were angry and hard. This was a side I had never seen of Mike.

"I'm not quitting school Mike. You know where I am and what I am doing. I am going to finish school. My education was paid for by my parents because it meant a lot to them for me to go to college, and I'm not going to quit just because I am pregnant. I'll take care of myself and the baby, I promise."

I reached out to reassure him, but before I could, Mike gripped my arm with his hand and squeezed tightly. "You'd better Bella." He seethed releasing me roughly causing me to stumble back. Mike turned on his heels and walked out the door.

Dazed and confused by the way Mike had acted, the first thought that came to my mind, was what the hell had I gotten myself into.

**A/N: Please review. I know there are people out there reading this because you have it on story alert. I'm sure about this chapter so please, please let me know what you think. **

**Bella's POV will continue on for the next couple of chapters. I have to say now, there will not be any physical abuse written here, other than described in the one shot. Mike may be controlling and manhandle Bella some, but there won't be any continued physical violence. I just can't write it. **

**The mediation process I had to research online to get the details just right. One of my closest friends went through this and her ex said the cunt whore thing, no shit he really did. Their mediation took longer because they couldn't settle anything during the first meeting. But remember, it's just fiction people.**

**Thanks for reading and please, please, please review!!**


	6. I Should Have Listened

**I am so sorry that this chapter took so long to write. My computer crashed, thought it was fixed, it crashed again and then I ended up having to get a new hard drive. The bright side is I didn't lose anything! I have been so lost without it and I haven't been able to write anything except on paper and then I had to type what I wrote into word. Please forgive me!**

**Thanks to the TheGreatAli for listening to me rant and rave. Also thanks to tawelephant who has a wicked, wicked mind and gave me some ideas for this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. But I do own a copy of the People Special Collector's Edition on New Moon. Yea, I'm hooked. **

Chapter 6: I should have listened

Mike came back later and apologized for the way he acted. His features softened as I told him how much he had frightened me, wincing when I showed him the bruises that were visible where he grabbed me.

Stupidly I believed him and even consoled him because he felt so guilty for hurting me. He assured me he would never do it again, claiming that he was just upset about the baby. Not that he was upset that I was pregnant, upset because I wouldn't quit school because I was pregnant to keep us safe as he put it.

Again I explained to him that I wasn't quitting school when I had come so far and had such little time life. Mike kept on telling me how worried he was about losing me or the baby and that he didn't want anything to happen to us. Finally to get him to relax, I had to agree to stay at home with the baby and find some kind of work I could do at home after I finished school.

As an afterthought, I told Mike about the doctor asking if I was still taking my birth control pills. Mike looked sheepish for some reason and then moved to the kitchen hurriedly to throw out the birth control pills and the multivitamins away stating I wouldn't need them anymore since I would have to take prenatal vitamins now.

My pregnancy was easy and I didn't have any complications. I actually loved being pregnant, the cravings for food, the things Mike did pampering me. Mike would always rub my feet or massage my back, anything to make me feel good he would do. He was the total opposite of the angry person I had seen the day I told him I was pregnant.

The fall semester went by fast and before I knew it the holidays were here. For Thanksgiving, we all went to Alice's for dinner. My grandmother came over, and I was so happy she did. I hadn't seen her in a while even though I lived only thirty minutes away. Mike was so tired after work everyday that we just stayed home. Between the pregnancy, school work, and having dinner ready for Mike everyday when he came home was just wearing me out, so I found it hard to do anything else. Even though I would talk with her on the phone, I missed that physical connection we had.

The house was crowded with all of Alice's family and friends. It was nice to be around a group for a change, which I thought was an odd feeling since I usually liked being off to myself, but staying at home all the time had started to get old.

My grandmother and I were sitting on the couch because Alice's mom had forbidden us to do anything. I was enjoying sitting around and being with my grandmother.

"Bella, dear, how are you feeling?" My grandmother asked gathering my hands in hers. "Are you tired? I know I was so tired when I was pregnant with your father, and my asthma was something awful. He was such a big baby and I gained so much weight when I was pregnant that it just put such a strain on my breathing."

"I didn't know you had asthma Grams." No one had every mentioned to me that she had breathing problems.

"Oh, yes dear. I didn't suffer from it all the time, but sometimes when your Gramps would cut the yard it would just tear me up. Your father had asthma as a child, but grew out of it by the time he was a teenager. I worried about him when he played football, but he did just fine." Surprised at this revelation, I idly wondered why I had never had asthma since it seemed to run in my family.

Grams squeezed my hand then reached up and patted my cheek breaking me out of my thoughts. "I just want to say how proud of you I am Bella. And I know your parents would be too." Leaning into her hand relishing the feel of her warmth, I realized that I had missed her more than I thought. My heart clenched at her words, but it made me feel good knowing that she believed in me and that my parents would feel the same.

Christmas came and went much the same way with us spending our holiday with Alice and her family. Mike's parents had moved away right after our wedding, retiring to Florida, giving Mike another reason to be so worried about me, claiming that I was all he had left here at home.

Before I knew it the spring semester had started. Even though I had not gained much weight, I felt like a house, considering I couldn't see my feet anymore. My pregnancy was progressing nicely even though I felt like a cow.

Mike went with me to the ultrasound that the doctor had scheduled. We were both amazed that the baby's heartbeat was so strong and the flips and flops it performed while we were watching the monitor. The nurse informed us we were having a boy and I could almost see Mike's chest swell with pride at the knowledge he was going to have a son.

When Mike's lease was up, we moved to a house that Mike had purchased close to his office. I knew that we were going to move once his lease was up, but I was surprised when he came home one day and told me that he had bought us a house. It hurt that he hadn't even asked me to look at the house before he bought it, but I just let it pass.

The house had three bedrooms and three full baths with all the amenities you could think of. What Mike liked the most was the huge game room over the garage that he had already planned where he was going to put everything. The house was nice and in a good neighborhood, but it wasn't really something I would have picked out. It just didn't feel like home to me.

Mike hired a moving company to move all our belongings to the new house. We went furniture shopping together, but everything I liked, Mike didn't. He would either scoff at my choices or ignore me as if I hadn't made a comment at all.

It didn't surprise me that Mike acted this way. None of the things he did surprised me anymore. After we were married, Mike's attitude about many things changed. There was always something I did that he criticized or complained about. At first it was subtle innuendos about my clothes or hair, claiming that my clothes were either too tight or too loose or that my hair was too stringy or messy. It was the same about my makeup, he either complained of the fact that I didn't wear any or I had on too much.

I thought that maybe this was the way a husband acted, giving constructive criticism about their wife's appearance, but I was naive and simply didn't want to face the facts. The fact was that nothing I did pleased Mike.

Whether it was my appearance or the way I kept house, Mike had an opinion about everything I did. When I cooked, the food was either too bland or too spicy. If I didn't have his breakfast or dinner ready when he wanted it, he would give me a disappointed look making me feel like I couldn't do anything right.

Keeping the house the way he wanted was just as bad. He didn't like the way I washed and folded his clothes. Mike wanted a certain detergent used and his socks and underwear folded a certain way. I was constantly fretting over whether or not he would be mad or upset about the way his underwear was placed in his drawer. When I cleaned the house, he complained either because it wasn't done or I was doing it while he was in the room.

I was baffled at first when he acted the way he did about little things thinking that I could do nothing right in his eyes. But then it basically became a reality to me that nothing pleased Mike, nothing at all.

The man I married was nothing like the man that I dated for two years that seemed so sweet and caring to me. When we dated and even when we were engaged, Mike hardly said a negative word to me. He would compliment me telling me how beautiful I was or how cute I was dressed; never giving me a negative comment about anything I said or did.

But now there was nothing that I could do that made him happy. The only thing that seemed to make him happy was to know that I was home and pregnant with his son.

Nothing I did seemed to make a difference. If I followed his instructions exactly, he still found something to complain about. So I found myself stuck in a marriage to a man that I never made happy, but I had a baby to think about now and he was all that mattered. My thoughts of my child kept me going and my writing helped me escape the reality of the shitty marriage I was in.

~*~

Our son, Patrick was born without any fuss or trouble to what seemed to be two very pleased parents. Mike was a gentleman throughout the delivery surprising me at how encouraging he could be when he wanted. When Patrick was placed in his arms, the image stirred something in me that made me forget about how he had acted since we had been married.

Mike was a proud father, showing Patrick off to everyone that came to the hospital to visit, handing out cigars stating 'It's a Boy' to anyone who walked by.

That night when we were alone, Mike's tenderness was still visible as he was walking Patrick around murmuring to him all the things they would do together when he grew up.

"Thank you, Bella." Mike's voice was quiet in the dark room, but the strength of his words moved me. "You gave me a son and I couldn't be happier because of it. I know I'm difficult to live with sometimes, but I do love you." Mike came over to the bed laying Patrick in my waiting arms, then wrapped us both up in a warming embrace. "We will be happy together, just wait and see."

And we were happy for a while. Patrick was a happy and content baby never fussing or crying much, though neither Mike nor I gave him much of a chance to fuss about anything. Mike and I worked together like a well oiled machine caring for Patrick and I had almost forgotten how Mike had acted before.

Mike for the most part had stopped his constant criticism of me or how I did things and for that I was grateful. Whatever I did before to make him feel the way he did and say the things he said wasn't an issue anymore. For some reason I did blame myself because I figured I didn't know what the hell I was doing when it came to being a wife, and I didn't know what I was doing different for Mike not to be on me all the time, but I was happier than I had been in a long time. We were a happy family and I felt like everything was right in the world.

~*~

We were fine for a while, but then ugliness has to rear its ugly head. And when I mean ugliness, I mean Mike.

Patrick had a nasty stomach bug and had been vomiting for days. We had been back and forth to the doctor so test could be run and to make sure he wasn't becoming dehydrated from losing so much body fluids. His white blood cell count was low indicating a virus, so nothing else could be done; it just had to run its course.

Day and night I was taking care of Patrick holding him while he was sick, staying nearby to make sure he wasn't choking on his own vomit or just wanting to be held because he felt so bad. Constantly I was changing his clothes and bedding or mine because they reeked of vomit. He was only eleven months old, so he couldn't tell me when he was going to be sick, so it was just a matter of watching for the signs, and sometimes there weren't any.

Mike had been gone on a business trip when Patrick first became sick and when he called to check in I told him about how Patrick was doing. When I explained to him about how sick Patrick was, I could sense in the tone of his voice that he was angry, but I wasn't sure why. He told me there was nothing he could do and he wasn't coming home until his meetings were over. I tried to explain to Mike that I didn't expect him to drop everything to come home; I just wanted to let him know that Patrick was still sick and that I was worried that the doctor may hospitalize him if he didn't get any better. Mike snorted in the phone then expressed very vividly that it was a damn good thing I didn't expect him to come home, because my expectations would be too high.

Besides taking care of Patrick, running the washing machine constantly to wash all the laundry he had messed up, and going to the doctor, there was nothing else I could get accomplished. There was a layer of dust on every surface of the house, the floors were littered with dust, dirt, and toys from entertaining Patrick, the rest of the laundry baskets were overflowing with clothes because if they weren't tainted with puke, I didn't have the time to wash them. The kitchen and bathrooms were in desperate need of scrubbing, but I couldn't find the time or the energy to clean them either. Hell I could barely keep myself and Patrick clean, much less the rest of the house.

When Mike finally came home from his trip, the moment he walked in the door his eyes scanned around the house narrowing I'm sure in disdain at the appearance before him. His eyes darkened with anger and his face turned red making me very aware that his temper had returned.

"What the hell is going on here?" Mike yelled as he dropped his bags to the floor and I watched his fists clench and unclench in a way that made a shiver run up and down my spine.

Plastering a smile on my face, I moved towards Mike with my arms open to hug him to show him that I wouldn't fight against him in anyway. Mike glared at me with what I could only assume was hate freezing me in place. Trying my best to keep my voice placating I began to speak. "Patrick is still sick Mike. I'm doing everything I can to take care of him, and I just can't keep up with it all. I'm doing the best I can Mike."

"The best you can. The best you can." Mike seethed, sweeping his arm out across the house gesturing to the mess around us. "This is what you call the best you can." Mike grabbed my arm, snatching me up close to him, allowing me to feel the heat of his anger rolling off of him and the whiskey on his breath.

"I don't care how you do it, but you better clean this fucking mess up before I get back. I can't believe I came home to this shit." Mike gripped my arm tighter then shoved me away releasing my arm he turned on his heels and was out the door before my tears even had a chance to fall down my face.

Afraid for myself, and now my son, I didn't even hesitate or allow myself to be upset like I did once before when he grabbed me so fiercely. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves and stay my tears, I resigned to do what had to be done. I made a pallet on the floor to lay Patrick on so I could keep a close eye out for him. Then I started the daunting task of cleaning up more than a weeks worth of mess.

No I didn't sit and wonder what had just happened, even though it had only happened once before, I knew now that this was Mike. I couldn't explain it other than he was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide. As Dr. Jekyll, he was kind and gentle almost loving in his gestures toward me and Patrick. He would be considerate of my feelings and do small romantic things that made me forget everything else. Playing with Patrick or rocking him to sleep was something he didn't have to be asked to do, and he never acted like we were a burden in anyway.

But as Mr. Hide, he was abrasive and critical to a point that made me doubt myself in my actions and make me believe it was me that was at fault instead of his insane need for control and domination over me and to some point Patrick.

No I didn't think of how scared I was for myself and what Mike would really do if I pushed him. I had a deep dark feeling that if I did push Mike too far, he wouldn't be able to suppress his anger or control.

Yes I think Mike might have some measure of control, because he had yet to hit me, only grabbing my arm, which I thing was deliberate because he knew I could easily hide it under clothes, whereas a blow to the face wouldn't be so easily concealed. And I also believed that he knew that I would never tell anyone about what went on between us in the privacy of our own home knowing that I couldn't face the ridicule or attention it would bring me. He knew I was trapped, in more ways than one.

No it wasn't me that I would think about, but my son. He was my life now. His happiness was what was important to me and I would do whatever to make a good home for him. Whatever I had to do, whatever was necessary, I would keep Mike happy to protect my son from Mike's fury. I didn't believe there was anything else I could do, because somehow I knew that there was no way that Mike would ever allow us to leave.

By the time Mike had returned, everything was right again in his eyes. The house was clean, dishes were washed, laundry was washed and folded, toys back in the toy box, and everything was back in place. When he walked in the door, he acted as if he had just arrived home, like he hadn't come home before yelling at me and gripping my arm jerking me around the house until he left me shakened with bruises.

This was how my life played out with Mike, learning how to read his moods and watch for signs of how he would act. To a degree, I almost believed that Mike was bipolar. He would lash out in anger, going off about the smallest of details from the toilet paper being on the roll wrong way or the dishes not placed in the dishwasher the way he thought they should go. Then the next minute he would act as if nothing had happened leaving me baffled and scared of what I was going to have to endure next.

The one thing he never did was take his anger out on Patrick. But there were times that he would act indifferent toward him, like he didn't have the time or patience to play with him. During those times I would take extra care with him and spend more time with him just so he wouldn't see how Mike was.

Once after Mike had freaked out because I had taken to long getting ready for us to go out, I was at my breaking point. With all that I had to do take care of Patrick plus the normal of keeping house, I just wasn't as fast I used to be. Mike gave me a look that told me I would hear about it later, because he didn't have the time to deal with me then.

When we were back at home, Mike gave me enough time to put Patrick to bed then he started in on me. This time was the roughest he had ever been with me and as he jerked me around by my arm, I heard a pop in my shoulder. Mike of course was oblivious to hurting me and when he was through, I could barely move my arm.

Alice came by the next day to visit, I had completely forgotten that she was coming, and when she showed up at the door, she immediately could tell that something was wrong.

"Bella, what's wrong honey? You're white as a sheet. You look like you are about to throw up." Alice reached out to touch my shoulder and when she did I flinched back before I even realized what I was doing. There was a sharp pain that radiated down my arm and I knew that there was no way I could hide the pain written plainly across my face, let alone the bruises that were more than apparent on my arm.

"Oh my God, Bella! What the hell happened to you?" Alice yelled causing me to jump. Looking into Alice's eyes I knew there was no hiding this anymore, she knew what had happened without me even saying a word. Rage crossed over her face with the knowledge of what happened and then tears filled her eyes before she gently cradled me in her arms causing me to finally let the dam break and let it all out.

"You were right Alice. You were so right. I should have listened to you." I sobbed out shakily clinging to her like a life raft. "You tried to tell me. You tried to warn me." Alice held me tighter stroking my hair. She had comforted me like this once before when my parents died, and again the love she showed me overwhelmed me. The story flowed freely relieving the tension I had felt for so long from hiding my life like this from everyone.

"Mike wasn't like this when we were dating. He was so affectionate to me, never ever giving me any idea that he was like this. When we were engaged he seemed a little jealous of other guys and overprotective, but I liked the feeling of being wanted. It made me feel loved. And I so desperately wanted to be loved Alice. As soon as we were married, I saw the change as early on as our honeymoon. He became possessive of me, not wanting me to wear certain clothes or go to places where he didn't know who I would be around. Then when he switched my birth control pills to get me pregnant that told me right there I didn't know him at all."

Alice looked stunned at that last statement. "What do you mean he switched your birth control pills to get you pregnant?"

"Just what I said. He started insisting that I take a multi-vitamin every time I took my birth control pills telling me that I didn't eat enough and this would build my immunity up, keep me strong he said. I didn't think anything about it, but when the doctor told me I was pregnant, it all just clicked. About the time that I started taking the vitamins, my birth control pills tasted sweeter. I was so fucking stupid that I didn't even question him."

"When I came home and told him that I was pregnant, he wasn't surprised at all. He started in about this was exactly what he wanted and now I could quit school and stay home where he knew I would be safe. When I told him that I wasn't quitting school because I was almost finished and I wasn't about to waste the money my parents left me, he went berserk. That was the first time he ever grabbed me and hurt me. When he came back home, he was so remorseful and acted so guilty that I comforted him. Can you believe that? I tried to make him feel better for hurting me."

Somehow telling Alice, letting out all of the dark secrets I had kept locked up inside me for so long seemed to purge me of the despair I had felt. "He told me that day he would never hurt me again. He said he loved me and that he would love this baby and we would be a family. I wanted so badly to believe him that I just went along with it. He didn't hurt me again for a long time. Not while I was pregnant, not for a long time after I had Patrick. Mike hurt me in other ways though, not physically, just mentally. He constantly criticized me and made me feel like a failure in so many ways. As far as the physical abuse, he has only done it three times besides the first, and last night was the worst." Even though I felt better to get it all out in the open, the humiliation of what my life had become overwhelmed me. Alice could sense this and came over to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Bella, we have to report this to the police. Then I want you to pack yours and Patrick's things and leave with me." Alice stated firmly.

"No!" Jerking myself free from Alice's arms, I whirled around to face her. "I can't leave and you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone. You can't tell anyone Alice, not Jasper, not Emmett, especially not the police. Mike would take Patrick away from me and he would be defenseless against him. I won't leave here unless I can be positive that Mike would never see Patrick alone, and no one can guarantee me that. Mike has been very careful not to hurt me in a way that anyone could see, so there are no witnesses and it would be my word against his. I won't take the chance of someone not believing me and siding with Mike."

"Bella, you can't live like this anymore. Each time he does this, it seems to get worse. What about Patrick, has he ever hurt him?" I could hear the hatred in Alice's voice when she asked if Mike had ever hurt him.

"No. He has never laid a hand on Patrick out of anger. Sometimes Mike acts like he doesn't have the time or patience for him, but he is never mean to him." Alice gave me a questioning look, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. "I promise Alice, he has never hurt Patrick. I would run so far that he would never see us again if that happened."

"But how can you be sure that he won't do that in the future. How do you know that one day he might freak out and snatch Patrick by his arm and he is so small that it could break his arm?" Alice demanded making me wince from the suggestion.

"For some reason I believe that he would never hurt Patrick. I have to believe that or I would probably go crazy. What I am about to say sounds really sick and twisted, but he is good to us. Patrick and I have everything that we want. Mike takes care of us in so many ways. Hell he even gave me a credit card so that I could buy whatever I want, whether it be gas and groceries or things for Patrick." A mirthless laugh bubbled up and out of my throat. "But that is probably his way of keeping track of me and what I do." Shaking my head back and forth to clear my head, I told Alice the one thing that I knew that would keep me trapped with Mike. "Besides that, I can't get a divorce right now anyway because I'm pregnant again."

"Oh Bella. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not. The one thing I can say with certainty is that this baby was conceived out of love. Mike is so gentle with me when we have sex; he treats me as if I am some breakable doll. I almost believe that he is afraid he will hurt me, so he is extra careful. He always has been. Mike was my first you know. I thought as time went on passion would replace the gentleness, but it never has. I have always wondered why Mike has never been rough with me during sex, but I have come to accept that he gets his kinks from somewhere else."

"You think Mike has cheated on you." Alice asked incredulously moving over to the couch to sit down.

"I'm not sure. But it would only make sense that a man like Mike with the pent up anger and hostility he seems to have would not be gentle in bed. I would never be able to prove anything. Mike is gone so much with work; there is no telling where he really is half the time."

Alice sat for a moment seeming to collect her thoughts. Before she asked, I knew what she wanted to know.

"The things you have written in your books, did they really happen? I mean, you wrote about some serious shit in some of those books Bella. Did he do those things to you?" Alice seemed to struggle with the idea that what I had written came from experience.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself before I spoke, I walked over to the couch to sit beside Alice. "No. But because of what Mike did, it fueled my imagination. When I wrote the things I did, I could all but see Mike doing those things to me, hurting me that way. I guess that is why it was so easy to write and my words came so freely. The first book I wrote during my last year of college, it only took me six months to write. The second one took half that time. Writing became my outlet, my way of working out my problems. Mike has never been interested in my writing, and he thinks it's just a whim. If he ever read my books, I'm not sure what he would do. That was one reason that I chose to use a pseudo when I write, so no one will ever know it is me, not even Mike. He has no idea about any of my work. He's just happy that I'm at home 'where I belong' as he puts it."

Alice took my hands in hers, and then looked into my eyes as if she could read my thoughts. Apparently she believed me because I could see the trust in her eyes. "Something told me he would be an asshole, I guess I just had a feeling, but I never dreamed it would be like this. Why didn't you tell me Bella?"

"Pride. Fear. Humiliation. All of them I guess. I was afraid you would tell me you told me so." Alice looked up at me with a questioning look. Shaking my head to stop her before she could respond, I continued. "I know you wouldn't have done that Alice, I was just ashamed. And each time Mike would beg me not to say anything. Sometimes I swear he is bi-polar. One minute he would be fine, the next he would just freak out. Over some stupid shit too. Then when it was over, he would act like none of it even happened. I know how to read him better now. Last night was just a mistake on my part, I knew what time we had to leave, but I started writing when Patrick was asleep and lost track of time. When I realized how late it was, I tried to hurry, but I just couldn't be fast enough."

Alice looked at me like I was crazy. "Are you telling me that he did this because you weren't ready to leave on time? Damn you were just coming to my house, it's not like you were going to miss a plane."

"That's the way he is Alice. He is so anal retentive about everything, the way his clothes are folded, and the way I keep house, how he controls me and what I do. I'm used to it." I conceded with reluctance, speaking out loud about it for the first time.

"Well, you shouldn't be. You need to leave him Bella, before he hurts you, or worse, he hurts the babies." Alice reached out placing a hand against my stomach.

"I can't leave Alice. I just can't. He won't hurt me because I am pregnant, that I am sure of." Taking my hand and placing it over Alice's, I looked up into her eyes. "You have to promise me Alice. Promise me you won't say anything. And I will make you a promise to, that I will not hide anything from you anymore."

Alice agreed reluctantly, only so because of the promise that I made her. It felt good to finally tell someone the truth about everything, but even though I had, it changed nothing. My life belonged to Mike, and with that knowledge I knew that there was no escape, so I just had to make the best of it, and do everything I could to protect my children.

Now I just had to tell Mike we were expecting another child. I didn't think he would be angry, but with him I was never sure of anything.

**A/N: Again, I apologize that it took so long for me to get this chapter out to you. Thank you for reading my story and please, please review!**

**As far as the abuse, I have never been through anything like this, so I am just writing what comes. Remember this is fiction people.**

**The next chapter will be about their second child, which really changes the way Mike acts towards her and the kids. Then the next chapter should be the showdown.**


	7. The Life We Made

**So here is Chapter 7. Please read and review!! Please!!**

**Thanks to TheGreatAli who talked me through this chapter. She's my own little Alice. And to tawelephant who is always listening and suggesting. Thank you ladies!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. I do own 2 tickets to the 12:01 showing of New Moon!! It is going to be awesome!! **

Chapter 7: The life we made

After Alice left, Mike came home from work just like any other day and acted as if nothing had happened at all. Later that night as we were going to bed, he noticed the bruises on my arm and apologized profusely, this time even his eyes glinted with tears from his remorse, and of course I agreed to forgive. Since he seemed so humbled by the fact he had hurt me, I figured it was as good a time as any to tell him I was pregnant.

Telling Mike that I was pregnant went over smoother than I had really anticipated. Mike gathered me up in his arms cradling me to his chest holding me close telling me how much he loved me. Again he promised to never hurt me.

Mike seemed truly happy that we were going to have another child. He said this would be a blessing for us, giving us something positive to look forward to. For some reason in the back of my mind, I felt like Mike was happy that I was pregnant again because it would keep me at home more.

He hadn't grabbed me or belittled me since the night my shoulder popped. I was never able to go the doctor because of the bruises on my arm. There was a distinct handprint bruise with darker spots right where his fingertips had dug mercilessly in my arm. I knew there would be no way to hide what had happened, so I suffered through the pain until the bruises were gone and my shoulder finally healed on its own.

Throughout the pregnancy, Mike was the same way he was when I was pregnant with Patrick. He pampered me and took care of me, even taking extra time to spend with Patrick. Gone again was the meanness that he could show so easily at times. Not once did he say anything critical about how I did things. I was almost holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We found out we were having another boy and Mike seemed beside himself with joy. It didn't matter to me what sex the baby was as long as it was healthy.

Mike and Patrick worked together on the nursery and even though Patrick was barely two years old, Mike included Patrick on every decision to be made. Watching them together, the way they interacted, the love that they shared, made every bad thing pale in comparison.

The night the nursery was finished, I was tucking a very tired and worn out boy in bed. Patrick had helped in every way possible a two year old could help and his excitement over a new baby brother was visible through all of his actions.

"Mama?" Patrick yawned loudly as I pushed his hair back from his forehead, placing a lingering kiss there.

"Yes, sweet pea." This was my nickname for him, and it may sound a little girlish, but it was still true, he was my sweet pea.

"I see the baby soon Mama." Patrick questioned in big words even for a two year old.

"Yes you will see the baby soon. Are you excited about seeing him?" Patrick's eyes began to twinkle in the soft light beside his bed.

"I cited mama. I wuv him." Patrick reached up with his little hand, rubbing circles on my large stomach.

"Ah Patrick, that is so sweet. You are going to make a great big brother." I mused fussing over his blankets on the bed so he wouldn't see the tears of joy that glistened in my eyes.

"Really mama." Patrick asked in an excited yet tired voice.

"Really Patrick. Now go to sleep." Yawning again, he settled his head into his pillow closing his eyes. Not long after I heard the soft sounds of his breathing as I watched him sleep. Yes, I truly believed that he was going to be a great big brother.

~*~

When Pacey Charles was born, I didn't know that I could love another as much as I loved my first son, but as I held him I knew that you don't make room in your heart to love someone else, your heart just grows larger.

We had given Patrick Mike's name when he was born, so with Pacey, I named him after my father. Mike agreed with me on what to name our children, which really surprised me on how controlling he was at times. He liked the names I had picked out an went along with them, but I never told him that Patrick's name came from a cutey I used to watch on my Grams soap opera and Pacey came from a show that I used to watch when I was younger. No I don't think he would like that much.

Mike was wonderful during the delivery and after. He doted on Pacey talking to him and holding him just as he had with Patrick. Watching Mike with him again just made all the bad things disappear. Looking at Mike like this, you would never believe that he would hurt me and make me feel so worthless at times.

Patrick was staying with Alice while I was in the hospital, and when she brought him to see his new baby brother, Mike gathered him up in his arms hugging him closely to show Patrick that he was not forgotten. He sat Patrick up on the bed beside me then took a sleeping Pacey from his bassinet and placed him in Patrick's arms. Mike and I both helped Patrick hold Pacey, instructing him on supporting the baby's head and holding him close, but not to close, so he couldn't squirm out of his arms.

Patrick held Pacey like he had done it a thousand times before. He leaned over and kissed his forehead like I had done to him many times before.

"I your big brother, Pacey." Patrick spoke softly as if he knew that if he was too loud that he would wake him. Watching Patrick hold his baby brother and Mike standing over them protectively made everything that had happened worthwhile. We were truly a family, and I believed, had to believe that everything would be better now. It just had to be.

Alice had also brought my Grams with her to see the baby. She sat in the rocking chair patiently waiting to hold Pacey watching the scene of Patrick and Pacey unfold with a huge smile on her face. When it was her turn, Mike took Pacey from Patrick handing him to her. She cradled his head in her arm, then took a finger tracing his features on his face.

"You look like your Grandpa Charlie, yes you do little Pacey. He's not here, but I'm sure he is smiling down on you from heaven."

I looked over at Mike as she spoke these words trying to gauge his reaction. When Patrick was born, I thought at first he looked like Mike, especially since he had light colored fuzz on his head. But as Patrick grew older, there was no doubt he looked like me, the only thing was his hair was not as dark as mine, but looking into his face was like looking into mine, and his eyes were the same chocolate brown as mine too.

Now that Pacey was born, it was the same way, his face was shaped much like mine, but Charlie's features were more prominent, and if his eyes stayed the same color, they would be ice blue like my fathers as well. Mike's hair was blonde and his eyes were blue, but more of the sky blue whereas my fathers were grayer than blue.

Mike didn't seem to pay much attention to what she said, and for that I had to sigh in relief. Yes, Mike's temper had been under control for the last eight months, but like anything else, I wasn't sure what might set him off.

The first few months as a family at home were wonderful. Mike took care of me, the boys and our every need was met unconditionally. Mike may have expected me to do things a certain way or meet his expectations, but he did help me out around the house some when he was home. Not all the time, but sometimes. It really depended on his moods just like everything else did. So it was a real treat for him to help me the way he had since we had brought Pacey home.

And what an adventure it had been to have two small children in the home. But Pacey was a good baby like Patrick. He never fussed much, not even when he was hungry or wet, or even when he just wanted to be held.

Patrick had grown into his own personality of the big brother. Anytime that I would sit and hold Pacey, Patrick was right there beside me watching him intently muttering that he would take care of him. Patrick was sweet and loving and constantly asked questions trying to learn everything he could. It amazed me at how much he changed everyday and I realized that children grow up too soon.

But no matter how much things seemed to be going right, I couldn't get this nagging sensation out of my head and my heart that things were too good for too long. My happiness had only come in spurts over the years and it never failed that when everything was going right, the wrong was surely around the next corner.

~*~

My suspicions were confirmed not long after. Pacey became sick with a runny nose and a slight raspy cough. He didn't have a fever, but he seemed to be wheezing which immediately through up red flags to me, so I called the doctor to make an appointment.

The doctor did a nose swab which came back positive for RSV. Of course not knowing what that meant, I had to ask the doctor to explain it to me. Respiratory Syncytial Virus was much like a common cold, but more serious symptoms to bronchiolitis and pneumonia with cough, wheezing and even painful breathing. The pediatrician prescribed him a nebulizer to administer respiratory medications such as albuterol and pulmicort. Because he was only three months old he could not use an inhaler, but had to have the breathing machine turn the medicine into a breathable mist to be inhaled through a breathing mask. I was given a crash course on how to operate the machine and how often to give him his treatments. She also told me it wouldn't be a bad idea to purchase a stethoscope and had me listen to both Patrick's and Pacey's breathing so I could recognize the difference between normal breathing sounds and the sounds of someone who was wheezing and struggling to breath. Pacey was most certainly having breathing problems.

The doctor could see the anxiety on my face and the fear of what was going to happen to Pacey. She reassured me that there was nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening and as long as he did his breathing treatments he should be able to avoid hospitalization.

When I brought Pacey home from the doctor's office with a print out describing RSV and its symptoms and treatment and all the medicine and the nebulizer prescribed by his pediatrician, my heart was heavy from the knowledge of how sick my son really was.

Mike seemed disturbed about what the doctor had said. While I set up the machine for Pacey to do his first breathing treatment, Mike reluctantly agreed to hold him. I couldn't figure out what was making Mike feel the way he did, but I didn't have the time to figure it out.

For two weeks, Pacey was given a breathing treatment every fours except when he was sleeping, but even then I was up checking on him to make sure he was breathing okay. At the end of the two weeks, the doctor said that Pacey's breathing had gone back to normal and that we could stop the breathing treatments.

During that time Mike never said anything about my lack of house keeping or the fact that I was spending so much time taking care of Pacey and of course Patrick, but I could tell he was annoyed that I wasn't able to do things exactly as he wanted.

Something I did notice was that Mike became wary of taking care of Pacey and concentrated more on Patrick. Which in a way, Patrick needed the extra attention so that he would know that he wasn't lost in the chaos of all that was going on. But I couldn't understand why he was hesitant when it came to Pacey.

I had really hoped that this was a one time incident regarding Pacey's health. The fact that he was so young and having to use a breathing machine to help regulate his breathing was scary and I became more cautious when it came to him.

Pacey was fine after that and I watched as he went through all the milestones that I had witnessed with Patrick at this age. Before I knew it he was babbling and even beginning to crawl. Mike seemed defeated and had all but become lax on things that he had once be so anal about. But then Mike wasn't home so much anymore either. He had been promoted from regional sales to national sales, so he traveled more than he had before.

A couple of months later Pacey came down with the same symptoms again. When I took him to the doctor, they swabbed his nose and sure enough he had RSV again. The doctor commented that it was unusual for a baby to have RSV twice so close together, especially since he stayed at home with me and he wasn't in a daycare where he could be exposed to something like this. Again I had to give him breathing treatments until his breathing had gone back to normal.

During this time I watched as Mike slowly withdrew away from Pacey and spent more time with Patrick. I wanted to believe that is was because Patrick needed the attention since I was spending so much time giving Pacey his breathing treatments, but I wasn't convinced.

Later that winter, Patrick, Pacey and myself came down with an upper respiratory illness. It was especially hard on Pacey because it seemed to settle into his lungs, and again I had to give him breathing treatments to help him clear up his breathing.

"Bella, it seems that Pacey has a tendency to have respiratory problems. The fact he had RSV within a couple of months of each other and now what should just be like a simple common cold has settled into his lungs. I think we are going to have to face the fact that he is going to have a breathing problem. We will just have to wait and see how severe it will be as time goes on. I am not going to label him as asthmatic yet, but he is showing all the signs. We also discussed the fact that because asthma seems to run in your family that he is predisposed to have asthma or breathing problems." I recalled with perfect clarity what the doctor had told me after Pacey's latest visit to the doctor's office. When this affected Pacey more so than it did me or Patrick, she just laid it out to me. My heart broke thinking about my child struggling to breathe over a common cold.

As a mother you are automatically protective of your children, but when you have a child who has health problems, you become even more so. I constantly worried about Pacey watching him to make sure that he wasn't having any problems breathing. It became second nature to me to watch for signs that he was struggling.

Mike on the other hand seemed more distant than I had ever thought he could be. He had always hovered over me and the kids in a possessive sort of way, but lately he had not been that way. When I had told Mike what the doctor said, he seemed to shrug off the seriousness of the situation and went about like things were no different.

But they were different. Mike was edgy when he was home, even though I couldn't pen point why, I could tell he was not comfortable anymore around me or the kids. Every once in a while I would see a spark in his eye that made me think he was about to erupt, but then a defeated look would come into his eyes.

~*~

Before Pacey was a year old he ended up in the hospital for respiratory distress. We had had Patrick's third birthday outside, and for the month of May, it was unseasonably cool. Mike grilled out hamburgers and hotdogs and the kids were running around chasing each other. Pacey was only nine months old, so he had not completely mastered walking yet, but he toddled around laughing and smiling at the other kids. Emmett and Rosalie had brought there kids over, so they were just running wild.

Pacey toddled over to me and stretched his arms out so that I would pick him up. When I picked him up and hugged him to me, I noticed he was cold. His hands, his face and ears, each piece of skin exposed was cold. My Grams was sitting at the table, so I walked over to her and she looked my way and stretched out her arms to take Pacey from me.

"Go to Grams honey, so I can help Daddy for a minute please." I settled Pacey in Grams' lap. "Grams, Pacey feels cold to me. What do you think?"

Grams ran her hands over his exposed skin, touching and testing with the inside of her wrist. "He does feel a little cold Bella dear. I'll take him inside if you want."

Alice stood up from the table and came around to us. "Let Jasper carry him for you Grams, he is too heavy. We'll help you go inside. I'm a little chilled too. So is little Mary." Alice's daughter Mary was nuzzled into Alice's arms, resting her head on her shoulder. Jasper took Pacey and helped them all inside. I sighed with relief knowing that I was very lucky to be surrounded by people that loved us and helped me care for Pacey, but it didn't ease the tightness in my chest, that something was wrong.

By the next morning, Pacey's nose had started to run and he had a little cough. After a phone call to the doctor, we were once again headed to the doctor's office so he could be checked out. What started out as a runny nose and cough one day had progressed to a double ear infection and labored breathing by the next. When Pacey started pulling at his ears, I knew something was wrong, and watching Patrick go through ear infections before, I knew the signs. The doctor prescribed him an antibiotic for the ear infection and told me to increase his breathing treatments from every six hours to ever four.

That night Pacey was sleeping on the floor on a pallet I had made him so I could keep watch on him while I cooked dinner. He had been asleep since we had left the doctors office almost four hours ago. The doctor gave him a breathing treatment at the office, so it was almost time to give him another, but Pacey looked as if he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon.

Since I had Patrick and Pacey, I had always turned to Grams for advice when it came to the kids. She had once told me 'let a sleeping child lie, if there sleeping there healing, so let them sleep'. But this was different. Looking at Pacey laying there as he slept, I could tell that it wasn't a peaceful sleep. The look on his little face was one of discomfort; his little face was contorted as if he were in pain. A look that unfortunately, I knew all to well.

The more I watched him, the more I could tell something was wrong. Kneeling down beside him, I carefully rolled him over on his back. The instant that I did, I could see that his breathing was erratic, and instead of his chest rising and falling with each labored breath he took, his abdomen was moving in and out. Immediately my senses became alert and I knew that this wasn't normal. This was wrong, very wrong.

As I waited for the doctor to call me back after calling the doctor's on call service to leave a message, my heart started to race and my headed was reeling with the questions that I had to ask.

When the phone rang, I jumped, startled out of the quietness that had surrounded me from being inside my head trying to make sense of what was happening. What was going to happen. The doctor listened to everything that I said then instructed me to bring Pacey to the emergency room as fast as I could. I barely remembered telling her that I would be there as soon as I made arrangements for Patrick.

Out of nothing but robotic motions, I called Alice explaining what was going on and making arrangements for her to come and get Patrick, then gathered the things I thought Pacey would need at the hospital.

Alice showed up to pick up Patrick and I had a vague recollection of her hugging me and telling me everything would be all right. I gathered Patrick close to me, holding him tighter than I should have. Holding him to me, I spoke softly to him as I ran my hands up and down his back.

"Patrick, sweet pea. I have to take Pacey to the hospital. He's not feeling well. You go with Auntie Alice and be good for her like I know you will. I will be to get you as soon as I could."

"Okay Mama. I be good. I wuv you." He whispered to in my ear as he started to run his hands up and down my back as if he were trying to comfort me. The gesture almost brought tears to my eyes. But I knew that I couldn't break down now. Not yet.

"Oh, I love you too baby. So much." Patrick and I hugged each other close once more before Alice took him from me. As they walked out the door, my heart seemed to break in half, one piece going with Patrick, the other staying with the Pacey.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I looked over to Mike. He was standing surrounded by Pacey in his car carrier and the bags that I had gotten ready to take with us. His face was twisted up in what I thought was anger, his forehead was puckered from what I assumed was stress, and his eyes, his eyes were flat and lifeless.

On the way to the hospital Mike never said a word. His knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel and his face was stoic as he stared out the window never once looking my way. My mind was so jumbled that I couldn't make sense of anything at the moment.

The emergency room had been notified by Pacey's doctor that we would be arriving soon. We were rushed through the doors and behind a curtain with the doctor on call coming in right behind us. He placed his stethoscope on Pacey's chest, moving around after a moment to different spots so that he could listen to Pacey's breathing. A nurse put a clamp on Pacey's finger, explaining that it was a pulse oximeter, which would measure the oxygen saturation of the blood and his heart rate.

When the doctor and nurse were finished with there examination, the doctor wrapped his stethoscope back around his neck and looked at the screen that offered the results of the clamp that was attached to Pacey's finger. He turned to the nurse having a whispered conversation with her. The nurse left giving us a sad smile before going out the door as the doctor turned to us.

"Your son's breathing is labored due to his diaphragm being deflated because his lungs are over inflated. That is why he is breathing abdominally. His oxygen level is only 90%, which means he is not getting enough oxygen. The pediatric floor is preparing a room for him where he will be placed under an oxygen tent. The respiratory therapist is being notified and she will be here shortly to give him a breathing treatment. I am sorry, but he will have to be admitted."

I must have swayed, because Mike's arms wrapped around me. My thoughts were racing with questions, but for the life of me, I couldn't get my mouth to open and say anything. The doctor seemed to sense my anxiety and started talking again.

"I have talked with your son's pediatrician. She explained everything to me before you arrived, so I know his medical history. I am sorry that this is frightening to you, but believe me, this is his only option. His pediatrician should be arriving shortly to examine him and talk with you. In the mean time, a nurse will come in just a moment to start an IV. He needs intravenous steroids to help him overcome this and fluids so he won't become dehydrated." He looked to Mike extending his hand to shake Mike's and I vaguely recall him mumbling an apology for what we were going through.

As soon as the doctor walked out of the door, several nurses came inside with a tray with what I assumed they needed to start an IV. One asked me to sit beside Pacey to keep him calm as they got started. The first nurse poked and prodded around his arm trying to find a vein. When she thought she found one, she tried to insert the needle into his arm. Pacey immediately tensed and started to cry and wail. After several times of digging and apparently missing the vein she stood up and motioned for another nurse to try.

The next nurse took the rubber band tying it around Pacey's small arm again, tighter this time in an attempt to make his veins stand out more. Pacey winced from the pain of the rubber tourniquet tightening around his arms. His little veins bulged out so the nurse began again to hit the vein with the needle. Her attempts were just as futile as the first nurse.

Looking to Mike for some help with either calming Pacey down or making these nurses stop the assault on my son's arms, I almost cringed at the look on his face. It was not of anger or irritation, but of fear. One thing I had never seen on Mike's face before. Not only was his face a mask of panic, but his body seemed poised to bolt at any moment. His eyes would not meet mine; they glanced back and forth between Pacey lying on the table and the door, as if he was planning an escape.

Without another thought, I yelled out. "Stop! You are hurting him." The nurses leaned back away from Pacey to look at me, immediately I snatched Pacey into my arms in a defensive move.

The nurse who had originally tried to start the IV looked at me with what seemed to be mild annoyance on her part for me yelling at them.

"We have to start an IV on him per the doctor's orders." She stated in a snide tone.

"Then I suggest you find someone who can do it." I hissed towards her watching her flinch with my accusing words. Her quick intake of breath made me realize that I had hit a nerve. She narrowed her eyes then stood from the chair and walked out of the room.

Within minutes, Pacey's pediatrician came in and took control of the situation gathering Pacey up into her arms. After she dismissed the other nurses, she turned to me.

"Bella. I know this is upsetting. But they have to run an IV to get his medication started. If they can't start an IV, he will have to be transferred to the children's hospital." Even though she was speaking in a matter of fact tone, the sympathy that I could see in her eyes told me she was worried about Pacey too.

"I understand that Dr. Cole. But you weren't in here just a moment ago when they were digging around in both of his arms like they didn't have a clue as to what they were doing. For over fifteen minutes they dug around and poked him and Pacey was becoming more agitated by the minute. They just need to find someone who can do it without hurting him."

Reaching out to take Pacey back from the doctor, I chanced another glance at Mike. He was still standing over in the corner closest to the door, his face pale as if he was going to be sick.

Dr. Cole retrieved a stethoscope and began listening to Pacey's breathing just as the doctor had when we arrived. Turning to the pulse oximeter to check the readings on the screen, she frowned before making a notation in Pacey's chart.

She reached out to Pacey running her fingertips across the top of his head. "I would hate to think of what would have happened if you hadn't brought him in here tonight. Let's get Pacey up to his room and under the oxygen tent, and then I will find someone who can administer an IV to an infant."

Shortly after the doctor left, a new nurse walked in telling us that we were going up to the pediatric floor and asked us to follow her. As we made our way to the floor, she explained to us what was about to happen so we would know what to expect once we were up there.

Even though she had tried her best to prepare me for what was waiting for us when we walked into the room that she guided us into, my body tensed at the sight in front of me. There was a crib in the middle of the room with an oxygen tent draped over all sides enclosing the crib in almost a bubble. The tent was attached to a pole over the bed with tubes running down inside the tent pumping the oxygen steadily inside. There were monitors already set up on each side of the bed. The lights were bright and the room was a stark reminder of why we were here.

The nurse motioned for me to bring Pacey over to the crib. By this time, Pacey was asleep in my arms, so she asked me to lay him in the crib as she unzipped a side of the tent and lowered the side of the crib so that I could lay him down. Pacey barely stirred as I gently positioned him in the crib. Before the nurse could zip the sides up, Dr. Cole entered the room with a nurse following closely on her heels.

Standing beside the crib, I watched as this new nurse began to search for Pacey's vein so that the IV could be started. With little effort, she found a vein, inserted the needle for the IV taping the needle down so that Pacey couldn't pull it out. The nurse was so quick that Pacey barely noticed that she had stuck the needle in his arm. As soon as the nurse hooked the IV up to the pump, I watched as the medicine began dripping into the tube running to the IV. The tent was zipped back closed and the reality of Pacey being in that tent caught up with me as my tears steadily streamed down my face.

Dr. Cole sat beside me explaining the necessity of the tent and what medication was being administered in his IV. As she continued to talk with me a respiratory therapist came in, and I watched as she prepared the breathing treatment for Pacey. Once the doctor was finished talking with me, she assured me she would be back first thing in the morning to check up on Pacey and stated if there was any problems, the hospital would contact her immediately. The respiratory therapist finished with Pacey's treatment and informed me that she would be back in four hours for another treatment unless she was called sooner.

When they all left, all I could hear were the machines beeping and the blowing sound of the oxygen being pumped into the tent. Helplessly I watched as Pacey continued to struggle to breath feeling that I was lost as what to do next. In all that had happened I had forgotten that Mike was still in the room with us. Just by looking at him, I could see that his body was tense and his face still pale like he was about to throw up.

Finding my strength, I stood up to walk to Mike, and when he saw my movement, he startled slightly and pushed off away from the wall. As I approached him, he turned for the door and walked out into the hall. When I followed him out, a nurse came to check Pacey's vital signs since his IV was started and he was under the oxygen tent. I let the nurse know that I would be right outside the door if she needed me.

When I turned to Mike he was standing in a defensive position with his arms crossed over his chest feet spread apart as if he was ready for a fight. For the life of me I couldn't discern what was wrong. Before I could even question him, he started to talk.

"I gotta go Bella." Mike said anxiously.

My stomach clenched at his words. He had to go. Go where.

"What do you me you have to go?" I stammered, trying to keep the bile down in my throat from the sickness I felt at his words.

"Like I said. I gotta go." Mike responded flatly.

Trying to swallow down the despair I was feeling at his words, I could almost feel myself choking and gasping for air. My chest tightened with the feeling and also of the fear of what his words meant. And along with that fear there was anger. Long awaited anger.

"The only place you need to be is with your son Mike! What is wrong with you? You haven't said a word since we got here. You didn't even say anything when those stupid ass nurses were gouging Pacey trying to start an IV. What is your problem?" I demanded impatiently as the anger seeped into my voice.

"Watch your tone Bella." Mike seethed at me closing the distant between us. "We may be in a hospital right now, but we won't always be."

Right now my fear of Mike was irrelevant. My anger at him for not being there for his son was so strong at this moment; I couldn't care less what he did to me.

"Mike your child is in there struggling to breath and you say you have to leave. There is nothing else as important as your child. He needs you. You're his father." Tears were starting to sting my eyes and I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to keep from shaking as the sobs began to erupt from my body.

Mike glared at me for a moment. "I can't do this Bella. This whole hospital thing. It was bad enough to see Pacey at home sick, but I can't sit here in this hospital and watch this. I've never been able to stand someone sick." Mike retorted furiously.

"Please don't do this Mike. Please don't leave him. He needs you. I need you. Please." Reaching out to him with my arms opened, I begged him through my tears.

Mike grabbed my arm and then slung me against the wall. "I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me." Mike stormed out through the double doors of the pediatric floor leaving us alone.

"Bella?" Alice's voice was soft as she came up and took me into her arms. My body slumped at the onslaught of all that had happened and I held to her for dear life as my sobs finally gave way wracking my body as my tears soaked the front of Alice's shirt. "Shh. It's okay Bella. I knew you needed me. Something told me you needed me. Come on, let's go in and check on Pacey." Alice held me around my shoulder as she led us into Pacey's room.

As we stood over the bed watching Pacey as he slept, all I could think of is how could someone leave there child like this. How could anyone be so heartless?

**A/N: So this was a tough chapter to write and sad too. My youngest son has been through all this. My point was to show that because Pacey is sick, Mike starts to distance himself from him. And because Bella is a mom first and foremost, Mike has resigned himself to just take it. He wanted her home, and this was the only way, so now he can't say as much because she is taking care of the kids. Did I get that across?**

**Please read and review. Let me know what you are thinking. The next chapter is what most of you have been waiting for!**


	8. I Thought Things Couldn't Get Worst

**So here is Chapter 8. Please read and review.**

**Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers! Thanks to TheGreatAli who listened to me about this chapter. Also thanks to tawelephant for your insight and suggestions, and Mike's POV, that is dedicated to you. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. I do own a copy of the Vanity Fair magazine with Robert on the front. He is one sexy man.**

Chapter 8: And I thought things couldn't get worse.

Pacey spent three days in the hospital. For the first two days he wasn't allowed out of the oxygen tent unless I was changing his diaper, feeding him, or he was receiving a breathing treatment.

His breathing went back to normal within the first twenty four hours, but he still wasn't out of the woods yet. His oxygen level went back to normal as well, along with the color of his skin. Whereas his lips and under his fingernails had been a pale blue, the natural pink had returned.

He didn't fuss as much as I thought he would, being isolated in that tent, for which I was grateful. Visitors would keep him occupied while they were there and they always left a toy or stuffed animal for him to play with. So he would babble and play behind the clear vinyl that surrounded him.

Alice went to my house and picked up clothes for Pacey and clothes and toiletries for me. When she came back and brought Patrick with her, I held him close and softly cried whispering my love for him.

Alice's mother brought Grams to the hospital to see Pacey, and when she started to cry at the sight of him in that tent, I had to look away and busy myself to keep from breaking down. Emmett and Rosalie came to visit him, and then stayed with Mary so Jasper could come.

Everyone who loved or cared for Pacey was there. Everyone except for Mike. He was gone. When Alice had gone to get our things, she noticed that Mike's suitcase was gone along with his toiletry bag. No he hadn't moved out of the house, he was just gone.

When he didn't come back to the hospital, Alice revealed to me that his things were gone. Again Alice held me as I cried, not only for myself, but for my sick little baby who needed his father.

Alice became my rock during those three long drawn out days. She would come to the hospital after she put Mary and Patrick to bed and stay with us and then come back after breakfast and stay as long as she could. When Pacey was asleep, we would talk about anything and everything, which I believe was an attempt to keep my mind busy about other things. In one of these conversations, she confessed to seeing Mike assault me that night we brought Pacey to the hospital.

"I had a feeling that you needed me. Something told me I needed to come here and help you. When I walked around that corner and saw Mike grab you and throw you against the wall all I could think was that coldhearted bastard. Here Pacey was struggling to breathe and all he could think about was himself and hurting you." Alice whispered fiercely in the dark. Pacey was asleep resting peacefully so we were trying to be quiet.

"I don't know what to do Alice. I can't believe he left Pacey. Left us. I know he loves the kids. I just don't know what is wrong with him. Since we found out that Pacey would have breathing problems, even before that, when Pacey first contracted RSV, Mike just seemed so distant. I can't explain it. It's like he saw Pacey as weak."

"Bella, I know you don't want me to tell anyone that Mike treats you the way he does, but honey you and the kids don't deserve this." Alice wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling my head down to rest on her shoulder and kissed the top of my head. "You can't live like this."

But I did. We did. After Pacey was in the hospital, Mike was hardly around anymore. He always made excuses that it was his job, but deep down I knew.

Mike would be home for the holidays and birthdays, but the rest of the time, we hardly ever saw him. Financially Mike supported us in every way possible, but emotionally he gave us nothing.

On one of the few times he was home, he was acting as usual, detached with no feelings towards any of us. He would play with the kids some, but it was more like a stranger playing with them, than like their father. For months I had seen him act like this, not giving the kids the attention they deserved acting remote and distanced, until finally my patience had worn thin and my anger pulsed through me. It wasn't like me to be so angry, but my kids didn't deserve the way he was treating them.

When we were alone in our bedroom that night, I finally found the strength to say to him what I had wanted to say since the night he left me alone with Pacey in the hospital.

"Mike, can we talk?" We were both getting ready for bed and I knew he was leaving the next morning for an extended business trip.

"I'm really tired Bella. Can't this wait?" Mike retorted as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"No Mike this can't wait." Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself for the strength to ask what had been eating at me for months. "Why are you acting like this towards the kids?"

"I don't know what you are talking about Bella." Mike responded acerbically while he stared at me with cold anger filled eyes.

"You act as if they don't exist half the time. You're gone more than you are at home and when you are at home, you act as if you don't have time for them." My strength was waning because the look in Mike's eyes was beginning to scare me.

"I don't have to answer to you Bella."

I pushed further. "Their just kids Mike. They want you to play with them. They want you to be there for them. I know it seems like Pacey is sick a lot, but he is getting better. He is just a kid. He just wants to be normal.

"Well that's just it Bella. He's not normal. He's sick and I can't deal with it. I told you once before, I just can't handle him being like that. My suggestion to you is to get over it." Mike yelled back at me.

Well that just pissed me off. "How could you be so narrowed minded about your own child?"

Mike rushed over to me taking me by my shoulders shaking me hard enough to make my teeth rattle. "You better watch yourself Bella." Mike yelled again; spit flying out of his mouth like a rabid dog.

"Mama?" Mike's head snapped up as my head turned around. There stood Patrick in the doorway with wide eyes and his mouth gaped open.

Mike released me without saying a word and walked into our bathroom. Moving towards Patrick, I bent down wrapping him in my arms.

"What's wrong sweet pea?" I asked trying to hide the shakiness in my voice. My shoulders were screaming with pain from where Mike had grabbed me so hard.

"I heard Daddy yelling at you." Patrick sobbed back wrapping his arms tightly around my neck.

"It's okay Patrick. It was just a misunderstanding." Patrick clung to me, not willing to let go. This is what frightened me most about Mike's temper. It would be all too soon before the kids realized what was happening.

~*~

It was a long time before Pacey had anymore breathing problems. To an outside observer, he seemed like any other healthy little boy. Pacey would play outside with Patrick, digging in the dirt or swinging on the swing. Pacey could run now, so he would chase after Patrick, it was like a game of keep away, and Pacey giggled and laughed exuberantly loving every second of it.

Of course I watched him like a hawk. For the next two years, every little sneeze or sniffle would have me in a panic, thinking the worst. We were in and out of the pediatricians office so often, that the entire staff of office help, nurses, and the other doctors in the practice and I were on a first name basis. Even when I would call on the weekends, the doctors on call would all joke and say 'what can I do for you now Bella.' But everyone single one of them took me seriously, never once dismissing anything that I discussed with them that dealt with Pacey's overhaul health.

Right before Pacey's third birthday, he was hospitalized again. He started off with a cough like all the times before, and then progressed to labored breathing. I called the doctor's office explaining his symptoms and letting them know I was bringing him in for the doctor to check him out.

By the time we arrived at the doctor's office, Pacey was pale and his lips were slightly blue in color. The first thing the nurse did when she brought us into the exam room was check Pacey's pulse ox. His oxygen level was only 91 % and he was breathing abdominally and his windpipe would hollow in and out in his throat as he struggled to breath.

Of course I was alone with Patrick in tow and no one to help. Alice was teaching kindergarten at the elementary school in our old home town and Rosalie was out of town. Mike was gone as well, which was the normal now. We barely saw him.

I began to cry as the doctor explained she was sending Pacey to the hospital. When I told her I had no one to keep Patrick or help me, the look of pity on her face made me cry harder almost causing me to hyperventilate. She consoled me as much as possible, and then insisted that one of the nurses would follow us to the hospital to help us get settled.

When we arrived, the nurse from the doctor's office walked us directly to the Pediatric floor giving our name to the nurse in charge who led us directly to a room where a bed had already been set up with an oxygen tent.

The nurse in charge took Pacey, and as I held Patrick, I watched helplessly as Pacey was set up under the oxygen tent and an IV was started to begin the intravenous steroids that would help him.

Patrick was five now and much more aware of everything that was happening. He asked questions about the tent and the needle stuck in Pacey's arm. I answered all of them the best I could while I struggled to keep from falling apart. But the one question that broke me, I had no legitimate answer for.

"Where's Daddy? Why isn't he here?" Patrick questioned me as he continued to stare wide eyed at his brother who was now asleep under the tent.

"I don't know sweet pea. I don't know." I answered wrapping my arms tightly around him.

And it was the truth. I didn't keep up with Mike's schedule anymore or ask questions regarding his whereabouts. Mike hardly called when he was on the road. And when he was at home, I avoided any type of conversation that might result in a confrontation. I didn't want to do anything to provoke Mike and let Patrick and Pacey witness his anger.

The nurse at the hospital was a friend of Alice's and remembered me from before and that Alice was there with me. She called Alice and since Alice couldn't come, she sent Jasper. Jasper was a psych major in college, but instead of going into private practice, he ended up with a job in the research department at the college.

When Jasper showed up, I all but broke down in his arms. I was grateful that he was going to take Patrick away from the hospital so he wouldn't have to sit here while Pacey suffered and watch me slowly fall apart. I was trying my best to stay brave for Pacey, but the thought of him struggling to breathe and the fact that I was here alone, was just too much.

"Shh, Bella. He'll be fine. Just calm down and take care of Pacey. I'll take Patrick with me and he will have a big time with Mary. Alice said she will be here as soon as she can." Jasper kissed the top of my head and squeezed me one last time before letting me go. Turning to Patrick, I hugged him hard asking him to be good for Jasper and Alice, declaring how much I loved him and that I would bring Pacey home as soon as I could.

After they left, it was just Pacey and I alone in the sterile cold hospital room. It was funny in a bad sort of way that this was exactly how our home was to me. Come to think of it, this was how my life was now too. There was no love in my marriage anymore, no feeling of any kind. Hell Mike and I hardly had sex anymore, and when we did, I did it with him so that he wouldn't have anything to be mad about. He didn't force me and he was never rough, but I just went through the motions to keep up the façade of being his wife.

Pacey spent two days in the hospital this time. Mike never called or came to see him. I had left messages with his secretary Jessica about Pacey's condition and to call me when he had a moment. The last couple of times that I called Mike on his cell phone to let him know something about the kids, he became angry and informed me never to call him again on his cell because I might interrupt an important meeting. He said to leave a message with Jessica, that he checked in with her once a day to retrieve his messages and if it was important, he would call me back. It was hard to believe anymore that we were not important to him at all anymore.

~*~

The kids and I got into our own happy routine. Patrick started school, and when I could bring Pacey with me, I would volunteer to help in any way that I could. Our days consisted of school, homework, spending time together and being our own little family.

Mike was never included in anything that we did anymore, because he was never there anyway. Sometimes I would ask, but he would blow me off, of course blaming it on work, but I was beginning to suspect he had someone on the side. The kids had gotten to the point that if Mike was at home, they would avoid him unless he asked them something directly. It was really quite sad.

So the kids and I were our own little family. We traveled together with Alice, Jasper and Mary or sometimes Emmett and Rosalie and their kids Masen and Riley. Masen was Patrick's age and Riley was close to Mary and Pacey's age, so they all got along really well.

The kids and I went did many things where it was just us. Although Mike was usually home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, he was away for the rest of the holidays. Easter, Independence Day, and Halloween may have not been important to Mike, but to a child, they were just as important as the rest.

Time moved on and so did we.

~*~

There was a new aquarium opening up in Atlanta that was supposed to be one of the best in the world. Patrick had learned about it at school, so the first chance he got, he looked it up on the internet reading all about it and then happily conveyed all the information he had learned to Pacey and I. My oldest son was almost like a walking computer himself. Once he read something, it was like he had a photographic memory and could almost recite things to you verbatim.

We had already been to the zoo in Knoxville, Nashville and Atlanta, besides the Aquarium of the Smokies in Gatlinburg which has the world's longest tunnel winding through under the aquarium with 12 foot sharks swimming all around you. So when Patrick read about this, I knew we had to go or I would never hear the end of it.

Before we left, Pacey didn't act like he felt well. He was tired and a little pale, and his usual happy go lucky demeanor was absent and replaced with a whine. When I was loading the car, I made sure that I had his bag with his nebulizer, masks, and medicine just in case he would need a breathing treatment. We never left home without it. Since Pacey was almost five, he was able to take prescription medication for his asthma and use an inhaler. It had almost been a miracle drug for him, but sometimes they weren't always enough.

The drive was long, but enjoyable. The kids loved to go on vacation and didn't mind a long drive since they knew that we would end up somewhere fun. They would watch movies, color or draw, or play road games. It always made the trip easier.

As soon as we arrived in Atlanta and set foot out of the car, Pacey started coughing. The air wasn't as clean here as it was at home because of the smog, so I could only guess that the pollution agitated his already sensitive lungs.

We stayed in the hotel room that night, ordering room service and watching pay per view movies. When we arrived in the room, I started giving Pacey his breathing treatments immediately then continued giving him one every four hours. It seemed to help some, but I could tell that he just wasn't feeling well, and when I listened to his lungs, he was wheezing.

The next morning, Pacey didn't seem any worse or better, so we went ahead to the aquarium. The kids had a blast watching the fish swim around and playing in the interactive hands on areas. We spent the day there, going through each exhibit, and then having lunch in the cafeteria in the aquarium.

By the end of the day, I could tell that Pacey was getting short of breath. Between the excitement of the aquarium and the activities, it had apparently taken its toll on him.

The next day we hung out and swam in the indoor swimming pool at our hotel. I knew Pacey wasn't feeling well, but swimming can be good for asthmatics, so I decided to let them have fun and keep a close eye on him. At first he was fine, but as the day progressed, he was beginning to struggle to breath and I knew it was time to go home. We were supposed to leave the next day anyway after we went to the Olympic Park, but I knew that he needed to be home close to his doctor just in case. After packing our things in the car, I gave Pacey one last breathing treatment before we left, checked out of the hotel, and we were on the road. It would be late when we got home, but home was where he needed to be.

On the drive home, Pacey rested while Patrick and I played the license plate game. The only time I stopped was for a restroom break and to grab a bite to eat. No sooner than we were back on the road, Pacey was out again.

When we drove into town, I sighed a sigh of relief knowing that we had made it home and Pacey's doctor was just a phone call away. It was late as I pulled onto our street and when I came closer to our driveway, I noticed a strange car parked in the driveway.

"What the hell?" I muttered under my breath, just in case the kids were awake. I didn't recognize the car and I knew that Mike was out of town on another business trip. I pulled to a stop one house down from mine and strained my eyes trying to see if I knew who the car belonged to. Knowing it was not any of my friends, I became scared.

I thought about it for a minute and did the only thing I knew to do. I called the police.

**Mike's POV**

"That's right baby. Suck me harder." Grabbing Jessica's head, I shoved her down harder on my dick. Bella never did this for me, although I never asked her. There was something about Bella that kept me from showing her the side of me that liked sex like this, hard and rough. Besides that, she was so fucking pathetic; I could hardly fuck her anymore, only doing so when I needed a release.

Jessica started to choke on my dick in her mouth. "Take it all bitch. If you don't, I won't fuck you like you like it."

Just as my orgasm was about to hit me, I heard the lock turn on the front door and it busted open and two cops started yelling, "It's the police, hands up!"

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?" Shoving Jessica away, I stood yanking my boxers up. "Where the hell do you get off busting in my house like this!?"

The cops stopped dead in their tracks, looking at me with a dazed look, glancing from me to Jessica as she stayed sprawled out naked on the floor. It was then that I recognized one of the officers.

"Ben? What the hell are you doing? Why did you just bust through my fucking door?" I asked as I searched around for my jeans.

"Uh. Hey Mike. Uh. We got a call that someone was possibly breaking into the house." Ben stammered, as the other cop just stood there with his mouth wide open.

"Obviously not. Who the hell called you?" I demanded as I yanked my jeans on.

Ben looked from me to Jessica again. "Bella." He whispered giving me the idea that he knew exactly what the hell was going on.

"You have got to be kidding me. That fucking bitch!" I ran for the door, pushing past the two idiot cops. When I walked out on the front porch, I could see Bella and the kids standing beside the car with another police officer. All I could see was red.

"Why the fuck did you call the police you stupid bitch!?" I yelled at her as I came closer. She had her arms around the kids and as I approached she moved them behind her. Before she could answer me, I grabbed her with both hands gripping her with more force than I ever had before. She cried out as my fingers dug into her flesh. Shaking her so hard her head flopped back and forth like a rag doll, I continued to scream at her.

"Why would you do that? Why would you call the police and give them the keys to come in my house? You worthless piece of shit!" For the first time, I went to strike her, never allowing myself to hit her before, because I knew that if I did I would hurt her.

As I raised my hand up to hit her, Bella's face contorted into fear, but before my hand made contact, something caught my arm. When I jerked my head around to see who stopped me, I was face to face with none other than Jasper, Alice's husband.

"Don't. You. Ever. Touch. Her. Again." Jasper drawled out each word in such a menacing tone, that a chill actually went up my spine. His normal gray eyes were almost black with anger and I could feel his hatred reverberating through the grip he had on my wrist.

Before I could do anything, the cops grabbed my arms and shoved them behind my back and started cuffing me. "What the hell are you doing?" I yelled at them as one of the officers began to read me my rights and the other started pushing me towards the police car.

"You are being arrested for domestic assault Mr. Newton." The officer told me as he shoved me into the back of the police car. Once I was seated in the back of the police car, I looked back at Bella and the kids, a movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention and I glance back as Jessica sneaks out of the house to her car. There my life was right there, the good and the bad. And so help me I wanted the bad. If Bella didn't end this after tonight, I would.

**Bella's POV**

When the cops arrived, they questioned me about the car and if I had seen any movement in the house since I had called them. After answering their questions, they asked for the keys so that they could enter the house without busting down the door.

As I waited for them to enter the house, Patrick woke up and opened the door and got out of the car and stood beside me. Pacey soon followed, and we all stood there with our arms wrapped around each other waiting to see what happened.

Within seconds of the officers going inside, I hear yelling and not just any yelling, but Mike's voice, as it carried out through the open door. What was he doing home? The yelling got louder as Mike ran out of the house, when he saw me he started racing across the yard towards me. In a defensive move, I hide the children behind me and then Mike attacked me. It was no different than he had done before, but I could tell his control had snapped as he gripped me harder than he ever had, and he reared his hand back to hit me. I closed my eyes waiting for the blow, when I heard Jasper.

When I opened my eyes, Jasper was visibly angry and I saw something in Mike that I had never seen before. Fear. The officers grabbed Mike before things could escalate between him and Jasper, and arrested Mike hauling him off to jail. Before the police car could pull away, I watched in disgust as Mike's secretary walked out of the house and drove away in the car that had started this whole horrific evening.

Jasper came to me palms up as if to reassure me he wasn't going to hurt me and I collapsed in his arms. In the background, I could hear Alice consoling Patrick and Pacey who were crying and sobbing almost as hard as I was. Jasper and Alice led us into the house, and as I walked through the door revulsion coursed through my veins as I thought about what Mike and Jessica were doing in my house. His house, this was no longer my home.

We sat on the couch and I pulled Patrick and Pacey close to me and held them tightly whispering reassurances to them the best way I could. What could I say to them though? They just witnessed their father attack their mother. I could only hope and pray they didn't see Jessica leaving and ask me questions about that. Taking slow deep breaths, I tried to calm myself, I couldn't think about what had happened to me and dwell on it, I had to be strong for my children.

When our crying subsided, I could tell that Pacey was wheezing and asked Alice to go to my car and get the bag with his nebulizer and meds. Jasper was pacing the floors looking out the windows as if he was guarding us. In that moment, I was never more thankful for my friends. Tonight I would need them more than anything.

Alice helped me set up the machine, and as I gave Pacey a breathing treatment, Patrick nuzzled into my side and I wrapped my arm around him. When the treatment was over, Alice placed everything back in the bag, and then went to the kitchen making us a glass of water. The kids had not said a word since we came in the house and I was beginning to get scared. For a long time we sat there and said nothing, while Pacey and Patrick clung to me.

Suddenly, Patrick moved out of my arms, standing in front of me. He looked into my eyes and there was a sadness in his eyes that I had never seen before and my heart clenched as I thought of the suffering my son was going through.

"Let's leave Mama. I don't want to stay here anymore." Patrick whispered.

To say I was stunned was an understatement. Here my seven year old child is telling me that he wants to leave the only home he has ever known. Telling me that he wants to leave his home where his father is, where our family lived. What have I done?

All the years I stayed because I thought it was the right thing to do for my kids, and I was wrong. The suffering I went through because Mike had tormented and belittled me even though I did everything he asked of me. The pain I went through because he physically and emotionally abused me. The misery I felt watching him treat his kids like strangers. And it had all been for nothing.

Staying with Mike to make a better home for my children was the most asinine thing I could have done, but I kept telling myself no matter what happened, we were a family. What a joke. What a fucking joke.

That was it, I was done. There was no way I could keep my children in a place where they didn't feel wanted. There was no way I could continue to stay in a place where there was no love, no respect, no sanity. My children deserved better than this.

My chest was tight from the sobs that wanted to rip my body apart. My eyes burned from the unshed tears that threatened to spill over. And my heart, my heart was definitely lost, lost in the pain I had caused for my children and myself. I pushed my feelings aside and concentrated on the most important thing at this moment, my children.

Patrick stood tall in front of me waiting for me to give him an answer. Pacey was still in my arms looking up at me. I swallowed hard trying to clear my throat before I could respond.

"Is that what you want Patrick? Do you want to leave?" He nodded his head, never removing his gaze from mine. Tears were starting to swim in his eyes and I knew what it was costing him to answer me.

Turning my face down to Pacey, I asked him the same question that I asked Patrick. "Do you want to leave Pacey?" Just the same as Patrick, he nodded his head reaching up and wrapping his arms around my neck. Patrick joined us wrapping his arms around Pacey and myself, and I held them close relishing in the love that flowed around us.

Jasper was holding Alice who was softly crying into his shoulder. The room was quite except for the muffled sounds of our breathing. Holding my children, my mind began to hum with the thoughts of what I had to do. The first thing was getting out of here tonight. Looking around, I knew there was nothing I wanted from here but the kid's things and my clothes. We were going to start new from the bottom up, and I wanted nothing from the place we were leaving behind.

Alice had stopped crying, pulling out of Jasper's arms and sitting with us touching and caressing us trying to show us as much love and support that she could. Staring at her, the answer came to me like a bolt of lighting.

"Alice? Can you and Jasper help us move tonight? Wait. Where is Mary?" With all the commotion, I had forgotten to ask Alice where she was.

"Don't worry. She is with my mother. Of course Bella we will help you move." Alice vowed taking my hand in hers squeezing it gently.

I sighed in relief. "Can you call Emmett? Could you ask him to come over and help? I want to be out of here before…I want to be out of her soon. As soon as possible. I just want to take everything from the boy's rooms and my clothes. That's it."

"I'll call Emmett. I know he will help." Alice immediately dialed Emmett's phone number. We didn't have to wait long for Emmett and Rosalie to show up. Emmett brought one of his storage trucks and boxes with him. Jasper and Emmett started packing up the boys rooms loading everything in the trucks. Alice and Rosalie packed all of the kid's clothes and my clothes, then helped Jasper and Emmett finish up packing the boys things. When I offered to help, they all protested, telling me that I had the most important job of all, comforting my kids.

Within no time, they had everything loaded in the truck. Emmett told me he was taking us to a house he had built in our home town in a neighborhood that was close to the school. He was adamant that we take the house until I could find something else, and that he and I would work out all of the details later. Knowing that there was no place else we could go, I was grateful that Emmett had a place for us. Emmett and Jasper went ahead so that they could start unpacking the kid's furniture so that their rooms would be set up when we arrived.

Patrick and Pacey stayed with me on the couch, falling asleep in my arms. I was glad that they had fallen asleep, hopefully no longer thinking about what had happened.

Alice and Rosalie checked the house once more to make sure there was nothing else I wanted to take. Once they were finished, Alice drove the kids and me to our new home while Rosalie followed us. Upon arriving, Jasper and Emmett and helped me get the kids out of the car, and then Alice, Rosalie, and I put pajamas on the kids and put them to bed. They never made a sound as we laid them down; settling in just like this was their home. And it was now.

I couldn't thank my friends enough for what they had done, being there for us tonight, helping us move on such short notice, but they all were more than happy to help us, especially under the circumstances.

When they left, I put on my own pajamas and went into Patrick's room and slept on the bottom bunk of his bunk bed with him, while Pacey slept on top. I didn't want us to be far apart from each other, just in case they woke up in the middle of the night confused where we were, or worse yet remembering why.

I hoped and prayed that I had made the right decision for us. For so long, I had lived a lie, subjected my kids to that lie, and tried to make it work. It was wrong in so many ways and now thinking back, I can't believe I ever thought that we could live like that.

But now, I was going to have faith. I had to. The kids and I were a family, just the three of us, and we would continue to be that. At least now, I wouldn't have to worry about Mike anymore. I wasn't going to think of him now, or ever again. He had dominated me in so many ways, and now that was over. Divorce was my only option now, and I instantly felt my body relax knowing that I would be away from him. It didn't bother me the way I thought it would; knowing that he would be out of our lives, if anything I felt relief.

The kids and I would make a new life. We could do it and be happier for it. There was a better life out there for us, and we were going to start living it without the fear of Mike every hurting us again.

**A/N: Well what did you think? Was it what you thought it would be? I tried to stick to the one shot as close as possible; this is just what flowed as I was writing this chapter. It also turned out a lot longer than I expected.**

**PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!! I know that I have readers out there, because you have put this story on alert. Please let me know what you think.**

**Sexy times are ahead. But remember, Edward and Bella haven't met yet. No more angst for a while, just some sexy daydreaming and longing looks for our beloved Edward and Bella. They deserve some happiness.**


	9. Seeing For The First Time

**So here is Chapter 9. Sorry, real life has gotten in the way. Please, please read and review. Let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. I do however own a poster of Robert Pattinson that my husband gave me before I went to see New Moon. He is my own Edward, so sweet! Of course he balked when I wanted to put it on the ceiling above my side of the bed. he he!**

**Thanks to TheGreatAli and tawelephant for their support. They inspire me too!**

Chapter 9: Seeing for the first time

"Please be careful up there Claire." My fearless daughter was at the top of the tallest slide getting ready to slide down again. For like the hundredth time.

We were at the park near our new home. We had settled in nicely into our new neighborhood, relishing in the peace and quiet of a small town. I still worried about her, wondering if she missed Tanya or our old house, or friends that she had made at pre-school, but she seemed to be happier than I had ever seen her.

"Nervous dad?" The question broke me out of my thoughts. I looked over to see a short woman with spiky black hair looking at me with an amused look in her eyes and a knowing smirk on her face.

"Yea, I guess you could say that." Raking my hand through my hair in a nervous gesture, surely giving away what didn't have to be said out loud. "I'm Edward Cullen and that is my daughter Claire."

"Well, I'm Alice Whitlock and that is my daughter Mary over there swinging as high as she can. So I know exactly how you feel." She responded back sticking her hand out for me to shake. "You're new around here aren't you?"

"Yea we are. We just moved here a couple of months ago." Responding back to her friendly manner, I reached out to shake her hand. She held on for a moment longer than I thought she should, but instead of batting her eyes at me like she was going to flirt, she seemed to be measuring me up. Weird, almost like a mother would before her daughter went on a date with a guy.

"Well, I'm sure you and your wife love it here? This is the perfect place to raise children. I should know. I'm a kindergarten teacher at the elementary school." Thinking about the first statement she made, I almost didn't hear the rest. This was the part of the conversation that always got awkward, the part about my wife and Claire's mother, answering the uncomfortable subject of where she was.

"Yea we love it here." Trying to be as evasive as possible, I answered her question. Although I knew it wouldn't do any good, this was a small town; she was bound to find out sooner than later. I would rather it be later.

Claire came running up at that moment, saving me hopefully from any further questions about our life. "Daddy look. I made a new friend. Her name is Mary. Can she come home with me?" Claire asked clasping her hands together in front of her, tilting her head to one side swinging gracefully back and forth with a huge grin on her face.

Alice giggled beside me causing me to glare in her direction. My daughter knows exactly how to get me to do anything; I don't need Alice encouraging her. Alice seemed to sense my dilemma and interceded.

"Hello, Claire." Alice crouched down to be eye level with Claire. "I'm Alice, Mary's mama. It's very nice to meet you. I'm sorry Claire, but Mary can't come over today. We have to go met her Daddy and have dinner. But I'm sure I can work something out with your Mama and Daddy so that you and Mary can have play date."

Claire looked up at me with her eyebrows knitted together and a small frown on her face. It was the first hint of sadness I had seen in her in a long time, positive that it was because Alice had mentioned her mother.

Before Claire could say anything, I scooped her up in my arms and responded to Alice. "I'm sure we can arrange for the girls to get together sometime. Here is my card, just call when it is convenient for you." Reaching in my briefcase that was open on the park bench, I handed Alice one of my cards.

Alice seemed to pick up on the nervousness that could be seen, both in Claire's eyes and my tight protective grip as I held Claire. Nodding as she took the card, she responded. "Don't worry Claire, I will call your Daddy and set something up so you and Mary can play. Okay?" Alice reached out and tucked a stray hair behind Claire's ear in a motherly gesture.

"Okay." Claire responded timidly then buried her head in my shoulder.

Alice mouthed 'I'm sorry' then gathered up her things and I watched as her and Mary walked to the car. Claire continued to cling to me, but she never cried or made a sound.

This is what bothered me about our situation. Having to explain where Claire's mother was and why we weren't together. For the most part, I played it off pretty well. Most people got the hint not to talk about it in front of Claire, but every once in a while, like today, an innocent statement is made and the reaction from both Claire and myself gives away exactly what we are trying to so hard to hide.

The next week, I got a call from Alice who was ecstatic about the prospect of Mary and Claire having a play date. We set up a convenient time and decided to meet at the park again since they both loved it there so much. Alice didn't ask any questions, but I was sure that the reprieve was only temporary.

When we met at the park, Claire and Mary hugged each other like they were old friends and ran off into the play area hand in hand. Mary was a year older than Claire, but she didn't seem to mind the age difference like most kids would.

"That's my daughter for you. She never meets a stranger and once she befriends you, you're her friend for life. Too much like me I'm afraid." Alice stated as she sat on the park bench with me then turned to face me. She inhaled a deep breath and exhaled noisily. "I owe you a big apology Edward. I had no idea about Claire's mother. I would have never mentioned anything, had I known. Please forgive me. I would never hurt a child like that."

"I know you wouldn't. You didn't know and I didn't tell you. I try to avoid talking about it in front of Claire, but I know it's going to happen sometimes." Responding back genuinely, somehow knowing deep down that Alice wouldn't do anything to hurt us.

Alice glanced away for a moment to make sure the kids were no where within listening distance, she looked at back me. "What happened to your wife, if you don't mind me asking?"

"She left us. About six months ago. My parents live here, so we moved here to start over, without any reminders." The whole time I was watching Claire play with Mary. Looking at her you would never be able to tell that her mother couldn't love her enough to stay.

"I'm so sorry Edward. That's terrible. Poor Claire." She whispers as the tears start to swim in her eyes. The sadness that I saw in her eyes, made me believe that she had experienced something like this herself.

For a while, we both sat in silence watching the kids play. Alice pulled out her phone and started texting. After a moment she seems to give up on the phone and pulls an agenda out of her bag.

"Are you coming to open house at the elementary school Thursday night? You can see the school before it starts and plus you will find out who Claire's teacher is?" Alice asked me bringing my attention back to her. It was funny, I was thinking about that exact thing.

"Yea, we're coming. From what I hear, sounds like a great school." My little girl was starting kindergarten. The idea had my head spinning wondering how time had gone by so fast.

"Claire will love it there." Alice smiled a brilliant smile then started explaining in great detail everything about the school where my daughter would be starting kindergarten in less than a week.

The school was everything Alice had told me it would be. The teacher student ratio was small, which meant there could be more one on one between student and teacher. The layout of the school was simple, basically a rectangle, with classrooms on each side of the hall. There was a courtyard in the center of the school, where school activities were sometimes held. The gym was large with a rock climbing wall on one side, activity boards on the other, and basketball goals on each end. There were two playgrounds outside, one for the kindergarten and first graders, while the other was for the second through fifth graders.

From the tour, you could tell that the school was well kept and everyone involved in the school took great pride in it. After Claire and I finished walking around, we went to the gym to find a seat where chairs had been set up for kindergarten orientation.

Alice had already told me what to expect. The principal would come in, introduce herself and the kindergarten teachers, then go over some the key points of the school policy and procedures. After her spill, the teachers would announce what students were in their class, and afterwards take all of them down to the rooms to show them around the classroom and where their seat would be.

When Alice called out the students names that would be in her class, I wasn't surprised when she called out Claire's. There was a smug little grin on Alice's face when she announced Claire's name, and on my face there was a smirk that mirrored hers. Relief washed over me that Claire would be there with Alice, especially since she was comfortable with her.

The classroom looked like any other kindergarten classroom. Everything was child size, the tables and chairs, even the sinks and soap dispensers, placed down on their level. The room was crowded with parents and children with their attention focused on Alice as she gave a brief description of herself. There were folders handed out with schedules, guidelines, and more introductions tucked inside.

All the children were directed to their designated seats while Alice said each child's name a couple of times to try and memorize it. When it came to Claire's name, Alice and Claire broke out into identical grins and beamed at each other. As I watched their interaction, I knew that Alice being her teacher was going to be the best thing that had happened to us in a very long time.

When Alice was finished and announced she would see all of the kids the Tuesday after Labor Day, the adults and children started to mingle. Claire ran up to me and jumped into my waiting arms.

"Daddy, Mary's mama is going to be my teacher." She let out a sigh that sounded like something close to relief.

"I know sweetie. That's great." I snuggled her closer before she wiggled out of my arms so she could go back to where the other kids in her class were huddled around talking with each other.

Mary walked in followed by a tall man with curly blonde hair and I knew from Alice's description, this was her husband. Alice smiled brightly at him, and then captured Mary in a big hug giving her a noisy kiss. Once Mary spotted Claire, she went over grabbing Claire to pull her over to Alice and her husband. Mary motioned to the man and then to Claire. He bowed in what looked like a royal gesture taking Claire's hand and kissing the top of it. He said something to her causing Claire to giggle then point over to where I was.

Mary came up to me, grabbed my hand, dragging me over, and began introductions. "Mr. Cullen, this is my Daddy. Daddy, this is Claire's Daddy." Mary then grabbed Claire's hand, pulling her over to the shelves where the toys were stored.

The man let out a deep laugh, shaking his head at the childlike introduction, then reached his hand out to mine. "It's funny how we lose our names when we become parents. I'm Jasper Whitlock, Mary's Daddy. It's nice to meet you. All Mary can talk about is Claire."

Shaking his hand in return, I laughed with him at his statement. "Edward. Edward Cullen, Claire's Daddy. Nice to meet you too. Claire adores Mary."

Jasper nodded toward Alice, leaned into me and whispered. "Has my pixie of a wife started driving you crazy yet?"

"I heard that Jasper." Alice retorted, narrowing her eyes at him as she continued to mingle through the waning crowd of parents answering questions.

Jasper and I both chuckled. "No. She's been very kind. I'm happy she is going to be Claire's teacher. So is Claire." Looking over at Claire and Mary, it was nice to see Claire so carefree and laughing like a child should.

"She couldn't be in better hands than with my Alice." Jasper looked over towards Alice smiling, then turned to Mary and informed her it was time to go. "It was nice to meet you Edward. Mary and I need to go pick up some dinner for when Alice gets home. Would you care to join us?"

"Thanks for the invitation, but we are going to my parents for dinner."

"Alice said your parents lived here. Well, will get together another time. Nice to meet you man." Jasper walked over and picked Mary up, saying his goodbyes to Alice, they left.

Claire walked over to me with a pout on her lips. "I wanted to play with Mary more." She said sticking her lip out even more. She is so adorable when she does that.

"I know sweetie, but she had to go home. We have to go to Gammy and Papa's for dinner. Remember?" Claire puts her finger to her lip and taps it. She does this when she thinks about something, and it is so damn cute. She gives me a big smile and nod letting me know that she remembers.

Looking to Alice, I notice that there is one more parent left asking questions. Claire and I both wave to get her attention to let her know we are leaving, but she puts her finger up asking us to wait. Nodding my head in agreement, I sent Claire back to play until I can talk to Alice. Claire didn't hesitate going over to play with the other little girl whose mother was talking to Alice.

There was a chair set up right beside the door, so I sat down to wait. Outside in the hall, there were parents and their children walking down the hall, looking for their kids names on the outside of the door to see which class their child would be in.

I was sitting there watching the people go by when something catches my eye. Not just something, but someone. Walking down the hall towards me is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She was absolutely breathtaking. Her face was perfectly shaped with smooth features, and her skin was silky smooth and creamy white. Long dark lashes framed her eyes that looked like the color of melted chocolate and I could see myself drowning in them.

As she continued to walk towards me, I could not help but look her body up and down. She has the most perfect shaped body I think I have ever seen, with supple curves and long slender legs. Looking at her I can tell that she is petite, maybe five foot four or five, and I could just imagine my head resting on top of hers as I hold her. My fingers twitch at the thought of running my fingers in her long brown hair that's swaying across her shoulders.

Then the most amazing thing happened, she laughed. She was holding hands with two little boys, who both had a smile plastered on their face identical to hers. The oldest one had apparently said something funny, because she looked down at him when she laughed. The sound coursed through my body and settled deep in my loins. My god I was hard just from looking at her and hearing her laugh. She laughed again, this time louder than before, and she looked around timidly to see if anyone had heard her.

When she looked up, our eyes meet. For that brief moment that our eyes locked on one another, I was spellbound. The beauty and light I could see shining in her eyes mesmerized me and I knew that my first thought of drowning in her eyes was dead on. I could sit and stare at her forever, lost in her beauty.

She looked away, down at the youngest son whose hand was clutched tightly in hers, and I immediately felt the loss. Biting her lip in what I guessed was a nervous gesture; my first reaction was to be the one who would bite that lip, sucking it into my mouth. Her lips were pink and full, set into a natural pout, and the thought of touching my lips to hers, made me have to bite back a groan. She glanced back up at me from under her lashes, and I was undone.

_I don't know who this woman is, but I have to find out, my mind screamed at me._

Under my gaze, she seemed to be nervous, and I could see her blush making her even lovelier. She quickened her pace, walking quietly past me, leaving me shaken by a feeling that I had never had before.

I was completely dazed and Alice had to shake me several times to get my attention. After talking with her, Claire and I left, driving to my parent's house. The whole drive over, Claire was singing along with the radio, while I continued to think of the beautiful woman I had just laid eyes on.

But I had to stop thinking of her. There was no way that a beautiful woman like that was alone. There was no way that she didn't have a man in her life, especially since she had two children who were obviously hers, because you could see her in both if their faces.

No matter if she was taken or not, I knew that she would be starring in my dreams, because there was no way I would be able to forget her.

~*~

**BPOV**

"Come on boys, it's time to go." Yelling out to them, I could hear them playing in their closet of our new house. Open house at the school was being held tonight, and we were going to find out who Patrick's teacher was going to be. When we moved here six months ago, Patrick started school here, and even though it was hard to start a new school in the middle of the school year, he had adjusted very well.

It's hard to believe six months had passed since I walked out on my husband, the father of my children, the man I tried so hard to make a family with. Not only had I made vows when I married Mike, that I had attempted to keep, even when he didn't, I thought I was doing the right thing by my children. I was so wrong in doing so.

After we left, the guilt of our family being torn apart weighed on my shoulders heavily. But watching my children acting so carefree in our new home was liberating. The weight lifted.

But then another feeling swamped me. Regret. The fact that I kept my children in a loveless home, where their father spent more time avoiding them than playing with them was senseless. Subjecting them to his mood swings, not knowing what he would do from one minute to the next. The fact he physically and emotionally abused me and I stayed, even defended him, not taking into consideration that he might tire of pushing me around and start on the kids, was simply unforgivable.

But finally a feeling replaced all others. Hope. Hope for a peaceful life.

The kids and I were a family all our own. Even with Mike there, especially now that he was gone, it changed nothing on what the kids and I had together. Now we would have peace. We wouldn't have to worry about whether or not Mike approved. Or if he would join us, make plans with us, communicate with us. Yes now that Mike was gone, there would be peace.

There would always be a small worry in the back of my mind, my heart. Our divorce was quick, but only because of me agreeing to his terms, which was really fine with me, because I didn't want anything from him and he made it clear he would give nothing to me or the kids.

The one time I had talked with Mike after that disastrous night that changed everything, he was absolutely livid at me. Screaming obscenities at me that would make a sailor blush, telling me how I embarrassed him and what a terrible wife I had been to him and that I had forced him into the arms of another woman. He told me I was weak and pathetic, and it was my fault Pacey was sick all the time. What really broke my heart was when he told me we weren't worth anything and no one would ever love us.

But that conversation with him just proved that we would be so much better off with him, even if it was just us. He didn't want us, and we surely didn't want him.

Patrick and Pacey came skidding to a halt in the living room like they were Tom Cruise in Risky Business breaking me out of thoughts. Each and every time I looked at them, my heart swelled with love at the smiling faces before me. They were always happy children before, but now they seemed elated.

"We're ready Mama." Pacey announced standing in his underwear and socks.

"And where do you think you are going in your underwear?" I questioned between laughs at my little streakers.

Pacey looked down at his Transformer underwear before looking back at me with as a blush crept across his face that he had surely inherited from me. He smiled sheepishly, and then took back off toward his bedroom hopefully to get his clothes on. Patrick grinned at me then darted from the room after him.

Watching them act so normal and happy the way little boys should, my heart sighed in relief. I was wary at first moving here not knowing what it would be like for them in a new house and a new town, leaving everything behind they had ever known. But they had adjusted better than I could have ever hoped for.

The house that Emmett had moved us to that night was nice and in a great neighborhood not far from the school. It was a three bedroom house that was spacious with a large kitchen and living room. The boy's bedrooms were side by side joined by a closet that was big enough for all their clothes and toys. There was even a small office for me to work out of, looking out over the backyard, that since we had moved in, Jasper and Emmett had built a tree house for the boys in the biggest tree.

Within the first few weeks, I made the decision to purchase the house, because it felt more like home than it ever did in the house I had shared with Mike for seven years. The kids loved it, I felt comfortable and it just seemed to be a perfect fit for us. With Alice and Jasper living not far away, and Rosalie and Emmett being close by as well, it truly felt like home.

The fact that my grandmother was close to us as well, made it even better. We could go and see her anytime that we wanted, and if she needed us for anything, we were never far away. I had missed her more than I had ever let Mike know, because he would probably see it as a weakness.

Alice had been wonderful in helping us get furniture and everything we needed for the house. She missed her calling as an interior decorator. The house was exactly how I pictured it being and nothing like what Mike and I had at our house. He never allowed me to pick out furniture or even have anything that had my touch. So it was a big relief when Alice and I decorated the house, because everything in here said it was me or the kids.

Patrick and Pacey ran back into the room fully clothed. They were both so cute in their button up shirts and navy shorts, especially Pacey who had buttoned up his shirt one button off.

"Now we are ready to go." Patrick declared as he tried to tuck his shirt in his pants. Pacey started to mimic Patrick when I knelt down in front of him to fix his buttons. Looking at them, I realized how much they truly favored me, and my chest filled with pride because I knew that there was a little bit of my parents in there too.

Glancing at Patrick, I thought of how strong my oldest son had been through all of this. He was extra helpful around the house and would not hesitate when I asked him to do something. What really made me proud was the way he was with Pacey. He would play with him, read to him, or share with him unlike most brothers would at this age. They would have their squabbles, don't get me wrong, but Patrick took his role as big brother very seriously. Sometimes I wondered if it was because of the way Mike had treat Pacey, because I knew that Patrick had seen more than he ever told me.

_One night after we had moved in, I was up late and went to check on the boys before I went to bed. I had worried that they might have nightmares after that night when we left home, so I would look in on them at night and leave my door open just in case, so I could hear them. _

_Padding quietly into Patrick's room, I knelt down beside his bed, pulling the covers up over him. _

"_I'm okay Mama." He murmured as he yawned softly snuggling into his pillow._

"_I know, sweet pea. Go back to sleep. If you need me, I'll be in my room." Whispering back to him, I pushed the hair off his forehead, kissing him gently._

"_I'm glad we left Mama. Daddy was mean to you." Patrick closed his eyes, falling slowly back to sleep._

"_Don't worry sweet pea. Don't worry anymore." Sitting there, I watched him slip back into sleep, listened as his breathing slowed and soft snores filled the silence. Yes, my son had witnessed more than he should have._

"Mama, did you hear me." Patrick questioned me, waving a hand in front of my face.

"I'm sorry." Stammering to speak, I was lost in my thoughts. "I didn't hear you. What did you say?"

"Mama's zoning." Pacey said with a giggle. My kids often got a kick out of the fact that I would zone out at times.

"I said," Patrick sighed, and then rolled his eyes. "We're going to be late."

"Oh, yea, right, okay. Let's go." Gathering up our things, we headed for the car, driving towards school.

~*~

The open house was just what we expected. We had made our way to the 2nd grade hallway, scanning a list posted on the wall, looking for Patrick's name to see what teacher he would have for the school year.

In the classroom, the teacher introduced herself to Patrick and myself, then handed us a packet which included the list of rules for her class, what she expected of her students, and a classroom supply list. After asking a few questions of what we could expect for homework and offering to volunteer for the bucket brigade or in the classroom, we started to make our way out.

"Let's go by and see Alice, Mama." Pacey asked hopefully tugging me towards the kindergarten hallway of the school. He knew the school as well as Patrick did.

Every morning, Pacey and I walked Patrick into school rain or shine. There was a drop off and pick up line, but I enjoyed walking him inside, and for the time being so did he. Deep down, I knew that one day, he would outgrow me cuddling him or kissing him in public, but until then, I wasn't going to stop, unless he asked me to.

"Yea, Mama. Let's go see Alice. We haven't seen her in a while." Patrick stated. And he was right. During the summer, we had only seen Alice and Mary a couple of times. They had gone to Alice's aunt's house at the beach for a while, and then later on, they went to Texas to see Jasper's family, and so between their vacations and ours, we didn't see them much over the summer break.

Because of everything that we had gone through, I had rented a beach house in Gulf Shores, for me and the kids, so we could have some time to just be together and to relax and heal. It was a quiet beach, with none of the touristy attractions that you see at most places, spending our time doing nothing but playing in the sand and swimming in the pool.

"Okay, we'll go by and see her. But if she is busy because of open house, we aren't going to bother her. Okay?" They both solemnly nodded their heads in agreement. Patrick and Pacey both loved Alice so much, especially Patrick. In his eyes, Alice was our savior from the life we had lived. He knew she had been there for us, helped me with Pacey when Mike wasn't around, and I believed he loved her more for it.

"You know, if she's busy we can always go by her house later. Whenever she works late, Jasper picks something up for dinner. I bet he got Mexican. Mmm." Patrick hummed with pleasure. For my son to be only seven, he practically ate me out of house and home. Jasper joked that he ate as much as I did. Which in truth, he did.

Laughing out loud at his comment about the food, I looked down at him with a huge grin on my face. "Is that all you ever think about Patrick? Is food?"

"No Mama. Sometimes I think about what to drink too?" Another laugh bubbled out of my throat which seemed to echo through the hall.

Worried that someone heard me, I looked around nervously to find the hall fairly empty, except for a man sitting in a chair, and instantly I was caught in the most intense gorgeous green eyes I had ever seen in my life. For a moment, it appeared as if everything stood still. It was like in the movies, where everything seemed to go in slow motion.

I could feel Patrick and Pacey's hands in mine. I could feel my breathing hitch slightly, my blood coursed hot through my veins, causing it to swish slightly behind my ears creating a humming sound that blocked out all other sounds.

I had never seen eyes that color before, a deep green like the moss you find in the woods. Such depth that I felt like we if we kept staring at each other we could see straight into each others soul. There was a kindness I saw there, in those insanely green color eyes, something I had never seen from another man in such a long time, besides Jasper or Emmett.

The kindness radiated through his strong distinctive face, his chiseled jaw, and his full lips. His hair was tousled, looking as if he had just gotten out of bed, but not in a messy sort of way, a sexy way, with light copper hues through his blondish brown locks. The contrast between his eyes and hair on his pale god like face was so striking that I had to look away. I was sure that when I looked back, he would have been a figment of my imagination, but he was not.

When my eyes met his again, my throat became dry, causing me to swallow thickly. In my embarrassment, I could feel the blood flush my checks, and I bit my lip out of nervous habit, but also to prove to myself that I was awake and he was no dream.

Coming closer, I realized he was outside Alice's door, and before I made a fool of myself, I quickened my pace. It was bad enough that I was blushing and biting my lip like some silly teenager. There was no way I was going to try and talk with Alice while he stood there, most like babbling incoherent words in his presence.

"I want to see Alice." Pacey muttered, tugging against my hand trying to get me to stop, while Patrick protested in agreement.

"I know sweet pea. But someone was in there. She was busy. We will see her soon. Okay?" Trying my best to escape before Alice saw me and drug me back to talk with her while he was there.

There was no way someone could look like that and be real. That hair, his eyes, and that dazzling face combined together like that was more like a fantasy, than something you would see up close and personal.

And the way he looked at me with those eyes. I have never ever had anyone look at me so powerfully before without scaring me. The intensity that I felt was not out of fear though, but more sexual than anything I have ever experienced. And I knew that tonight when I closed my eyes, it would be his eyes that I would see.

**A/N: Tell me what you think. They finally see each other. Did I do a good job describing their feelings? No more angst for right now, only sexy dreams and a little flirting. **

**I strayed a little from the one shot here. Please don't hate me.**

**Between updates, go read A Love Story by tawelephant. It is full of fluff, love, and lemons. It's a work in progress, but it is worth your time.**

**PLEASE, PLEASE, READ AND REVIEW!**


	10. Dreams

**So here is Chapter 10. Sorry it took so long to update. Between Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, and parties at school, I don't know if I'm coming or going sometimes. It may be a while before I can update again since Christmas is coming soon. **

**My husband and I just celebrated our 20****th**** wedding anniversary, so yea I was getting busy there too. Yes, I married young (nineteen) while I was in college, traveled the world, and made a home with my own personal Edward, before we had two beautiful boys. No, I wouldn't change a thing.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. I did however have tickets to Star Wars in concert that thoroughly satisfied my inner geek. It was amazing and my kids absolutely loved it. You could walk around before the concert and view memorabilia from the movie, then the Philharmonic Orchestra played music from the movie while scenes played on a movie theatre size screen. It was awesome!**

**Welcome aboard to the new readers and thanks to the ones who have been here from the beginning. You know who you are.**

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!**

**Sorry so long, on with the show.**

Chapter 10: Dreams

**Edward's POV**

Her skin was soft as silk, warming under my hands as I run my hands up and down the sides of her body. My thumbs caress under her breast, bringing a hum of pleasure from her mouth. Her mouth, oh her mouth, lips swollen and pink from my kisses. Slowly I kiss her temple, her jaw, but then I am drawn back to her mouth with those full pouty lips. Her taste is what draws me back. The taste of her, which I know that I would never tire of, lingers on my lips, seeping into me intertwining with my soul.

Rolling on top of her, I can feel every curve of her body. Her breast pressed against me, causing me to moan in pleasure. Brushing her hair aside, I kiss down her throat, lingering along her collar bone, sucking slightly at her skin. The scent of her hair and her body drives me further.

Gripping my shoulders, I feel her nails dig faintly into skin. Trying my best to control my needs, I kiss down to her breast, taking her nipple in between my lips, nibbling before I suck her into my mouth causing her to buck against me.

Suddenly I hear Beep! Beep! Beep!, waking me from my blissful dream. Rolling over, I slap the offensive alarm clock that has once again broken me out of my dreams of the beautiful woman I cannot stop thinking of. Again, I am forced out of my warm bed, to go and take a cold shower to calm myself and ease my raging hard on.

Every since that night I saw here, I can't get her out of my mind. There was just something about the dark haired beauty that has driven me to erotic dreams where we pleasure each other over and over. And then I'm forced to take cold showers to stop the ache that my body feels from wanting her.

Once in the bathroom, I start the shower, deciding to forgo the cold shower this morning, turning the water as hot as my body can stand. Letting the hot water rush over my skin, I imagine it is Bella's hands running over me, stroking my skin instead of my own. When I reach my hard on, it is her hands wrapped around me slowly stroking me up and down.

Fuck, I shouldn't be thinking about her this way. Fantasizing about her like some teenager, wanting her the same way too. I'm a grown man, damn it to hell, not a boy. Besides that, I am sure that this woman is completely unattainable.

But I have never had feelings like this stirred up in me before, not by any woman, and never in all my years of being with Tanya. Sure I dated some girls before Tanya. I was far from a virgin when we started dating, and then being with Tanya while we were married, I should be able to handle this. This was a new sensation to me, and though it was not necessarily unwanted, it was just unfamiliar.

Stroking myself until my orgasm hits, I brace myself against the tile wall of the shower with my hand as a tremor runs through my body. All the times I did without sex because Tanya avoided me, I never had to jerk off in the shower. There was never a need to relieve something that wasn't there. I had no desire for Tanya and I guess because of that, I had no hard on for her. Now here I am doing it while thinking about a woman that I will probably never have.

Finishing my shower, I step out to shave and get ready for work. The shower helped me more than I thought it would, relaxing my tense muscles and clearing my head. Both of them.

"Daddy, I'm hungry." Claire announced through the door as I pulled pants on, tucking in my shirt.

"I'll be right there. Just let me get dressed." Claire mumbled her acceptance and I listened as her footsteps signaled her retreat.

She had started school over two weeks ago, and she loved it. Not only did she claim that it was much better than preschool, because preschool was boring, but she loved it because of Alice.

Alice had been like a god send to us. Not only was Mary Claire's friend, but Alice was a positive female role in Claire's life. Besides my mother, she had never really had anyone else, certainly not Tanya, that fucking bitch.

From the time that we had met Alice, she had been so great with Claire. Letting Mary and Claire have play dates, was something that Claire had not done much of, and she had the time of her life each and every time. It didn't matter if we met at the park, went out for pizza, or just stayed at home. She loved it. She had not only gained a friend, she had gained a motherly figure that gave notice to her, and treated her like a mother would treat a daughter. It was endearing to say the least.

When I entered the kitchen, Claire was sitting at the breakfast bar watching the small television that was setting on the kitchen counter. After deciding on what to eat for breakfast, we sat together eating and watching the small television.

"Daddy?" Claire looked over at me with her beautiful green eyes that mirrored mine.

"Yes, honey."

"It's Friday. What are we doing tonight?" She asked cocking her head to the side.

"Well, it's movie night. I guess we'll hang out here and watch a movie. Why?" I questioned standing up to clean up our mess from breakfast.

"I want Mary to come spend the night. Can she Daddy?" Claire asked timidly. She had never asked for anyone to come over to stay the night before.

Panic set in. Entertaining Claire was one thing, but adding another one to the mix was as new to me as it was for Claire.

"Uh, I guess. We would have to ask Alice first if she could." I muttered back as I rinsed the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher.

"Oh, Daddy. Thank you. It will be so much fun." Claire exclaimed, clapping her little hands together as her eyes danced with excitement. "We can play. And watch the movie. Then she could stay in my room with me. My first sleepover." Claire giggled, and then hopped down from her seat.

While we were getting ready to head to school, I kept thinking to myself, what have I gotten myself into?

Arriving at school, I scanned the parking lot to see if I could see the beautiful siren that had haunted my dreams since I had seen her. It had been almost three weeks since school had started and I hadn't seen her since. I was beginning to think she was a figment of my imagination.

Driving Claire to school and walking her inside was something that I really enjoyed. It made the transition so much easier than if I would just let her out of the car in the drop off line. We would walk in hand in hand, talking and laughing. It was a great way to start off my day.

Most would consider it a mundane task, but I enjoyed our time together before I had to leave her for the day. Besides that, there was no way I was letting her ride a bus, maybe for a field trip, but not on a daily basis when there would be kids of all different ages riding with her.

When we arrived in the room, Claire started hanging up her jacket and unpacking her backpack. Alice was setting up for the day, instructing the kids where to put their homework sheets, directing them to unpack and get seated. The bell rang, and Alice announced who the class leader of the day was, motioning that child to come up and hold the flag while the pledge of allegiance was recited.

Once the morning announcements were finished, all the children took their seats and Alice called roll and asked the children their lunch choices. She explained how to do the sheet of class work that she had set out for them and then went to her desk to sit down motioning for me to come over. Observing this morning routine as many times as I had, I knew that it was better to wait until things had settled before trying to ask her anything.

"How are you Edward?" Alice asked as she typed in the attendance record on the computer.

"I'm good. How's Jasper?" Jasper and I had hung out some while the girls played. He really was a great guy.

"Oh, he's fine. Been busy working on a project at school. I'll tell him you asked about him. What's on your mind this morning?" Alice questioned with a smirk on her face. By the look on her face, I figured she knew what was up already.

"Well, Claire asked if Mary could come over and spend the night tonight. We usually stay home on Friday nights, order pizza and watch a movie." Nervous all over again about having another little girl in the house, I ran my hand through my already messy hair.

"I kinda figured it was coming. Mary has been hinting around for a while that she wanted to have a sleepover with Claire. Guess Claire was the first one to ask." Alice giggled. "From the look in your eyes, this is not only Claire's first sleepover, but it's yours too."

"You hit the nail on the head. I don't have a clue what I'm getting myself into." I responded in a whisper.

"You don't have to do this Edward. Claire is more than welcome to come over to our house. We spend our Friday nights pretty much the same way."

"No. I won't disappoint Claire. If she wants to have Mary over, then that's what we'll do." There was no way I was going to tell Claire no after seeing how excited she was about her first sleepover. "Can you give me some pointers, some idea of what to do."

"Of course I will Edward. Truthfully, keeping two is easier than keeping one. They entertain each other. Just feed them, let them watch a movie and make them go to the bathroom before bed. When they wake up in the morning, feed them again, and let them watch cartoons. It won't be that bad."

"That's what you say." I muttered before making the arrangements to pick Mary up after school. Yea, our first sleepover.

Alice was right, it was really wasn't that hard at all. Claire and Mary played outside until the pizza arrived. After washing up, we settled in to eat pizza and watch the movie. Doing as Alice suggested, I made them both go to the bathroom before they went to bed, which was something I made Claire do every night anyway, so it wasn't that big of a difference, just one more to keep up with. Mary was no trouble at all, she was polite never giving a moments trouble.

Of course that night when I went to bed, my beautiful brown eyed girl stared in my dreams. There hadn't been a night that has passed since I have seen her that I haven't dreamed of her. Sometimes I even catch myself daydreaming about her. Maybe Alice knows who she is. But what would I do if she was married? What would Alice think of me asking about some stranger that I was so obviously lusting after?

The girls and I were sitting around watching cartoons when I heard a knock on the door. When I opened it, there stood Alice and Jasper with a very satisfied look on their face. Cocking an eyebrow, I let them know that I knew what they had been up to all night.

Jasper caught on quickly, walking past me bumping my shoulder lightly with his fist. "I owe you man." He murmured before he made his way into the living room where the girls were. Watching him walk away thinking of that smug look on his face, I turned back to Alice who was actually blushing.

"Jasper's right. We owe you. It's been a long time since we have had a night to ourselves."

Holding my hand up in protest, I responded. "Too much information. I'm on a need to know basis, and that would be more than I need to know."

Alice giggled. "Okay. No details. But seriously, we appreciate it. Having a child can be hell on your sex life."

"Please Alice." I groaned. "The last thing I need to hear about is your sex life."

Alice clucked her tongue at me. "Oh the stories I could tell you Edward."

Placing my hands over my ears, I turned and walked towards Jasper and the girls. "I'm not listening." But even with my ears covered, I could hear Alice laughing at me.

The rest of the weekend, Claire and I spent time together and had dinner with my parents. It had become almost like a tradition for us to go to their house on  
Sunday, have a late lunch with them, and hang out for the rest of the day, either playing games or watching television. This was something that we didn't do much when I was still married to Tanya. Sure Claire and I would go over sometimes, but now it seemed so much more relaxed.

It was funny how uptight I had felt living with Tanya. I was carefree and happy when I was with Claire, but away from her, I just felt empty and hollow. The same way I felt when I was with Tanya. The anxiety that I felt of trying to keep up some pretense of a happy life with her was slowly killing me inside.

But now, my whole body seemed lighter along with my heart and my mind. There was no charade to keep up with anymore. I didn't have to worry about trying so hard to make something out of nothing. Now, Claire and I both seemed happy and carefree. It was a feeling that I wasn't used to, but over the last couple of months I was becoming used to it and I loved it.

Monday morning, Claire and I were doing our normal routine. After sitting down for breakfast, we scrambled around the house trying to get all of our things together. Once we were ready, we drove the short way to school.

The parking lot a school was crowded as always. Kids from the high school also parked in this parking lot, along with the teachers, so mornings were a mad house. Not near as bad as the drop off line though.

Claire and I exited the car, making sure we had her backpack and her lunchbox. Claire didn't like the school lunches, and although the cafeteria smelled good, to be truthful the food looked like something they served at hospitals. The thought of eating something like made me shudder in disgust, so I couldn't very well make Claire eat that if she didn't want to.

As we were walking across the parking lot, a shiny new Volvo crossover caught my attention. It was silver with tinted windows and chrome wheels. Me being a Volvo driver myself, anytime I would see one, I was always checking out what model it was. The crossovers were really popular right now, and I just loved the way they looked.

Claire and I made our way into school, I kissed her bye and made my way back out to my car. As I walked towards the door, people were streaming in and out, walking their kids inside or leaving as I was. The door started to close and I stuck my hand out to hold it open and that was when I saw her. My breath hitched in my throat at the realization that she was really here in front of me.

Holding the door open so that she could pass, she looked up to see who was holding the door open and our eyes met. Her eyes seemed to widen in surprise then fluttered down to her feet. She bit her lip, and then glanced back at me through her eyelashes as a faint blush crept up her cheeks. Her mouth opened slightly as if she was going to speak, but nothing came out. She appeared flustered as she grabbed the hands of the two boys that she had with her before and hurried past me.

For a moment I stood there amazed at the fact that I had actually seen her again. She was real. No figment of my imagination as I had feared because I hadn't seen her since that first time. Just the sight of her made my body tingle in anticipation, a feeling that coursed through me, making my body hum.

I wasn't sure how, but I knew that I had to know her. Everything about her. Not in my entire life had I ever felt something this strong before.

**Bella's POV**

Closing my eyes just for a moment, I try to get into my characters head so that I can think of how I want the story to lead. It's difficult at times to stay in the story, to keep with that one thought that you have. Sometimes my mind wanders from one thought to the next. I have so many ideas of stories in my head sometimes that I try to write more than one story, but that just gets to be a mess.

But right now, I can't concentrate on anything. Every time I close my eyes, all I see are these bright green eyes staring back at me that belong to one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen before. And that is nothing compared to the dreams that I have been having about him. About us.

It's not the same dream over and over again either. Sometimes he is kissing me, driving me insane with his lips as they roam over my face, my throat, down my collarbone. Other times his mouth is trailing kisses up my legs, then stopping at the juncture between my legs, biting me softly on my inner thigh before he spreads my legs open further and licks me from the top of my slit down to my opening where he dives his tongue in making me orgasm over and over again.

Then there are the times we are making love. No, it was not just sex, it was making love. He is tender and sweet; bringing me to a place I had never reached before. Never thought was possible. Mike had never made me feel the way this man had just in my dreams.

Even now, when I am supposed to be working, trying to get into the story to write this chapter, all I can think of his him. Closing my eyes, I let myself be taken away, in a daydream that I so wish was real.

The sunlight dances across my eyelids, and the warmth I feel from the sun coming through the window, is not from the sun. But from his hands, caressing up and down my back as he holds me close, while we dance to the music that is drifting out of my computer speakers. Etta James's song At Last fills the room as we dance slowly across the floor. His hands splayed across my back, pulls me closer molding me to his body. As Etta sings about dreams that I can call my own, I know what she means, as the dream of a man holds me tight.

His warm breath heats my skin as he nuzzles into my neck. A shiver runs up my spine causing me to tremble slightly. Pulling me closer, I feel every line of his lean muscular body and his hardness pressing into my stomach. All for me.

The phone ringing causes me to jump, causing me to fall out of my computer chair. Scrambling to get to the phone, I snatch up my cell phone to see that it is my publisher calling. "Hello." Breathless from the daydream and falling on my ass, that is all I can manage to get out.

"Well, hello to you to Bella. Are you okay? You sound a little out of breath?" Victoria cheerfully asked. Victoria has been a good friend and an even better publisher.

The first book I had written, I had sent into a publisher and it just happened to fall on her desk. The luck was all mine. She was taken in by the story from the first page, and approved everything about it, the characters, the story, even the dialogue. From then on, everything that I sent to her, she immediately loved.

Victoria once asked me if it was me in some of the stories that I had written. Even though I felt like she was a friend, I never confided in her, just like I had never confided to Alice about everything that Mike had did to me. Not all of my stories were about spousal abuse and tragedy, some were love stories that had all the romance of first love and fairy tale endings. If I couldn't live it personally, I would write it and live it through my characters.

Writing had always appealed to me, because reading had given me the inspiration to do so. When life with Mike turned out the way it had, it had inspired me to write my first few books about life as an abused woman. But I also would write romance novels as well because in my books I could live a life that I could only dream of.

"Hey, Victoria, how are you? I was just rummaging around in my mess of a head, trying to get into character so to speak. What's up?" Sitting back in my chair, I looked out the window watching the sunlight dance through the trees. My mind and body so wanted to be back in the dream I was just in.

"Well, I wanted to ask, no beg if had to, to see if I could get you to do a book tour with this latest book. The reviews are in and I can see now, I think you have another best seller on your hands." She all but squealed the last statement. Her excitement has no bounds, much like Alice's.

"Listen, Victoria. You know that is just not possible. The reason I use a pseudonym is to remain anonymous and protect my privacy. I'm a writer, not a celebrity." There were other reasons, and Victoria knew them.

From the beginning, I had made it perfectly clear to Victoria and the publishing company, that I had no intentions of using my real name. Not only did I want to protect my privacy, I didn't want Mike to know about the subject of my books. He probably wouldn't be very happy about some of the subject matter.

More to the point, Mike wouldn't have supported my writing. When I would mention it to him, he would dismiss the thought, and remind me that I was home to take care of the kids. He really thought it was a hobby, not a career. So I knew that if I ever wanted to write, that I would have to do it anonymously so that he wouldn't find out.

Once my books started selling, I also had to hide the money I made. The very idea of doing so scared the shit out of me, because I knew if Mike ever found out he would be furious. But I put the money in an account in my name with Alice's name on the account in case anything happened to me. When I asked her permission to do this, she questioned me, but I just played it off that if anything happened to me or Mike, that the kids were going to her and so was my money to take care of them.

Which wasn't a lie, as far was my will was written, it was true. I wasn't sure if Mike had a will or not, I never asked because I thought it might start a fight. But because of the money I was making, the lawyer that I was using for my book contracts suggested I have a will written, and I took his advice.

"Besides that, I have the kids, and I'm not leaving them behind for that long. I just can't do it Victoria. My books sell just fine without a book tour or interviews. I'm not out to become popular, I just love to write."

Victoria sighed in the phone. "It never hurts to try Bella. You shall forever remain Renee Charles, anonymous writer extraordinaire, much to my chagrin." Knowing Victoria the way I do, I could almost see her eyebrow arch in disdain.

"Thank you, Victoria. All I can say is thank you. Oh, and I will have the first ten chapters of my book shipped to you by the end of the week."

"Now, that's what I like to hear. I'll speak to you soon. Kiss those wonderful boys for me." With that Victoria was gone.

When I looked at the clock, it was almost two. Rushing to grab my purse and the medic bag, I jumped in the car to head to the preschool to pick up Pacey before going to the school to pick up Patrick.

Since Pacey would be starting kindergarten next year, I had placed him in a preschool program two days a week. This way he would learn how to interact with other children and learn a routine that would be similar to school. Patrick had never been in preschool, but he wasn't as shy as Pacey.

Each time I picked Pacey from preschool, his reaction was the same. He would run up and hug me telling me how much he missed me. Then on the ride to school, he would tell me all about his day.

"And Mama, you won't believe what Levi did today. He kicked Jacob so hard that he left a shoe print on his back. Ms. Tanna said he was a getting on her nerves so bad she was going to have to call his mama to come and get him. Levi is bad mama." Pacey mused as he told the story in perfect clarity.

One thing I learned about Pacey, he could tell a story almost word for word. There was nothing he didn't miss. The fact that he was five now only made him that much more aware of what went on in his surroundings. He could have started kindergarten this year, but I waited. He was small for his age and he would have been the youngest one in his class. I would much rather Pacey be the oldest one, because he would be a leader and not a follower.

"You're right Pacey. Levi is bad. Did you play with Charlie today?" To me it was better to focus on the positive than the negative. Charlie was his buddy and they played together everyday and would sleep next to each other at nap time.

"Me and Charlie played with the western town today. It was fun." Pacey started humming a song, something he probably learned at school today. He was such a happy child. Although he had asthma, and all the rest of the breathing problems he had endured in his short life span, he was always so happy. It made the fact that his father didn't give a rat's ass about him that much worse. How could you not love a child like this?

After we picked up Patrick up from school, we went home to start our weekend. Friday nights we would stay at home, cook pizza and hot wings then watch the Star Wars Clone Wars on television. They both loved it, and I thought it was pretty cool how the Jedi's would fight against the dark side of the force. Good versus evil. For a cartoon, the color was absolutely amazing making it look nothing like the old Bugs Bunny cartoons I used to watch.

All weekend, anytime that I had a moment of peace, my mind would wander to the bronzed haired man I had seen at school that day. Would I see him again? Who was he? Did it matter?

The weekend went fast as usual. Monday after dropping off Patrick at school, Pacey and I ran errands then went to take my grandmother to the grocery store. Every other Monday, Pacey and I would take her out so she could get the things she needed and give her a chance just to get out of the house. After that, we would go home and I would write while Pacey would play.

Today though, I knew that I would not be able to concentrate on my writing. No, not today, not after seeing _him_ this morning. I was so surprised by seeing him standing there, that I couldn't even thank him for holding the door open for me. No, my mind would be solely concentrated on the man that had been haunting my every spare thought and dreams. And haunting was not the right word for what he was doing to me. He was not haunting me, he was consuming me body and soul. And seeing him just made me realize he was real. This man was real and alive and did not only exist in my dreams.

And knowing he was real, just brought up more questions in my mind. What did he think of me? Did he even think of me? Was he married? Surely he wouldn't look at me the way he did if he was married.

But there was no way I would ever ask him. Not only would I lose my nerve, but if he was taken by someone else, I don't think I could stand to lose the dreams I shared with him. They may not be real, but they were the closest I may ever be to him. And if I couldn't have him in real life, then I would have my dreams.

**A/N: Please, please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for the last reviews. It made me very happy when I read them. I'm glad you all are enjoying the story!**


	11. Sexy School Times Together

**First of all, I want to apologize for taking so long getting this chapter out. My kids were out for two weeks for Christmas break and then there were some snow days after school started back. Yea and I'm a big as kid as they are when it comes to snow, so we went sledding and played in the snow. Also they got Rock Band 2 and Lego Rock Band for Christmas, and we've been rocking!**

**I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. I do however own The Lords of the Underworld Books 1 -4 by Gena Showalter. Their not vampires, but they are some sexy, sexy immortal warriors plagued by the demons released from Pandora's Box. If you haven't read this series, you should check it out.**

**I hope you enjoy, and please review. So on with the show.**

Chapter 11: sexy school times together

**Bella's POV**

It's hard to believe that the first six weeks of school are already over. It just seems like yesterday that school started and Patrick had begun 2nd grade. I guess with everything that has been going on, homework, soccer practice, and my thinking of a certain man any chance I get, time moves on.

I can't stop thinking about him, especially since I see him almost everyday. Every morning when I am dropping Patrick off at school he is there. Just as I walk Patrick into school he does the same with a little girl who I assume is his daughter. Really I shouldn't have to assume, she is the mirror image of him. Her hair is the same color as his, hanging in ringlets framing her small face. The green of her eyes matches his. There is no doubt that that beautiful little girl belongs to the equally beautiful man.

Each morning that I see him, he looks at me with those mesmerizing eyes, reading me it seems, looking for something. But there is a glint in his eyes that I'm not sure how to read yet. He looks at me as if he wants me. I mean really wants me. Lust and desire seems to fill his eyes, swim with it even. Or maybe I just am seeing what I want to see. That is how I want him to look at me. Lust after me. Desire me.

_Yes, that is how I want him to look at me._

Every time he looks at me though, I become a bumbling idiot. I can't talk. I can't walk. My mind draws a blank and it just won't function in his presence. Nervousness spreads throughout me causing my body to go in defense mode, and makes me want to run. Feeling the heat of embarrassment rush across my face makes me that much more humiliated by my body's reaction to him.

The fact that this man is the epitome of everything you would ever want in a man, with his odd colored sex hair and those fuck me eyes, face like a Greek god and a body to match, I can't help but become nervous as hell around him.

Then sometimes I wonder what he really thinks of me and that makes me even more worried and stressed out. What kind of woman would he think I am? No other man has ever been close to me intimately beside Mike. What would it be like to actually have a relationship with someone? Someone I wanted to be with that wanted to be with me.

But I just couldn't see myself with this man. Even though I dreamed of him and my body wanted him like nothing I ever felt before, I couldn't imagine that a man like him would want someone like me. Was that Mike talking in my head, making me unsure of myself? Probably. Or was that my own low self esteem not believing that this perfect man could want me? Maybe a little bit of both.

But the fact that he looked at me the way he did, just had my hopes up inside. I could see myself with him, in every possible way imaginable.

What also drew me to him was the way he interacted with his daughter. You could tell she was the whole world to him. When she spoke to him, he would look at her and listen, which to me meant everything. He put her first, that much I could tell. He walked her into school, just like I did my children. Not many fathers would do that. Because he did, I knew that he and I were a lot alike. We put our children first.

So why was it that every time that I came within arms reach of him I began to stumble with my words? I guess because he seemed to perfect to be real. Maybe that was the problem. What am I saying? That is the problem. He couldn't be real, but because he was, I just couldn't comprehend.

One example of my total lack of self esteem, I was walking Patrick inside, and as I reached the door, there he was standing there holding the door open for me like he does almost every time I meet him in the doorway.

_What a perfect gentleman._

As I walked by him, I could sense his gaze on me. It made me nervous to know that he was staring at me like that again. But this time, I forced myself to acknowledge his kindness and when I did, I made a fool of myself.

"Thank you." I murmured to him when I passed by him. Gazing up into his eyes, the intensity of his gaze bored into me and I instantly looked away. Biting my lip so hard, from the nervousness I felt, I thought I drew blood. Sickness swamped over me from the thought of blood and all I could do was rush past him before I threw up.

_Real graceful Bella._

Since then, I have not been able to utter a word to him. A shy smile is all I could muster up the courage to give him. Along with my tell tale blush that shows how ill at ease I really am. He probably thinks I'm sort of blundering geek who can't manage to even talk to him. Which, he is right, because I can't gather myself to give him any kind of response that would be coherent.

And seeing him everyday, watching me, looking at me the way he does, has just increased my dreams of him. They are so vivid that I can almost feel him touching me, stroking me making me scream out in pleasure. Some mornings when I wake up, the sheets are tangled around my legs as if I have been tossing and turning all night, my body humming with sensations that I have never felt before.

This morning was no different. Waking myself with a groan so loud, I was afraid the boys had heard me, I struggled to unwind my legs from the sheets to find that I had removed my underwear in the night. Plucking them from the bed, I found that they were damp from what I could only believe was the moisture that builds up between my legs when I think of him. Fuck me. Or maybe that was what I was doing to myself.

Lying back on the bed, I close my eyes so I can recall the dream that made me remove my own underwear. We were in the bed, him spooning me from behind. Gently he was ghosting his fingers along my side, caressing me down my arm, across my hip, down my thigh. Each pass he would run his fingers lower over my breast, further down my stomach to where I most wanted him to be. He found my sensitive sex rubbing softly then increasing the pressure. Stopping long enough to bring my leg up over his, opening me to him, he began stroking me again with his fingers. He pressed his erection into me, causing me to grind back against him in response.

Once again he stopped his ministrations to reach down between my legs to grab his erection, positioning so he could slide it up and down through my wetness. Just as he entered me, I moaned in response, which broke me out of the erotic dream I was having of him.

Exhaling sharply, I forced myself out of bed to start my day. There's no sense in reliving the dream now. After my shower, I wake the boys up so they can have a minute to come to my room and watch the weather before we eat breakfast. It seems better for them to have a moment to come out of their sleep haze before we jump into the day.

When we arrived at school, my eyes on their own accord started to seek out the man of my dreams. We never arrived at the same time, so I was never sure where I would see him. Sometimes I would just catch a glimpse of him walking down the hall, towards the kindergarten and 1st grade wing. Because Patrick was in 2nd grade, we were always going in opposite directions.

Upon arriving in Patrick's classroom, his teacher approached me. "Mrs. Newton, I wanted to know if you could help out at the fall festival. The 2nd grade is in charge of the bouncy houses that would be set up in the gym. If you could, would you take a shift and supervise one of the houses for an hour."

"Please call me Bella." Every time I heard my married name, it almost sickened me. If it wasn't for the boys, I would have changed it back to my maiden name. "Yes, of course Mrs. Lane, I would be glad to help. Just let me know what time you need me and I'll be there."

"Excellent. Also, the parent teacher conference is coming up in a couple of weeks. I will be sending a note home with Patrick for you to choose a time that will be convenient for you to meet with me. There really is no problem, but we always want to meet with the parents at the first six weeks conference to discuss the progress of the student."

"That's fine. I'll be happy to meet with you." As far as Patrick's school work went, there was nothing that worried me. He was a smart boy and never fussed about doing his homework. All the papers he had brought from school had high marks, so the least I was worried about was how he was doing academically.

But I did worry about how he acted sometimes when he was away from me. I sometimes worried that he hid his feelings since he was trying to be strong because of what happened with Mike. Often I worried that when he was not around me, that he might break down and get upset about all that had happened. There was nothing wrong with that, I just hoped he didn't feel like he had to hide his feelings from me.

As I was walking out of school, Pacey was pulling me along, causing me to giggle like a school girl. Pacey was so carefree and happy, that you couldn't help yourself but to be taken in by his whims.

"We get to go home Mama. I can play. You can write. It's fun at home with you." Pacey talked as he drug me along. I was just so taken in with his cheery nature that I didn't even notice _him _until I practically ran into him.

As always, he was walking his daughter inside, smiling that sweet smile as he listened to her talk away like Pacey was doing with me now. He wasn't watching where he was going and Pacey was dragging me along like a rag doll and before I knew it I had bumped his shoulder.

He looked to me stunned for a moment like getting broadsided by a car that you didn't know was going to hit you. The initial shock seemed to wear off, then he smiled that brilliant smile for me and I could feel my knees grow weak.

"Hi." He said, cocking his head slightly. The angle showed off his jaw line and the muscles in his neck, instantly making me want to bite him.

_Gosh what am I, like fifteen again. But I still want to bite him. Everywhere._

"Hi." Finally mustering up the courage to speak to him again, I bit my lip out of purely nervous instinct as soon as the word left my mouth. His eyes darted to my mouth and I could almost swear that they darkened.

_What was that?_

Pacey jerked my arm causing me to stumble slightly, but at least I regained my balance enough to keep me from falling on my face. Glancing back once more before we crossed the crosswalk, I caught him glancing back at me.

If there is ever a chance of him talking with me, there is not doubt in my mind that I'm going to not pass it up. I maybe shy as hell and unsure of myself beyond the normal, but I'm not stupid.

~*~

Patrick received his report card the following week, and as usual he had all A's. His conduct, work habits, and social development were marked satisfactory, with only the exception of his organizational skills marked as needing improvement. Which didn't bother me at all because he was a boy, and I knew what his room was like at home, it was a mess. If this was the only problem he had in school, I think I could deal.

The fall festival was being held on the Saturday after report cards were handed out. The school timed this so that on the following Monday, while the Parent Teacher conference was held, the school could be put back together and cleaned.

There were many activities at the festival. Each grade was in charge of a different activity. Up and down the halls was everything you could think of to do like cake walks, bean bag tosses, or Mario Cart races. There was even a room where the dad's could check on the scores of the college football teams that were playing. The kids could get temporary tattoos, their hair spray painted, or face painted. All you had to do was buy tickets and use them wherever you wanted. It was a great way to raise money for the school and let the kids have fun while doing so.

When Patrick's teacher had asked me to volunteer to help out with the bouncy houses in the gym, I readily agreed. Volunteering was a good way to stay involved with the school and hopefully teach the kids that helping out was a good thing.

Volunteering was something that kept me close to the kids. Whether I was tearing out pages from classroom work books for the bucket brigade or helping out however the teacher needed me, it felt good to be around to show the kids that I cared enough to be there.

We arrived earlier than the shift at the bouncy houses that I promised to cover so the kids and I could walk around the school and play some of the games.

After playing all the games at least once, we sat down to have dinner. They were serving chili in the cafeteria with all the fixings so we had planned to eat as well.

As we were eating, friends of Patrick's and their parents would come by and say hello and chat for a minute. Looking around, I caught a glimpse of bronze hair walk down the hall. Each time I saw him I was surprised by the grace and eloquence of the gate of his walk. Or maybe I was just envious because I was so damn klutzy and had no eloquence at all.

Mentally I wondered what he would be wearing tonight. Would he be wearing something casual like tight jeans with a button up shirt? Each morning when I saw him he was wearing a suit. The man looked amazing in a suit. Especially the ones where he wore a button up vest underneath. Most of the time he would wear a solid black suit with a crisp white shirt which made his hair and eyes stand out more.

I wouldn't know the difference between an off the rack suit or an Armani that cost more than some people's entire wardrobe, but whatever he was wearing looked as if it was tailor made for him. Each suit he wore contoured to his body showing off exactly what was underneath. His broad shoulders and lean muscular body were magnificent looking and with that suit on, just proving that he was indeed sex on legs.

The anticipation of what the body underneath that suit would truly look like once it was off of him is what has kept my daydreams to continue to be hot as hell. When I would think of him in that suit standing before me slipping the coat off and slowly unbuttoning his shirt pulling the tails out of his pants revealing to me the v in his lower abdomen, my heart would flutter and my lips would part causing me to lick them in anticipation.

_What has become of me? _I never have felt like this before. Never did my body react to Mike this way or anyone else for that matter. Sex with Mike was nothing but going through the motions. Even though he was a complete ass, he was at least gentle in bed. But even though he was tender and somewhat loving at times, I never really had an orgasm with him. Nothing that made my toes curl or see stars. It just didn't happen.

But I just couldn't help myself thinking about _him_. There was just something about him that made me go humph.

"Do you have to work at any of the activities or are you just here for the fun?…Earth to Bella...Are you listening to me?" Angela broke me out of my lust filled thoughts of what my dream man was wearing. Feeling a faint blush spread across my cheeks, I was truly thankful that no one could read my mind.

Angela was Charlie's mom, Pacey's buddy from preschool. She was really funny, and when I needed a laugh, I could always call her. We hit it off from the moment we met. We bonded over our little boys and the life and times of preschool. Before we had met, Pacey continually came home talking about Charlie in his preschool class. They would play together during center time or outside on the playground. Even during nap time, their cots were side by side, which sometimes that was a bad thing and sometimes it was a good thing.

During Pacey's first preschool class party, Angela came up and introduced herself, stating that she knew that I was Pacey's mom the moment she saw me. Much like Alice and Rose, Angela was outgoing and confident which was the total opposite of me, and you know what they say about opposites attracting. The more we talked, the more I liked her, then we found out we had a mutual friend. Emmett. Her husband Ben worked for him as a foreman.

"Sorry Angela. What did you say?" Patrick and Pacey snickered together. When I looked over at them with a scowled look, they just laughed harder.

"Mama's spacing again." Patrick gushed brightly thinking it was a huge joke to call your mama out on her indiscretions. If he only knew the truth, I would have some serious explaining to do.

"Well now. Does your mama do that often Patrick?" Angela asked with a knowing smirk. She had caught me a couple of times daydreaming, but I had blown it off stating I had a lot of things on my mind. If Angela knew the truth, I would never hear the end of it. She would razz me for days.

"Could you please stop picking on me? My kids don't need your help ganging up on me." Angela guffawed at my statement. She wasn't the type of person that could hold her laughter in. Discretion wasn't on the top of her list.

"Sure, whatever you say Bella." She responded then put her hand over her mouth to try and quiet her laughter. She wasn't doing a good job of it.

The only defense I knew was to change the subject. "What all have you and Charlie done since you have been here? By the way, where're Ben and Cassidy?"

"He is with Cassidy down at the fourth and fifth grade hallway. I volunteered him to help with the cake walk. He was pissed as hell. But what do I care." Angela shrugged, responding without a care in the world about what she said in front of the kids.

"Angela!" Admonishing her was something that I had grown used to. She could put a sailor to shame sometimes.

"Oops, sorry." Angela stated in her not so apologetic tone.

"Have you done the bouncy houses yet?" I asked hoping that maybe the kids would not think anymore about what she had said.

"No, not yet. I'm going to let there dinner settle some before I let them do any bouncing around or they will be puking every where."

"Well, I'm helping out down there in a little while. So come by when you get a chance."

"Do you want Patrick and Pacey to hang out with me and Charlie? I don't mind letting them go around with us while you're working." Angela may have a potty mouth, but I trusted her with the kids. She knew all about Pacey's asthma and understood what had to be done in the case of an emergency.

"That would be great. That will give them something to do while I'm working. Do you guys want to walk around with Angela and Charlie while I work at the bouncy houses?" Both Patrick and Pacey nodded their heads eagerly no doubt wanting to play more games.

"Okay, well here is Pacey's inhaler in case you need it. Just come by the bouncy houses in about an hour and my shift should be over." Handing over the bag I used to carry Pacey's inhaler, I kissed the boys and reminded them to listen to Angela while they were with her.

As I walked down the halls to the gym to start my shift at the bouncy houses, I was looking around to see if I could spot that tuft of bronze hair again. My thoughts instantly started imagining his wardrobe again. What would he look like in jeans and a t shirt?

**Edward's POV**

Seeing her every day is like a sweet torture. The sight of her creates more fantasies into my mind causing my body to run into sensory overload all the time. It doesn't matter if I'm driving to work, or sitting in my office, or lying in my bed at night wishing she was beside me. The thought of her jumps into my mind, and my body reacts instantly.

Obsessing over her has become my new past time. All the time I keep thinking what she would be like to lick from head to toe. Running my fingers through her hair stroking my hand down her back cupping my hands under her glorious bum and lifting her up so that she could wrap her legs around me and rub herself against my erection that I have just for her.

_Hell I feel like a pervert. But at least I would be her pervert if she would have me. _

Feeling like a seventeen year old kid with an obsession with a beautiful girl has overall made me feel better. Tanya had done a real head job on me in certain ways, and to know that I could feel like this again was something of a confidence booster.

Watching her walk her kids into school was turning into a bright spot of my day. The way she interacts with her kids, laughing and talking with them like they are the most important part of her life just drew me to her like a moth to a flame. This was something that Claire had totally lacked in her life, a mother who put her first, and I was encouraged by the interactions she had with her children.

Each time that I saw her, she never tried to talk to me and I had so wished that I could do something to get her to say a few words. At first I assumed that she was avoiding me or trying not to talk to another man that wasn't her husband. Then I saw that she didn't wear a wedding band, and secretly I squealed like a girl that maybe she wasn't married.

_Yea so I act like a seventeen girl too. So what, my inner girl is happy._

But watching her everyday I finally realized why she acted the way she did. She was shy. And it didn't seem like it was a normal kind of shy, but a painful shyness that might even stem from insecurity. In my mind, I couldn't understand what on earth she could be insecure about. She seemed to be beautiful not only on the outside, but on the inside as well.

Finally I was awarded with her voice one day when she squeaked out a thank you. The instant that she said it though, a blush covered her face making me wonder where else she would be blushing. She stumbled away as her youngest son pulled her to keep walking and I knew she was embarrassed from the small interaction we had.

She didn't speak to me again for a while. She would look at me from under her lashes when she would see me, nervous it seemed to look me at me full on into my eyes. If she could really see what my eyes held in them for her, she truly would be embarrassed. Each time I looked at her, I knew there was desire shimmering in my eyes and I didn't think there was anyway to hide it.

For almost six weeks now I have been watching her, and it's a wonder she doesn't think I'm some crazy stalker dude.

_Only for you babe. Only for you._

It's hard to believe that Halloween in almost here. Next thing you know, Thanksgiving will be here, then Christmas. Although fall flies by because of school and all the holidays back to back, it is one of my favorite seasons. The chill of the fall air, the leaves on the trees turning yellow, orange and red, makes me think of football and hot chocolate.

Claire and I have been out shopping today trying to find a Halloween costume for her. We had already been to two different stores, and she had yet to decide on one she wanted.

"I just can't cide Daddy." Claire said as she held up a Barbie Princess costume with lots of fluff around the bottom and a green fairy costume.

"Well sweetheart, I really like the fairy costume. You have looked at more fairy costumes than you have Princess costumes, so why don't you pick that one. Besides, green is your favorite color." Pointing towards the fairy costume, I hoped that this would finally be the one she picked out. She had looked at I don't know how many costumes today and my mind was starting to protest all of the images that were now shooting through my head.

Apparently all the different Halloween costumes were too much for my brain to handle, but unclean thoughts of a certain brown haired brown eyed girl were just fine. And unclean thoughts were exactly what I was having when I saw a Princess Leia costume imagining her in it. Just like any other red blooded male in the world, I had a crush on Princess Leia, and the thought of my girl dressed in that scantly clad costume was dick hardening to say the least.

_My girl. Yea I like the sound of that. My girl as Princess Leia. I like the vision of that even better._

Claire walked over to the mirror in Party City and held the fairy costume up to her. A smile stretched across her little cherubic face as she seemed to envision herself in the costume.

"If I cide on being a fairy, I want a wand too Daddy." Claire turned to me with that beatific face beaming like an angel. She knew she had me. Which was fine by me, because if she made a choice, then that meant we got to go home.

"If a wand is what my fairy requires, then a wand is what my fairy will get." Bowing gracefully at her, I kissed the tip of her nose. It didn't matter to me what she wanted, I would give it to her. She was my life.

After purchasing the fairy costume, a wand, and some kind of halo thing for her head, a pair of tights, and a Halloween candy bag that supposedly matched her costume, we finally made it out of the store and on our way home.

Claire and I were singing along to the radio during the drive. Listening to my little girl sing _So What_ by _Pink_ was funnier than listening to Alvin and The Chipmunks. You've got to love your kids when they act silly and have a great time doing it. Seeing her like this so carefree and full of life made everything worth it.

~*~

That Monday when I walked Claire into class, Alice motioned for me to wait a moment. Once she was finished getting the class started, I walked over to her desk.

"Hey Mrs. Whitlock. What's up?" Casually I knelt down beside her desk so that we could speak quietly to each other without disturbing the class.

"You're so funny." Alice rolled her eyes at me because of the "Mrs. Whitlock" comment. She knew I was being cheeky by calling her that. "I just wanted to know if you were up to being a chaperone for the field trip to the Pumpkin Patch. Would you like to go with us? It's on a Friday. I know you work, but this is one of the funniest field trips we do. I thought you might like to do this with Claire."

Although Alice was talking to me, she was still preparing everything for the day. Within the first fifteen minutes from the time the bell had rang, she had called role, picked a leader for the day, led the class during the Pledge of Allegiance, and gotten the kids lunch choices counted for the cafeteria. Teachers really had their work cut out for them.

"I think I could swing it. Let me check my schedule when I get to work and I can text you later and let you know." Glancing at my watch, my mind started protesting at the fact that I had possibly missed the object of my obsession.

"That would be great. I really think you will enjoy it. The kids have so much fun there. They do a hayride, and get to pick a pumpkin, and then we have lunch at the farm." Alice responded while clapping her hands together. How could Jasper handle this on a daily basis I thought to myself?

"Sounds like fun. I'll let you know as soon as I can. Are you sure that you don't need me to help out at the fall festival?" When Alice had mentioned to me about the fall festival, I had volunteered to help if she needed me, but she had already filled all the shifts to work the candy land game. There were more volunteers than the kindergarten had needed, because they only did one game for all the kindergarten classes.

"No, we have it all covered. But you and Claire are still coming aren't you?"

"Yea we're still coming. Claire is really excited about it. This is the first time she has ever been to something like this." When Claire had found out about the festival, she was thrilled. There was no way that I would be able to keep her away.

"Good. It's really fun. And don't forget the PTO will be serving chili in the cafeteria." Alice and I said our goodbyes and I made my way back to my car.

The weekend arrived faster than I thought it should. All week Claire had talked about nothing but the fall festival, and if she asked me once, she asked me a thousand times what day it was and what time we were going. She was excited about playing the games and seeing the school decorated.

The parking lot was so full when we got there, that we had to park way out by the bus entrance. As we were walking to the door, I spotted that new Volvo crossover again. Damn that thing was sweet.

We went to the cafeteria to eat first because I knew that Claire would spoil her dinner with the candy they would be handing out for prizes. Alice had already warned me that they would be handing out candy and small toys as prizes for the games they would play.

While we were eating, I kept a watch out for Alice, Jasper or Mary. Alice had said that she would be here around this time and we could eat together. A few of Claire's friends said hi and I talked with their parents. It was funny how you gained new acquaintances through your children.

My phone vibrated about that time alerting me to a text. When I opened my phone Alice had texted me saying that Mary wasn't feeling well, and they weren't going to be able to make it.

When we were finished we started walking around so we could play the games. The whole time I was watching for the girl of my dreams. Claire played every game there was to play more than once. She was almost out of tickets and I knew that the only thing we hadn't done, were the bouncy houses.

"Daddy. Daddy. I want to do the bouncy houses now!" Claire knew that they were set up in the gym and she started pulling me towards the gym.

When we walked into the gym, there were four bouncy houses set up. There was one with a slide, one shaped like a fire truck, one with a basketball hoop, and one shaped like the regular bouncy house. Kids were running from each one standing in line to wait their turn to bounce.

Claire pulled me towards the house with the slide on it stating excitedly that she wanted to do that one first. As we made our way through all the kids, I noticed that the person in charge of helping the kids inside looked familiar. Then she turned around and it was her.

My breath hitched at the sight of her. She was lovely with her hair pulled up exposing the length of her neck to me. She was in faded jeans and a green pullover sweater that fit snug to her body enhancing all of her curves.

This was the first time outside I had seen her besides walking our kids in and out of school and I wasn't sure if she would talk to me or not. Her back was to me as she helped the other kids in and out of the bouncy house allowing me a perfect view of her perfectly shaped ass.

Standing there waiting, Claire began to remove her shoes so that she could climb in when it was her turn. When it was Claire's turn to get in, _she_ turned to Claire to help her in, and when she did something that looked like a flicker of recognition crossed her features and her eyes instantly darted up to me. Her eyes grew wide and I could swear they darkened slightly as she slowly looked me over from head to toe.

_What the fuck? Was I just eye fucked by my shy girl?_

I watched as she slightly shook her head, and then reached down for Claire's hand to help guide her up the steps into the bouncy house. The sight of Claire's hand in _hers_ stirred something inside of me that had nothing to do with lust and more to do with affection, and I was the one having to shake my head.

Claire stumbled a bit on the steps and we both made a jump forward to make sure that Claire didn't fall and our bodies bumped. The instant that our bodies touched, I felt a jolt run through me and settle into my groin. One other time when our shoulders had bumped, I had felt that same sensation, and at the time I had passed it off. This time, there was no way I could disregard the sensation that just went through my body.

Our eyes met as we each had one of Claire's hands in ours and helped her inside. As Claire began to jump, we continued to stare at each other lost in each others eyes. It was the longest that she had held eye contact with me and I was taken back by the beauty that I saw in her eyes.

"Mama. Mama. We finished all the games. Can I bounce now?" The small boy that was with her every morning came rushing up to her grabbing onto her leg and hugging it playfully.

Her eyes darted down to him and I instantly felt the loss of the warmth that I had felt from looking into her eyes. A huge smile graced her face as she looked down at her youngest son.

"Okay Pacey. You can bounce. Come on, I will help you. Which one do you want to do?" She took his hand like she had held Claire's and led him away towards the other bouncy houses.

"I want do the fire truck one." He answered her as he began to tug her along like he did every morning. She looked back over her shoulder at me giving me a shy smile then walked further away to the fire truck bouncy house.

After she helped her son into the bouncy house, she was joined by another woman who began talking with her. I frowned as I watched this woman hand a bag over to her that didn't seem like a purse, but more like a medical bag. Both women looked back at me, my girl blushed slightly as we made eye contact and the other woman had a knowing smirk on her face.

_Well that was interesting. _

**A/N: So please, please review! I know you're out there reading, let me know what you think. Pretty please with Edward on top.**

**I had a reader post a review who said some of my legal stuff, well, wasn't exactly legal. She did however graciously offer to help in the future, so thank you very much to her! **

**So just a reminder that this is just fiction people, I am not a lawyer and do not profess to be. I don't think I could contact my uncle who is a lawyer, and say 'hey I'm writing this smut for fan fic and I want to know if I'm doing the legal stuff right.' Yea that is so not happening. he he!**


	12. Bella and Alice

**So here is Chapter 12. This is entirely in Bella's POV. When I started this chapter, I decided not to repeat the parent teacher conference with Edward and Alice, and instead went with Bella and Alice. Hope you like it! Please review!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. **

**Thanks to all my readers! Your reviews have been inspiring!**

Chapter 12: Bella and Alice

**BPOV**

Sitting at my desk typing away, my mind was replaying every scene at the fall festival. It was reeling with words, sentences, paragraphs, even chapters of the man who had stepped into that gym and made my heart do a flip in its chest.

As I was helping kids in and out of the bouncy houses, my mind kept reminding me that there was a really good chance that he would walk in at any moment and the big question was how I was going to handle it.

Be strong I chanted in my head. Take deep breaths and keep calm. I wanted to be able to enjoy looking at him. I so wanted to see what he was wearing. And I wasn't disappointed.

The gym was loud as children squealed with delight as they jumped. One parent was stationed at each bouncy house to make sure only so many kids jumped at a time. Another parent helped the kids in and out as needed which ended up being my job.

When I turned to help the next child up, there stood _his_ little girl smiling up at me. I couldn't help but smile back at her as I looked at her sweet little face. Then my eyes shot up to his when it dawned on me that if she was here, so was he. As I looked into his eyes, I realized that up close he seemed even taller if that was possible. His hair was in that sexual disarray that just made my fingers twitch to run through it.

Looking down his body I was rewarded with the sight of him in an unbuttoned blue and red plaid shirt revealing a snug blue tee shirt hugging his body. The sleeves were pushed up above his elbows showing off the lean muscles in his forearms. His jeans were tight accentuating his hips and the length of his legs.

As I raised my eyes back up his body again and looked into his eyes, I was sure that he could see exactly what I was thinking. I knew there was no way to hide that my eyes had to be swirling with desire.

Shaking my head to clear the lust from myself, I started to guide his little girl up into the bouncy house. Her eyes were focused on the other kids jumping inside and with her excitement missed a step. She wobbled a little and my gripped tightened on her little hand and in the move of a parent, I moved closer to keep her from falling.

As I moved in closer to her, so did _he_. Our bodies bumped slightly and instantly my body became aware of his. When I looked into his eyes, all thoughts were lost and so was I as I stared into those amazing green eyes.

When Pacey bounded over to me and grabbed my leg in a playful hug, I was relieved to be released from the intensity of his gaze. The moment I walked away though, I could sense the loss of being close to him.

Angela had seen the exchanged look we had shared and much more than I was ready to admit to anyone. She called me out on it as soon as Pacey was busy jumping and I tried to tell her that this was not the time or place for me to bare my soul to her. Mortified by the fact that someone was listening to our conversation, I looked around and when I did he was still staring after me with what looked to be a frown on his face. I wasn't sure why, but that bothered me.

So here I am at my pc sitting here listening to _Etta James_ again, crooning the fact that she just wants her man to make love to her while I remember every detail of our limited contact and the fact that he looked sexy as hell in those jeans.

_Damn sexy_.

We spent the rest of the weekend at home. The kids were playing outside in the falling leaves as I watched them through the window. Fall was definitely here with the crisp fall air and the limited sunlight hours.

When I didn't see Alice at the festival, I texted her to see why she wasn't there. She responded later telling me about Mary and her stomach bug and the fact that she had been cleaning up puke since Friday night. Alice pleaded with me to come by during the parent teacher conference so she could at least see me and know that I was real.

I missed Alice. We hadn't seen each other much during the summer, her going one direction on vacation and the kids and me going another. When she was at home, we were gone, when we were at home, she was gone. Since school had started and the fact that Alice was a teacher, our schedules again conflicted and we never saw each other.

Sure we had texted each other and emailed, but it wasn't the same. I needed Alice. Although Angela and Rose were both my friends, that were not Alice.

~*~

Meeting with Patrick's teacher went much as I expected. She praised him on how smart he was and the fact that he never got in trouble. Her only complaint was how disorganized he was, but stated she had two boys of her own and knew first hand how messy they could be. Her boys were in high school, and she still had to remind them to pick up their shoes or make sure they had everything they needed for school.

"I wish I could say that it gets better over time, but it doesn't. But if that is the only problem Patrick has, then he's far ahead of the game. He really is a bright boy. The fact that he has all A's on his report just proves that." Mrs. Lane beamed at that statement. She to, was proud of the fact, that one of her students had such good grades.

"I'm very proud of him." Pausing for a moment to try and figure out the best way to ask the questions I so desperately wanted an answer for, I bit my lip and decided that no matter how hard the question or answer would be, I had to know.

Looking over to where Patrick and Pacey were looking at the books to make sure they weren't listening, I began to whisper. "I want to ask you something. Does Patrick ever seem upset to you? He hardly ever talks about his father, or what happened. Sometimes I worry that he represses his feelings and tries to hide them from me to be strong."

Mrs. Lane cocked her head to the side and seemed to consider my question. She didn't know the whole story about how my marriage had ended, but she knew enough to know that it didn't end on good terms.

"I don't think you should worry too much about Patrick. He is a well rounded, intelligent boy. He never acts out. He gets along well with other students. But to answer your question, I haven't seen anything that caused me to be concerned with his behavior."

Her reassurance was exactly what I needed when it came to Patrick. She spent as many hours in the day with him that I did, and many times children will let their guard down and talk with teachers when they feel like they can't talk with their parents.

Our time was up and it was the next set of parents and their child's turn to meet with the teacher. Remembering that Alice wanted me to come by and see her while I was here, I walked toward the kindergarten hallway.

Alice was standing outside of her doorway finishing up with the set of parents who she had just had a conference with. When she saw me a huge smile graced her face, she said her goodbyes and made her way to me.

"Hey, Bella! How are you?" Alice said as she pulled me into an enthusiastic hug crushing me in the process.

"I'm fine Alice. How have you been?" Responding politely I tucked my head. Even though I've know Alice forever, I was always shy when it came to the beginning of conversations.

"Same old, same old, you know how it is when school is going on. Call me later so we can get together. Fall break is coming up and we should get together. Maybe go shopping and have lunch. I miss you Bella." Alice whispered the last part pulling away from me to look me into my face and tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear. Alice was always more like a sister than a friend.

"I know Alice. I miss you too." I whispered back hoping she knew how sincere I was. "It's just so hard now that school is in session. The kids keep me so busy. So does my writing." I knew that I looked sad as I spoke.

"I know", Alice stated back to me. "We will talk when you call me later. And if you don't call me, I'm calling you. Got it!" Alice directed back at me. Knowing Alice, if I didn't call her, she might show up at my house.

"I got it Alice. I will call you later after I put the kids to bed." Looking away from Alice, I saw _him_ sitting there staring at me attentively. Blushing, I turned back to Alice and stammered, "I have to go. Talk to you later." With that I turned quickly grabbing the boy's hands and took off.

Yes, I was going to call Alice. One because I missed her more than anything, and second, to find out once and for all a name to go along with that beautiful man.

That night after dinner, I gave the boys a bath and read them a story before putting them to bed. This was my favorite time of the day. Spending one on one time with my boys, then tucking them safely away in bed, giving me the satisfaction of knowing they were home with me and I didn't have to worry about them.

As I helped Patrick climb into bed and pull the sheets snugly around him, I felt the overwhelming need to tell him how proud I was of him. When I told him exactly how I felt, I was surprised as his eyes seemed to glaze over with tears.

"Thank you, mama." Even though his eyes were shiny with tears, there was happiness mixed in that matched the big grin on his face. He reached out with his outstretched arms and pulled me down to him. Mentally I scolded myself for not saying it enough, especially since he never heard it from his father.

Now that the kids were in bed, this provided me with the opportunity to completely relax with no worries. This time of the day was completely mine. The house was quiet with no television or radio filling the rooms with sound. Outside it was dark surrounding the house with a blanket of protection. Sometimes I would sit and read allowing myself to be fully submersed into the story, or I would write to empty my conscious laden mind.

Grabbing my cell phone from my purse, I slipped into my office and shut the door so the kids wouldn't be bothered by my talking on the phone. Laying down on the chaise lounge, I dialed the number that I knew by heart.

The phone rang only once before Alice picked up. "Hey, Bella. I'm so glad you called." Alice sighed in relief. "I was beginning to think you were avoiding me."

Sometimes Alice truly scared me with her precognition skills. "I was in a way. I know this summer our schedules didn't exactly work for us to go on vacation together, and it worked out best that the kids and I went away alone anyway. But you're right in a way. I'm still ashamed of how I let Mike treat me and the kids. The way I let Mike control me and our marriage. The disgraceful way it ended. I don't want you to think any less of me."

Alice didn't hesitate in her response. "Bella, there's nothing you can do that would make me think any less of you. It's not your fault the way things ended with Mike. You were the victim here, and the kids. You did what you thought was best by putting your kids first. You did the best you could with the situation you were presented with. No one can fault you for that."

The fact that Alice never lied to me let me know that what she said was true. "You don't know how much that means to me. Sometimes it bothers me, I mean really bothers me when I think about the fact that I stayed, the fact that I left, even now I still worry if I did the right thing. What's so sad is that my second guessing myself is something Mike instilled in me. I'm trying my best to stop the uncertainty. It's going to take a while, but I'm working on it. I've always been insecure, but life with Mike gave self doubting a whole new meaning. But I'm not going to live the rest of my life like that. I'm going to be strong for myself and my children."

"Damn straight. That's what I want to hear." Alice said with a chuckle and I could almost picture her doing a fist pump in the air like Emmett. "You've lived your life for someone else long enough, it's time you live your life for yourself."

Alice and I continued to talk for almost two hours. We talked about Mary and how she was doing in school. She told me how Jasper had started a new project at the college and was giddy with the anticipation of the research. After Alice told me everything there was to tell me about Jasper's work, she commented on the fact that he was 'such a geek' which earned a playful smack that resounded through the phone. Alice giggled and I could hear Jasper retorting 'she loves this geek' as all went silent but their shared kisses.

_That's what I want._

In return Alice asked me about my grandmother and how my latest book was going. We talked about the kids and how they were doing at home and school. After telling her about Patrick's excellent report card and Pacey's days at preschool with Charlie, I confessed my worries over Patrick.

"I'm concerned about Patrick." Answering her with the only thing that truly bothered me, I explained how on the surface he acts so strong, but I was worried about how he really feels. "Pacey sometimes talks to me about Mike. But neither one of them tell me they miss him. It's sad."

"It's not sad if their happy Bella." Alice replied genuinely. "He was never a father to them. They were nothing more than possessions to him, just like you were. All he wanted to do was control them and you, not have a family with you. I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear this. It's just…when I think of the way he treated you and the boys, it makes my blood boil."

"You don't have to apologize. How can I be mad at you for speaking the truth?"

"You don't need me to remind you of the bad times. I really don't have a filter sometimes. That's my inner Bella coming out in me." Alice giggled at her comment and made the intenseness of the conversation light again.

"Ha Ha. Very funny. You and Emmett both just love the fact that I can't help the things that come out of my mouth sometimes. Maybe one of these days, I will be quick witted enough to tell something dreadful on you two." Snorting at my own joke, but seriously I would love to embarrass the hell out of them sometimes.

"That will be the day that you one up one of us." Alice responded and carried on with the topic telling me all about how Emmett and Rosalie were doing. Emmett's job was doing well and Rosalie was content staying at home being a housewife and taking care of the kids.

"So how are Angela and the kids? How's the filter on her mouth?" Alice asked knowing as well as I did that Angela's filter was nonexistent compared to mine.

"You know Angela. She and the kids are good though." I responded and then yawned loudly into the phone. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was after ten. "Sorry Alice. I didn't realize it was so late. I know you have to get up earlier for work and I have to get the kids off to school."

"I don't care what time it is Bella. I'm just glad I got a chance to talk with you." Alice paused for a moment taking a deep breath exhaling noisily before she spoke again. "There is something else I want to talk to you about. Not something, someone."

Thinking back on our conversation, I couldn't think of anyone we had left out. My curiosity peaked, so I asked. "Who Alice?"

"Edward Cullen." The name certainly didn't ring a bell. We lived in a small town where you knew just about everybody. Thinking back to high school and even college, I just couldn't remember anybody by that name.

"Who's Edward Cullen Alice?" Confusion muddled my brain as I continued to try and think of who that could be.

"He's tall with the reddish brown hair and eyes greener than moss. I know you've seen him around school, he told me."

No. It couldn't be. Could it? Was she talking about the same man that I had fantasized about for months, the same one who I see ever morning at school? Luck must be on my side, because it saved me the embarrassment of asking.

Apparently, my little rant went on in my head longer than I realized because Alice interrupted my inner dialogue. "His daughter Claire is in my class. Before school started, I met them at the park one day when I took Mary to play. Claire and Mary became instant friends and so did Edward and I. They both are really sweet."

"Oh." Was the only response I could give. My head was reeling with the fact that we were talking about _him_. Well I guess we were talking about him. For once, I thought, maybe I could put a name with the face.

Alice carried on like she didn't hear me. "He had a rough marriage like you did. His wife left him and Claire, never to look back. His parents live here, and he liked the idea of living in a small town to start over without any reminders of his ex wife, so he bought a house and moved here."

Most of what Alice said was absorbed. The fact he wasn't married anymore. His marriage apparently didn't end well either. But why was Alice telling me this exactly.

"Alice." I interrupted. "Why are you telling me this?"

"When you and I were talking tonight, he was staring at you. So after I finished talking to him about Claire, I asked him what the deal was."

Mortification instantly struck me. I was nervous enough around him as it was, but for Alice to point blank ask him why. "No you didn't." Punctuating each word, I closed my eyes thinking that this was worse than mortification.

"Oh yes I did. And if I didn't like what he told me, I wouldn't be telling you now what he said." Alice shot back at me.

Did it really matter? I had already told myself that if I ever had a chance to be with him that I would take it. I had already made up my mind to ask Alice about him. Maybe Alice breaking the ice for me was a godsend.

"Are you sure we're talking about the same man? Are you sure he was even talking about me Alice?"" Before I got my hopes up, I wanted to make sure.

_Would he really be asking about me?_

"Oh yes. We're talking about the same man. Like I said, reddish brown hair with green eyes, tall and extremely handsome, very easy on the eyes." Jasper mumbled something in the background. "Oh hush Jasper. He's not you." Alice gave him a smacking kiss and continued. "His daughter looks just like him. He was sitting right there when I was talking to you in the hall. Your eyes locked for a split second before you bolted like a rabbit at a dog race. Yea, I'm sure."

"Well? What did he say?" Impatient now, I wanted to know everything.

_What am I, sixteen?_

"Well he started off by telling me about your little song and dance you have with each other every morning. How he holds the door open for you and the wistful looks you give each other. He knows how shy you are because you scurry off like your scared."

"You should have seen the look in his eyes when he said that you were beautiful." Alice sighed heavily. "And that he couldn't stop thinking about you. That would have been enough for me, even though it was his words that sealed the deal."

"He said that?" My voice was nothing but a whisper because all the breath had been knocked out of me when Alice told me he thought I was beautiful.

"Oh there's more. Much more. He said he didn't know anything about you, but he wanted to. Noticing that you didn't wear a wedding ring, he asked me why? So I told him."

"You didn't. Please tell me you didn't tell him what happened." Shock laced my voice. What would he think of me now?

"Before you get too upset, I want you to know something. I would never betray your trust to just anybody. Your story is yours and yours alone, but I wanted him to know what kind of hell you had been through. I wanted him to know how badly because if he ever hurt you, I would kick his ass." Alice sounded so fierce at that moment; I would never doubt that she meant what she said.

"What did he say when you told him what happened?" Again I was plagued with the doubt of would he think any different of him because how my marriage had been and had ended.

"He said he would never hurt you. I believe him and trust him, or I would have never even mentioned this to you or him. The fact that his marriage sucked just as bad as yours did lead me to believe something. You two are perfect for each other. You both are compassionate and loving people who deserve to be happy. And I'm going to help you along." A picture of Alice dancing with excitement entered my head.

"What have you done Alice?" Instantly I was skeptical of what Alice had in mind. I was newly divorced with two kids, the thought of jumping back into the dating scene scared the hell out of me.

"I told him that I was going to set you up on a date and keep both of your kids so that you could go out." Alice ignored my groan of protest. "He was so excited that he reminded me of a teenage girl. Asking me if I would talk to you tonight and let him know what you said. It really was cute."

"Oh shit Alice." That was the most brilliant response I could come up with at the moment because I was too flabbergasted for words.

"He's a great guy. After what you have been through, I would never set you up for heartbreak again. I have a feeling about the two of you. A good feeling."

Alice had always had feelings about one thing or another. Most of the time I listened to her, but the one time I didn't that, she was completely right. She was so adamant about Mike and how he really was, and I regret to this very day that I didn't listen to her. The only good thing, great thing I should say, that came out of it was my two beautiful boys.

"Bella, I love you and care for you like you are my sister. I would never do anything to hurt you-"

Interrupting Alice was the only way to stop her from rambling. "Now what?" I wasn't sure what or how this was going to work. Was he going to call me, or was I supposed to call him.

"-believe me. Wait. What did you say?" That stopped her short.

"I said now what. Is he supposed to call me or am I going to call him." Not entirely sure of where my self confidence was coming from at the moment, I rambled on. "Are you going to give him my number?"

"Wow. You're actually going to talk to him. Can I ask why?" Alice questioned me because she knew this was so unlike me to agree to something like this.

"Because, you're right about the way he looks at me. It scared the hell out of me at first, but there is just something about him. I can't seem to stop thinking about him either. If he wants to call me, that's fine. I'll trust your instinct on this Alice. But you have to promise me one thing." This wouldn't be a deal breaker, but this would help me.

"Anything Bella. I just want you to be happy." Alice replied in earnest.

"You can't push this. If it's going to happen, it will happen."

"Of course sweetie, I'll promise. But it's going to happen. Just wait and see." Alice was more excited than I had heard in a long time. She went on to tell me more about Edward and Claire, where they lived, what kind of car he drove. Which I thought was very interesting because of the car I drove. Alice told me she would give him my cell phone number and not to be surprised when he called me.

Before we hung up, she asked if Pacey and I wanted to go with the kindergarten class to the Pumpkin Patch. She said to pack a lunch and after I dropped off Patrick that morning, to fall in line behind the buses. Alice said it would be great for Pacey to get a feel for a real field trip and give us a chance to talk more. The idea appealed to me so much I agreed to go when she finished describing all the things they would do and how much fun it was.

That night when I lay in bed, I couldn't stop the silly grin that was on my face. When I closed my eyes, thoughts of Edward swirled through my head. _Edward._ Now I had a name to go with the face. Dreaming of us making love as I whispered his name over and over as he loved me filled my head throughout the night.

The next morning, the anticipation of seeing him after what he said had me giddy with excitement. While I was getting ready, I kept chanting a little mantra in my head. _You will be strong. You will be strong. _I thought by saying that over and over again I wouldn't wimp out when I saw him. Deciding that I would not look away from him when I did and if he spoke to me, then I would do my best to answer him.

My nerves were on end when we arrived at school. All the chanting just made it that much more real to me that I was going to do this. I was going to talk to him. When I got out of the car, my chest tightened at the thought of seeing him almost relieved when I didn't.

After walking Patrick in, Pacey and I made our way back out again. As we walked my nerves kicked up again, so I started back up my internal chanting and trying to breathe to calm myself down. Pacey started talking to me giving me something else to think about so I was surprised when I we got to the door.

When I looked up, there he was. All my worries lifted away as I stared into his eyes. A smile graced my face right along with the blush that burned red causing me to tuck my head and bite my lip. My nervous habits will never die.

He said hi along with my name surprising me at first until I thought about Alice. Gathering all my strength from my earlier chanting, I said hello using his name as well. This time I was rewarded with a wild look churning through his eyes.

Pacey jerked me forward breaking the spell. As we walked towards the car, I turned around to see him, and he was still standing there. I couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up from my throat as I started thinking that this was really going to happen. _He was going to call me._

**A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. I don't have a beta, so please excuse any mistakes.**

**Next chapter will be there first conversations and Pumpkin Patch fun. It will be in Edward POV. Thanks for reading!**


	13. First Conversations

**Here is Chapter 13. Thanks to all of you have reviewed! Please keep reviewing! Thanks to livvi84 for answering some questions for me.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. Robert Pattinson, you inspire me.**

Chapter 13: First Conversations and Pumpkin Patch Fun

Edward POV

_Bella._ Her name is Bella.Finally after months of dreaming about her, I now know her name. And that wasn't all I found out about her.

Sometimes it's hard to believe things unless you see or hear them for yourself. Even now I can't believe what I saw and heard. Seeing Alice talking to _her_, and the interaction between them, made me believe they were more sisters than friends. It surprised me how they were together. It also surprised me at the sadness I saw flicker through Bella's eyes as they were talking.

Listening to Alice tell me about Bella, it all made sense. Why she was so shy and reserved. It may have been her nature to be shy anyway. But that fucker that was her husband apparently had a turn at making her feel less than worthy as well.

When Alice told me the story of how Bella's husband treated her and what happened the night their marriage fell apart, again I was stunned at the anger I felt on how he treated her and the kids. How could someone do that to someone so beautiful?

But then the biggest shocker was the fact that Alice said she would help get us together. She said we were perfect for each other and had more in common than I would believe. Alice told me she would talk to Bella and let me know the outcome of their conversation.

The next morning though, I knew there was no need to talk with Alice. The smile on Bella's face said it all. She was beaming when she spoke to me and when I heard her say my name; it caused my imagination to run wild.

Alice confirmed that she did in fact talk to Bella. Seems Bella is just as eager as I am to talk and go out on a date. While I was talking with Alice, I felt giddy as a school girl and sounded like one too. On the inside, all I could think was _Hell Yea_!

So here I am sitting in my office about to call the girl I have been fantasizing about for months. While I was settling in, I kept looking at her number so much, I had already memorized it. The anticipation was killing me to talk with her and hear her voice again so I dialed her number waiting for her to pick up.

_Please answer_.

"Hello?" The hesitation in her voice made me realize she apparently didn't recognize the phone number. So I figured I better answer quick to let her know who it was. Besides that I had to get her to say something else. Anything so I could hear her voice.

"Bella, its Edward. Edward Cullen. Alice gave me your phone number this morning. She said that you said that I could call you. I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time?" Real smooth. Rambling like an idiot was not a good thing. But at least she would know she wasn't the only one nervous. She sounded somewhat breathless and I was hoping it was because of me.

"Oh, hi. No you didn't catch me at a bad time. I just got back from the grocery store and I'm bringing them into the house. How are you today?" She sounded so sweet on the phone. Almost like a child. This was the most I had ever heard her talk and I already knew that I would never tire of hearing her.

Maybe it was a good thing to talk on the phone the first time. Talking in person might make her more apprehensive. And just make me want to touch her.

"I am doing great actually. I am really excited about this date Alice has set up for us. How are you doing?" Damn I'm still rambling. I was trying to be respectful, but I wasn't sure if I could hide the excitement in my voice. It's better to be honest about my feelings though.

She giggled before responding. "Oh, Edward. I'm great too. I think I shocked poor Alice last night when I agreed to talk to you and let her set us up. From what Alice tells me, you and I have had some poor luck when it comes to our spouses. Knowing Alice she filled you in on all of my misery."

_Well at least she laughed at my rambling. Keep it light, she seems to like that_.

"I hope you aren't mad because Alice told me Bella. I think she was just trying to help me understand that we both have had it bad. We both have been hurt. Although it sounds like you had it worse than I did." Mumbling the last part I instantly regretted it. What the hell am I saying? I didn't want to upset her.

She took a deep breath and exhaled into the phone. "I'm not mad because Alice told you. I know she hasn't told anyone else. She must really trust you to tell you all that."

"Alice and I have gotten close since I met her. She's been wonderful to Claire. That's my daughter's name, Claire. She loves Alice. And Mary too. Since the day they met in the park, they've been like two peas in a pod." What I said was the honest truth. Alice and I had become close since we met. There was no doubt in my mind that Alice trusted me just as I trusted her.

"Alice is such a great person. She has been so good to me and the boys. Mary's a sweetheart." Bella sounded wistful as she spoke.

"She really is. What are your boy's names?" It pleased me so much to talk this way with her.

"My oldest boy's name is Patrick. My youngest is Pacey." I'm sure she was smiling as she talked about her kids.

"That's an unusual name. Where did you get it from?" I had never heard the name before and wondered where it had come from.

"I used to watch Dawson's Creek when I was in college. There was a boy on there named Pacey that I had a huge crush on. The name just stuck with me." She giggled. Fucking giggled. Damn I love that sound.

"So what grade is Patrick in?" This was something that Alice hadn't told me.

"He's in second grade. Pacey's is in preschool, but only goes two days a week. The rest of the time he stays with me. How does Claire like kindergarten?" Bella asked.

"She loves it. Alice is great with her. Calls her a little Picasso. Claire loves to draw. I think she got that from my mom." Thinking back about what Alice had said at the parent teacher conference made me smile.

"Alice said your parents live here. That's why you moved here."

"Yea they live here. They got tired of the city life a long time ago. Their a big part of why we moved here. I really wanted to get out of the house I had shared with my wife. Nothing but bad memories in that house."

"I know exactly what you mean." Bella mumbled. "The night of the living hell as I sometimes call it, I moved out of my house taking nothing but my clothes, the kid's clothes and all of their things. I couldn't stay there another night."

"Alice told me. That must have been horrible. Did…Did he hurt you?" The thought of it just made me see red. Alice had told me about it, but I wanted to hear it from Bella.

"No more than he had before." Bella responded quietly. "But I hate to think of what would have happened if Jasper hadn't been there. I have seen Mike mad before, but never like that."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. Especially with the kids being there. It must have been hard on them." To think that those two little boys witnessed their father abusing their mother was terrible.

"I think it was harder on them staying than leaving. To be honest with you, they wanted to go." Bella murmured. "That was the saddest thing."

"Claire wasn't as upset as I thought she would be when Tanya left." It still surprised me to this day.

"Maybe she was as relieved as my kids were that it was over. Kids sense things. Even though we may try our best to hide the bad from them, they still see it." Bella paused for a moment before she asked the next question. "Are you glad your wife left Edward?"

Well wasn't that the million dollar question. Very blunt for my shy girl.

_There I go again. My girl. I like the sound of it._

Honesty would be best right now. The word vomit was coming, I could feel it.

"There was no love in our marriage. Our marriage was a marriage of convenience because we thought it was the next step in our relationship. I tried so hard to make it more, but I finally figured out that I was the only one who wanted it. She didn't want Claire. She wanted to get rid of the baby, but I lied and told her that she couldn't get an abortion because we were married. I even told her that she couldn't get a divorce because she was pregnant. She believed me. I thought that once the idea of having our baby grew on her, she would change her mind. It didn't work. I did everything I could to make her happy and it was never enough. So I guess the answer to your question would be yes. I'm glad she left."

That was the first time I had ever admitted out loud that I did that. No one knew what happened the night that Tanya told me she was pregnant and that Tanya wanted to get rid of the baby. My parents didn't even know the real truth or that I lied to Tanya to get her to keep the baby. That night when I told her that, the only thing that I thought of was my unborn child.

We all have our dirty little secrets. This one was mine. I panicked that night Tanya told me she wanted to get an abortion. So I lied so she wouldn't kill my child. How would that look in Bella's eyes?

"Say something please." Begging her right now was probably not a good idea, but I had to know what she thought of me. Would she think I was a monster like her ex husband?

There was a long pause before she answered. "Wow our exes were a lot alike. Yours didn't want kids, so she wanted to get rid of it. Mine hid my birth control pills so he could get me pregnant so he could keep me at home where I belonged. They both wanted to be in control however they could." Bella sighed.

"Do you think any less of me because of what I did? The fact that I lied to her, to make her keep my baby." This was blunt, but I had to know.

"No. You did what you had to protect your child. You did what you did to try and keep your family together. That I understand all to well. I stayed in a loveless abusive marriage because I thought it was the right thing to do because I wanted my children to have a family. Do you think any less of me because I stayed because I wanted my children to have a mother and a father? Even though I was putting myself in danger and possibly my kids."

Alice was right. Bella and I did have a great deal in common. We both did what we thought was right to make a family.

"No. I don't think any less of you. Seems we both made decisions based on what we thought was right. I just wanted to be honest with you. Lying to her was probably the worst thing I've ever done in my life. Tricking her to make her believe something that wasn't true so she wouldn't have an abortion is something I should feel ashamed of. But the truth is I don't. I can't imagine my life without Claire being in it. If I had to do it all over again, I would've still lied to her."

And I would have in a heartbeat. The life growing inside Tanya was a part of me.  
There was no way I was going to let her do away with it.

"I know that must have been hard for you to tell me that. You don't know how much I appreciate the honesty. Hiding things from each other is not the way to start a relationship."

The idea of us being in a relationship with Bella thrilled me. The thought of us being together caused a tightening in my belly that I had never felt before. For her to even think that we might after what I just told her gave me hope.

"Thank you. Some wouldn't understand what I did and why I did it. It was selfish I know."

"Sometimes when we act out of selfishness because we feel helpless and don't know what else to do. You did what you did to save your child's life. I stayed with Mike because I thought it was the only way to provide a family for my kids. In the end we both gained something we loved, but hurt ourselves and others in the process. Mike did what he did to keep me where he wanted me. He didn't want kids. He wanted to have something over me to keep me at home. There's a difference."

"Did he really hide your birth control pills?" I blurted out. My word vomit came over me again. "I'm sorry, that's none of my business." Yes we were being honest, but I didn't want her to think I was prying.

Bella chuckled without humor. "He switched my pills for candy. When I told him I was pregnant he didn't act very surprised. So I became suspicious and sure enough figured it out. He said I could stay home and take care of the baby so he would know where I was because he worried about me. I had to practically beg him to allow me to finish college. He didn't like it, but I graduated. I have a degree in creative writing." Bella murmured the last part quietly.

"Yea Alice said you write books. Do I know any of them?" A change in topic, that was good. We both seemed to have gotten the hard part out of the way. A happier subject was good for me.

"Not likely. I'm not that famous. I do it more for pleasure. Romance novels. Angst, drama, happily ever after. That's what I write." Bella paused for a moment before she named off some of the books she had written. To my surprise, I had read them all but didn't know it was her. "I've got some copies I can give you to read. If you want to that is." She sounded nervous. She must be scared about what I would think of them.

"Believe it or not, but I've read them. My mother buys books all the time and then passes them on to me. It gives me something to do once I put Claire to bed. I like to read." There was truth in that statement. There was a many a night that I feel asleep with a book in my hand. To think I had fallen asleep with one of Bella's books in my hands. There was something about that that gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

"Wow. Well I didn't think someone like you would read the smut that I write. It's not all smut really, just something more a desperate housewife would read instead of a lawyer."

"We lawyer's get tired of reading legal documents all the time." Bella laughed at my statement, a tinkling sound that made me smile in return.

"Do you enjoy being a lawyer?" Bella questioned.

"I do. I'm just a paper lawyer. Wills, contracts, things like that. Nothing that would a desperate housewife would enjoy."

"Touché Edward. Maybe I could use you sometimes." There was a pause. "That didn't come out right."

"No what you said was fine. You can use me anytime." I murmured back to her.

"Oh."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude." What the hell am I thinking? This is our first conversation and I'm already talking dirty to her. Calm down. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Uh. Sure." She was nervous now. Damn I hope she doesn't clam up on me.

"Why do you use a pseudonym when you publish your books?" Many authors did this, but I didn't understand why.

Bella sighed heavily into the phone. "I had to. Mike thought my writing was just a hobby and didn't support it. When I mentioned to him that I wanted to send my work off to a publisher, he didn't approve. It was my life dream to become a writer and even though I knew my writing was no great work of fiction, I still wanted to be published. So when I sent my first story to a publisher and they liked it, I knew I would have to use a false name if I wanted to write. Besides that, I enjoy my privacy. I'm no Stephenie Myers, but I still didn't want people knowing who I was."

"That's sad. Talent like yours should never be wasted." Her stories had moved me and made me think. And horny as hell sometimes. Anyone who could write like that deserved a chance to share their work.

"Thank you Edward. That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing."

"You're welcome." And I meant it. Now there was something else nagging at me. "Bella?" I asked hesitantly, "I have another question, if you don't mind. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to, I don't want to make upset you or anything."

"It's okay Edward. You can ask me anything you want. I don't want to hide anything from you." Her response was exactly what I thought it would be.

"Well." I stammered not sure how to ask this. I knew she said I could ask her anything, but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. "We have been talking for almost two hours now. It just seems comfortable you know, almost like we have known each other for years. Why do you think that is?"

"Oh, Edward. It is easy to talk with you. I…I…trust you. Maybe that's why I feel comfortable talking to you. If Alice trusts you, then I do to. I trust Alice. Alice is always right. If I had listened to her a long time ago…" She paused taking a deep breath. "Then maybe things wouldn't have gotten as bad as they had. But I was like you Edward, I stayed with my ex hoping I was doing the right thing for my children. In the end, it was wrong for everyone. If I had listened to Alice, I would have saved myself and my children a lot of heartache." She sounded sad, but I could hear in her voice the resolution of her feelings.

"Well I owe Alice a big thank you in more ways than one. I have just one more question." This was the big one. She had been so good about our question and answer session. Hopefully this question would have the answer that I had been looking for all along.

"Yes Edward." Just one more yes is all I need her to say.

"Would you go out with me? On a date I mean. Like dinner and a movie or lunch or whatever. Sorry, I'm rambling. I feel like I'm fifteen again." None of that sounded right.

"Of course I will go out with you." Bella responded quietly.

"Really." I squeaked. I fucking squeaked like my balls hadn't dropped yet.

Bella giggled. "Yes really."

"When would you like to try? Alice said she would keep the kids whenever we wanted to go." Calm down Edward. She said yes.

"Well, this weekend is Halloween, so maybe we can try to go out the next Friday night." The vision of her in that Princess Leia costume instantly came to mind. Fuck now I'm hard thinking of her like that.

"That sounds great." Just then my secretary buzzed me saying I had a client on the phone. "That's my other line. Can you hold for just a minute?" Bella agreed so that I could take the call.

"Sorry about that. I need to go, duty calls. Can I call you tomorrow? We can figure out everything then."

"Of course you can Edward. I enjoyed talking to you. I'm looking forward to our date." She murmured before she said goodbye.

I couldn't agree with her more.

~*~

We talked the next day and then the next. With each conversation our talks became easier and relaxed and seeing each other at school had lost it's awkwardness for both of us. We didn't talk much at school deciding that until we knew where this was going, we didn't want the kids to know until we knew ourselves. Still though, discovering everything about her and sharing myself with her made my day. Every time that I hung up the phone with her, I couldn't stop the smile that graced my face.

"Now what put that smile on your face Edward? I haven't seen a smile on your face like that in a long time." Carlisle asked from the doorway. Bella and I had just hung up from another long talk and as always I was dreaming of putting my hands on her.

"Sorry Dad. I'm daydreaming." No Dad, not just daydreaming, I thought to myself.

"Well that's obvious." Carlisle asked as he sat down in the chair across from my desk. "So who is she?"

"Excuse me?" How would he know it was a she?

"The only time I had a look like that in my eyes, I was thinking of your mother. A woman does that kind of thing to a man." Carlisle smiled largely raising an eyebrow in question at me.

"There maybe something, but I don't want to jinx it." I murmured back to him.

"That's fine. Whoever it is, I owe a big thanks for putting that smile on your face." Carlisle rose from his chair walking to the door. Turning back he smiled again at me in that smile that told me he was happy for me. "Are you still going on the field trip with Claire tomorrow?"

"Yes. I'm looking forward to it. I'll have my phone if you need me."

"Don't worry about it. Go have fun with Claire." Carlisle left me alone with my thoughts. I was really looking forward to going with her. Alice had assured me that this would be fun. Who wouldn't trust Alice?

The next morning, Claire and I packed our lunches for the field trip. She was chattering enthusiastically about pumpkins and hay rides. Arriving at school we fell in line behind the school buses so that I could follow them to the pumpkin patch. In the line of cars already started behind the buses was that Volvo crossover again. Maybe today I would figure out who drove it so I could quiz them about the way it handled.

When we walked into school and towards Claire's classroom, I was a little disappointed that I would miss seeing Bella today. Because of parking in the front of the school to line up behind the buses, I would miss her walking in Patrick.

It was complete chaos in the kindergarten hallway. Other parents were already there, packing lunches into boxes and placing drinks in coolers. Recognizing some of the parents I nodded to them as I walked past.

The moment I walked into Claire's class, my breath whooshed out in a rush. There Bella stood holding Pacey's hand talking to Alice. Claire let go of my hand running over to her other classmates to join in on the excitement of the field trip leaving me to stand there stupefied.

_What is she doing here? Not that I'm complaining._

Alice saw me and waved me over causing Bella to look over and see me. When she did, a faint blush crossed over her cheeks before she smiled at me. Walking closer I took notice of what she was wearing. She had on tight blue jeans and Timberland hiking boots reminding me that Bella herself had said she was clumsy in one of our conversations. Her sweater was a deep orange that only made her creamy skin and her dark brown hair stand out even more.

"Hi Bella." I stammered to her as I continued to look her over.

"Hi Edward." Bella answered back looking at me from under her eyelashes.

Damn she is too beautiful for words.

Alice had a triumphant smile on her face when I looked back at her. At the same time Bella and I blurted out "you did this" bringing a smile to both of our faces. Alice smiled an angelic smile clasping her hands down in front of her in an innocent gesture. The little pixie planned this all along. She deserves a present!

"Well, not exactly. Not at first. I asked you to go first Edward. Then when I talked to Bella that night, I asked her to go." Alice smiled again before handing out t shirts with the school name on it to all the kids explaining to each to pull it on over their clothes. "We use these to help us keep up with you. But all of you remember, you are not to wander off by yourself." All of the kids gave an enthusiastic nod as the put their shirts on.

Alice called role then checked to make sure all the permission slips were in order. She gave instructions to all of the parents on what we would be doing at the pumpkin patch then handed out directions in case we were separated from the bus.

All the parents including myself and Bella left to go out to get in our cars. Bella walked along beside as if this was something we did everyday. It felt natural. Looking down to Pacey he was all smiles as he bounced on his feet beside Bella.

"We're going to the pumpkin patch." He sang as I watched them walk towards the line of cars parked behind the buses. I noticed the lights blink on that Volvo signaling that it was unlocked, and Bella opened the back door so Pacey could climb in.

"This is your car." I breathed out in reverence. Not only was this delectable woman the fantasy of my dreams, so was her car.

"Yes." She answered as she made sure that Pacey latched his seat belt. Shutting the door, she turned to look at me and noticed me looking from her to the car. "What is it?" Bella asked as she cocked her head to the side in confusion.

"I've seen this car driving around, but I didn't know it was you. My fantasy is now complete." I muttered quietly.

"What fantasy would that be Edward?" She whispered in a husky tone. My head snapped back to look at her face. Her lips were curved slightly, with mirth dancing in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. That was not meant to be said out loud. Especially here at school." We had agreed to keep things on the down low until we knew where this was going.

"It's okay Edward. Glad you like my car." Answering coyly as she looked up at me through her eyelashes then opened her door and slid inside.

Walking to my car, I muttered to myself. "Yea I like the car. And the woman driving it."

_I am so screwed._

It was a sunny fall morning driving to the pumpkin patch. The leaves were falling, littering the road in red, orange, and yellow. As the buses and the cars following drove through the leaves, they would fly up in a whirlwind of color. This is why I love fall.

Arriving at the Pumpkin Patch, I stepped out into the crisp fall air. Looking around, I could see why Alice loved this place. The dew that had settled on the ground created a light sheen on everything making it sparkle in the sunlight.

I watched as Bella parked her car. To think that every time I had seen that car drive through the parking lot, thinking about how I would like to talk to the driver of the car to see what they thought about it, it was her that was driving the car. How's that kismet.

There was an old barn with tall doors opened wide leading into area where pumpkins and gourds and jams and jellies were being sold. Next to the barn sat a tractor hooked to a trailer, on the trailer were bales of hay placed around for you to sit during the hay ride. Out past the barn, you could see the pumpkins that hadn't been picked yet so that the children could walk out and pick one.

There was another area close to the barn that had two tire swings each fitted with a tractor size tires and a wooden jungle gym. Picnic tables were set up under a pavilion with more set in various places around the play area. Down a slope away from the play area was a huge corrugated pipe set at a forty-five degree angle where the kids could climb in then slide down to the bottom.

A small petting zoo with goats had staircase set up where the goats could climb. From the top of the stairs down to the edge of the fence was a pulley contraption set up where you could put food in a bucket then hoist it to the top of the stairs for the goats to eat.

All the children unloaded from the buses falling in behind their teacher. The owner of the farm greeted the children asking them to gather around him so he could talk to them about life on the farm. He explained the growth process of the pumpkin showing the kids the seeds that he planted which over time would produce a pumpkin.

After the speech, each group split off into different directions. Our first activity was the hayride. The parents helped each child onto the trailer before we boarded ourselves. Claire and I sat on one side of the trailer while Alice, Bella, and Pacey sat across from us.

Bella was radiant in the sun. The deep mahogany color of her hair was highlighted by subtle red streaks creating a halo around her. Her dark hair made her face stand out even more, causing her face to be luminous.

I watched as she fussed over Pacey, making sure his coat was zipped and his hat was on, a motherly gesture that I had never seen Tanya take with Claire.

"Are you okay Pacey. Do you feel like you're breathing funny? Or is you're chest tight?" Pacey had a serious look on his face for a moment then shook his head. "Okay. If you feel funny, you tell me okay."

Alice had told me that Pacey had asthma, but I didn't know how serious it was. Mentally I made a note to myself to ask Bella about his condition.

Bella surprised me when she leaned across the trailer and did the same for Claire. Again it was something that felt so natural and it utterly humbled me that she did that for my daughter. Claire smiled warmly at Bella and that simple act just made my heart melt.

The hayride took us around the outskirts of the farm, allowing us to see cows in the adjoining fields and corn patches with scarecrows. But what none of us expected was for the scarecrow to jump off his perch and start to dance. All of the kids squealed with excitement as the scarecrows danced around.

At the end of the hayride, we were dropped off at the pumpkin patch so the kids could pick out a small pumpkin to take home with them. Bella and I stayed close while Claire and Pacey ran off in search of a pumpkin.

"It's beautiful out here, isn't it?" Bella asked as she snapped a picture with her camera.

"Yes it is." But I wasn't looking at anything but her.

After the kids picked out there pumpkins, they were allowed to play in the play area until time for lunch. All the other classes were finishing up their activities, so the parents started setting the lunches out for the kids.

Each class was called over to their teacher so that they could have germ x put on their hands. Once they were finished cleaning up, the kids sat down and started devouring their lunch. All the kids became quiet as they ate, giving a small reprieve to the teachers and parents.

Pacey sat beside Claire while they ate talking about all the things they had done so far. They seemed to get along good, which gave me hope that when Bella and I had a relationship, that us being together might not be a hardship on the kids.

After lunch, the kids in Alice's class asked if they could go down the big slide. Alice was just as excited as they were as she motioned them to follow her. They all lined up at the top to take their turn to slide down.

"I want you to go with me Daddy." Claire exclaimed as she clapped her hands excitedly.

"You go down with me Mama." Pacey said to Bella as she looked at the slide pensively. I could almost see the wheels turning in Bella's head as she thought about going down that slide.

"It want be that bad Bella." Leaning over towards her to speak quietly in her ear, a small breeze blew over us causing Bella's scent to swirl around me.

_Oh my god does she smell good._

"That's what you think." Bella mumbled back to me. She took a deep breath, briefly closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. When she looked back at me, what I thought might be desire swirled into her eyes darkening them slightly.

_She's smelling me too! Oh damn. Cue the hard on._

Claire and I sat down to take our turn to slide down. It was about a forty foot ride down as our bottoms bumped along the ridges of the pipe. Claire laughed the whole way down where at the bottom we slid out onto a huge mat.

"That was fun. Let's go again." Claire squealed as she got to her feet. We stepped back out of the way as we heard Bella and Pacey laughing as they came down the slide.

They landed on the mat in a heap. Pacey jumped up yelling out that he wanted another turn as well.

"That vibrated me all the way down." Bella said as I helped her up off the mat. The moment our eyes met, a blush spread over her face. "Did I just say that out loud?" She mumbled as she looked around to see if anybody else heard her.

"Yes. Yes you did."

_Damn I can't wait for our date._

**A/N: The next chapter is what you all have been waiting on, their first date. I hope you enjoyed this one. Please review!! How will I know how I'm doing if you don't tell me? **

**If there are mistakes, please forgive me because I don't have a beta. Please remember also that this is just fiction people.**


	14. First Date

**This is what you have all been waiting on! Enjoy!!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. **

Chapter 14: First Date

After the pumpkin patch, I began to count the days down to our first date. The first time I would be alone with her. The first time that I would be able to possibly touch her. Oh how I wanted to touch her.

For the rest of the week, my routine consisted of Claire and I doing our usual schedule which gave me something to concentrate on besides the brown haired siren that continued to taunt me in my dreams.

Every morning I would go to work and get settled and call Bella. Our conversations were a never ending get to know each other session. We asked each other about where we grew up and about our families. Talking about our school experiences and where we went to college. When we talked about our married life and our exes, it was exactly alike. Bella and I both had sacrificed our happiness for our children's. We were both masochists in our own right.

The more I talked with Bella the more I was becoming endeared to her. She was sweet and kind and put everyone before herself. We were alike in so many ways and I was more than happy to find someone that was genuinely a good person. She was everything a man could want in a woman and more. I am so glad our exes had checked out on us because it brought us together.

Saturday came all too soon and I was nervous. I haven't been out on a date in eight years, so I was way out of the dating scene. Bella had been married for ten years and she was just as out of the dating scene as I was.

Bella and I decided to have dinner at her place. She wanted to cook for me. We also decided that we didn't want to have our first date in public. We told our kids that we were going out with someone, but didn't divulge anymore information than that. We didn't want our kids to get their hopes up if it didn't work out. Although I knew for sure that I would do whatever in my power to make this work with Bella. The more I talked with her, the more I knew; I wanted her in my life.

The anticipation was killing me all day. Even when I dropped Claire off, Alice noticed my anxiety. "Don't worry about a thing Edward. Everything will be fine." Alice smiled slyly taking Claire's bag from me and practically shoving me out the door before I had a chance to say bye to Claire. Whom I might add had forgotten me before I was pushed out said door.

When I arrived at her house I was clearly nervous. I sat in the car for just a moment trying to settle myself. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and opened the door stepping out into the cool night air.

Walking up to her front door I knocked, standing there awkwardly rocking back and forth on my heels, waiting for her to come to the door. I could hear her faintly yelling that she was coming and listened to her footsteps as she made her way to the door.

When Bella opened the door all my nervousness went away. She was beautiful standing there with her apron on over her clothes. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun and her makeup was natural and not to made up. I couldn't peel my eyes away from her. She blushed watching me watch her and bit her lower lip.

_She is tempting me already._

"Hello, Edward. Please come in. Sorry I'm such a mess. It took a while to drop the kids off. Alice was trying to fix me all up and I had to fight her off. Finally I told her that I had to leave before you showed up with Claire. She all but shoved me out the door then saying that she didn't want you to see me before it was time. So I was a little late getting dinner started." She giggled and blushed over her blush. All I could do was stare at her. "Edward," she said again, "is something wrong."

_She is beautiful._

"You're beautiful." There the word vomit has already started. "Oh…huh…I didn't mean to blurt that out like that. But you are more beautiful every time I see you." I stammered out hoping I didn't sound like a fool.

She tucked her head and bit her lip again. Then she looked up at me smiling. "Thank you, Edward. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." She waved her arm past her motioning for me to come inside. "Please come in. Why don't you come into the kitchen? Dinner is almost ready. You could set the table." She said quietly as I followed her into the kitchen.

As I followed her, I glanced around the house. She kept a clean house that much I could tell. There were pictures of her boys all over the walls. The living room was comfortable and inviting. Nothing was flashy or over the top. It was just like her.

_Perfect._

Once we were in the kitchen, she set back to work finishing our meal. She looked like she was in her element standing there cooking and preparing dinner. As I watched her, I was captivated, not able to take my eyes off her. Leaning against the counter, I just took her in.

"The plates are there to set the table. It won't be but a few more minutes now." She pointed towards a cabinet letting me know where to get the plates. I walked over and grabbed the plates and went to set the table. When I was finished, I came back around to the kitchen and started watching her again.

"It smells delicious, what are you cooking?" I questioned, hoping that I could engage her in a conversation again so I could hear her voice. It didn't matter that I could hear her in my sleep or that I had been talking to her almost every day. I still would never tire of listening to her.

"Baked spaghetti with cheese. I hope you like it. I also have a salad and some cheesy bread to go with it." She answered and looked at me expectantly hoping I would approve.

"It sounds great. Anything else I can do to help."

"Sure. You can grab the salad out of the refrigerator. There is some wine in there if you feel like it. I don't drink much, but maybe we could have a glass with dinner."

Grabbing the salad and wine from the refrigerator, I took it to the table. When I walked back into the kitchen, I asked, "Where are your wine glasses?"

She made her way across the kitchen to a cabinet and opened the door. The glasses were on the top shelf and she was trying to reach for them and couldn't quite make it. I walked up behind her and stated, "Would you like some help?" I reached around her to grab the glasses and when I did my body brushed up against hers. She gasped then stiffened and stood very still.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, "I didn't mean to scare you."

She let out a breath then whispered back, "You didn't scare me Edward. It's just…it's been a long time since I have been this close to a man." She inhaled a deep breath holding it for a second before letting it out.

After composing herself, Bella walked back over to the oven and pulled the spaghetti out of the oven carrying the dish to the table. She came back into the kitchen grabbing some napkins and a corkscrew and made her way back to the table and sat down.

Grabbing the glasses, I took the wine bottle uncorked the wine and poured us each a glass. While I did this she put spaghetti and salad on each of our plates and sat back down. It all felt very natural to me like we had done this same thing many times before.

She sat back down and looked as if she was contemplating something and jumped up so quickly I thought something was wrong. "I forgot the bread!" She exclaimed and dashed back into the kitchen claiming the bread bringing it back to the table. She placed a piece of bread on each of our plates and then sat back down.

"This looks wonderful. Shall we eat?" I asked quietly watching her every move. I was hoping that she wasn't upset from our encounter in the kitchen.

"Yes, let's eat." She stated. A slight blush spread across her face and she bit her lip, I guess nervous about my reaction to the food.

Taking a bite my mouth was met with the most tantalizing home cooked meal that I have had in a long time. While I was chewing I looked up at her and she was staring at me waiting for my response. "This is amazing Bella, how did you learn to cook like this?"

A small smile crossed her face as her eyes lit up from my compliment. "When I was a freshman in college I got tired of eating macaroni and cheese all the time. So I signed up for a cooking class off campus. And voila there you have it. I love to cook." She shrugged like it was no big deal but I couldn't agree with her there.

The rest of dinner went off without a hitch. We talked all through dinner just as easily as we had on the phone all week. There was one thing we hadn't talked about and it had been bothering me since the field trip.

"Bella, I want to ask you something about Pacey." In all of our conversations, I waited to ask her this until we were face to face so I could gauge her reaction.

"Sure Edward. What do you want to know?" Bella asked before she scooped another bite of spaghetti up.

"How bad is his asthma? Alice told me a little, but didn't go into great detail. The other day you were worried about him when we were at the farm." It was a statement not a question.

Bella nodded and sat her fork down folding her hands together. "It is better than it used to be. He has struggled with breathing problems pretty much since he was born. He has been hospitalized twice for respiratory distress." The confusion on my face registered with her so she started explaining it to me.

I sat and listened as she described to me how that when he was a baby, he had several different breathing related illnesses causing her to provide breathing treatments. She explained each illness and the treatments he had to go through, all the doctor's visits and sleepless nights of worry she had.

There were tears in her eyes when she told me he had to be hospitalized at the age of nine months and again when he was three. My heart tightened in my chest as she described how each time he stayed under an oxygen tent with IV's poked in him and breathing treatments around the clock.

"Since the last time he was in the hospital, he's been very lucky." Bella said softly. "The medicine he is on now has been like a miracle for him. But I still have to watch him carefully."

"I can't imagine going through that. That must have been so hard on you. Watching your child suffer when there was nothing you could do to help."

"You have no idea." Bella muttered taking a sip of her wine. There seemed to be more to what she was telling me, but I could tell that she didn't want to discuss it further. There would be more opportunities to talk, but right now I wanted nothing more than to hold her.

Bella started to clear the table and I helped her take everything back to the kitchen. She started to shoo me out of the kitchen to let her wash dishes, but I wasn't having that.

"No, Bella. Let me clean. You cooked this awesome dinner, now let me clean up." Blocking the sink, I held out my hands in protest.

"Fine", she huffed sticking her lip out in a pout, "I'll put the leftovers away and then I will dry dishes." She started putting things away in the refrigerator. Once she was finished she started taking the dishes and drying them and putting them away.

"I have a movie we could watch." She stammered, "If you would like too I mean." She looked nervous again. We hadn't discussed what we were going to do after dinner.

"That sounds great." I answered honestly. Bella led the way to the living room. She motioned for me to sit on the couch while she put the movie in the DVD player. Her couch was comfortable, not stiff.

"I'm not sure what kind of movies you like. I watch Disney movies so much; I can't remember what an adult movie is anymore." She giggled turning around and handing me the box the movie was in. "I hope this is okay?"

I glanced at the box and nodded my head. "Looks good to me. I'm like you. I can tell you every new release from Disney, but can't tell you what's new at the box office." I chuckled earning another giggle from her. In all honestly I could care less what the movie was, I just wanted to sit beside her on the couch. I wasn't sure where things were going to lead to, but I hoped I would get some cuddling and steal some kisses.

_I sound so hopeless._

Once the movie started, she made her way over to the couch and sat beside me. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes almost like she was asking permission if it was okay to sit that close.

_Can I say a Hell Yea!_

As the movie played, I couldn't tell you one thing that was happening. The whole time I was staring at her wishing I could get closer. Finally I mustered up enough courage to put my arm around her. She glanced at me for a second and gave me a smile letting me know that it was okay.

I started playing with a piece of her hair twirling it around my finger. Her hair was as smooth as silk. Now that I was closer to her, her scent was invading my senses and I was consumed by it.

She leaned into me, laying her head against my chest. She inhaled deeply and sighed. Caressing her arm, I rested my head on top of hers. We stayed that way until the movie ended.

When the movie ended we both stayed in that spot not even moving when the screen turned blue. I wasn't sure how to ask what I wanted to ask, so I just let the word vomit begin again. "Bella", I whispered not wanting to break the quiet that surrounded us, "can I ask you something?"

She never moved from her position as she answered. "Yes, Edward." She whispered back to me.

Letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding, I continued. "May I kiss you? I mean if that is okay. I mean if it is too soon, I understand." She turned her head up to me looking me in the eyes. From the look in her eyes, I knew the answer before she said it, but there was hesitation there to.

"Before you do, there is something that I have to tell you." She paused taking a deep breath and exhaling before continuing. "I'm nervous. Like I said before, it has been a long time since I have been with a man. Mike hadn't touched me in almost a year before our divorce. I have to admit that I'm scared. I' m scared of opening myself up like that again." She spoke so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

Taking my hand, I cupped her cheek. She leaned her head into my hand. "I know your scared, Bella. I'm scared to. But, Bella, you and I are nothing like the selfish people that we were once married to. I couldn't hurt you, no more than you could hurt me. Let's just be here, and now, and not think about how badly we were treated. We're not like them."

As I spoke to her I slowly closed the distance between us. When my lips were so close that I could feel the heat of her lips, I whispered against them. "Please let me kiss you. I won't hurt you Bella. Please." I begged and I felt her nod in agreement. And then I brushed my lips to hers. Her lips were soft and she didn't hesitate at all as I continued to press my lips to hers. We both opened our mouths at the same time to deepen the kiss and our tongues touched. It was just like my dream, but so much better. As our tongues touched there was no battle or domination. There was only feather like touches and caresses.

I slid my hand that was cupping her face to the back of her neck twisting her hair in my hand, sliding my other arm around her pulling her body closer to me. When our bodies touched, I moaned into her mouth. She reciprocated by running her arms around my neck entangling my hair in her hands. Our lips continued to caress one another's moving slowly. When our tongues would touch I could taste her sweetness. My entire body was set a fire by our kiss.

_I wanted her._

Pulling her closer, our bodies molded together perfectly. She moaned into my mouth and I could tell she was just as desperate for air as I was. I moved my lips from hers and started kissing along her jaw down the side of her neck. When I released her lips she took a deep shaky breath and tightened her hold around my neck.

I kissed her neck moving down towards her collarbone lightly darting my tongue out and tasting her flesh as I went. Savoring her essence, I moved my lips against her skin slowly. She tilted her head to the side granting me access to her beautiful neck. "Oh Edward", she moaned, "I have thought about you kissing me like this so many times. Please don't stop."

Her words encouraged me that much more. I continued kissing her and as I did I whispered against her skin. "I won't stop. Not unless you ask me to." She shuddered against me and I pulled her so close that I could feel her heart beat thudding against my chest.

She gripped my hair tighter in her hands and then tugged gently so that my face could meet hers. When our lips met she starting kissing me with a passion that I had never felt before. She deepened the kiss and our tongues starting caressing each others again. Releasing my hair, her hands gradually slid down around to the front of my shirt. I could feel her fingers start to work on my buttons slowly undoing each one until she reached the last one. When she did she pulled my shirt apart and ran her hands up my chest slowly then around my shoulders freeing me of my shirt. My body shuddered with the tenderness of her touch against my skin.

Bella pulled out of the kiss only to start kissing along my jaw line moving her way down the side of my neck. Each time her lips would touch my skin I could feel the fire run through my body. I could feel her tongue darting out to taste me as I had done to her. Her hands continued to caress my skin more intimately than I had ever been touched before.

_Could she possibly want me as much as I want her?_

Moving my hands to the front of her shirt, I started to unbutton her blouse. She never hesitated once with her kisses so I took that as a sign that she wanted this as much as I did. When I undid the last button I ran my hands under her shirt around her stomach to her waist causing her to shudder. Her skin was soft and warm under my fingers.

"Edward", she whispered against my skin eliciting another moan from me as her hot breath blew across my skin. "Please. Touch me. I have never felt like this before."

"Anything. Anything you want." I murmured back to her as I slowly ran my hands up the smooth skin of her back and unlatched her bra. Sliding my hands back around to the front taking my fingertips running them slowly across her shoulders pulling her shirt down and off her arms. My fingers traced there way back to her shoulders pulling her bra straps down unleashing her breasts to me.

"You are so beautiful." Her blush ran across her face extending down to her breast. She moved to cover herself with her hands and I stopped her. "No. Don't cover yourself. I want to see you. I want to touch you. May I touch you Bella? I will be gentle. And if you feel uncomfortable at any time, just say the word and I will stop."

She bit her lip and stared at me for a fleeting moment. When she finally spoke her words surprised and encouraged me. "I don't want to do this here." She stood and grabbed my hand and tugged at me to get off the couch. "Can we go to my bedroom?" When I stood in front of her, I couldn't help myself, I pulled her close to me placing one hand on the small of her back and the other running up and down her spine relishing in the fact our skin was touching. Her nipples hardened against my skin. I moved my hand up to her neck and pulled her head to me so I could kiss her again. As our lips touched there was that same softness to our kiss. Neither one of us wanted to rush this moment.

My arousal was throbbing in my pants. I pressed myself to her rubbing it against her. She let out a low moan and molded her body even closer to mine. Running my hand down her back across to her hip slowly down to her thigh, I hooked her thigh with my hand pulling it around my waist. She complied and brought her other leg up and wrapped her legs around me.

I could feel the heat coming from her core as we made contact. I started walking towards the hall hoping I was going in the right direction never breaking our kiss. As I walked down the hall I saw her stick her arm out towards a door showing me which bedroom was hers. I walked through the door taking time to close it with my foot. Walking over towards the bed, she loosened her legs and slowly slid down my body till her feet hit the floor.

She kept her arms wrapped around me looking up into my eyes. I could see the same emotion in her eyes that were in mine, desire. "Edward, I don't want you to think less of me if we continue. But I have never felt like this. Every time you touch me it sets my skin afire. I want you so badly. Each time I saw you at school I couldn't help but fantasize that this would happen some day." She murmured reaching up on her toes so she could kiss me again. My lips moved with hers as our tongues danced the all too familiar dance. Kissing her was better than the years of sex I had with my ex.

Our kiss was deep and passionate. We both broke away at the same time our breathing ragged. Her bottom lip had tempted me enough and I finally gave into to biting it like I had seen her do so many times before. Moaning, she nipped my lip in return.

Cradling her face with my hands, I held her gaze with my eyes. "Oh, Bella" I whispered to her, "I would never think badly of you. The only thing I ask is if we make love that you will let me stay with you tonight. I want us to fall asleep in each others arms and wake up in the morning together. I won't just have sex with you and leave. I'm not that kind of man."

_It may be word vomit but I hope she wasn't offended. I meant every word._

Her eyes started to glisten with moisture building up from unshed tears. She smiled then blushed. She brought her hands up to my chest her fingertips running smoothly up and down. "That sounds perfect to me Edward. I need you. Please." She whispered and then lowered her head down placing a lingering kiss right over my heart. That simple act made my heart clench.

Skimming my hands down her arms, to her waist, I started to undo her pants. I unlatched the button and started tugging the zipper down. Lowering her pants down, she kicked them the rest of the way off with her feet. She stood before me in nothing but a pair of blue lace panties.

"You are beautiful. I want nothing more than to lick and kiss every part of your body." Lowering her to the bed, I hovered over her taking in her beauty. Her hair was splayed out across the pillow. Her skin was glowing in the moonlight.

_She is breathtaking._

Starting at her lips, I placed soft lingering kisses moving my way from her lips down her neck. Finally, I reached her breast and darted my tongue out and licked her nipple. She moaned in pleasure as I slowly sucked her nipple in my mouth as my other hand massaged her other breast.

Bella was breathing deeply and arching her back up to my lips. "Edward that feels so good." She murmured taking her hands and running them through my hair lightly scratching my scalp. Lavishing kisses across her chest, I started sucking lightly on her other nipple. My hand slid down across her stomach down to her hip. As I made my way down, I kissed and licked her skin tasting her sweetness. I traced my finger across her skin to the top of her panties. Slowly I started to pull them down, as I continued massaging and sucking on her nipples.

Throwing her panties off the side of the bed, I kissed my way back up her from her legs to her hip. I then brought my hand down to her core cupping it with my hand feeling the heat radiating from within inside her. Something else I noticed was that she was completely bare down there.

_That is the sexiest thing ever._

I ran my fingers through her folds and immediately was aware of how wet she was. "Bella you are so wet. I want to lick you. Taste you. Please." I whispered against her skin as my lips kissed along the inside of her thighs.

Bella gasped at my comment. She took a shaky breath and mumbled to me, "I'm wet because of you Edward. Only for you Edward. Only for you. Please."

Reaching my destination I spread her open with my fingers darting my tongue out to her opening tasting her. I licked around her sliding my tongue up to tease her clit eliciting a moan from her. "Edward that feels so amazing. Please don't stop." And who was I to deny her.

As I continued to lick and suck her, she reached down running her fingers into my hair. She started rotating her hips to get more friction. I grabbed her hips holding her still so I could drive my tongue deeper insider her. "Oh Edward I am…I'm…Oh please don't stop." She begged. My tongue darted in and out of her and I brought my finger up and started grinding onto her clit. "Edward" she screamed and I was elated to know that I was making her feel this way. It was my name she was screaming in ecstasy.

I rose up upon my heels looking down on the beauty before me. Bella's body was flush from her orgasm. Her eyes were hooded with desire. Her arms were above her head now gripping the pillow tightly. As I stared at her while she came down from her high I knew I had to be inside of her.

I moved off the bed and stood unfastening my pants. When I started to unzip Bella sat up and rested her hands on mine. "Let me." Bella whispered and pushed my hands aside and took over. Her fingers ran around my waist band reaching to my hips. Nimbly she pulled them down along with my boxers freeing my erection. She reached up and took my arousal into her hands and started to slowly stroke it with her fingertips. "Edward? I want to try something. I have never done it before. I have never wanted to. But I want to do it. For you."

"You don't have to Bella", I mumbled to her. All reasoning was leaving me. My mind was clouded with lust.

"Please Edward. I want to. Please." When she begged like that I knew I couldn't deny her.

_Who am I kidding here?_

I just nodded letting her know she could. Her face came closer to me. I could feel her hot breath on my erection causing it to twitch. She giggled and lightly griped my cock with her small fingers. Then she darted her tongue out and licked the head of my erection. Hissing in pleasure, she looked up at me through her eyelashes. I took my hand and started stroking her hair in a reassuring fashion. She rolled her tongue all around my sensitive head before taking me into her mouth. As she sucked and licked me I felt like I was about to explode

"Stop Bella." I was so close. "I need to be inside of you. Now. Please!" It has been a long time since I have any physical contact, besides beating myself off in the shower, and that was nothing compared to this.

_Yea I am begging now. So what!_

She slowly released me from her mouth. Gently I gripped her by her shoulders pulling her to stand in front of me. I bent down to kiss her our taste mingling together driving me wild. I pulled her to me taking pleasure in our skin to skin contact. Suddenly a thought occurred to me. "Bella, I don't have any protection with me."

Bella sighed then took a deep breath before she answered me. "Edward, I'm on birth control pills. After I discovered my exes' infidelity, I had a complete physical and tests run. Even though it had been over a year since we had had sex, I didn't want to take any chances. I made the doctor check me for every sexually transmitted disease there was. I am clean."

I brushed a piece of stray hair out of her eyes. My face was about to crack from the wide smile that I had on my face. "We are so much alike Bella." I chuckled softly, thinking how true it was. "After my ex left me I did the same thing. She never admitted to cheating on me, but I didn't want to take the chance. I am clean too."

Bella's smile mirrored mine. She climbed on the bed pulling me down with her. "Well, Edward, that's all I need to hear." She giggled lying across the bed raising her knees up slightly spreading herself open to me.

_In Alice's words, I'm in._

It was an invitation, one I could not and would not refuse. But before I did anything I wanted to make sure she wanted this as much as me. "Bella, are you sure? I want nothing more to be with you, but only if you are sure." I murmured.

"Please Edward. I want you." She whispered back. I lowered myself to her, kissing her softly. My erection pressed against her entrance. Slowly I pushed forward entering her. Her heat was enveloping me and she was as tight as a virgin.

"You are so tight Bella." I moaned to her moving within her slowly trying to let her adjust to my size. I bent my head down and took one of her nipples in my mouth sucking lightly. I was trying to go slow but she was so tight I wasn't sure how long I was going to last.

When I looked up at her, she had her eyes closed. "Look at me Bella." I urged wanting to see her beautiful eyes as we made love. Bella's eyes opened and I was not disappointed. Her eyes were filled with lust and adoration and I knew the look in my eyes would mirror hers.

Our eyes locked and I couldn't look away. As I continued moving slowly in and out of her, Bella started moving her hips to meet mine. Our movements increased to a rhythm that was incredible. "Oh, Edward, you feel so good. I never knew it could feel like this."

Her words spurred me on. "Bella I am not going to last much longer. Cum with me Bella, please." I could feel my release coming and then I felt her tighten around me.

"Oh, Edward…Yes…Yes." She cried out and I let go as we hit our orgasm together. I fell down on her trying not to crush her with my weight. I laid there with her for a moment our chests moving almost in synchronization with each other. Finally able to move I started to withdraw from her and move away.

"Please, Edward, don't move yet. Your body feels so good against mine." Propping myself up on my elbows trying to give her a little breathing room. I took my finger and traced along her face lost in her beauty.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. Especially after what we just shared." She blushed. Then she brought her hand up running it through my hair in a soothing gesture.

"What we just shared was amazing Edward. My dreams never did you justice." She whispered to me reaching up placing a searing kiss against my lips. We just laid there staring into each other eyes. Neither of us wanted to lose our connection.

_Bella's right, dreams didn't do it justice!_

Finally I rolled to my side pulling her with me so that her head rested on my chest. Our bodies as close as could be and our legs entangled. I heard her yawn. She giggled before she beamed up to me. "I'm sorry. I'm so tired." Then she yawned again.

I yawned back at her, and then chuckled. "I'm tired too. Your yawns are contagious. Go to sleep Bella. I'll be here when you wake up in the morning." I told her honestly. There was no where else I wanted to be at them moment. No where else I wanted to be again.

I felt her breathing even out letting sleep take her. I was following her letting my eyes flutter shut. Just before sleep overcame me I heard her whisper. "Thank you Edward for being here with me tonight, it means more to me than you know."

"Thank you Bella for letting me stay. I want nothing more than to wake up with you in my arms." I whispered to her and then let sleep take me.

**A/N: I left this alone and only did corrections before posting it. You all seemed to like it the way it was, so I thought I would let it be. The next chapter is the morning after. I hope you aren't disappointed with this chapter. Please review and let me know what you think! **


	15. The Morning After

**I hope you enjoy this. Please review!**

**Thank you to my beta, tawelephant. You're awesome! And to all my reviewers, you are the best. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. **

Chapter 15: The Morning After

EPOV

Warmth. It surrounds me. I can feel it all around me, inside and out. Oh god I am warm. Radiating all around me coming from the one thing I know that is creating this warmth that I feel.

_Bella._

Never have I felt like this before. And I know that I will never feel like this again with anyone. Only she can make me feel this way. Somehow I had known from the first time I had seen her. She was it.

She is laying here in my arms as they are wrapped possessively around her. One of her hands is wrapped around my forearm, holding on to me.

_That's right baby. Hold on to me._

Her back is against me, snuggled up to my chest. Spooning her like this is something I had never done with Tanya. There were so many things that I had never done with her because she just wasn't that into it or us. Now I'm happy I can share things like this with Bella.

My nose is buried in her hair allowing her scent to invade me. Take me over.

Oh her scent. That alone is enough to drive me wild. Inhaling deeply, I allow it to drift into me. Over me. Her body has a scent that reminds me strangely of happiness. Not that that is really a scent, but nonetheless that is what it reminds me of.

Last night had been the most wonderful night of my life. The feel of her skin against mine, the way we moved together was like nothing I had ever felt before. Sensations I have never felt before in my life flooded me and I knew that it had everything to do with Bella.

This morning though, is just as good, if not perfect. Waking up with her in my arms is like coming home. This is where my home is.

I just have to convince her of that.

The only worry I have at this moment is how she feels about what happened. Will she be as elated as I feel at this moment or would she regret it?

_Please to all that's holy, don't let her regret it. _

I knew she was shy. All along I knew that she was timid and shy and it would be hard for her to be open. I can only hope that she won't be worried about what happened between us. I have to reassure her that we are right together. In no way do I want her to feel like it was wrong. Because it wasn't wrong, it was right. More right than anything I had ever felt in my life.

The sunlight is streaming through her window casting light across her face. In sleep, her face was soft and serene. Never before had I thought another woman was this beautiful.

While she is still asleep, I take the chance to look around her bedroom. The walls are painted a faint color making it seem bright and open. More pictures of her and her children adorn the walls along with a few decorative iron scroll pieces. Her furniture is nice, but not fancy or showy. The king sized bed, which I had not noticed the size at all last night, matches the rest of her furniture. The bedspread is simple, but stylish, again nothing extravagant. It just is. It is her.

Her tastes are very similar to mine which pleases me to no avail. Remembering the way Tanya had decorated our home making it seem less of a home and more of a statement reminded me of how different we really were. Bella's home on the other hand looks lived in and inviting which is what a home should be.

Bella stirs a little in her sleep snuggling deeper into my embrace. Breathlessly she whispers my name reminding me of what she had said about the dreams she had had of us. Thinking of what we might be doing in those dreams causes my cock to swell.

She shifts again rubbing against my more than obvious erection. Her body stiffens slightly and I know that she had waking up. Before she has any doubts or regrets, I want to reassure her. Pressing my lips to her hair, I tighten my arms around her to let her know I am still here with her.

"Hey." I whisper nuzzling into her hair.

"Hey." She responds, her voice husky thick with sleep.

"How are you this morning?" Hopefully this was a good a way to start off a conversation and my just maybe my word vomit will hold off for a moment so I won't scare her. Starting off slow will be the best way because I'm not really sure how to say what I really want to say and the last thing I want to do is scare her.

"How are you this morning?" Bella answers my question with a question that I know from being a lawyer is a way to evade answering the question you are asked. Well I am not about to evade anything. My word vomit isn't going to be stopped. At this moment, it is going to be more like projectile word vomit.

"Incredible. That was the most incredible night of my life, and much more so because I fell asleep with you in my arms and then had the pleasure of waking up with you still in my arms." It may be vomit, but at least it is honest. And it sounds pretty damn good if I don't say so myself.

Drawing in a breath, Bella let it out slowly. "Wow. And I thought I was supposed to be the one good with words."

"I have to say something." Here goes nothing. No, here goes everything. "I know you're nervous. Or maybe you're scared. But I don't want you to be. I'm worried that you may be upset because we moved too fast. But please…please don't let what we shared together feel wrong to you. Last night was not a mistake. I don't regret one minute of what happened and I don't want you to either."

My arms tighten around her molding her body to mine. The feel of her skin against mine, so soft and warm causes my body to sizzle with the heat. I nuzzle against her more; my erection rubbing against her like it has a mind of its own.

_Well hell, it does._

She lets out a shaky breath. "There was nothing wrong about what we did last night. Everything was right about last night. I just don't want you to think badly of me because of what we did. I'm not usually so…forward."

"I would never think badly of you. I have nothing but good thoughts of you. Wonderful thoughts of you. Last night was the most amazing night of my life."

"Last night was the most amazing night of my life too. I've never felt like that before." Bella murmurs. She takes her hands grasping my forearms tightly.

"I want to tell you something now. I dreamed of us like this. So many times I dreamed of us together. Sleeping together, waking up in each other's arms."

"Really? Tell me more." Taking my hand I brush her hair back from her face and neck. Slowly I trace my fingers down her throat, across her collarbone. Pressing my lips to her shoulder, I dart my tongue out to taste her. Yes she tastes as good as she smells.

"You were holding me just as you are now, stroking my skin."

"Then what?" Trailing my fingers across her silky skin, down her side, across her hip, with each pass I come closer to the swell of her breast, between her thighs. She moans low in her throat as her skin flushes across her chest up her face. Oh yes that wonderful blush. Gently I cup her breast kneading her flesh.

"Is this how you dreamed of me? Stroking you slowly, as I press myself against you." Pushing forward I grind my hips into her back side showing her again just how hard I am for her.

Arching her chest forward, she wiggles back against me causing me to groan. Reaching back she runs her hand through my hair. Tracing my finger across her breast to her nipple, I roll her nipple that is already hardened from my touch between my fingertips.

"Yes." She breathes low and husky. "Just like this." Lowering my hand, I move down to her slit running my finger outside her opening.

"You are so soft and wet. The fact that you are bare down here is very sexy. Downright sinful." Taking her leg, I place it over my own, opening her up for me. Slipping my finger inside, I'm rewarded with another mewl of pleasure and a slight shudder of her body.

"Can I have you Bella? Like this. Please." Reaching down between her legs, I grab my cock and tease her, running it up and down her wet folds.

"Yes." She breathes huskily taking her hand to help guide me to her entrance. The feeling of her hot pussy against me makes me want to come. I push forward slowing sheathing myself in her. My head drops to her shoulder placing kisses along her skin.

Slowly I slide in and out of her. The sensation of being inside of her is bliss, but this isn't the way I really want to make love to her. Yes it feels good, but I can't see her. I want to see her.

Pulling out of her, she whimpers slightly making me want to smile. "Bella, I want you on top."

"What?" She answers, suddenly confused by my request. Showing her it seems is the only way.

Turning her in my arms, I roll on my back pulling her with me so she is lying on top of me. Her eyes are bright with desire and confusion. Taking my hands, I take her face in my hands and pull her down to where her lips hover above mine. "This is much better. I want you on top. I want to see you. I want to kiss you."

Pressing my lips to hers, I kiss her softly, taking my tongue licking her bottom lip. She opens for me, angling her head so I can deepen the kiss, tasting her, teasing her with my tongue. Most people don't like to kiss in the morning, saying they have morning breath and they need to brush their teeth first, but that doesn't matter to me, because it's her, her taste that's in my mouth. That's all that matters to me. It's her.

Her body is molded against mine and I can feel every soft curve of it. Her skin is warm and soft against mine. Running my hands up through her hair pushing it back from her face, I pull her back slightly so I can look at her.

"You are so beautiful." Murmuring to her I start kissing along her jaw down the column of her throat. I can feel her pulse quicken under my lips. Darting out to taste her, her scent is stronger here along her neck. I slide my hands out of her hair down her back feeling her skin and muscles quiver as I go. Grasping her hips, I guide her down to me.

Her legs slide down to my sides, opening herself for me like she did last night. _Damn how lucky can one man be?_

Her breath hitches slightly when she feels me positioning myself at her entrance. I can feel the heat radiating from her enveloping me just as it did before. Just as I hope it always will.

"I have to be inside of you." Digging my fingers into the flesh at her hips, my hips surge forward claiming her. My eyes roll back into my head at the feeling and when I look back into her eyes their hooded with desire.

Her lips claim mine passionately and I can taste the hunger in her kiss. Her hair falls like a curtain around us blocking out everything but us. She moves her lips from mine, kissing my jaw, nibbling as she goes. I can feel her tongue darting out and tasting me as I did her. It's an erotic feeling having her kissing me this way.

Rising up she looks up at me from under her eyelashes biting her lip. "It's so much deeper this way. I have…I've never done it this way before." Bella murmurs placing her hands on my chest.

The fact that she has never done this runs through my head reminding me of what she said last night before she said she wanted to give me oral sex. The thought makes my heart leap with the knowledge that this is something she has only done with me. But what strikes me more is that she was married for eight years and had never given oral sex. Never had sex where she was on top.

What kind of asshole was she married to? What kind of idiot was she married to? His stupidity is my gain. The thought of not appreciating a woman like Bella in anyway that you could is unfathomable. A woman like Bella should be treated like a goddess, because that is what she is. And I have every intention of treating her as such.

A pang of jealousy that I have never had before courses through me at the thought of her putting another mans penis in her mouth or riding a man like she is riding me now. If I have anything to do with it, I will be the last man that she ever has any type of sexual contact with.

Releasing my hands from her hips, I capture her hands with mine, intertwining our fingers. "Take my hands and hold on to me." Because that is what I am going to do with her, I am going to hold on and not let go.

Gripping my hands tightly, she slowly rocks back and forth, using my hands to steady herself. She was right; it is so much deeper this way. Thrusting my hips up I match her movements. We fit together so well; it feels as if we were made for each other.

"Do you feel that? Do you feel how we are when we are together? This is right. This is beautiful. Don't ever think that there is anything wrong with this."

"Yes…I feel it." She whispers. "Yes. This is right."

"Let go Bella. Just let go." Feeling her hot sex tighten around me drives me over the edge. As she surrenders her body to me, I surrender mine to her.

"Yes…Edward…Yes…Edward." Chanting my name while she climaxes, I let go with her.

~*~

I'm not really sure how long we have laid here basking in our post coital bliss. Bella's head is resting on my shoulder, her arm draped across me, while her fingers are resting lightly over my heart drawing small circles against my skin. Our legs are intertwined together as we snuggle together under the warm sun that is gleaming through the window.

If I had a choice I wouldn't move. Knowing what I know now, being with her this way on the most intimate level that two people can be with each other, I'm not sure if I can ever be apart from her.

Many people would say that we moved too fast. We shouldn't have just jumped in the sack together on our first date like two horny teenagers, but we are after all adults. Two consenting adults who knew what they were doing. We talked about it before it went too far. And we made sure that both of us were protected. Other than that, the way I look at it, we deserve something good to happen to us.

Good? What am I saying? _It was fucking great! Wonderful! Fantastic!_ I'm not sure if there are enough adjectives to describe how last night was. And now this morning. Holy Hell!

Our children mean everything to us, that is obvious. We both have put our children first before our own needs and our own happiness. But we have to have some kind of happiness in our personal lives to survive.

As parents, we devote our love and time to our children however we can. Their needs come first, pushing ours to the backburner for a while. Bella and I over the years have done exactly that and in some cases more so than most. But every parent needs a little time to themselves if for no other reason to be reminded that we have an identity of our own.

My fingers stroke through her hair feeling the softness as it runs through my fingers. Bella hums in response. "That feels so good."

"Your hair is so soft. I've wanted to run my fingers through your hair since the first time that I've seen you."

"Really?" Bella responds sounding unsure of herself.

"Yes, really. Another thing I've wanted to do since I have been watching you is bite your bottom lip. Every time that I watched you bite your lip, I wanted to be the one who was biting it." Honestly there are more things that I want to do with her, but I figure this is the least perverted thing I could tell her right now. Although I have done a few of the things I've wanted to do to her. There are still so many more.

Bella looks up at me, her eyes are dancing with laughter, and then very deliberately she bites her lip. Here she goes tempting me again I think to myself.

Chuckling I roll over pinning her beneath me. "You are a little vixen you know that." Lowering my lips to hers I nibble on her bottom lip, sucking it between my lips biting it gently.

A low rumble comes from her stomach and she blushes in embarrassment.

"Something else that just fascinates me is how you blush. For a long time I wondered how far that blush ran down your body." Touching her cheek with my finger tip, I trace down her jaw, down the center of her neck to her sternum.

Her stomach grumbles at me again causing me to relent with my pursuit of how far down her blush goes. For now anyway.

"Sounds like someone's hungry. Come on let's go feed you." Tugging her from the bed we shrug on some clothes. As we make our way down stairs, I grab hold of Bella's hand. She gasps in surprise then tightens her hold on my hand.

"Do you like pancakes? I can make pancakes and sausage links." Bella asks when we walk into the kitchen as she sets out the ingredients to start breakfast. Looking at the clock, I realize that it is only nine, giving us some more time together before we have to go get the kids.

"That sounds great." Leaning against the counter as I did last night I watch as she starts to make the batter. "If you tell me where the coffee is, I'll make some.

"That sounds great." She giggles at her response to mine. What a lovely sound to hear in the morning. "The coffee and filters are in the cabinet above the pot."

Opening the canister to the coffee, I inhale deeply as the smell drifts out. There's nothing like the smell of fresh coffee first thing in the morning. After adding the water to the reservoir, I measure out the correct amount of coffee into the filter and turn on the coffee maker to start the brewing process. Gradually the smell of coffee wafts through the kitchen mixing with the scent of the sausage sizzling in the pan. It feels like home.

"Um that smells good." Bella murmurs as she flips one of the first pancakes. "I love the smell of coffee brewing. I always said I would never drink that stuff when I was younger, now I could drink it all day."

"Yea nothing like a cup of coffee to start the day off." While Bella finishes the pancakes, I make us each a cup of coffee. Whereas I like my coffee black with sugar, Bella likes hers with sugar and cream. Remembering where the plates are, I set them beside the stove for Bella to put our pancakes on. She tells me where to find the syrup and asks if I will get the whipped cream out of the refrigerator explaining how she loves to cover her pancakes with syrup and whipped cream. No wonder she was so damn sweet tasting since she ate so much sugar.

We work together well in the kitchen talking about different foods we like and dislikes. It is nice to know that we can talk just as easily in person as we had over the phone.

This time we sit at the breakfast bar to eat digging into our food like we haven't eaten in a week. I guess having hot sex last night and this morning made us both hungry. I know I was ravenous for the food and her.

Sure enough, Bella covers her pancakes with syrup and squirts a huge dollop of whipped cream on top. What she does first amazed me though. Taking her fork, she cuts out the center of her pancakes then fills it with syrup before pouring more all over the top.

"Okay. I have to ask. Why do you do that?" Pointing to her plate with my fork, I chuckle at the sight of her preparing her pancakes that way.

"Hmm. Oh, it's something my father taught me to do." She smiles lightly although it doesn't reach her eyes. I know that her parents are dead, so I am sure that the thought of that upset her but the memory made her happy at the same time.

"No wonder you taste so sweet with all the sugar you eat." Repeating to her my inner dialogue from before.

"This way, you for sure have syrup with every bite. I do it for the boys, they love it. They call it their pancake volcano." This time the smile does reach her eyes and they twinkle with happiness.

"Would you like to try it?" Bella asks, a huge grin breaking across her face.

"Sure why not." Bella taking my fork fixes my pancakes up the same way she has hers. As I watch her, I think of being with her this way, sitting in her kitchen eating breakfast seems just as natural to me as if I was sitting here with Claire.

The more I spend time with Bella, the more I know that this is it for me. But I know it is way too soon to start talking about our future, right now we will have to take it day by day so that I won't scare her away.

Well I have to admit to her that the pancakes are really good this way. The way the syrup oozes out of the middle every time you cut into them for a bite definitely makes sure that you have plenty of syrup for each bite. I can see why the kids think of it as a pancake volcano.

After breakfast we clean up again making a good team working together. While I wash dishes, Bella dries everything and puts it away. Once we are finished, we both make ourselves another cup of coffee and sit down to enjoy it and each other with the time we have left.

The longer I sit here with her, the more I begin to worry about how she thinks we should handle our relationship with the kids. I know if I have anything to do with it, I am going to do everything I can to make it work.

"Bella?" Taking a sip of her coffee, she hums in response. "I meant what I said about last night. It was amazing. And this morning was even more special. I want to see you again. What are we going to tell the kids? How do you think we should handle this?"

Bella turns to look at me. "I was sitting here thinking the same thing Edward. This time with you has been wonderful. And yes I want to see you again too." Bella puffs out her cheeks, and blows out her breath. "We are going to have to talk to them. Why don't you talk to Claire and see how she feels about you dating again and I will do the same with Patrick and Pacey. I think Claire and Pacey will be fine with it. Maybe. But Patrick. He is older and he remembers many things I wished he didn't. So I will just have to see how it goes with him. Until then, I think that we shouldn't tell anybody about each other before we have a chance to talk to the kids and explain what we are thinking about doing?"

Bella's statement that Patrick remembered many things that she wishes he didn't, hasn't gone unnoticed by me. Not wanting to ruin the mood, I file that comment away to ask her at a later time. How bad did he hurt her?

"Edward? What are you thinking about us?" Bella looks at me biting her lip, a faint blush running across her cheeks.

"I know what I want. But I'm not going to rush us." Not yet anyway I think to myself. "But this." Taking my hand I motion back and forth between us. "You and me. I want it more than anything I've ever wanted." Pulling her into my lap I gather her close touching my forehead to hers. "I want to be with you as much as I can."

"I do too Edward." Bella lightly kisses my lips. I can taste the sugary sweetness of her and the syrup making me ready for her again.

"Let's talk to the kids and see how that goes. Then once we talk with them I want us all to go out together. We can go for pizza or whatever you think the kids would like. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds perfect." Bella nuzzles into my throat pressing her lips there.  
Wrapping her arms around my neck, her fingers find their way into my hair.

"What's perfect, is you here in my arms. And if you don't stop that, I'm going to take you right here." The thought of taking Bella right here in the kitchen makes me hard.

"Do you always talk that dirty Edward?" Bella whispers against my throat before she kisses me again, this time she darts her tongue out licking the sensitive skin there.

"Only to you. Since I first saw you, there hasn't been a decent thought in my head. Every spare thought I've had is thinking about what I could do to that delectable body of yours. I fulfilled part of my fantasy last night and this morning. But I'm going to need much more time to do all the things I want to do to you." Turning Bella so she can straddle me, I press her against my already hard erection.

Bella moans as I grind myself against her. Her hands find their way into my hair again tugging gently pulling my face up to meet her lips. We kiss slowly at first but as our needs grow the kiss turns deeper and more passionate.

My hands find their way up under her shirt kneading the soft skin with my fingertips feeling her skin heat under my touch. The thought of being with her this way again spurs me on so I decide to take this back upstairs. As much as the idea appeals to me to take her right here on the kitchen stool, I want to take my time with her.

Standing from the stool, I set Bella down on her feet. Before she can say anything I hooked my arm under her knees sweeping her up to carry her bridal style up the stairs. Bella gasps in surprise giggling all the way to her bedroom.

We undress each other slowly taking time to learn each others body. For a long time we laid in each other's arms kissing and caressing each other. We make love slow and easy bringing each other to a climax. To me making love like this with her means more to me than any other sexual intercourse I have ever had with anyone including Tanya. I hope that Bella feels the same way.

After we make love, we both go into the bathroom together to take a shower. Our time is almost up and I want to spend every moment I can with her, touching her, being close to her. We wash each other slowly, soaping up our bodies. Gently I wash and condition her hair massaging her scalp as she does the same for me. Bella tells me she has never been this intimate in the shower before gaining another first with me. It doesn't lead to sex, but that isn't what I am after, I just want to be as close to her as I can before we have to part from each other.

When we exit the shower, we take turns drying each other. As we dress in our clothes, it seems to weigh on both of us that our time together is almost over.

Bella's phone and mine go off simultaneously alerting us to a text message.

**The kids and I are at the park. See you when you get here. Alice **

"Well, I guess we should go." Bella whispers quietly as she sits on the bed looking down at her feet.

Walking over, I get down on my knees situating myself between her legs. I take my finger and place it under her chin tipping it up so I can see her face. A faint blush covers her cheeks as she looks at me, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

_Oh baby I feel the same way._

"Hey, don't do that. Listen to me, okay. Don't be upset. Our time's not over, it's just beginning. We'll talk to the kids and everything will work out. I have faith and I want you to have faith too. Okay?"

"Okay, Edward. I'll talk to the boys. Thank you for last night. And this morning. It was incredible. And I don't want it to be our last."

"It won't be if I have anything to do with it. Come on, let's go get the kids. You text me later, then I want you to call me after you get the kids to bed. Okay?"

Taking Bella's face in my hands, I dip my head to kiss her. She responds by slipping her tongue in to my mouth drawing out the kiss until we are out of breath. We end the kiss and I hold her close until it is time to go.

When I arrive at the park, all the kids are playing while Alice sits on the same bench where I had first met her. Back when I met her I never thought that she would be keeping my daughter while I went and had awesome sex with her best friend.

As I get closer, she smiles at me with an 'I know what you did last night' look. "Well. Don't you look like the cat that just ate the canary."

"You have no idea."

**A/N: So what do you think? This was so hard to write, because I wanted to make it perfect for them.**

**Please review. Let me know how I did. Until then, I'll be with Linus hiding under his blanket with him.**


	16. Little Talks and Stolen Kisses Part 1

**Sorry it has taken me so long to update. RL life has gotten in the way plus I was sick for over two weeks and haven't been in the right frame of mind to write this. I just couldn't write happy and fluffy while I was down. Sorry!**

**Thank you to all that review and have this story on alert. Keep those reviews coming! **

**Special thanks to tawelephant, TheGreatAli, Flora73 and Cullenfan524. You have reviewed every chapter and your reviews let me know I'm doing something right.**

**Thank you tawelephant for being my beta on this chapter! **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. I am just playing around. I do however own a copy of New Moon on DVD. **

Chapter 16: Talks and Stolen Kisses Part 1

Bella POV

Sometimes people have a hard time communicating what they want to say. Even a person like me, who writes for a living, has a hard time expressing themselves. I develop writers block or I just can't find the right way to phrase something or the right word escapes me. And this is especially true now.

There is no way I can explain to Edward or to anyone else for that matter what last night meant to me. For the life of me, I can't seem to find the words that would tell him how I feel. Nothing seems fitting enough or good enough. But there is one thing I know for sure. I have never felt for anyone the way I feel about Edward.

The passion that Edward and I shared last night was something I had never experienced before in my life. The way we were together was like nothing I had ever known. More than I had ever dreamed possible. The way he touched me, the way he made me feel, the way that we moved together was more than I had ever experienced or could have hoped for in my life.

With Mike, it was nothing but sex. There was no passion or feeling. Each time it was void of emotion and it was nothing but going through the motions. No lust or unbridled fervor. It's just a good thing I have a great imagination or I would have never been able to write some of the love scenes that I did for my books.

Mike and I never did anything other than plain conventional sex with him always on top. He never gave me oral sex, nor did I ever give it to him. And he never asked, nor did I offer. The thought of his cock in my mouth actually repulsed me and I felt the same about his mouth on me down there.

Only a few times did I ever remember having an orgasm, and it wasn't one that made your toes curl or your stomach tighten. It was straight boring basic sex. Considering how possessive and controlling he was of me, he never seemed to be that way when we had sex.

_I guess he was saving it for his lover. Prick. But truthfully, I never wanted more with him. _

But I wanted more with Edward, because he made me want more. Last night with Edward, there was passion, unadulterated and unbridled passion. The way he touched me, with such tenderness, overwhelmed me. From the first kiss that we shared, the way our tongues touched, and the way we lapped at each other, I knew that this was going to be so much more.

I was so nervous when he showed up last night. My mind was racing with the thoughts of what we were going to talk about, whether or not he would like the dinner I had prepared, if he wanted to watch the movie that Alice had let me borrow, what we would do after said movie. I was a hot mess, in more ways than one.

Not surprising, our conversation flowed just as easy as it had all the times we had talked on the phone, except of course when he asked about Pacey and his asthma. Having to explain to him the severity of Pacey's asthma and how sick he was as an infant, was not the conversation I wanted to have, but the concern I saw in Edward's eyes, and the fact he seemed worried and moved by what I told him, just made me open up to him.

After dinner, we sat in the living room to watch the movie. I had no clue what was happening, because the proximity of him was making it hard to focus on anything else. When the movie was over, I never dreamed that things would happen the way they did, especially since sex wasn't something I ever really enjoyed with Mike.

But with Edward, it was out of this world. He was such a gentleman asking permission to kiss me. The way he pleaded with me to let him kiss me and touch me, made me want him that much more. And when he did kiss me, all coherent thoughts ran out of my head.

The way our lips moved together, and our tongues touched tentatively against each other, tasting and testing. His scent had enveloped me in some kind of fog consuming me, making me his. When things started to get heated enough that it seemed like we were about to take things to the next level, I asked him to take it up to my room. There was no way I wanted to do that on the couch with him the first time.

_Maybe another time, cause I plan on there being other times._

Never before had I spoken my mind like that without stammering and blushing and being completely embarrassed. But I had already promised myself if there was ever a chance of Edward and I being together I was going to take it. So I tried to shove my shy shelf to the side and let the 'little vixen' as Edward called me take over.

_I'm so proud of myself!_

I should probably feel ashamed of myself for moving to fast, and truthfully I worried that he would think I was or we were, but he reassured me that we weren't. After discussing how our spouses had treated us, the fact that we both felt like we had to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, the guilt I felt washed away. Edward and I weren't cheating on anyone and neither one of us thought of this as a one night stand. The fact that he asked to stay the night just proved it.

After the most sensual sexual experience of my life, it was topped of by waking up in his arms the next morning. That was one of the greatest moments of my life. Yes the sex was amazing, but being wrapped up in his arms the morning after meant so much more. It meant he cared.

We talked again when once we were awake. He seemed to know exactly what was on my mind and soothed me with the words he said. Then he started touching me in ways that set my skin on fire. It was nothing like the night before, sweet and innocent almost like your first time, but more intense making me ache and want more. It was passionate and the way he talked to me about my dreams only excited me more instead of making me nervous.

When he rolled me on top of him and gripped my hips, I thought he might leave bruises the way that his long fingers pressed into my flesh. But the thought of it didn't scare me, it excited me that he might leave evidence behind of how he had marked me, and possessed me body and soul.

The rest of the morning went smoothly as we worked together in the kitchen and ate breakfast together. We talked more before he literally swept me off my feet, taking me upstairs so we could make love once again, slowly, taking the time to learn each others body. Afterwards, we showered together, soaping each other up and just enjoying each other.

And when it was time to go, I felt like our little bubble had busted and didn't know if we would be able to get it back again. But he assured me that this was only the beginning and not the end. How that man had found the words to describe everything so perfectly was beyond me at that moment.

As I drove to pick up the kids at the park, all I could think was what a dumb ass his wife was to let a man like him get away and how lucky I was because of her stupidity. When I arrived, Edward had already picked up Claire and left. Alice tried to get me to tell her everything, but I didn't feel comfortable doing so when the kids were so close, promising her that I would call later. I wanted to ask Alice how she thought I should approach telling the kids that I wanted a relationship with another man.

The boys and I spent the rest of the day at home playing together outside. It was a beautiful fall day and unseasonably warm so we made good use of the day. That night after I put them to bed, I called Alice.

"I've been dying here waiting on you to call. Now give me all the details." Alice giggled into the phone.

Alice remained silent throughout my description of our date, the night and morning we spent together, only speaking when I would ask her what she thought about certain things Edward said or did. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't reading more into things than I was. I had doubted Alice once before, and I wouldn't make that mistake again.

"So now that you've heard everything in its entirety, what do you think?" Honestly I was nervous about her answer. Alice's opinion would mean everything.

"Well I can say without a shadow of a doubt that he is totally smitten with you. He was the happiest I've seen him since I've known him. I think that you feel the same way. Like I said from the beginning, you two are made for each other. He's a keeper Bella. Don't let him get away." Relief washed over me after her response.

"Well that brings me to my next question. How am I supposed to tell the kids about this?" This would be the hard part.

"Just be honest. They want the same thing for you that you want for them. They want you to be happy. When you are happy, they are too. Explain it all to them. Once they meet Edward, they will know what a good guy he is. No question. They met Claire already and got along really well with her. It will all work out. Have faith. I do."

We talked a little about Thanksgiving, how it would be here before we knew it. Alice's mom was having all of us and my grandmother over for Thanksgiving this year. I thanked her once again for keeping the boys for me. After saying goodbye, I made my way up to my room so I could make one more call before I went to bed.

The sexiest thing I had ever smelled was Edward's scent and I was delighted to know that it still lingered in my bed. As I crawled into bed with his scent surrounding me as it did last night, I knew that I wouldn't be washing my sheets anytime soon.

Edward's phone didn't even get to the second ring when he answered. "I was just about to call you if you hadn't called in the next sixty seconds."

"You sound like Alice. I had to call her or she would have been doing the same thing. She wanted the scoop." I responded, then giggled at the thought of me dishing on Edward to Alice.

"Ah, so you are already bragging to your friends about the man you have happily wrapped around your little finger." Edward's voice was low and husky in the phone.

"Is that what you are? Wrapped around my little finger? Alice said you are smitten?" I wasn't sure what made me so brave around him, but I liked the little vixen he brought out in me.

"Yes to all of the above. I'm smitten, besotted and most certainly wrapped around your finger. I'll be whatever you want me to be." His voice dropped at the end.

Inhaling deeply, I held his scent in as long as I could, elated with the thoughts of what this man could do to me. "That sounds perfect."

"I can hear your breathing through the phone. What are you thinking?" His voice had dropped to a whisper.

Inhaling again so he could her me, I exhaled slowly before I answered. "I can smell you in my bed. And it's reminding me of all the things you did to me. All the things I did to you. All the things we did together."

Edward moaned into the phone. "You just can't say things like that when I can't be there with you." This time Edward growled. He actually growled causing me to rub my thighs together in anticipation. "Wait until the next time I get you alone. I'll show you exactly what you're doing to me."

"Is that a promise Edward?" I purred back at him.

"It most certainly is." He cleared his throat. "When are you going to talk to the boys?"

"If things seem to be going well, I plan on doing it tomorrow. When are you going to talk to Claire?"

"Tomorrow. We always go to my parents on Sunday, so when we get back."

We talked for a little while longer about what the kids thought about each other after being together at Alice's. Apparently Claire had just as much fun with the boys as the boys did with her. We both took this as a good sign. After we wished each other sweet dreams, we ended the phone call.

That night I didn't sleep as well as I did in his arms, but his scent comforted me.

My dreams were better than ever because I had a taste of the real thing now and had something to go by.

The next morning, the kids came and crawled in bed, snuggling under the covers with me. We watched cartoons until our bellies were growling. After breakfast, I decided to go and see my grandmother. It had been a while since I had taken the kids to see her. Most of the time, the kids were in school when I took her to the grocery store. Besides that, she was always busy with something, her gardening club, the ladies she played cards with a couple of times a week. I was actually proud that she didn't stay idle and kept herself busy.

Once we cleaned up, I called to tell her that we were coming. She was excited about seeing the boys and promised to have lunch ready when we got there. As soon as I closed my phone, it chimed telling me I had a new text message. I smiled when I saw who it was from.

_i missed waking up with you in my arms this morning. are you still going to talk to the boys today? _

_edward_

It was nice to have someone tell you something like that.

_i missed you too. yes I am. are you going to talk to claire?_

_bella_

_yes. everything will be fine. trust me. don't worry. _

_edward_

_i trust you. i'll talk to you soon._

_bella_

The fact was I did trust him and I wouldn't worry about it. His courage was what kept me strong enough to even consider talking to the boys.

My grandmother was sitting on her front porch waiting for us. The smile that came across her face made her eyes crinkle at the edges making her face all smiles. The boys hugged her before running into the backyard to play.

"Sit down dear and tell me what has happened to give you that radiant look on your face." Grams said grabbing my hands pulling me down beside her on the step.

Blushing furiously, she chuckled lightly before tucking a stray hair behind my ear. "It must be a man to make you glow like that and turn red as a beet."

"It is. And I'm scared." I answered in a whisper. Most of the time, no all of the time, I kept my feelings to myself. But after what happened with Mike, there was no way I was doing that again and risking not getting some advice before I made another mistake like I did with Mike. Its not that I saw Edward as a mistake, far from it, I just wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision for my kids. That was where my biggest fear was. I had stayed with Mike thinking that was the right thing and that turned out horribly.

"Don't be scared. Not all men are like that asshole you married." My mouth gaped open hearing my grandmother curse like that. She shook her head amused, but continued. "You were young and lonely when you met Mike. You had no idea that things would have ended up like that with him. But just because it did, doesn't mean that that will happen again. You deserve to be happy. You have given up so much of yourself for Mike and the kids. You deserve to do something for you."

Throwing my hands in the air out of exasperation, I answered. "That's just it. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted besides my children. He is a good man. He would never hurt me. He has a daughter of his own and I know he would never hurt the kids. But after what happened with Mike, I'm afraid the kids won't want another man in there life. Or mine. And I can't blame them for that."

"Kids are perceptive. If he is a good man, then they will see that. Just be honest with them about everything. I think they will surprise you. They want you to be happy too." She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and squeezed, giving me the comfort that I had come looking for. My grandmother had said almost the exact same thing that Alice had said. There was no way that both of them could be wrong.

We enjoyed our lunch together talking and laughing with the kids. Patrick told Grams all about life in second grade while Pacey entertained her with stories of preschool and his buddy Charlie. After lunched we played a game with the boys until it was time to go.

Grams hugged the boys, and as they climbed in the car, she turned to me, hugging me tightly. "Everything will be fine. Don't worry." It was almost scary that all the things she had said to me today were reminiscent of what Alice or Edward and said to me. The fact that they all told me not to worry made me feel better about what I was going to do when we got home.

~*~

Besides talking to the kids about their father, this was the hardest thing I was ever going to do. I wasn't really sure how to approach them about me dating another man. But I knew that I had to, being with Edward was as vital to me as breathing.

After I gave them a bath, we sat and ate a light dinner as I listened to them chat excitedly about their weekend. On Sunday nights, I would ask them if they had a good weekend, discussing all the things we did. Once dinner was over, we moved to the living room to watch television for a while before going to bed. We were sitting on the couch, one on each side, snuggled against me.

When it was almost time for bed, I took a deep breath and started the conversation that I hoped wouldn't upset them. They have already been through so much. But I wanted Edward to be a part of my life, and I knew he would be good for them too.

"Hey you two. I want to talk to you about something." When I turned off the television, they both looked up at me while their heads rested against my shoulders. "What would you think about me going out on a date?"

"What's a date mama?" Pacey questioned.

"It's where a woman and a man go out together to dinner or a movie." I wasn't sure if that was a good enough explanation, but I thought it was the simplest one I could give to a five year old so that he could understand.

"I'll be your date Mama." Pacey stated smiling up at me. How could you argue with that?

"That's so sweet." Smiling back, I tightened my arm around him. "You will always be my date. What I'm talking about is a date between grownups. Do you understand?"

Pacey nodded his little head as Patrick stiffened slightly beside me. This was what worried me the most, how Patrick would react to this.

"Is he mean mama?" Patrick asked in a low voice. His question did not surprise me but I was surprised none the least. Because of the way Mike had been, Patrick probably had the impression that all men were mean.

"No. He is not." Even though Mike would have no trouble disrespecting me in front of the kids, I wasn't going to do that to him. The only way to prove to Patrick that Edward was a good man was to let him be around him and get to know him. I would have to let Patrick set the pace with getting to know Edward. There was no way I was going to force him if he wasn't ready.

"Who is he?" Patrick questioned sounding so grown up, reminding me of my dad when I was going out as a teenager. Inside I smiled that Patrick was looking out for me, but at the same time I wanted to frown that he felt like he had to.

"His name is Edward. His daughter is Claire, the little girl that was at Aunt Alice's and Mary's with you Friday night." They both nodded letting me know that they knew who I was talking about. "Why don't we all go out together so you can meet him? Would that be okay?"

Patrick shrugged. "Sure, I guess." I could hear the hesitancy in his voice, but not complete rejection. That should be a good sign.

"How about you Pacey? Would that be okay with you?"

Pacey was smiling. "When are we going Mama?" He didn't know as much about the way Mike had treated me like Patrick did, so he wasn't worried about it like Patrick seemed to be.

"I will check with Edward and Claire and see if we can go out this Friday night."

I ended the conversation there not wanting to overwhelm them too much. It had gone much better than I thought it would have. Patrick was reluctant, but I considered that normal. Pacey seemed to look at it as an adventure. I wondered how many times he would ask me when we were going out before Friday.

After reading a story to the boys and tucking them in bed, I sent Edward a text. I didn't want to call him and possibly interrupt him talking with Claire.

_if everything goes well on your end, looks like we have a family date friday night._

_bella_

I didn't have to wait long for a response.

_we have a date then._

_edward_

**A/N: Again I'm sorry it took so long to update. Please review. Let me know how I'm doing. Sorry that this chapter was shorter than the others. Since it has been a while since I updated, I thought I would at least get Bella's POV out where she talked to the boys. The next chapter will be in Edward's POV talking to Claire. Then a family date night.**


	17. Little Talks and Stolen Kisses Part 2

**Thank you to all that review and have this story on alert. Keep those reviews coming!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. The plot is mine and I am just playing around. My girlfriend's daughter has an Edward doll and every time I go over there, she waves it around in my face bragging, because she has one and I don't. One of these days, she's not going to be able to find him. **

**Thanks to my awesome beta tawelephant. She rocks!**

Chapter 17: Little Talks and Stolen Kisses Part 2

Edward POV

After Claire and I said our goodbyes to Alice and Mary, we left the park and went to the grocery store. Because we were always rushed during the week, this was something we did on Saturday. Taking our time, we would go through the aisles one by one, looking for something new.

Claire was walking beside the buggy, humming the new _Boys Like Men and Taylor Swift _song_ 'Two is Better Than One'._ I should really sign her up for singing lessons or the drama club. She loved to sing. Every since that song had come out on the radio, she would sing along with it. Listening to her sing the song, I almost knew it as well as Claire did. Knowing the words, it reminded me of how I felt about Bella. Two is better than one.

Claire was filling the shopping cart with her favorites and the everyday things we buy. Sometimes it bothered me that she was so responsible when it came to things like this. I felt like she had to be because Tanya wasn't around. It wasn't just the grocery shopping. Claire helped me clean house, do laundry and cook. She never complained, but I still worried that she took on too much responsibility for a little girl. Esme had assured me that all little girls loved to play house and this was just normal, but still I worried.

Once we were home, we unloaded the groceries and started making an early dinner. Working with Claire in the kitchen as we made grilled chicken and vegetables reminded me of being with Bella in the kitchen last night, instantly making me smile.

Since Claire was in a good mood, I thought I would ask her some questions, get the feel of how things went last night with Bella's boys.

"So you had a good time at Alice's last night." I asked watching her to gauge her reaction as she answered.

"Um hmm. I always have fun with Mary. We played dolls. But the boys didn't like to play dolls. They said that was for girls. We told them we were girls." She giggled and rolled her eyes at the statement. "I like Patrick and Pacey. Patrick is funny. He got Pacey down on the floor and tickled him. So I begged him to tickle me. I thought I was going to pee in my pants." She sniggered this time with a huge smile on her face.

"What else did you do?"

"Alice built us a fort out of the kitchen chairs and a big blanket. We all played under there. Me and Patrick fought a battle against Mary and Pacey. We were knights and they were pirates. We won. We had the biggest cannon. It was fun." Her hands came up like she was holding a gun. "Then we watched a movie and ate popcorn. After that Jasper read us all a bedtime story. "

Every little word gave me hope. If the kids got along, that would make everything so much easier. My only worry was Patrick. From what Alice has told me about the way Mike had treated Bella, besides some of the things Bella had said, I believed that Patrick had witnessed Mike hurting Bella.

The thought of that bastard hurting her made me sick. To think that he had possibly bruised her beautiful flesh had me thinking of ways to hurt him in return. I'd never been a violent man, but I knew I would feel a deep satisfaction if I was ever able to give him a little of what he dished out. And, if he did do it in front of Patrick, that was worse. I thought Tanya was selfish the way she acted, but to abuse someone in front of their kids, that was unforgivable.

Claire and I spent the rest of the day around the house. It was always nice to be with her like this on the weekend where we could just be together and not have to worry about homework or work. After we watched a movie, we got ready for bed.

Once she was in bed, I waited patiently for Bella to call me, going around the house, picking up and doing laundry, trying to keep myself occupied. The later it became, the more worried I got as to why she hadn't called. Thoughts of her being hurt or changing her mind about us made my stomach churn. When the phone finally rang, I all but pounced on it.

Of course, I was worried for nothing. Our conversation was light and easy as it had been since the beginning. When she told me what Alice had said about me being smitten, I had to agree. Smitten was exactly what I was and I wasn't going to deny it.

It surprised me when I heard Bella breathing heavily into the phone. The first thing that popped into my mind was phone sex, and the next thing that popped up was a hard on. Growling at her I let her know that I would show her exactly what she was doing to me the next time I saw her. And I meant every word. Now that I've had a taste of her, there was no way I was going to go long without a sip here and there.

That night my dreams were all about Bella and the night we shared together. She was right, the real thing was so much better than my dreams had been. The fact we both had sexual dreams of each other before we had ever spoken was not lost on me. We both had wanted each other. It was just something else that made me believe we were meant to be.

Claire crawled in bed with me before dawn, falling back asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. I missed her last night while I was gone so I relaxed back into sleep with her by my side. We both overslept well into the morning.

After we got out of bed, I made Claire pancakes for breakfast. When I placed the pancakes on Claire's plate, I decided to fix her pancakes the same way Bella had fixed mine. Cutting out the middle, and then pouring the syrup into the hole, Claire watched with rapt attention as I explained that it was a 'volcano pancake'. Claire absolutely loved it.

"Ooh Daddy. That's so cool. Where did you learn that from?" When she cut into her pancakes and the syrup oozed out, I received another 'ooh' from her.

Seeing how Claire reacted to the pancakes, I thought this might be good opportunity to say something about Bella.

"Well, I learned it from Patrick and Pacey's mama. Her name is Bella. How would you like to meet her?" It sounded okay. Talking to my daughter about another woman besides her mother was all new to me. I wondered how Bella was handling this with her boys.

"I know who she is. When I was at Mary's, I saw a picture of Patrick and Pacey. I asked if that was their mama in the picture. Mary said it was. Mary said she is a friend of Alice's. She said they don't have a daddy like I don't have a mama. Did there daddy leave them like mama left us?" Claire cocked her head to the side with a questioning look in her eyes.

Out of the mouths of babes my mother would say. To say I was surprised by what Claire said would be an understatement. I wasn't sure how to reply. I've always been honest with Claire, but this story wasn't mine to tell. But it seemed she already knew some of what was going on.

"Yes. Their daddy is gone." That was all I was going to tell her until I talked to Bella. And I needed to ask Alice what else Mary may have told Claire. I wasn't naïve enough to think that children didn't talk about things.

"Oh. Well, they seem happy like me." Claire responded happily with a smile on her face.

"They are happy. Just like we are happy. How would you like for us all to go out together?" Should I call it a date when all of us were going out together? It was kind of like a family outing. The thought of that made me smile.

"Like the date you went on the other night Daddy?" Claire questioned with a dreamy look in her eyes.

Sometimes I wondered if she could read my mind. "Well I'm not sure what to call it, but I guess it could be considered a date between all of us."

"That sounds like fun. Where will go?" Claire asked around a huge mouthful of pancakes.

That was a really good question.

~*~

Claire and I cleaned up the kitchen before getting ready to go to my parents for our Sunday afternoon dinner. This was another thing that we both enjoyed about our weekend, spending time with them. We had missed out on so much time with them while I was married to Tanya and they lived away from us.

After I got out of the shower, I sent a text to Bella. Being bold, I told her that I missed waking up with her in my arms. She responded quickly saying she missed me too, making me smile and hum while I finished getting dressed.

Claire started bouncing in her seat the closer we came to my parents' house. Her excitement was palpable making me feel it with her. As soon as we pulled in the drive, my mother was out the door and to my car helping Claire out of her seat. She embraced Claire with all the love a grandmother has for her grandchild making my heart swell.

"I missed my favorite granddaughter." My mother cooed to Claire.

Claire giggled. "I am your only granddaughter Gamma." This was a little routine they performed every Sunday.

"Well of course you are. Just like your Daddy is my only one. That just makes you both that much more special." She nuzzled her cheek against Claire's and after standing did the same to me. "How are you today son?"

"I'm good. Where's Dad?"

"He is making his famous chili for us today." She looked back at Claire touching a finger to her nose. "That gives me plenty of time to play with you."

Claire clapped her hands together. "Can we play with dolls? That is what me and Mary play." She paused for a second as if getting her second wind. "Oh Gamma! Guess what? Daddy is going on a date and I get to go too!"

"Is that so?" My mother questioned Claire before turning her face to mine and arching an eyebrow in question to me.

"Mm hm. She's real pretty. I only saw her picture, but she was pretty in the picture. Her name is Bella. She has two boys. I got to play with them at Mary's while Daddy stayed out all night." The thought of my daughter thinking Bella was pretty brought a smile to my face until she called me out in front of my mother for staying out all night.

My mother looked up at me, her face full of mischief and laughter in her eyes knowing all to well what Claire had just done. She turned back to Claire taking her small hand in hers, leading her inside the house. "You tell Gamma all about it."

"Well, Daddy took me over to Alice's Friday night. You know Alice, she is my teacher. She is Mary's mama too. I went to play with her while Daddy…" Claire was talking a mile a minute giving my mother a play by play account of her version of Friday night. At least all she knew was the G version instead of the R version that I knew. That I wasn't sharing with anyone.

While my mother continued with her interrogation of my daughter, I went to the kitchen to see if I could help my dad. Maybe it would be safer for me with him without the prying eyes of my mother.

My dad was standing in front of the stove stirring the pot of chili with an apron on that said 'You kill it, I'll grill it'. When he heard me, he turned and smiled. "Hey, son. How are you today?" He cocked his head to the side like I had seen Claire do so many times. "Where's Claire?"

"Hopefully she is giving enough information to Mom to keep from being tortured by over indulgences of chocolate." I muttered without thinking.

"Excuse me?"

Running my hand through my hair nervously, I weighed my options. There was no sense in hiding anything anymore. It wasn't really that I was hiding my feelings for Bella, more like I was being cautious. I didn't want to do anything that might jeopardize our budding relationship.

_Damn I sound like a fucking girl._

Before answering, I let out a gusty sigh. "Well, I might as well tell you. I went on a date Friday night."

"Really. Can I ask if it was with the same woman that has been putting that smile on your face?" My father asked while digging around in the refrigerator.

The thought of it made me smile. My father turned back to me and when he saw me smiling, he smiled back in return. "Yea. The one and the same. Her name is Bella. I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. But I'm sure now."

"I'm happy for you Edward. I haven't seen you smile like this in such a long time. You deserve to be happy. Would you like to talk about it?" He started laying out Texas toast on a pan, placing a piece of cheese on each slice. I knew he was giving me a choice. This time I was going to take him up on it.

"I don't really know how to explain it all. The first time that I saw her, she literally took my breath away. It was a while before we actually met, but I had seen enough of her to know that I wanted to meet her. After talking with her, it just confirmed what I already knew."

My father chuckled. "Why Edward, if I didn't know better, I would say you were smitten with this girl."

I chucked in return. "Funny you say that. You are not the only one who said that about the way I feel for her. Alice said the same thing. She actually watched Claire and Bella's boys so that we could go out Friday night."

"She has kids?" My father's tone had changed from whimsical to skeptical in a matter of seconds. "She's been married before?"

Knowing where he was going with that train of thought, I held up my hand as if to stop his brain from making anymore assumptions. "Yes she was married. From what I've learned, her husband abused her in front of her oldest child and controlled her in any way that he could. She stayed with him for the same reason that I stayed with Tanya, so they could be a family. The final straw was when he was caught red handed cheating on her and attacked her in front of the kids. Don't jump to conclusions about her until you meet her. Please."

It surprised me at the annoyance I felt when my father questioned me about Bella. He had no idea what she was really like. Because of that, I calmed myself to remember that when he did meet her, he would see what I see. That Bella is one of those people that only come around once in a lifetime.

"Okay, I won't. I'm sorry to hear that. Your right, I shouldn't make assumptions. Never assume anything right, it makes an ass out of you and me." My father gave a nervous chuckle before he drug his hand through his hair much like I do when I'm nervous. "I don't want to see you hurt again Edward. And now you have Claire to worry about as well. I'm only thinking about the two of you."

I understood what my father meant about not wanting to see Claire hurt. Or me for that matter. He was only doing what any parent would do for their child. Watch over and protect their child to make sure they weren't harmed. That's what all parents do.

My father didn't say anything else on the subject as he finished cooking. While we ate at the table together, Claire did most of the talking. She thought it was important to relay everything that she had told my mother to my father. I could only sit and listen as my five year old daughter narrated her night with Mary, Patrick and Pacey and my love life in simple and concise sentences. It really was quite amusing. I couldn't help but be giddy and laugh right along with her.

_Damn I'm turning into a teenager all over again. _The thought of it just made me smile.

Since my mother had kept Claire to herself before dinner, my father proudly announced that my mother and I were on kitchen duty so that he could play with Claire for a while.

It occurred to me that this could be a ploy by my parents to tag team Claire and myself so that they could interrogate us separately. It must be the lawyer in me making up conspiracy theories.

As I washed the dishes, my mother hummed along, stealing knowing glances at me with a smile on her face. Once all the dishes were put away and the kitchen was clean, my mother made a pot of coffee, pouring a cup for each of us.

When she set down beside me, she turned her body to me, audibly taking a deep breath. "Edward. I'm sure your father has given you the bad cop speech, so I am going to give you the good cop speech. You know your heart better than anybody and you know what is best for you daughter. Years ago, when you told me that you were going to marry Tanya because you felt like that was as good as it was going to get, I tried to talk you out of it because I knew that Tanya wasn't good for you. But now, I can see that this is something you want, and not what you have to do, someone who seems to truly make you happy. The only time I have ever seen a smile on your face like this was because of Claire. So, it leads me to believe that this woman - must be something very special. Tell me. I want to know about this woman that has turned your frown upside down." She smiled a genuine smile patting me on the knee.

I smiled at the simple childhood statement that my mother used on me when I was a boy to make me smile when I was down. Besides that, my mother just confirmed my theory about the double team of Carlisle and Esme Cullen.

Very carefully, I related all the things to my mother that I had to my father. It was much easier talking to my mother, telling her about how Bella and I had met, how we flirted with each other, the talks we had shared, and the night I had spent with her. Of course I left out the most intimate details of Bella and me sharing ourselves with each other because after all, this was my mother. But I felt this need to let her know everything so she could see that I was in fact serious about Bella.

When I told my mother about Bella and her two boys, my mother didn't seem to protest like my father did, especially when I explained the hell she went through with her ex-husband. I could see in my mother's eyes, that she too could see the similarities between how Bella and I had lived our lives up till now. After telling her every single thing I could think of, I smirked at the last thing that I had to tell her.

"She is a writer mom. In fact you and I have read her books. Her pen name is Renee Charles." As soon as I said her name, a look of recognition flickered across my mother's face.

"You mean to tell me that your Bella is Renee Charles. Wow Edward. She's no _Jane Austen_, but she certainly has made a name for herself. That's just…that's cool. When can I meet her? Do you think she would autograph a book for me?" My mother propped her elbow on the counter, resting her chin on her hand with a dreamy look on her face.

It didn't escape my attention that mom had said 'your Bella.' Maybe, just maybe, from what I had told her, she knew how important my Bella was to me.

~*~

The next morning after I dropped Claire off at school, I drove to work with nothing but Bella on my mind. I was disappointed that I had only been able to talk to her once over the weekend, texting each other back and forth the rest of the time. There was nothing I wanted more at this moment than to hear her voice.

After looking over my schedule once I arrived at work, I sighed seeing that I would be in and out of meetings throughout the day. Grudgingly, I texted Bella to let her know that I would be busy all day, but I would text her whenever I had a chance.

All day my mind wandered to her, thinking about what she might be doing. I knew that she had Pacey on Monday and sometimes she would write if the mood struck her. She had explained to me that writing wasn't like a regular nine to five job. Sometimes she would go days without writing a single word, but then when it hit her, she would write many pages in an hour.

Unable to call Bella all day, I had to settle with texting her that night. Monday's were not only busy at the office; it was also a busy homework night for Claire. It made me angry that a kindergartner had homework, but they learned so much more than I did when I was in school. After I put Claire, to bed, it was so late I had to settle on sending Bella a text.

_i'm sorry i didn't get to talk to you today. i miss you. i will call you tomorrow. what time will you be home from taking pacey to preschool?_

_edward_

I didn't have to wait long for her reply.

_i know you're a busy man. i miss you too. i should be home by 8:30. what are you thinking mr. cullen?_

_bella _

There was no way I was going to spoil my surprise.

_you will just have to wait and see._

_edward_

As soon as I dropped Claire off at school, I went by the local coffee shop to pick up coffee and muffins for Bella and myself. I wanted to surprise her. Guilt was beginning to rake over me afraid that Bella might think that Friday night was just a one time thing. There was no way that I wanted her to think that. So yesterday, I made sure that my schedule was clear at least until ten. If I couldn't convince Bella that I was serious about us in an hour, I would just have to keep trying.

Pulling up in Bella's driveway, I saw that she was in fact home. Gathering the coffee and the muffins, I walked up to her door. Before I could even knock on the door, Bella swung the door open with a huge grin on her face.

"Hi." She beamed to me, a slight blush covering the apple of her cheeks.

"Hi, back." Holding up the tray with coffee and muffins, I smiled back to her. "I brought coffee."

"Ah, you have found one of my weaknesses. Please come in." She held the door open, gesturing me inside.

As soon as I walked in the door, her scent assaulted me, instantly making me hard. Entering the kitchen, I set the coffee on the counter and turned to her. There was no doubt what she could see in my eyes. My desire for her had not ebbed since I was with her last.

Moving quickly, I pushed her against the counter pressing my body against hers. Grabbing her face in my hands, I swallowed her gasp of surprise as I crushed my mouth to hers. Her lips moved with mine allowing me to feel that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. Licking her bottom lip begging for access, she willingly complied, permitting me to taste and tease her with my tongue.

Her mewls of pleasure drove me to an edge that I didn't know existed in me.

Threading my fingers into her hair, I turned her head to deepen our kiss. Bella's tongue, soft and sweet, tangled with mine, possessing me body and soul.

Needing to feel her, I drug one hand from her hair, stroking down her neck, across her collarbone, down the swell of her breast where I could feel her heartbeat thudding against my hand, showing me that I was affecting her the same way she was affecting me.

Wanting to taste more of her, I began to nibble her bottom lip, down her jaw. My hand that was threaded in her hair, drug her head back, allowing me access to the column of her throat where I knew that her scent was the strongest. Placing open mouth kisses there, I darted my tongue out to taste and relish in all that was Bella.

Bella's grip on my arms lessened as my assault on her slowed. Running her hands up arms, across my shoulders, she teased the hair on the back of my neck before her fingers dove into my hair, tugging slightly on the ends.

A strangled moan escaped me before I pressed my lips to the juncture in her throat where her pulse was beating erratically causing my lips to turn up in satisfaction.

Slowly I kissed up to her ear, sucking the lobe in my mouth, giving me a chance to calm myself before speaking. "I wanted you to know how much I missed you. Do you have any doubt how much I want you?" I whispered into her ear.

Bella's body shuddered at my words. Gripping my hair, she tugged my head down bringing my mouth back to hers. Her mouth met mine, lips swollen from my kisses. Whereas my kiss was frantic and rough, hers was soft and gentle, taking the time to explore my mouth with her tongue.

Slowly her mouth moved against mine, dragging out the kiss until we were both breathless. Her scent, her taste, the way she was kissing me intoxicated me.

The sweetness she showed me, that I had never experienced before, made my knees weak.

When she broke the kiss, her lips moved across my face, lingering to nibble on my jaw up to my ear. "No." She answered breathlessly.

My arms wrapped around her, holding her close allowing her body to mold against mine. Her head rested against my shoulder as her hands slowly stroked up and down my back.

I couldn't resist her neck that she had exposed to me. Slowly I placed wet open mouth kisses along her throat. Finally when my mind began to work again, something she said registered. "You said that I found one of your weaknesses." What is the other?"

"You." She whispered against my chest. "Just you."

"That is exactly what I wanted to hear."

**A/N: I'm not too sure about this chapter. Please review and let me know what you think. RL is kicking right now, so I'll update when I can. Next chapter, date night.**


	18. Date Night

**Thank you to all that review and have this story on alert. Keep those reviews coming! I apologize for not updating sooner. It has been a rough couple of weeks. Between ball games, other activities and me volunteering at school, I am swamped.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. The plot is mine and I am just playing around.**

**Special thanks to TheGreatAli and Cullenfan524. Your reviews make always make me smile! **

**Thanks to my awesome beta tawelephant. She rocks! She has a sweet one shot posted called That Summer. Check it out!**

Chapter 18: Date Night

Bella POV

"Listen Alice, for the last time, I am not wearing a mini skirt tonight. We are going to Dave and Buster's not Ho's R Us."

For the past hour, Alice and I had been going through my closet trying to find something for me to wear, me vehemently rejecting everything she had suggested so far. She has drug everything out of my closet that could be considered revealing. I've had to tell her over and over again that I was going to wear a simple button down shirt and jeans with my Chucks. But no, that damn pixie had said 'you must dress to impress.'

The thing is, I had already impressed Edward, and no clothes needed thank you very much.

"I resent that Bella. I'm trying to make you look hot for Edward. I know he would appreciate my efforts." Alice stated sarcastically with her hand on her hip tapping her toe at me in annoyance.

"I don't think Edward would care if I was wearing a potato sack Alice. Although I have to say that he was very happy about the wax job you insisted on." Cue the blushing.

"See, I know what I'm talking about." Alice threw her hands up and out.

"That may be so Alice. But I'm not taking the chance of showing everyone my Brazilian while bending over to pick up a bowling ball with a mini skirt on."

Alice snickered. "But Edward would get a show."

"Thank you, but no. Whatever I have to show to Edward, I will do so in private." Boy Edward is right about me being a little vixen. I would have never said that out loud before.

"Spoil sport." Alice muttered before turning to go to the bathroom. "At least let me do your hair."

Silently I did a fist pump. I loved Alice to death, but the last thing I wanted to worry about was having a possible wardrobe malfunction. Really, I would feel much more comfortable in plain clothes. Besides, there were much bigger things to worry about than my clothes

Nervous didn't cover how I felt about tonight. Tonight we, meaning Edward, Claire, Patrick, Pacey and myself we're all going out on a date together. Edward and I had discussed it, deciding that something family friendly was the way to go.

But what?

The movies were out. It was something the kids would love, but we wanted to see them interact together. Plus how would my kids get to know Edward if we were in a dark theatre.

There was no way we were going to subject them to a fancy restaurant where they would have to worry about being on their best behavior. We wanted them to feel like they could be themselves and have fun.

We both decided on Dave and Buster's because it had something for everyone, adults and kids alike. Their menu had enough choices that you could easily find something for everyone, even the little ones with picky appetites. They had more video games than imaginable, a bowling alley, shuffleboard and a billiards room. Just about anything you could think of to play you could find it there.

Thank all that's holy we weren't going to Chuck E. Cheese's. I hated that damn place with a passion, and thankfully so did my kids. Their pizza tasted like cardboard with ketchup on. It sucked worse than frozen pizzas. So did that dancing mouse that came out on the stage every thirty minutes. Edward and I both whole heartedly agreed that was out.

Deciding on where to go wasn't as difficult as getting through the rest of the week. After Edward had come to my house Tuesday morning, it was hard to concentrate on anything but him.

From the time he had left my house Saturday until Tuesday morning, we had only talked a few times, mainly relying on text messages. He had said more than once that he had missed me and I had told him the same thing, because honestly I did.

Edward seemed disappointed that we had not been able to talk more, but I knew that he had a demanding job and Claire to take care of too. We weren't teenagers. We were adults with responsibilities and children to take care of. Truthfully I was disappointed myself, but I knew there was nothing we could do about it.

When he told me that he was coming to my house that morning, I was a little surprised, but also excited that I would get to see him. Alone. Anticipation gnawed at me until he arrived. However that feeling was quickly replaced by desire when I saw the look in his eyes. They were dark and hooded with an almost predatory gaze focused on me.

Before I had a chance to utter a single word, he pounced on me, trapping me against the kitchen counter before his mouth began to devour mine. There was nothing I could do but grip his arms tightly as he attacked me in the most delicious way possible. The onslaught of feelings left me weak, unable to do anything but hold on to him as he kissed me until I was dizzy.

When his mouth slowed against mine, his lips continued their assault on my skin, darting his tongue to lick at me. He whispered in my ear causing my body to practically hum in response.

But I couldn't say anything. All I could do was show him. My lips weren't as brutal as his, but I kissed him with a tenderness that even surprised me. Then it was his turn to be weakened as my lips traveled the same path his had on me, from his jaw, up to his ear.

He gathered me close so we could catch our breath, our bodies molding together, surprising me yet again how we fit together so easily. The way his heart beat fast in pace with mine brought a smile to my face.

"This time, words escape me." Edward pulled away from me, taking his hands and framing my face. "I had to see you. I have thought of nothing else but you."

"I feel the same way. But I know we both have responsibilities. We will just have to make the best of the time we have together." Edward's eyebrow arched at me in amusement. "What?"

"I'm just thinking about what you said." He smiled, one side turning up to make that crooked smile that made my insides melt.

"What exactly did I say to make you smile like that at me?" Cocking my head to the side, I watched as his eyes flickered with humor, making his green eyes sparkle.

"You said that I was one of your weaknesses. Hmm. I like that. I like that very much." His eyes took on that predatory gleam again making my thighs rub together in need.

Just at that moment, his phone rang. _Damn cock blocking phone!_

Edward sighed heavily before he answered it. From the conversation I could tell that it was his office. Apparently one of his clients had a question regarding one of the contracts he had written and they needed to meet with him.

He turned to me, his green eyes sad now. "I'm sorry Bella. I have to get to the office."

"I understand Edward. We can talk later. We have to decide where to take the kids on our date." Biting my lip, I was suddenly nervous thinking about the date.

"Our date." He mused. "I really like the sound of that." Slowly he reached out, cupping my face with his wide palm. His thumb tugged my lip from my teeth, caressing it gently. "I have fantasies about you biting your lip." Bending down, he sucked my lip between his, nibbling on it before deepening the kiss. Before he left, he promised to call me later. Since then, my dreams have been of morning visits, hot coffee and even hotter kisses.

"Bella! If you don't get in here and let me fix your hair you're going to be late!"

Alice yelled at me from the bathroom breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Okay. Okay. I'm coming. Bossy little pixie." Mumbling the last part to myself, I made my way to the bathroom.

"I heard that. Get your ass in here!"

Alice let me watch as she brushed, smoothed and curled my hair into submission. After begging me to let her do my makeup, I relented but reminded her that I wasn't doing a photo shot for Penthouse. The end result was exactly me, with darkened lashes and a hint of gloss.

"Wow. Thank you."

"There is nothing to thank me for. All I did was highlight your already beautiful features." Alice smiled sweetly then seemed to pause for a moment, as if choosing her words carefully before she spoke, which was not like Alice at all. "I know you're nervous about tonight. Try not to be. Patrick and Pacey will see Edward for the great guy he is. Trust me." She finished by tapping her finger tip to her temple.

Before she left, she kissed the boys telling them to have a good night, and then turned to me demanding that I call her later with the details.

It wasn't long before there was a knock at the door letting me know that Edward and Claire had arrived. Suddenly I was nervous. All week I had worried how Patrick was going to act, never thinking about meeting Claire. Would she like me?

Patrick and Pacey made it to the door at the same time I did. Looking down at them I thought, this was it, this is really going to happen. Pushing my nerves to the side, I took a deep breath exhaling slowly, before smiling at the boys.

Opening the door to Edward my mind instantly went back to the last time he had graced my door step. Instantly I could feel the blush that began to heat up my face.

"Hello Edward." My eyes locked with his a second before glancing down to look at Claire. She was standing there smiling brightly with her little hand tucked into Edward's.

"Hello Bella." Edward winked at me making my blush spread.

"Please come in." Once inside, Edward and I both stole another nervous glance at each other. By the look in his eye, I could almost read his mind as we both seemed to contemplate exactly how we should go about introductions.

Taking the lead for a change, I waved my hand from the boys to Edward. "Patrick, Pacey, this is Edward." Slowly I knelt down in front of Claire. "You must be Claire. It's very nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too." She murmured smiling shyly at me.

Edward mimicked my action, kneeling down in front of the boys. "Hello boys. You must be Patrick." Edward stuck his hand out for Patrick to shake. Patrick stiffened slightly before looking to me, his eyes swimming with so many emotions I could hardly keep up, apprehension and fear winning the battle. I nodded to him hoping he would take courage in what he saw in my eyes. He released a breath then stuck his hand out towards Edward's extended hand.

"Yes. Hello Edward." Patrick was nervous, but he wasn't rude or impolite in any way. That was promising. Slowly I released the breath I didn't know I was holding.

Pacey nudged Patrick a little so that he could get in front of Edward. "I'm Pacey. S'nice to meet you too." Pacey stuck his little hand out eager to please. Both of the boys could be shy like me at times so it surprised me that he was so forward. There must be something about Edward that Pacey likes.

Edward chuckled. "Very nice to meet you too Pacey. You both know Claire." Edward put his arm around Claire squeezing her gently to his side.

Glancing to Patrick, I noticed that he watched with rapt attention. Patrick didn't receive attention like that from Mike very often so his eyes seemed wide with wonder that a father would be so nice to their child.

_Just give him time Patrick, I thought to myself. He's one of the good ones._

Patrick relaxed somewhat and smiled at Claire. The boys both said hello to Claire and she responded to them. Edward looked at me and I smiled hoping that he realized, like I did, that one small hurdle was over.

Once I made sure that I had Pacey's medical bag, we made our way out to the car. Turning to Edward, I handed him my keys.

Edward looked from me to the car back to me again. "You're going to let me drive?" He asked incredulously.

Shrugging my shoulders as if it was no big deal, when in reality I knew how much Edward liked my car, I smiled up at him. "I have a third row seat. We can all ride together this way."

Edward smiled, looking like a teenager allowed to take the car out for the first time by himself. "Just let me get Claire's seat."

Pacey begged to sit in the back, while Claire wanted to sit in the middle with Patrick. As soon as Edward sat in the seat and fastened his seat belt, he sighed deeply looking over to me.

"You know, I admired this car before I ever knew you were the driver. Looks like both of my wishes came true."

"I'm so glad that I could be the one to help make your wishes come true." Looking over to Edward, I smiled happily then glanced back at the kids watching them as they all sang along with the song on the radio. "This may work out."

"I'm going to do whatever I have to do to make sure of it." Edward grabbed my hand bringing it to his lips. "I promise you that."

"I believe you." In my mind, the thought of what he said made me think we were moving to fast, but my heart told me it wasn't fast enough.

As soon as we pulled in the parking lot of Dave and Buster's the kids began to cheer. We swiftly exited the car making our way inside. As we walked across the parking lot, Patrick and Pacey held my hands, while Claire held Edward's. With awe, I watched as Claire reached her hand out to Patrick's, him tucking her little hand safely in his, creating a link between us. When I looked up to Edward, I could see by the smile on his face that he had witnessed the same thing I had. The sweet little gesture and the happiness it created for Edward and I, made my heart do a little spin in my chest.

The hostess seated us so that we would be central to everything they had to offer. The kids were talking animatedly about all the things there was to do and what they wanted to do first.

"With each meal ordered, you will receive a ten dollar play card. Of course you can purchase more if you use those up." The waitress explained as she handed out the menus and took our drink orders. "Take your time and let me know when you're ready to order."

Edward and I both helped the kids choose what they wanted to eat. When the waitress came back with our drinks, she took our order then handed out the play cards.

"What do you want to do first kids? I don't know if we would have time to bowl before we eat. Why don't we play the games first and save the bowling for after?" Edward winked at me before turning to Patrick. "Does that sound good to you Patrick?"

Patrick shrugged his shoulder slightly. "Sure. That sounds cool."

Patrick may not have been aware of what Edward was doing, but I certainly was.

Not only was Edward including Patrick in the decision process he was letting him make a choice. Something Mike never let Patrick do.

We all went into the game room, the boys including Edward running over to the Daytona USA, Claire and I following along. When Claire stuck her hand in mine, it didn't surprise me. I was quickly learning that Claire was an affectionate little girl, much like her father.

Edward was smiling at us as we approached the game. Pointedly he nodded at mine and Claire's hands winking at me as if to say he approved. "You don't mind do you? I think the boys want to play this first."

"I can see that." I smiled at him with a knowing smirk on my face. "Sure."

"My feet won't reach the pedals Daddy." Claire was frowning, holding onto the steering wheel, stretching her little legs out as far as she could to try and reach the gas and brake pedals.

"Why don't you sit in my lap and drive while I operate the pedals. How does that sound?" Without thinking I made the offer to Claire, not thinking that she might want to sit with Edward.

Claire nodded before quickly jumping out of the seat. As soon as I sat down, Claire climbed into my lap, once she was settled; she turned her face up to Edward. "I'm ready to race Daddy."

Looking up to Edward, I could see how moved he was by the way Claire was interacting with me. "Okay sweetheart. Let's race."

I looked over to Patrick and Pacey. Patrick was showing Pacey which pedal was the gas and which one was the brake. Even though Pacey was a little younger than Claire, his legs were a little longer, so he was able to reach the pedals fine by himself once Edward adjusted his seat.

Edward swiped the cards in each slot to pay and start the game. Once we each picked out our car then decided on a track that we could race on, we were all set. The four of us raced around the track, each taking the lead for a short amount of time, which surprised me considering Claire and I were playing together for the first time. But we fell into an easy rhythm of me braking and giving gas as she steered us through the curves.

In the end, Patrick won, making the biggest kid Edward pout. We all got out of our cars so the next group of people could play.

Edward stuck his hand out palm up to give Patrick a high five. "That was some awesome driving there Patrick. Great job!"

Patrick looked miffed at first. I wasn't sure if it was from actually winning the game or how Edward was acting. A small smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth before he smacked Edward's hand giving him five. "Thanks."

Next we hit up the Dave and Buster's Downs for a little horseplay. The game was similar to skee ball, where you would roll your ball up a little ramp, except each time you did, you made your horse run. The more you rolled your ball up the ramp, the faster your horse would go. The kids were laughing so much they didn't notice the fierce competition that kindled between me and Edward. In the end, of course Edward won, but by the look in Edward's eyes, I knew the reward would be worth it.

"I will collect my prize later." Edward whispered in my ear causing me to shudder. His lips grazed the sensitive skin behind my ear, then subtly he inhaled deeply and when he exhaled his warm breath fluttered down my neck. "The things I want to do to you can't be done in a public place." I could feel my blush heating up my face and neck.

Looking at the kids, I sighed in relief that they were totally oblivious of what took place between Edward and myself. They were laughing and talking about the game.

The waitress walked over to us announcing our food would be served shortly. Edward and I gathered up the children and headed towards the bathrooms so we could wash our hands before we ate. There were men walking in and out from the men's restroom.

Edward looked at me sheepishly. "Would you mind taking Claire to the ladies room with you? It seems kind of busy in there." He stated, hooking his thumb in the direction of the men's door.

Edward seemed to be faced with the same problem that I had, taking your child of the opposite sex into the bathroom with you. Sometimes when we're with Jasper or Emmett, they would take the boys in the bathroom with them. But when it is just me and the boys, I had to take them in the bathroom with me. There was no way I was going to let my boys go into the bathroom by themselves, not with all the weirdos that are out there in this world.

"No, I don't mind at all." Patrick and Pacey were staring at me, silently begging me to let them go with Edward. "Would you mind taking the boys with you?" The boys' nervous looks turned into relief.

"I don't mind at all. Come on guys. Let's get cleaned up." Edward led the boys into the men's room, while Claire followed me into the ladies.

Dinner went off without a hitch, all of us talking and laughing the entire time. The kids had all ordered chicken tenders and French fries, while I went for the lighter Parmesan Crusted Chicken Caesar Salad. Edward went for the double cheeseburger with fries stating he would probably munch on some of Claire's chicken.

After dinner, Edward paid for our dinner, with me protesting, but he insisted. He finally agreed that I could leave the tip before we went over to the bowling alley. It took a little while to get all of our shoes and get set up at a lane, but the kids were patient making it that much easier. Once Edward entered all of our names on the screen we began to play.

Edward bowled with ease as did Patrick. Patrick was big for his age, taller than most of the boys in his class. He was a strong boy and had no problem picking up the bowling ball and hurling it down the lane. Pacey, Claire and I had a much harder time even with the lightest weight ball they had. The three of us had to stand with our legs apart rolling the bowl from between our legs down the lane.

Edward and Patrick had no trouble leading throughout the game, each one throwing a strike occasionally. My heart swelled with joy watching Edward and Patrick interacting with each other. With each minute, I could see Patrick relaxing, easing into the comfortable banter that Edward tried to keep him occupied with.

Patrick had always talked with Jasper and Emmett with ease, but he had known them for a long time. Even though they were both men, they still weren't his father. As far as a father figure, Patrick really never had one. Mike was always too busy to spend time and play games with him or Pacey. It would probably take Patrick a while to get used to Edward spending time with us, doing things with us, but I had faith that if anyone could do it, Edward could.

When we were finished bowling, we turned in our shoes in and again Edward paid. "Let me do this. Please." He begged while staring at me with those beautiful green eyes. When he looked at me like that, I couldn't deny him anything.

As we walked to the car, Pacey grabbed Edward's hand, swinging their arms playfully. Claire reached out to me silently asking for me to take her hand. When I did, Patrick grabbed Claire's hand and then Pacey's linking us all together again. My chest tightened at the feeling of all of us linked together like that and when I looked up at Edward, my vision began to blur. He noticed, but when he started to ask, I just shook my head. There was no way that I could talk without choking up.

As soon as we were in the car, Edward found a song on the radio that the kids liked, turning up the radio enough where the kids wouldn't be able to hear our conversation. It was cute the way they all started to sing along with the song.

Grabbing my hand, he linked our fingers, bringing our linked hands across to him, holding my hand against his chest. "What's wrong Bella?"

"I don't know how to explain it. Watching Patrick with you tonight, the way he opened up to you, then Pacey just took right to you. And Claire. She is such a sweetheart Edward. When we were all walking out together hand in hand, it was just so sweet the way we were together. Like a family." I whispered so low I wasn't sure if he heard me or not.

"Oh Bella. This is a good thing. Don't let it upset you." Edward looked at me, pulling our joined hands to his lips. His grip tightened on my hand placing it back against him, squeezing my hand to his chest.

"I'm not upset, just emotional. My tears are happy tears. I know it's a good thing. It's more than good. It makes me happy that they're happy." Taking a deep breath, I exhaled slowly to calm myself.

"They are happy. I'm happy. I want you happy. I said it before and I will say it again, we will make this work." Edward spoke with conviction.

I know that it would appear to some that we were moving to fast, but it didn't scare me. If anything, it felt right. For once in my life, everything seemed to be moving in the right direction.

**A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. I will update as soon as I can. Thanks!**

**TeamFireandIce are holding an anonymous contest called 'A Southern Twi Night'. Go check it out! http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2283402/TeamFireandIce**


	19. Needs, Wants and Office Visits

**I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to update. Real life has been crazy! My third grader made it in the spelling bee, so we studied like crazy, and it paid off because HE WON! My kindergartner had his graduation and I cried like a baby. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster.**

**Thank you to all that review and have this story on alert. Keep those reviews coming! ****Special thanks to TheGreatAli and Cullenfan524. Your reviews always make me smile! **

**Thanks to my awesome beta tawelephant. She rocks!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. The plot is mine and I am just playing around.**

Chapter 19: Wants, Needs, and Office Visits

Edward POV

"Daddy, I can't sleep." Claire came climbing up on the bed, crawling under the covers with me. I knew exactly how she felt, I couldn't sleep either. Leaving Bella when I knew she was upset bothered me. Even though she said they were happy tears, the sight of her crying tugged at my heart more than any tears I saw Tanya shed.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" We had only been home a couple of hours from going out with Bella and the boys. It had turned out so much better than I had even hoped for. Going to Dave and Buster's had been the perfect place to go, all of us playing together, eating together, had in fact been like something a family would do. Bella was right; it was overwhelming the way things had turned out.

Of course the kids got along well. They played together easily without any arguments or problems. The boys didn't seem to mind that Claire and Bella played together and Claire didn't mind that I had spent time with both Patrick and Pacey. During dinner, they laughed and talked excitedly about the things we had done so far. They were all well behaved and never complained about anything.

My biggest fear was how Patrick was going to react to me. I wasn't sure how he was going to feel about another man in Bella's life. The only man that had ever been in his life or Bella's was his father and from what I could tell, he wasn't much of one. Bella had never really gone into what exactly had happened and I hadn't wanted to pressure her into telling me because I knew it made her uncomfortable. One day I hoped that she would trust me enough to open up to me. She was close to being there, but in some ways I think she was ashamed of how she was treated by her ex-husband and how he treated the kids.

Patrick was another story, I wasn't sure how to get him to trust me or if he ever would. You can't force a child to like you. Children are smart enough to know when someone is trying hard to gain their affections, and if they don't want to like that person, they will do everything they can to rebut them. The only thing I knew to do was be natural, let him see me with Claire and how we are with each other. Hopefully he would be able to see the love I have for Claire and how I treat her, how a father should treat their child.

Another thing that I hoped would make him change his mind about me is the way I felt about Bella. Everyone could tell that I had strong feelings for her. If he could see how much I cared about her, then maybe that would soften him towards me. Being a gentleman in every way possible and treating her with respect I hoped would show him that I wasn't anything like his father.

"Nothing's wrong Daddy. I just wanted to come in here with you." Claire snuggled up against me, her little hand resting on my arm.

"Did you have fun tonight?" Looking down at my daughter, I watched as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Daddy. You've already asked me that like a billion times." She was right, I had asked her when we were driving home, while we were getting ready for bed, before I kissed her goodnight, but I wanted to make sure.

"I know. I know. I just want to be sure." I wanted Bella in my life. So Claire's acceptance was vital to me.

"That place was cool. Can we go back?" Claire looked up at me with her big green eyes pulling me in hook line and sinker. That was it, I was sunk. I couldn't tell her no.

"Of course we can." Taking a deep breath, I asked what I really wanted to know. How she felt about Bella. "But what did you think about Bella? And the boys?"

"I told you. I like Patrick and Pacey. Their funny." She paused for a moment, I swear as if she were an actress waiting to deliver her line at the right time. "Bella's nice." She whispered. "I like her too."

"Good. I'm glad." It was my turn to pause for a moment. "How would you feel if we went out together, with them, again?"

"That would be fun." All the anticipation of what her answer would be left my body, relaxing me instantly.

At the same time Claire and I yawned. We both laughed. Reaching over, I turned my bedside light off. "Let's go to sleep." I felt Claire nod, then her body relaxed against mine.

For the next couple of weeks, it had been hectic to say the least. There was a huge case I was working on and there just didn't seem to be enough hours in the day. Bella had been writing like a mad woman, hardly coming up for air. She said she was inspired and needed to get it out before her brain went on melt down.

We had seen each other at school dropping off the kids, but that was the only times I had actually laid eyes on her. Every night after we put the kids to bed, we had talked. It was nothing short of awesome how we interacted with each other. We were almost like a couple the way we asked about each other's day and how it went. That's what I wanted. Someone to share myself like that with, someone who would care enough to ask and actually listen in return.

The only problem I had, talking on the telephone was not enough. I wanted to touch her. Each time I saw her at school, my fingers would tingle from the pull of wanting to touch her skin. When I was close enough to smell her, my body would go into sensory overload, her scent invading me, making every nerve ending spark with desire.

At night, dreams of us together, her body under mine moving her hips in rhythm with my own would leave me aching with need. My body craved her. So did my heart. It was too soon to think like that, but everything about her made me want her, need her like nothing I have ever known.

The night before Thanksgiving, I called Bella, desperate to hear her voice. "Hello." Bella answered breathlessly.

"I hope you're out of breath for me." My answer made her sigh in return.

"I wish. I'm trying to get all my baking done to take to Alice's parents tomorrow. She asked me to bring a few dishes and Emmett requested my Cherry Yum Yum and it takes forever to prepare."

"What is Cherry Yum Yum?" The first thing that popped into my mind was eating Bella's cherry.

_Damn there goes my inner teenager again!_

"It is whipped topping mixed with cream cheese poured over a graham cracker crust. You have to make the crust yourself so that is why it takes so long to make. But it makes it so worth it. Right before you serve it, you pour a can of cherry pie filling over it. My grandmother use to make it every Thanksgiving and Christmas. It really is delicious." She hummed in approval.

My dick instantly became hard thinking of smearing whipped topping all over her and licking it off while she moaned my name. "Bella, I don't know how to say this. I want you so bad. I want you so bad I can taste you."

"Oh Edward. I want you too. You're all I can think about. I've never wanted anyone like I want you." Bella inhaled deeply then exhaled. "Do you think it's too soon to feel like this?" She whispered.

"No. Because I feel the same way. When can I see you?" My voice sounded desperate even to me.

"I'm not sure. Our weekend is booked. Alice and I always go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. It's a mad house, but we have fun. Once a year is about all I can take of a day like that with Alice." Bella laughed and the sound of her being happy made my heart do a little twirl in my chest. "The rest of the weekend the boys and I decorate the house for Christmas. It's our tradition."

"Claire and I decorate the house then too. Please tell me we can see each other next week. Go to lunch with me one day." I pleaded with her.

"That sounds wonderful. How does Tuesday sound? Pacey will be in preschool that day." Bella suggested.

"It's a date then. Where would you like to go to lunch?" I replied eagerly.

"How about I bring lunch by your office? If that would be okay?" Bella asked nervously.

"Of course it is. I would have you all to myself." That is exactly what I would do to, have her all to myself. I would give my secretary an extended lunch break so Bella and I wouldn't be disturbed.

We said our goodbyes promising to talk again before Tuesday. I know you not supposed to wish your time away, but Tuesday couldn't get here fast enough for me.

Thanksgiving, Claire and I went to my parents. It was nice just to be with them. While Dad and I watched the football game in the family room, Claire and my Mom mostly stayed in the kitchen. They were finishing up the turkey dinner Mom had prepared plus baking a pie and some cookies for dessert.

We sat and ate, enjoying the wonderful meal and just spending time together. Although I was happy to be here with my parents, I couldn't help but think about spending time with Bella. Looking around at the scene before me, I could picture her and the boys sitting here with us, laughing and talking.

After lunch, I told Claire to go and play with Dad while I helped Mom clean up the kitchen. I tried to get Mom to go and sit down, but she wouldn't hear of it.

"Edward, what's wrong dear?" Looking at my mother, her head was cocked to the side studying me intently.

"Nothing." I stated shaking my head. "Why do you think something is wrong?"

"Because, you've washed that same plate for ten minutes now." My mother chuckled. "Something's bothering you, I can see it. You can talk to me you know." Her voice turned soft.

"I know Mom. It's just…I don't know." Taking a deep breath, I puffed my cheeks out releasing it slowly. "It's Bella. I'm afraid she thinks we may be moving too fast. But I don't see it that way. We both have wasted enough time waiting to be happy. We deserve to be happy."

"Oh baby. Of course you do." She cooed placing her hand on my back rubbing soothing circles. "But you have both been through so much. She is probably scared. For her and the boys and that is only natural. From what you've told me, she was in a relationship that ended as badly if not worse than yours. Her feelings are probably overwhelming her and then she has to think about how the boys feel too. It is a good thing not to jump into anything lightly, especially since there are children involved. I can respect her for that."

My mother, the voice of reason, I loved her for that and much more. "I know you're right. I just…think about her all the time. I want to be with her all the time."

She gripped my arm, turning me to face her. "I can see where this is going Edward. It's written all over your face." She smiled up at me, her eyes twinkling. "Take it slow. She's not going anywhere and neither are you. Enjoy this time. I don't think either one of you ever had something like this before. Both of you were involved in relationships out of necessity, not affection. It is new to both of you, so treasure every moment for what it is."

Bella POV

"Pastrami or ham?" Standing in front of the refrigerator, I mumbled to myself looking from left to right at the packages in my hand. "Forget it, I'll do both."

Humming along to my mp3 player that was playing _Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers_ I began to make one sandwich with pastrami and one with ham.

My picnic basket was almost packed for the lunch Edward and I had agreed to have together today. There was potato salad, a fresh fruit salad and a small Cherry Yum Yum for dessert that I made just for Edward to surprise him. When he asked where I would like to go, I asked if I could make lunch and bring it to his office. That way we could be alone.

It's been over three weeks since I have felt his touch. Thoughts of him and I together have invaded every minute of my day. Seeing him everyday at school was complete torture because I couldn't act on the feelings that were growing inside of me.

And it was scaring the hell out of me.

Sometimes I would go weeks, even months without Mike's touch. It didn't bother me. It's not like it was anything that I wanted. Sex for us was just sex, there was no love.

But since I had been with Edward, it was so different. My body craved him. When I would think of him, my body would tingle all over from my head down to the tips of my toes, and a warm sensation would flutter through me. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

Was it normal to feel this way after such a short amount of time? I wasn't sure. We had talked enough on the phone that I felt like we had known each other forever. He was everything I could want in a man and more. He was kind and compassionate. He liked me for me, not what he could make me. The most important thing was that he was a good father. We both put our children before our own needs, something that isn't very common these days. Just look at the two jackasses we were married to.

Since that night we had spent together, my mind had been reeling with all of these thoughts and feelings that were foreign to me. The simple fact is that I was falling hard. It scared me to death. I did the same thing with Mike, but for different reasons. My relationship with Mike was to replace something I lost and wanted to keep. With Edward, it just felt right.

Once Mike and I had ended things, I never dreamed I would feel for another man the way I feel for Edward. It scared me to think where these feelings were leading me. It had been too short of a time for me to feel this way. I was so scared about the emotions that were bubbling up inside me that I wouldn't even say it out loud for fear of what would come out of my mouth.

So instead of speaking, I've been writing. It's the only thing I could do to get it all out of my head to keep me from going crazy. Putting it on paper wasn't easy either. I would write a paragraph, go back and read, shocking myself at what I had written.

Alice had tried to get me to talk about him. It was easy explaining our date night and how things had gone. But when she asked me how much I really cared for Edward, I clammed up so tight I could probably shit a pearl.

It made me realize how much Patrick and I we're really alike. He kept his feelings to himself, bottled up inside as much as I did.

After we had gone out together, I asked the boys if they had a good time. At first Patrick had kept quiet. Unusually quiet. But Pacey, he was a like a fountain running over.

"Edward was so cool Mama. He played with us just like he was a kid too." Pacey had said that night when I put him to bed. "I like Claire too. We like the same songs that come on the wadio."

For days after that, Pacey gave a detailed description of every single thing we did at Dave and Buster's. He was like a sports commentator at a baseball game describing it to the blind. Each time that he would start talking about something, I would listen with rapt attention to what he said, but watched Patrick to gauge his reaction to Pacey's ramblings.

Patrick wouldn't say a word about our date. When I asked him if he had fun, he shrugged and nodded his head in acquiescence, but that was as far as I got with him. While Pacey talked about whatever part of the night he was on, Patrick watched him with what looked like a concerned face.

It was driving me crazy. I didn't know if I should force him to talk to me and tell me how he was feeling or give him time.

While we were at Alice's moms for Thanksgiving I pulled her aside to ask her what she thought I should do. Of course Alice was always the voice of reason. "The only man he has ever had in his life besides Jasper and Emmett was his father. He saw how Mike treated you and acted towards him and Pacey. For another man to be close to you that you like and Pacey likes may unnerve him. If he doesn't say something in a couple of days, ask him to sit and talk to you." Alice reassured me. I wasn't going to doubt her again, so I waited.

My nerves were shot waiting on him to talk to me but I was patient. I busied myself and the kids with decorating the house with Christmas decorations and wrapping the presents that I had purchased while shopping with Alice.

Saturday night after a day full of readying the house for the holidays, I was checking on the boys before I went to bed when Patrick called out to me before I shut his door.

"Mama." His sleepy voice beckoned me.

"Yes sweet pea." Getting down on my knees beside his bed, I traced my fingers gingerly over his face and forehead to make sure he didn't have a fever. "Are you sick?"

"No." He answered shaking his head minutely.

"What's wrong then?" My hands moved from his face to run through his soft hair.

"Do you like him?" Patrick asked while pulling at a string on his blanket, his eyes not meeting mine. "Like you liked Daddy?"

This was it. This is why he hasn't been talking to me. He has been sorting all of this information out in his head.

"Yes. I think so. Is that okay?" Telling him the truth was the only option. If he didn't like the idea of me being with Edward, I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. But there was no way I was going to lie to him.

He shrugged. "I guess."

"Are you worried?" My fingers continued to stroke his hair. It was calming me and I hoped it was doing the same to him.

"Maybe. A little. But I want you to be happy." Tears stung my eyes at his statement that sounded so grown up.

"I want you happy too. That makes me happier than anything. To see you and your brother happy." I told him honestly. I hoped he would believe what I was about to say next. "He's not like your father."

I could almost see the wheels turning as he processed what I said. "I believe you."

I nodded to him. There was something else I wanted to ask him while he seemed to be opening up to me right now. "Why don't you ever talk about your father? You know you can. Right?"

"I know. I just don't like to." He answered without looking at me.

"Why baby?" I wanted to know why he felt like he couldn't talk to me.

"I don't like to think about it. So I don't talk about it." At this moment I hated Mike with everything that was in me. It was one thing to treat me badly, but the way he treated his kids was terrible.

"I'm sorry Patrick. So sorry. I really thought I was doing the right thing by trying to stay and make a home for us. I was wrong." Hastily I wiped a tear away. Right now I needed to be strong even though the thought of my son being like this broke my heart. "I am going to make you a promise right now." Patrick nodded to me with his eyes trained on mine. "I'll never let anyone hurt us again. Not you or Pacey."

"Okay Mama. Okay." Patrick reached up wrapping his arms around my neck squeezing me tight. My arms wrapped around him in return holding him close to me. His silent tears trickled down his face onto my shoulder.

That night I stayed with him murmuring reassurances to him until we both fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. He had finally opened up to me and I hoped that this was a starting point for both of us to heal.

I hadn't told Edward about my conversation with Patrick yet. He had questioned if the boys had a good time and I answered him honestly stating they did. But the conversation Patrick and I had together was something that I wanted to try and figure out on my own before I told Edward.

Besides, I had never told Edward how bad things had been living with Mike. It wasn't that I was trying to hide things from Edward. Saying out loud the way Mike had treated me and the kids made it too real sometimes. Alice had told him some of what had happened between us, especially about the night I left Mike. There were other things that it hurt just too bad to say out loud. The worst of how he abandoned Pacey when he was sick.

Arriving at Edward's office building, I followed his directions on where to park and made my way up to the floor his office was on. Carrying the picnic basket, I bypassed the main reception area walking straight to his secretary's desk.

"Hello, may I help you?" His secretary asked with a knowing smile on her face as she looked from me to the picnic basket in my hands.

After telling her my name, she nodded picking up the phone to announce my arrival to Edward and informed him she would be taking her lunch hour then. She expressed her pleasure of meeting me as she shut her computer down and gathered her purse to leave.

Before I could open the door, Edward swung it open to greet me. Looking at him, I was greeted with the most wonderful sight. He was standing there in all his glory in a white dress shirt, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows revealing his forearms to me. His tie hung loosely around his neck, but was still tucked down into his vest that was buttoned up snugly against him showing off his broad chest and narrow hips.

Walking past him through the door I could smell him. His unique smell that was only him, his shampoo and body wash all assaulted my senses. Turning to face him, I watched as he closed the door and turned the lock effectively shutting out the rest of the world.

He turned back to face me and my breath whooshed out of my lungs in one quick release. His eyes were dark green swirling with desire. Reaching out he gently pried the picnic basket out of my hand placing it on the floor. Before I knew what was happening, he whirled me around and pushed me to the wall pressing his body against mine.

Slowly he bent his head down, keeping his eyes locked with mine before taking my mouth with his. The kiss was slow at first, soft and sensual, and then turned heated quickly as our desire for each other bubbled to the surface. His long fingers threaded through my hair tilting my head to the side so he could dip his tongue into my mouth, teasing and tasting me.

"I want you. Right here. Right now." He whispered against my lips as he ground his hips into me. I could feel his arousal pressing into my stomach. I wanted nothing more than him inside of me at that moment.

"Please can I have you? Tell me I can have you." Edward grabbed my pants in the front and easily unfastened them and started sliding them down over my hips. His hands were firm and smooth as he massaged my hips pulling me closer to him.

My heart quickened in my chest. My throat closed up as the lump formed making it hard to swallow. All I could do was nod to him to let him know that yes I wanted him. At that moment I wanted him more than air to breathe. Deeper inside me, I ached for him.

"Say it. If you want me, say yes. I want to hear you say it." He continued to push my pants down my legs, stopping only to slip my shoes off of my feet before he pulled my pants off completely, leaving me in nothing but my blue see through lacy boy shorts and shirt. When he saw them, he growled sliding his hands up to my hips and gripped so hard I was hoping he would leave bruises there to mark me that I was his.

Bringing his face to my stomach, Edward inhaled deeply before exhaling out a shuddering breath. His warm breath caused me to shudder in return as he nuzzled his face into me. The muscles of his neck seemed to tense up as if he was trying to restrain himself.

"Yes." I breathed running my fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp lightly with my nails. There was no way I could deny him. I had ached for his touch like this on my body.

Quickly he slid my panties down and off my legs, throwing one of my legs over his shoulder before he dove his face down into me. My hands gripped his shoulders trying to hold myself up as his tongue lapped at me. His tongue alternated between licking and sucking and diving deep into my core.

My moans of pleasure began to fill the room along with the sounds of his tongue against my swollen flesh. He worked me until I was ready to explode. "Oh Edward. I…I'm going to…"

"That's right." He whispered against my flesh before he twirled his tongue into me again. "I want you to cum on my tongue." I felt his finger against me, working me, while his tongue continued to fuck me relentlessly.

My eyes closed as white spots winked in and out of my vision. As my orgasm ripped through me my legs gave out. Edward gripped me around my waist holding me up as he licked me clean. He growled against me, the sound vibrating through me making me want for more.

When he was finished, he looked up at me, a crooked smile on his face. His hands ran up my stomach, achingly slow over my breast to the buttons of my shirt releasing each button before sliding it off my shoulders. Flicking the latch of my bra open, he slid it over my shoulders letting it join the rest of my clothes on the floor.

He stood up, cupping my breasts in his hands, kneading softly. He leaned over taking my nipple between his lips nibbling lightly drawing it into his mouth sucking gently before switching to my other breast.

My fingers reached for his vest, weakly trying to divest him of his clothes. When he saw my struggles, he pulled away from me and wrenched the vest open sending buttons flying across the room. He yanked the vest off his shoulders then did the same to his shirt.

"Edward, your shirt." My voice was breathless laced with shock.

"I don't care. I need to feel you." He pressed his bare chest to mine and we both moaned at the contact.

Reaching between us, he quickly undid his pants. Toeing his shoes off, he slipped his pants off along with his boxers leaving him gloriously naked before me.

He lifted me up taking my legs and wrapping them around his waist. His hands cupped my behind supporting me. "Hold on to me." His husky voice instructed. My arms wound their way around his neck just as he slipped inside me.

"Oh, Bella." He moaned before his mouth claimed mine again. The taste of myself on his tongue mingled with his intoxicated me. It was all too much. The smell of our sex surrounding us, his taste flooding my mouth, his hands gripping me tightly, moving me in rhythm with his hips all causing my body to go on sensory overload.

His tongue battled with mine as he plunged into me over and over. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed off the walls. Just when my air was about to run out, his lips began to make open mouth kisses across my face, my jaw, then my neck. He nuzzled against there before sucking slightly.

_Mark me. Make me yours._

"Yes." Edward's gruff voice answered. His teeth scraped along my neck down to my collarbone before he sucked the sensitive skin into his mouth hard.

_Did I just say that out loud?_

"Oh Edward." All I could do was whimper. My orgasm was building up making me weak.

"Come with me love." Edward rasped out.

His words washed over me; the term of endearment he used causing me to come undone in his arms. He followed with me, pumping in and out wildly, growling my name over and over.

We slid to the floor, him still inside me, holding me against him. Our naked bodies molded together, our chests moving in synchrony as we tried to catch our breath.

My head was filled with so many emotions and from the most amazing sex I had ever had in my life, I felt dizzy. His fingers were stroking my skin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. All of the sensations I was feeling were overwhelming me. The one thought that kept coming to the forefront was that he called me 'love.'

What did it mean? Did he say it because of the heat of the moment? Or did he say it because his feelings were starting to run as deep as mine? When we talked on the phone, he said he wanted me. But what was it he wanted from me? Was it the same that I wanted? I wasn't sure.

I need to talk with someone and soon or I'm going to go out of my mind.

**A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. I was real nervous about the sex scene, so let me know how I did. I will update as soon as I can. Thanks!**

**There is a story called Training the Cullen by IvoryAdulation. Go check it out it was awesome. It has drama, a little angst, romance and some great sex. She told me she was a lemon whore. He He! Tell her I sent you. You can find the link on my profile. **


	20. Confessions

**Thank you to all that review and have this story on alert. Keep those reviews coming! ****Special thanks to TheGreatAli, tawelephant, Flora73 and Cullenfan524. Your reviews always make me smile! You all have been with me since the beginning and I can't thank you enough. Hugs and kisses to each of you!**

**I finally broke 100 reviews! It was given by TheGreatAli. Thank you!**

**Thanks to my awesome beta tawelephant. She rocks! I couldn't do this without her!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. The plot is mine and I am just playing around.**

Chapter 20: Confessions

EPOV

You know how you have one of those moments when you say something and you really don't regret saying it because you mean it but at the same time you knew that it was the wrong time to say it?

Well I was having one of those moments. During the most amazingly hot office sex I have ever had. One because of the person I was with. Two, because I have never done it in my office. And three, it was just the hottest and most incredible thing that I have ever done. Then I let my ass overload my mouth.

I didn't regret saying it. Not in the least. Was it the right time to say it? Well that was a matter of opinion. Just because I said it during the heat of passion didn't make it mean any less to me. I hope she didn't think it meant any less because of how I said it.

_Fuck!_

Was it too soon to say it? Maybe. It might have slipped out of my mouth too soon for her to hear it. I know she is apprehensive about how our feelings for each other have advanced so quickly, but I'm not. What I'm feeling for her feels more right than anything I've ever felt before.

We are still sitting on the floor, my back against the wall with Bella sitting in my lap. My arms are wrapped around her and her body is warm and soft against mine. Slowly my fingers are trailing up and down her spine in an attempt to comfort her. There is something wrong, I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I can sense that something is bouncing around in her head. Whatever it is, it is upsetting her. Little by little, I can tell she is pulling away from me.

"Tell me what you're thinking?" Whispering softly, I bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent.

She sighs deeply exhaling her warm breath against my chest. Then she giggles quietly, but I can hear that it is laced with nervousness. "I'm thinking that I should come to your office more often."

Somehow I know this isn't what she is contemplating in her beautiful little head. She is trying to avoid the subject by making it light. If that makes her more comfortable, I will play along.

My fingers splay out across her back pulling her closer to me. "I think that is a wonderful idea." Chuckling in return, my body vibrates against her and inside of her reminding me that we're still joined. "You know, this is the first time that I've ever done this before."

She leans away from my body looking up at me with her chocolate eyes twinkling with a myriad of emotions. Disbelief, happiness and a hint of fear are all visible to me, which scares me in return because I don't want her to be afraid. "Really?" She replies in the form of a question.

"Really." My nose nuzzles hers before it descends down to her neck where I press feather light kisses making her sigh in contentment and shiver. "There are many firsts that I'm sharing with you."

Her fingers wind their way into my hair playing with my wild locks and lightly massaging my scalp. It is my turn to sigh in pleasure. "I'm happy that I can share my firsts with you too." Bella murmurs so low that I almost don't hear her.

We are quiet for a moment, I'm enjoying her being in my arms. The tension becomes palpable as I feel her muscles begin to tense. I can't help but question what is wrong.

"Bella? Something is bothering you. Please. Talk to me." Her muscles that were tense just moments before relax little by little as my hands try and soothe her. She inhales a deep shuddering breath then exhales slowly in what I can only assume is an attempt at trying to calm herself. Instinctively I gather her closer cradling her against me, this feeling deep inside me wanting nothing more than to protect her.

"I'm so scared Edward. We have barely known each other a couple of months, but the feelings I have for you are stronger than I have ever felt before. They scare me because I have never experienced anything like it. You talk about the firsts that we share together, well all of these are firsts for me. How you make me feel, how I feel about you, the way we make love together are unlike anything I have ever known." Her fingers are stroking me gently, reverently against my back.

"It scares me because it all seems so sudden. In all the years that I was married, it was never like this." Bella's arms tighten around me. "Now isn't the time, but there are things I need to tell you, explain to you. You know some, but you don't know the worst of it."

The gnawing feeling of wanting to protect her rears its head again. What I did know was enough to make me angry. Angry enough to kick his ass and I'm not a violent man. He hurt her. I'm not sure if it was all emotional or physical or both, but he hurt her and made her scared to believe in herself. There is not doubt in my mind, that somehow he had mind fucked her trying to break her.

My anger quickly dissipates knowing that she is here in my arms. The more she touches me, the more I knew that this is real. She will be mine now and he will never hurt her again.

The only thing I can do at this moment is reassure her. "I'll wait as long as you as you need me to. Whenever you're ready to talk, I'll be there for you." I can feel her nod in acceptance against my chest. She presses her lips right above my heart. The simple action makes me shudder as the warmth of her lips penetrates straight through to my heart.

I want her again and it feels right to want her again so soon.

I don't want to scare her more, but I need to say out loud what I'm thinking. "I'll wait because I'm not going anywhere. But I want you to know something. Now that I have you, I'm not letting you go. Don't try to push me away Bella, because I won't let you."

If I scare her by expressing myself out loud, then I will show her what I feel for her. My hands roam down her back, then her ribs to her hips. Gripping softly, I began to move her up and down on me. She moans softly before grabbing my shoulders and leaning back to look me in the eyes. The fear is gone and replaced with desire.

"Look at me. Look in my eyes. I want you to see the truth. I will never hurt you. Or your boys." My fingers dig into her hips reminding me of what she said earlier.

"I know you won't Edward. I know that you would never do anything to hurt me." Bella leans forward, resting her forehead against mine. "I trust you with my heart and my body."

She grabs my face possessively with her tiny hands before crashing her lips to mine. Her kiss is passionate; her tongue teasing my lips open before diving in. The taste of her tongue is heady, an erotic flavor that is consuming me, driving me wild. This is something I will never tire of, never stop wanting.

My hands grip her hips moving her against me. Our moans of pleasure mingle together filling the room. With her heat surrounding me and clenching me tightly she climaxes. I surrender with her. My body and my heart.

I know that she has to be uncomfortable because my ass is hurting from sitting on the ground. If it was up to me, I would stay like this with her forever. Lifting her up we both moan at the loss of contact. Once I'm on my feet, I help her up. Shyly she asks me where the restroom is and I point her over to the door behind my desk.

After picking up our littered clothes strewn across the room, I put my boxers and pants back on. Laughing at myself for tearing up a perfect good shirt just to feel her skin against mine I shake my head. In the closet, I pick out one of the shirts I keep on hand just in case I spill something on my shirt. Never did I dream that I would need one from ripping it apart in the moment of passion.

My head snaps over to Bella when I hear her walk out of the bathroom. My breath catches in my throat at the sight of her. She is gloriously naked standing before me. For once she doesn't seem shy at the lack of clothes, but stands before me like a goddess in all her beauty.

Her body is flush from where we made love, the fluorescent lights from above are shining down on her making her skin have an ethereal glow. My eyes roam her body drinking her in, intoxicating myself on her beauty. When my eyes land on her hips, I see the bruises that my fingers left behind from holding her too tight.

Rushing over to her, I drop to my knees to inspect the damage I had inflicted marking her beautiful skin. My fingertips ghost over the bruises, a perfect match to my hand print. "Oh Bella. I hurt you."

Confusion crosses her face before her eyes look down at her hips. She smiles widely, her eyes crinkling up around the edges as the smile reaches her eyes. "No you didn't."

"Don't say that to just to make me feel better." Shamed, I lower my head down looking to the ground. I know Bella is just trying to placate me.

"I'm not." Bella's fingers stroke my face, down my jaw, placing her finger under my chin lifting my face up to hers. "You made me feel something I have never felt before. You made me feel wanted. I could feel the need you had for me in the way that you touched me. I loved every second of it."

Even though Bella doesn't seem hurt or worried about me bruising her, I still can't help but feel guilty.

"Besides, I believe I asked you to mark me Edward." Her lips turn up into a mischievous grin. "Please don't be upset." Her fingers stroke my hair. I close my eyes and growled. I didn't like the idea of marking her beautiful skin, but when she talks like this, I am dumbfounded.

Taking Bella's underwear, I hold them out for her to step back into them, pulling them up in place, doing the same with her pants. I slip her bra up her arms, over her shoulders placing a kiss over her heart before hooking the closure together. Sliding her shirt up her arms, I fasten each button as she watches me intently.

Dressing her is almost as erotic as taking her clothes off. It also gives me the feeling of protecting her, covering her so that I am the only one who gets to see her naked.

"I want you to know that this isn't just about sex for me. It's much more than that. I think we both know it. With that said, I can't keep my hands off of you." Gathering Bella up against my chest, I hold her close to me wishing we were naked again so I could feel her skin.

"I know it's not just about sex. Besides, I would be really disappointed if you did keep your hands off me." Bella giggles making me chuckle in return.

"Come on, let's eat." I wrap my arm around her waist leading her over to the couch in the sitting area of my office. Next time she comes to see me, maybe we can make it to the couch before I pounce on her.

"I hope you like what I brought. I wasn't sure if you liked pastrami or ham so I made one of each. There is potato salad and a fruit salad. I also brought dessert." She rambled on nervously.

"It sounds great. All of it." We set out everything on the coffee table. She placed a sandwich on a paper plate before heaping on the potato salad and fruit salad. It looked better than if we had gone to a deli and picked it out. I pick the pastrami, devouring it and everything else she had put on my plate. The sex with her caused my appetite to increase tenfold.

As we eat, we talk about the kids. She tells me how Patrick is doing in school and about a project he is working on that is due before winter break. Then she goes on to tell me about Pacey and the things he is doing in preschool. He has a friend named Charlie that he plays with the most while he is there. They do everything together in school, even occasionally painting each other's faces.

In turn I tell her about Claire. Bella listens as I talk about her love of art and singing. That reminds me of the Christmas songs that Alice said they would be singing on the last day of school before winter break starts.

"Alice said their going to sing Popsicle toes in front of the whole school. They have to wear their pajamas and get up on stage and sing." I have no idea what the song means, but the thought of all those kids up on stage singing in their pajamas sounds like it would be so cute.

"The kindergartners must do that every year. We came and watched Mary sing it last year when she was in kindergarten. Patrick will be singing that day too but I don't know what the name of the song is yet." Bella looks up at me through her lashes. "Maybe we can sit together."

"That sounds like a date." I reply with a wink. "Now, what is for dessert?"

"Well, since you seemed interested when I told you I made Cherry Yum Yum for Emmett, I thought I would make you some so you could try it."

Images of taking that dessert and spreading it across Bella's breasts and licking it from her nipples, run through my mind. Momentarily I close my eyes and a moan slips out.

"Is something wrong Edward?" Bella questions, arching an eyebrow at me with a knowing smirk on her face.

"Well. When you told me about the dessert…I kind of had a fantasy." I hope Bella won't think I am some pervert.

"What kind of fantasy could you have about a dessert Edward?" Bella was quiet a moment then blushes. "Oh."

Gathering Bella up in my arms, I pull her on my lap. Thinking of what I would like to do with the dessert on her body have made me hard again. As Bella settles on my lap, I can tell by the look on her face that she can feel me.

"Ever since we were together, I can't get you off my mind. You're on my mind day and night. I dream about you. About the things I want to do to you, and you do to me. The instant that you told me about this dessert, the images I conjured up in my mind were erotic. It makes me hard just thinking about it." Lifting my hips, I push up into her grinding my erection into her. "I wanted to take it and smear it all over you and lick it off. If we were at home right now, that is exactly what I would do."

Bella giggles. There is something about the sound of her giggling and being happy that makes me all warm inside.

_Damn, I'm turning into a girl!_

"Well, since we aren't at home so I can let you do that to me, you will just have to settle for eating it out of a bowl." Bella kisses my lips softly and then rubs against me before climbing off. As she bends over to uncover the dessert, she wiggles her ass at me. It drives me insane how she can go from being shy one second and being a vixen the next.

She fixes me a bowl of the dessert and hands it to me with a smile on her face. She knows that I am going to enjoy it in more ways than one. After one bite, I moan again at the delectable concoction and decide that yum yum was an appropriate name for it.

"Do you like it?" Bella questions before taking a bite herself. Transfixed I watch as her lips wrap around the spoon and it disappears in her mouth. She closes her eyes and moans just as I had before.

"Yes. This is delicious. Promise me you will make it for us to have at home one night." She nods and I hope she understands what exactly I want to do with it when we were alone.

We both continue to eat in companionable silence. Even with the serious and not so serious talking, it seems she is as comfortable with me as I am with her. Once we were finished, Bella and I clean up the mess we made and packed what was left over and put it into my office refrigerator for later.

"Thank you for a wonderful lunch." Pulling Bella into my arms, I hold her against me. In response, Bella wraps her arms around my lower back, snuggling her head into my chest.

The thought of going without seeing each other as long as before bothers me. I begin to worry about when I will see her next. There is no way I can go that long without seeing her again. "Come to dinner Friday night. Bring the boys. Claire and I will cook you dinner. Then we'll watch a movie, play a game, whatever you want. Just come."

"That sounds wonderful." Bella responds, raising her head up to look me in the eyes. The apprehension isn't there like before, but I can tell that she is still nervous about us. Dinner will be just a start to qualm her fears and convince her and the boys that we are meant to be.

BPOV

"Thank you Emmett for coming to fix my sink. You didn't have to. I called Alice so that she could give me the name of a plumber and she insisted that I call you."

In a way, I was glad that Emmett came to help me. It killed two birds with one stone. I wanted to talk to him anyway. Emmett had always been like a big brother to me and I needed some big brother advice. In a serious way.

I knew that I could have talked to Alice. She would have been more than happy to talk to me. The only thing was that Alice had already made up her mind about Edward. She thought he was perfect for me. Right now I didn't need her giving me her little visions of my future. She meant well I know, but I needed something more than just hocus pocus.

Back when I first started dating Mike, she had warned me that she didn't trust him. She told me he wasn't the one for me. If I had listened to her, I wouldn't have ended up with Mike. I said once that I would never doubt her again and I don't doubt her in the least. But this is something that has nothing to do with second sight or visions.

My grandmother would be more than happy to talk to me too, but she would start in about Mike and how anybody would be better than him. The last time I had talked to her she cursed and told me what an asshole Mike had been. Which was really funny as shit. Nobody knows better than me how true that statement is, but that is just not what I need right now.

What I wanted was a man's perspective. If my father was here, I would have talked to him. My chest tightened at the thought. It still bothered me that my parents were gone. Maybe if I hadn't been grieving, I wouldn't have even thought about Mike. Even though I regret how things turned out with Mike, I can't regret that my decision brought the two most beautiful things in my life.

Since I didn't want to talk with a woman about my problems, Emmett was the next best thing. Hopefully he would be okay with it.

"Alice was right to tell you to call me. Since I sold you the house and you're like my little sister, I wouldn't have it any other way." Emmett grins before rubbing my head like a big brother would do. I smile in return not only at the sentiment, but happy that he fells the same way. I would use what he just said against him.

Emmett begins to gather his tools placing them back in his tool box. After he loads everything back in his truck, he comes back in to clean up the rest of his mess.

He washes his hands and turns to me with a grin on his face. "So what do you have to eat?" Seeing Emmett like this makes me remember all of the times when we were kids. Even then he ate like a bear.

Since I still had some ham and pastrami left, I offer him a sandwich. When I ask him which one he wants, he just grins again and says both. He instantly starts in on the sandwiches I made devouring them along with the potato chips I have placed on the plate.

"If anybody else saw you they would wonder if you were starving. You eat like Rose never feeds you and I know for a fact that she does."

"What can I say?" Emmett shrugs with no regret. "I have a high metabolism. Besides, I worked up an appetite fixing your sink."

I had to laugh at that. "At least some things never change." I pause a moment, wondering how I want to ask Emmett what I want to ask. "Do you have a minute to spare?"

Emmett cocks his head at me. "Sure, what else do you need?"

"I want to talk to you about something." Taking a deep breath I draw up the courage to begin. "Emmett? What do you think of Edward?"

Emmett shifts in his seat like he is uncomfortable and then confusion flashes in his eyes for a moment before he answers. "I'm not sure what I can tell you about him, I haven't known him much longer than you have. Alice likes him, so does Jasper. Mary thinks Claire is her bff." Emmett chuckles, using air quotes to emphasize the bff part. "Why don't you ask Alice?"

"I could. I already know how Alice feels about him. And you know how Alice gets when she has one of her feelings." I roll my eyes and laugh making Emmett laugh along with me. "I just wanted to ask what you thought about him. As you said before, you're like my big brother and that's what I need right now, some big brother advice."

Emmett stops laughing and looks down at his lap. "Maybe I'm not the best person for you to ask."

It is my turn to be confused. "Why would you say that Emmett?"

His eyes meet mine and I watch as regret flashes in his eyes. "I feel responsible for what happened between you and Mike. He was my friend. I was the reason you met him. You and Alice came to practice to see me and that is where you first saw him. Then he came to the house to see me and there you were. He would have never come sniffing around you if wasn't for me." Emmett's hands ball up into fists causing his knuckles to turn white from the strain. "Every time I think about how he treated you and the kids I just want to kill him."

"I never knew you felt this way." I murmur as much to him as to myself. In all the years I have known Emmett, I knew he was protective, but I had no idea that he would go to such extremes for me.

"I was too ashamed to say anything. Since I found how he treated you, I couldn't look at you the same way anymore. I was afraid that you would think I let you down." Emmett whispers.

My fingers wrap around his forearm in an attempt to calm him. "It's not your fault Emmett. Don't blame yourself. None of us knew that Mike was like that. He hid it very well."

Emmett is quiet for a moment before he his forehead wrinkles up in an angry scowl. "He didn't deserve you. You and the kids were the best thing that every happened to him and he threw it all away. When Alice called me that night and asked me to come and help you and the kids move, you don't know the relief I felt that you and the kids were getting away from that monster."

"I'll say this again. It's not your fault. If anyone is to blame it's me for not speaking up and saying something sooner. I made the choice to stay. I thought I was doing the right thing by staying and trying to make a family for my children." Tears are welling up in my eyes, but I push them back knowing that it would just make Emmett feel that much worse to see me cry.

"Did he ever hit you? Or the kids?" He whispers softly, not at all like Emmett.

"No. He pushed me around some but that was as physical as he got. Not once did he hurt the kids. Not physically anyway. He never had the time for them. Mike just wanted to control me and whatever I did. It was more of him dominating me than anything." Emmett stares at me as if he can sense if I am telling him the truth or not before nodding at me accepting my answer.

"That makes me feel a little better knowing that he didn't hurt the kids. It still doesn't make me want to kill him any less." Emmett's arm muscles flex as if readying himself for a fight.

"I think you would have to stand in line. Jasper wouldn't mind getting a few licks in on Mike too." Violence was something I didn't condone, but in Mike's case, I was willing to turn the other cheek.

"What about Edward? What does he think about it?" This time curiosity shone bright in Emmett's eyes.

My eyes shift to my lap at my hands rubbing together nervously. "He doesn't know everything. Not yet." Looking up at Emmett, I decide to say out loud what I am scared to say to anyone else. "I don't want Edward to think any less of me because I let Mike control me the way he did. I don't want him to look at me like I'm weak or feeble. Sometimes I feel like you look at me different since that happened and you know the truth about Mike. Like you're all afraid that I'm going to fall apart and that's not going to happen. I'm not going to fall apart. I feel stronger now more than ever."

Taking a deep breath, I let the anger flow. "Mike doesn't scare me anymore. He can't hurt me. I won't let him ever control me the way he did before. He will never tell me what to do again or how to feel." Frustrated, I throw my arms up in the air. "That's the problem damn it. Now that my feelings are my own and I don't have to worry about how Mike is going to react, I'm still scared. If I showed too much emotion or too little, Mike would become angry telling me to keep myself in check. The only thing he couldn't control was the way I felt about my kids. Anything else, I had to make sure that I wasn't too emotional or I had to watch what I said."

Turning, I look out at the window to control my anger. "All those years, I lived without emotion or too scared to express myself. My writing gave me an outlet, giving me the opportunity to express myself without fear of making Mike mad. My children were the light of my life and it was easy to show all my love and joy of them with them. But I couldn't share anything with Mike for fear he might get mad. If the children did anything worth sharing, Mike didn't want to hear it. When my writing was finally accepted by an editor and it was about to be published, I couldn't share it with Mike because he would be mad. There was nothing I could share with him that was personal. He just didn't care."

My throat tightens at the thought of the way my life used to be and how it can be if I can give it a chance. "Now I have a chance to be happy again. There is someone who wants to share things with me and talk to me instead of at me. I have a chance to be held and loved the way that I could only dream of. My children might actually have a man in their life who would want to spend time with them. And I'm scared to say it out loud. I'm scared to tell Edward how I feel because I'm afraid. It's never been easy for me to express myself out loud. Now it is even harder because I wasn't allowed to for so long."

Emmett just stares at me for a moment with so much sympathy that I am afraid I would fall apart after telling him that I wouldn't. "First off, we are just worried about you Bella. If you did fall apart, no one would blame you. As far as the rest of what you said, I don't know what to say. I do know this. If you won't allow yourself to be happy, in a way, Mike is still controlling the way you feel."

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I'm sure Alice would have gotten around to saying the exact same thing, but hearing it from Emmett makes it sound more real.

"Thank you Emmett." I answer quietly. "You couldn't have said anything better than that."

"You have a chance to be happy." Emmett murmurs. "I believe Edward could be the man who can do it. Don't be scared. If Alice and Jasper trust him, then you should to."

"Thank you Emmett." Wrapping my arms around him, he returns the hug squeezing me in one of his bear hugs.

"If you want to thank me, make me another Cherry Yum Yum." Only Emmett could make a joke at this time. It was perfect. He is exactly what I needed to help me.

"Deal." Not only would I make him a dessert, I would make one to take to Edward and Claire's.

Suddenly I know that everything was going to be alright. I am not going to be afraid of my feelings for Edward nor will I be afraid of his feelings for me.

**A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. I will update as soon as I can. Thanks! Since I have made such a big deal about the dessert, if anyone would like the recipe, just ask in your review. It really is awesome!**


	21. The Way It Could Be

**I apologize profusely for taking so long to update. I've had a terrible time concentrating with the kid's home for the summer. I suck, I know.**

**Thank you to all that review and have this story on alert. Keep those reviews coming! ****Special thanks to TheGreatAli, tawelephant, Flora73 and Cullenfan524, your reviews always make me smile! You all have been with me since the beginning and I can't thank you enough. Hugs and kisses to each of you!**

**Thanks to my awesome beta tawelephant. She rocks! I couldn't do this without her! She is very sweet to take the time to do this right now.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. The plot is mine and I am just playing around.**

Chapter 21: The Way It Could Be

EPOV

Bella, Patrick and Pacey were coming to dinner tonight. I wasn't worried, not really. The house was clean. All of the cooking that had to be done was done, simmering on the stove, the scent filling the house. Like always, Claire had been such a great little helper with the cleaning and the cooking. In a way, I think she was working as hard as I was to make this work. Too hard.

When I told Claire that Bella and the boys were coming over, she was ecstatic. The only people that ever came to our house were my parents and Alice and Mary, sometimes Jasper, so the thought of someone else coming over besides them made her just as excited as I was. But I thought there may be a little more to it than that.

I knew that she wanted to play with the boys again. Since meeting Patrick and Pacey, she had mentioned several times that she enjoyed playing with them at Mary's and then when we went to Dave and Buster's, but honestly, I think she wanted to see Bella again just as much.

The night after Bella had come to the office, I told Claire that they were coming to dinner, she bounced around the house like a bouncy ball, asking all kinds of questions. Truthfully, I was just as excited as she was. This was my chance to show Bella what we could be together.

Even though it had been less than a year since my divorce from Tanya, I was ready to move on, especially with Bella. Other than having Claire, my life with Tanya had been a complete waste. I was tired of wasting time. I needed someone in my life that I could share it with. I needed Bella in my life. She was it for me. I know she is scared because of her previous marriage, and it may take some time to convince her that we belong together, but she would be worth the wait as long as we would be together in the end.

"What night are they coming? What are we going to cook for dinner? Are we going to watch a movie? Are we going to play games?" Claire's questions were coming so fast my head was starting to spin. I was already on a natural high of having Bella in my office that day, her scent still clung to my clothes and thoughts and images of the things we had done swirled around in my head.

"They are coming Friday night. I'm not sure what to cook or if we should order in. What do you think we should do about dinner?" My babbling sounded just like Claire's.

"You should cook. I think you should cook chili like Papa does. I can help. Oh! I know what we can do. We can play Wii. We could play Lego Rock Band and I could sing. Or we could play Mario Kart. I know that Patrick and Pacey would love to do that. We need more remotes." She tapped her finger to her chin deep in thought. "Oh they have a Wii. They could bring their remotes. I bet they have some cool games too. Oh this is going to be so fun Daddy."

She sent me into a tailspin as she started giving me ideas or should I say instructions on how the night should go. I promised her that I would talk to Bella and see what she thought about what the boys would like to eat and whether they would want to watch a movie or play games. It seemed to mollify her for all of five seconds.

"Oh I have to clean my room really good too." Suddenly she bit her lip, her eyes unfocused for a moment as she stared off into space. She looked back at me with a questioning look on her face. "Daddy, do you think Bella really likes me?"

That threw me off course. "Of course baby. Why would you ask that?"

She shrugged her little shoulders making her bronze ringlets of hair bunch up around her face. "I don't know. I hope she does."

Over the next couple of days, Claire reminded me of a wife getting ready for a dinner party. She cleaned her room just as she said, dusting every nook and cranny. Her books on her bookshelf were lined up by height, from tallest to shortest on each shelf. All of her dolls, even the ones that slept in the bed with her at night, were sitting on top of her dresser. She picked up all of her favorite toys that she kept out all the time and put them on the shelves in her closest. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that someone with obsessive compulsive disorder had snuck in her room and went nuts.

All week she did everything she could to help get the house clean. She had always been helpful, but she was going to the extreme. Finally I couldn't take anymore.

"Claire honey. What's wrong?" My anxiety level was almost through the roof worrying about her watching her fret over the smallest thing.

"Maybe if everything is perfect, then maybe Bella will like me? Maybe she will like us." My heart sunk. In all of her five year old wisdom she thought if everything was flawless that would make the difference on whether Bella liked her or not.

Images of us living in that museum Tanya called a home shot through my mind. Nothing was dirty, nothing was out of place, all of it was in pristine order. The only room that looked lived in was Claire's bedroom and playroom. Did Claire think that Tanya left because her room was dirty? There was no way I could let her think that.

"Claire, I want you to listen to me for a moment." She nodded looking up at me with her big green eyes that mirrored mine. "Bella likes you sweetheart. She doesn't care if your room is clean or not."

"Why did mama leave us?" Claire whispered. My breath clogged up in my lungs. Claire rarely spoke of Tanya. She had never questioned anything about Tanya leaving. The night that Tanya left had been the only time that we had talked about it. She had told me then that it was okay, that it was fine if it was just us. Apparently it wasn't. My parents had told me that one day Claire might question why, especially since she hadn't spoken of it much since Tanya had left.

Lying to Claire had never been an option for me, but right then I struggled with how much of the truth I was willing to give her. Even though Tanya was a selfish bitch who didn't care for anyone but herself, I wasn't about to tell Claire that. She didn't need to know that her mother loved herself more than she loved her own daughter. There had to be some way of telling her without being ugly about it. At that moment, watching Claire worry about why her mother left, the last thing I was really worried about was being nice about why Tanya did what she did, but for the sake of my daughter, like I have done in the past, I put Claire first.

I inhaled a shaky breath before I could say anything. "Claire, sometimes mommies and daddies stop loving each other. It has nothing to do with the kids. They still love the kids, but just not each other. Your mama stopped loving me so she left." That sounded like the shittiest explanation I had ever heard. It wasn't a lie. Tanya didn't love me no more than I loved her. The only difference between us was that I had tried over and over again to make us work when she never gave a damn. As long as Claire thought she left because of me that was all that mattered.

"That's sad Daddy." Claire reached up and touched my cheek with her little hand. My little girl was sitting there telling me she was sorry when I was trying to tell her why her mother left us. "I love you Daddy."

God I wanted to cry. It was as bad as the night Tanya left. Instead of me taking care of Claire, reassuring her that everything would be okay, she was comforting me. I couldn't take it. "Claire, I don't want you to worry about me. You make me happy. And I want you happy. That is the most important thing to me."

''I'm happy Daddy. I want you happy too. Does Bella make you happy?" _Whoa_. What a complete turnaround. Claire's emotions seemed to be all over the place this week.

"Yes sweetheart, Bella makes me happy. But I don't want you to worry about me okay. You are what is important. Do you understand?" I wasn't sure if this conversation could get any worse. I could feel a monster headache coming on.

"Yes Daddy. I do want Bella to like me. It would be nice to have a mama to talk to." Okay, I was wrong. It may not be able to get any worse, but it sure was confusing the hell out of me. The conversation reminded me of something you would have when you are drunk, one of those where you couldn't keep up because your thought process was just as messed up as you were.

Then another thought occurred to me. Claire was nervous like I was because she didn't want to mess this up for me, or for her. Possibly Claire was missing a female influence in her life and she wanted one, badly. Sure she had my mother. They spent time together cooking and baking, going shopping and sometimes they just played dolls or games. She had Alice. I knew that Alice was good for her. Not only was she Claire's teacher, but she went over to her house to play with Mary. But maybe that wasn't the attention that she wanted. Maybe she wanted someone around more often.

_Holy hell. I just couldn't keep up._

"Baby, I don't want you to worry about a thing. Okay. Everything will work out." Claire nodded, a big smile lighting up her beautiful face, before wrapping her arms tightly around my neck.

I wasn't sure how, but I was going to make sure that Claire and I both had what we wanted.

The timer on the stove went off reminding me to check on dinner. Slowly I stirred the chili, turning the temperature down to let it simmer until Bella and the boys got here.

Thursday night after the conversation that I had with Claire, after putting her to bed, I poured myself a glass a wine making myself comfortable before I called Bella. I needed to hear her voice. All week we only had the time to text each other. School and work had kept us both busy after the long holiday weekend. Monday in my office had been the only time I had seen her, actually heard her voice, touch her body. I missed her. Right then more than anything, I needed to talk to her.

It only rang two times before she answered. "I was hoping you would call. How are you?"

I sighed happily upon hearing her voice. "I'm good. I'm better since I can hear your voice."

"Is…something wrong? Do…Did you want to cancel?" Bella stuttered awkwardly.

"No!" I practically yelled in the phone. "No. That's not it at all. I'm sorry. It's been a long week. It has been like a roller coaster." That was nothing but the truth. Since Monday, I had been giddy as a girl and horny as a teenage boy because of my office visit with Bella, I had been confused and saddened at the same time while talking to Claire. If this is what pms felt like, no wonder women were so upset.

_It's official. I'm a girl. I have all the symptoms._

"Do you want to talk about it?" Without a second thought, I relayed the entire week to Bella, from the way Claire was so excited about their visit to her questioning me about why Tanya left. It felt so natural talking to her like that. Just like all the other times we had talked; it was easy to share my life with her and my feelings. She listened and paid attention putting me first which was something that Tanya never did. I shouldn't compare Bella with Tanya considering they are such total opposites, but when I thought about it, it made me realize that Bella was everything that I ever wanted.

When I finished telling her everything, only then did I hesitate. Maybe telling her about how Claire was worried about how Bella would like her or not was too much. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you all of that."

"Edward, don't apologize. I'm glad you feel like you can talk to me." Her voice was low before she finished and then she cleared her throat. "It's only natural for Claire to ask questions. Sometimes I worry that Patrick and Pacey don't talk enough or ask enough questions about why I left Mike. I mean, they were there that night when we had that huge fight, and they knew that things weren't right between us, especially Patrick because he saw much more than Pacey did, but I worry that they are keeping things bottled up inside."

Bella inhaled a shaky breath. "I haven't told you this yet because I was trying to figure it out myself. Patrick didn't talk to me for days after we all went out together. He clammed up and didn't say a word about our date even though Pacey was talking up a storm about you and Claire. By the way, Pacey really likes you. He likes Claire too." She laughed nervously. "But you already knew that. After days of silence, Patrick finally opened up to me. He asked me if I liked you like I liked Daddy."

When I had asked Bella about what the boys had thought about our date, she said they had a good time, but she hadn't told about Patrick. Her admission gave me the impression that she was starting to open up to me more. We had talked about everything and anything when we talked, but I knew there was some things that she wasn't ready to tell me yet, whether it was fear or shame I wasn't sure. And with that, I knew she was starting to open to me, even if it was just a little bit, and it gave me hope that maybe she was ready to move forward. Each little step was closer to a future with her.

"What did you tell him?" This was as important as anything else.

"I told him the truth. I told him that I do like you?" She repeated the rest of the conversation to me, from Patrick speaking like a grown up telling her that he wanted her happy to them snuggling together in the bed all night as she tried to ease his fears.

"I hate that he closes himself off like that. I'm glad he opened up to you." Patrick seems to take after his mother in regards to holding back things.

"I'm glad Claire opened up to you too. We are just going to have to reassure them that we love them and let them know that we are never going to leave them. It really sucks that our kids have to deal with this at such a young age, but in the long run they are better off without Mike or Tanya in their lives."

"You couldn't be more right. I'm glad you told me about Patrick." The week was catching up with me so I laid down on the bed to get more comfortable. Talking to Bella had reduced my stress level immensely.

"I'm glad you told me about Claire too. When we come over tomorrow night, I will just have to show her how much I like her. There is no need in her worrying about that. She is such a sweet little girl. I always wanted a little girl." Bella sounded so wistful when she said that. An image of Bella playing dolls with Claire while all of us were living together in the same house flitted through my head making me smile.

"So what time are you coming to dinner tomorrow night?"

"We should be there about seven. Is that okay? What are you cooking? I could bring something if you like. How about I bring dessert?" Bella asked coyly like she didn't know what the image of dessert and her did to me.

A low growl came bubbling out before I could stop it. "Bella, you know how I feel about you and desserts." I had to calm myself down or I would attack her as soon as she walked in the door. "You don't have to bring anything but yourself and the boys. We are going to have chili with cheese toast, and hotdogs and buns and French fries if they don't want chili or if they want a chili dog or chili cheese fries. If that is okay? I can make something else if not. I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow so I can get whatever you want me to." I knew I was rambling nervously.

Bella giggled at me and the sound warmed my heart. "It all sounds great Edward. The kids like everything you are making, so they will have plenty to choose from. I'm looking forward to it. I've missed you."

Bella's confession was just another step in the right direction. Something has changed since she was at my office and I was going to find out what. I admitted to her that I had missed her too before we said our goodbyes. I told her that Claire wanted to play Wii and asked her to bring her remotes and one of her guitars so we could all play. After hanging up, I got ready for bed grabbing one of her books to read and relax. That night I fell asleep dreaming of the five of us playing together on the swing set in the backyard.

The doorbell ringing broke me out of my musings and alerted me and unfortunately my dick that the object of my obsession was at the door. Claire heard it to and came bounding down the stairs at the same time I exited the kitchen as we raced to the door laughing all the way.

Without hesitation, I swung the door open and was greeted by the most wonderful sight. Bella was holding a dish in her hands, while Patrick stood on one side of her with a Rock Band guitar and Pacey was on the other holding a bag of what looked like Wii remotes and steering wheels. A smile was gracing her beautiful pink lips, Pacey was grinning from ear to ear and to my surprise there was a small smile on Patrick's face. It was a start.

"Hey." She breathed right before Pacey grabbed her free hand and tugged her inside. As soon as she was in the door, her scent started to fill the room. She was beautiful in her fuzzy cream colored jacket and fitted blue jeans and her matching Converse treads. Her hair was pulled up in a pony tail exposing her neck to me making my mouth water to taste her.

"Hey." I answered back almost dumbfounded because she was this close in my house and all I wanted to do was touch her. She started to remove her coat and I moved to help her slip out of it then turned to take the boys coats laying them on the chair. Her cheeks were pink from the cold matching the snug fit pink shirt she had on reminding me of what she looked like when she blushed.

"Hi Edward. Hi Claire. Do you want to play?" Pacey had released Bella's hand once they were inside turning to me then Claire as he spoke holding out his bag of Wii components. Patrick was still hanging back behind Bella peering around her watching with rapt attention. Maybe he was in as much awe as I was.

"Hello Pacey." I answered ruffling his hair. Turning to Patrick, I placed a hand on his shoulder, not sure if he was ready for more than that, gripping it slightly. "Hey Patrick. How are you tonight?"

He shrugged. "I'm good. Thank you for having us." His tone sounded so adult like, reminding me that he was way more grown up than he should be.

What I witnessed next was one of the sweetest things I had ever seen. Bella ran her hand across Claire's hair, just like a mother would do to her own child, before she crouched down to Claire's level. "How are you today Claire?" Bella asked as she continued to play with the ends of Claire's hair.

A huge smile spread out across Claire's face as she blushed slightly at the attention. Claire responded by wrapping her arms around Bella's neck. "I'm so happy you're here."

Bella looked up at me, her eyes twinkling with happiness. "I am too. It smells great in here. I bet you did all the cooking yourself."

Claire giggled at Bella's comment. "Daddy and I did it together. Didn't we Daddy?" Claire looked up at me, her face glowing with delight.

"Yes sweetheart, we did. Why don't we go into the kitchen and set the table so we can eat." Claire nodded at me then turned to the boys motioning for them to follow her.

Waiting a moment to give the kids time to get into the kitchen, I turned to Bella, framing her face with my hands and placed a soft kiss against her lips, lingering for a moment while I inhaled her scent. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Bella whispered against my lips before she kissed me back. It was a soft sweet kiss that made me want more and I sensed that she was holding back as much as I was.

I released her face, stroking my fingers down her arm to her hand, before entwining our fingers together. "Come on, let's eat." Tugging her hand like Pacey does, I pulled her into the kitchen before I got carried away and took her into my bedroom, which I planned on showing her later. "Is that what I think it is in that dish?"

"Yes it is." Bella responded looking up at me through her lashes with a shy smile.

"Well, we'll just save that for later." I replied back with a smirk on my face.

Claire, Patrick, and Pacey set the dishes and silverware on the table while Bella and I put all of the food in serving dishes setting it in the middle of the table so we could serve it easily. After we were seated, Bella and I helped the kids put the food they wanted on their plates before we made our own.

Once we started eating, I looked around the table and watched the scene before me. They were all talking and laughing, carrying on like a family should. Like I was imagining we could be if everything went that way. It may be too soon, but I even after this short time, I know Bella is the one; she is who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Sitting down and eating dinner as a family was something that Claire and I never did with Tanya. She was never home enough to sit down and eat with us like this, and when she was we would sit and eat in almost complete silence. From what I could guess, Bella and the boys probably never shared a meal like this with Mike either.

After dinner, we all worked together to clear off the table and put the leftovers in containers. During dinner we decided we would play the Wii for a little while before we started a movie, so while Bella and I washed and dried the dishes, the kids went to set up the Wii for us to play.

The entire time I was washing the dishes, I couldn't keep my eyes off Bella. I wanted nothing more than to touch her and hold her and kiss her until we were both desperate for air. I knew we would have to wait until maybe later when the kids were watching a movie and we could sneak off and pop some popcorn, and then hopefully I would be able to hold her, even if it was only for a few minutes.

First we played Lego Rock Band. Pacey was on the drums, and even though he had been playing a while, he still played on super easy. The drums were the most difficult to play. Claire sang while Bella sat beside her on the ottoman and sang backup, claiming that Claire was the lead singer and she should control the microphone which Claire greedily accepted.

Patrick was playing bass while I played lead guitar. Bella had told me the boys were good, but for Patrick to be only seven, he played really well and on the medium setting at that. He certainly made me work for the scores I got.

Once we got tired of rocking out, we moved onto Mario Kart. We each had our own steering wheel, except for Bella, who graciously agreed when Claire asked to be her co driver like when we were at Dave and Buster's. Pacey won every race we played with ease making the rest of us eat his dust.

After a while, the kids decided that they were tired of playing and asked if we could watch a movie, but instead of popcorn they wanted dessert first. Bella and I retreated to the kitchen to serve the dessert while the kids put away the Wii stuff and picked out a movie to watch.

Bella spooned the dessert into the bowls as I watched her. The need to touch her and be close to her was overwhelming me. It was torture for her to be so close and not be able to touch her and before I could stop myself, I moved in behind her wrapping my arms around her pulling her back against my chest.

"I really have missed you. I know we talk on the phone and text each other, but it's just not the same as being able to actually see you and touch you. You don't know what it does to me to see you in my house, in my kitchen. Then to top it all off, you are serving up that sinful dessert of yours." My voice became low and husky. "All week in my office after lunch, I would get a spoon out and eat this and think about the things I did to you in my office. This is good, but you taste so much better." Whispering softly against her ear, I began to kiss down her neck.

"Oh Edward." Bella breathed, her body shuddering slightly in my arms.

I dipped my finger in the dessert, scooping up some of the whipped cream and cherry mixture, slowly wiping the sugary concoction down her neck from just below the sensitive spot behind her ear down to her collarbone. Leaning in to her, I darted my tongue out and licked the sweet stickiness off, nibbling and biting gently along the way. The taste of the dessert mixed with her own unique essence was like nothing I had ever had before and I knew I would never want anything else.

Bella's knees became weak and she sagged against me as I continued to kiss and lick at her neck. My hands began to roam across her body, one hand sliding down to cup her, pushing her against my hard erection as I grinded into her, the other hand splayed across her chest holding her to me.

Her moans and whimpers spurred me on and there was no way I could wait any longer to kiss her. The moment I turned her around, my mouth descended on hers as she opened hers to me in invitation. Our tongues touched and teased each other making me even harder in response.

Bella responded fervently to my kiss, biting on my bottom lip, sucking on it before her tongue darted out into my mouth. Her hands ran up my arms across my shoulders before finding their way into my hair, pulling and tugging making me groan with pleasure.

Without any doubt, I knew that she is what I wanted. There was no way I would ever want anyone else besides Bella. The heat from her body seeped into my skin and her soft curves pressed against me building my desire for her even more.

Bella broke the kiss, laying her head down against my chest panting and I could feel her hot breath through my clothes. I buried my nose down in her hair, inhaling her scent gently pressing my lips to her head.

I was lost in her. The feel of her body against mine, the smell of her surrounded me and the taste of her lingered on my tongue. Before I could break myself out of my self induced Bella phase, Bella whispered breathlessly. "Patrick."

Turning my head in the direction of hers, I saw Patrick standing in the doorway of the kitchen with his mouth opened slightly with a shocked look on his face. His eyes darted back from Bella to me and then misted over slightly before he turned and ran from the room.

"Patrick! Wait!" Bella sobbed out as she tried to break out of my arms to chase after him.

"No Bella. Let me. It's my fault. I shouldn't have kissed you like that when the kids were in the other room." Bella looked up at me with tears in her eyes, and to know that it was my fault that I had put them there made me even more determined to make things right.

"But…what if he won't talk to you?" Bella sniffled as a single tear streaked down her cheek. Of course she was right, but I had to at least try and talk to him. It wasn't Bella's fault that I attacked her like some horny teenager while her kids, and mine for that matter were in the other room.

Framing her face in my hands, I brushed her tears away with my thumb. "You're right. We'll do it together." There was no way I was going to let Bella handle this on her own. If Patrick was angry or upset, I didn't want him to take it out on Bella. I would take sole responsibility for it, I should have known better.

Bella nodded and turned to walk out to the living room where we found Patrick sitting on the couch staring at the now quiet television. Faintly I could hear Pacey and Claire playing upstairs in her room guessing that they got distracted while they were picking out a movie and I was relieved that at the moment they were oblivious to what had just transpired.

"Patrick." My nerves were on edge and I could hear it in my voice, so I cleared my throat before I said anything else. Bella was standing behind the couch looking down at him like she was afraid that if she tried to reach out and touch him that he would run away again.

Slowly, I moved and sat beside him on the couch. He didn't flinch or move away when I sat down but I waited a moment before I said anything. "Patrick." This time my voice was a little stronger. "I'm sorry if I did something to upset you. I would never do anything to hurt you."

Patrick sat stony faced, his posture stiff. It seemed like forever before he spoke and when he did, it was barely above a whisper. "Mama never smiled when Daddy was home. I never saw them kiss. I only saw him hurt her." What he said was plain and simple in a description that no one could misinterpret.

My blood started to boil under my skin and not in a good way. Not only had Mike hurt her, but I was right, Patrick had witnessed more than he ever should have. Not only that, but he never saw any affection between them, so our display in the kitchen was a shock in more ways than one to him.

It was time for me to do some straight talking. I had to give Patrick something of how I felt even if I couldn't let him know how strong my feelings really were. Like the fact that I wanted us to become a family. Some may think it's too soon to be feeling that way, but I wasn't going to wait to be happy any longer. I had wasted enough time with Tanya. And I really believed that we could all be happy together.

"Patrick, I want you to know that I will never hurt your mother. Or you. Or your brother. I couldn't. I care very much for Bella. Because I care for her, I care for you too. Your happiness and Pacey's means as much to me as it does to Bella. I don't want to do anything that will make you unhappy. I'm sorry if my kissing her made you unhappy." It was as simple as I could think of saying it without just coming right out and admitting my feelings for Bella.

Patrick started to shake his head. "It didn't make me unhappy. It was just weird. You know." He turned to look at Bella. "I'm not mad Mama."

"Oh baby." Bella made her way around the couch sitting beside Patrick and taking him in her arms. She looked at me over his head, mouthing a 'thank you' to me and the look in her eyes let me know that I had said the right thing.

The night may not gone exactly like I wanted it to, but I at least let Bella and her boys know that this is the way it could be if we were together.

**A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. I will update as soon as I can. Thanks! **


	22. The Way It Should Be

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**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. The plot is mine and I am just playing around. I do own however Remember Me on DVD, which took me forever to find because it was sold out. Wonder why?**

Chapter 22: The Way It Should Be

BPOV

Patrick and I had sat so long on Edward's couch, holding on to each other, that I had almost forgotten where we were. My arms were wrapped tightly around him, holding him to me as Patrick's were wrapped around my neck, his head resting against my shoulder. I didn't want to let him go, I wanted to continue to hold him and hopefully reassure him with my touch that everything was going to be alright. Because, deep down, I knew it would be.

The night had gone so well. Perfect even. When we arrived, standing at the door, I could hear the sound of Edward and Claire's feet pounding through the house, before the door even opened. And when the door opened, I was awarded with the most breathtaking smile, not just from Edward, but from Claire too.

Dinner went off without a hitch. In all reality, it was the closest thing that the boys and I had ever had to a family dinner before, and somehow I sensed that this was something new for Edward and Claire too. It wasn't like the dinners we've share with my grandmother and Alice's family, it was more like what a husband and wife would share with their children. Like how a family would be. It was perfect as we all sat around talking and laughing with each other. There was no tension. Even though I knew that Patrick was still being reserved about the whole night with Edward and Claire, he was relaxed and I could tell that he was enjoying himself.

After dinner, we started playing the Wii and it was so much fun all of us playing together. Just like dinner, it seemed so natural and real, unlike anything I think any of us had had before.

Thinking about it even now made me realize that this was everything I had ever wanted for my children. The whole reason I had stayed with Mike, put up with all of the terrible times that we had, the way he treated me, the way he treated the kids, because I was hoping that one day our life would be like this. Everything that the boys and I had just shared with Edward and Claire was exactly what I had been looking for, wanting for my children since they had been born. I wanted to have a family. I wanted my children to have a happy and healthy home life where they felt wanted and cherished.

And I knew that everything I wanted was right here in this house.

When the kids asked to watch a movie and wanted dessert before the popcorn, Edward and I went into the kitchen to get it ready. As soon as we were alone, I could feel it, that need and desire that seemed so palpable between us. When he came up behind me, talking low and husky the way he does that drives me wild, my body instantly reacted to him.

I was lost in him as soon as he dipped his finger in the dessert, drug it up my neck oh so slowly, and then licked the sugary mess from me, leaving a trail of fire along my skin. Then we he turned me, kissing me with all the passion and desire that we shared together, I tried so hard to kiss him back and show him that I felt the same way too.

And I was so lost in him, that I didn't even here my son walk in the room.

When Patrick saw us together, he ran, which didn't surprise me considering the way things have been with him since he was old enough and aware enough of what was going on around him. He was smart, smarter than the average seven year old, and very perceptive for his age.

No, what surprised me was Edward. Really, I shouldn't have been surprised. He acted just like a father and concerned parent should. He felt guilty for what had transpired between us in the kitchen, and insisted that he help make things right. I wasn't going to argue, I was shaken and worried about Patrick and wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle it alone.

The way Edward spoke to Patrick, the tone of his voice and his body language was exactly how a father should be with his child. He was patient and kind, and the things he said, how he worded his explanation, even the emotions that surfaced so easily for him was perfect. I was so overwhelmed and moved by what he said and the gentle way he was with my son, that my heart decided for me what my head was trying so hard to rationalize.

Patrick shifted, looking up at me with a soft smile that reached his beautiful blue eyes. "I'm going to go help Pacey and Claire pick out a movie before they waste all of our time playing around up there." Patrick rolled his eyes for good measure, surprising me with a peck on the cheek before he bounced off and up the stairs.

I looked up to Edward. He was standing there stoically, guilt and shame written all over his face. I had to stop him from feeling that way, because there was nothing for him to feel guilty about. We both were taken away in the moment and honestly there was nothing wrong with what we did. We were lucky we got caught before we got too carried away.

Before I could speak, Edward started rambling.

"Damn it! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have been pawing at you like some animal with our kids in the other room. I should learn to keep my damn hands to myself." He roughly raked his hand through his hair, mumbling things I couldn't understand, his anger with himself rolling off of him in waves. Even though he was visibly upset, I smiled inwardly at the fact he said _our_ kids. I wasn't sure if he even knew that he had said that, but I heard it, and it made my heart fill with happiness.

I walked over to him, grabbing his face in my hands, watching as he visibly calmed with my touch, before his eyes met mine. "You don't have anything to apologize for. If you don't remember, I was kissing you back in there." I smiled at him, but he looked away, his face contorting into a shameful expression.

"Hey, look at me." Gently I tilted his face down towards mine, making him look at me. "Don't do this. There is nothing wrong with what we did. Instead of you worrying about what you think went wrong, let me tell you what was right. Everything about tonight was just the way it should be. Sitting down to dinner like that, playing with our kids, being like a family should. Every minute was perfect."

"I don't want to do anything to hurt or upset him. He's been through enough. And if he is hurt, then you are hurt. I never want to hurt you." He murmured, dropping his forehead down to mine.

"I know you would never hurt me Edward. Don't you see what you did for him? You showed him how a father is supposed to act in situations like this. The way you were with him, the way you treated him, was better than his own father ever treated him. Please don't be upset. Please don't let this bother you."

Edward grabbed me and pulled me into him. His arms surrounded me, holding me close. "I don't want to do anything that is going to jeopardize us. I just found you. I can't lose you." He whispered the last part so low, I almost didn't hear him.

"You're not going to lose me." I turned my head, placing a kiss where his beautiful heart was.

"Promise me. Promise me that I won't." He was begging, almost pleading with me.

"I promise. We will be together." And I meant every word I said.

We disentangled ourselves, his lips pressing softly to mine, pulling away far sooner than I wanted him to. We called up to the kids to remind them that we had dessert ready and that we could watch the movie.

When we finished dessert, we all sat down on the couch together. As Edward sat at one end of the couch, Patrick sat down right beside him. The fact that Patrick sat there beside him said more than words could ever say. I just hoped that Edward would realize that.

Pacey sat next to Patrick and Claire positioned herself beside him, smiling up at me clearly wanting me to take the seat beside her. I looked over at Edward, shifting my eyes from Patrick and then Edward again, giving him a knowing smile. If Patrick was truly upset, he would have never sat beside Edward. Edward smiled, letting me know he knew exactly what I was trying to convey, before looking between me and Claire the same way. I too knew what he was saying. We both looked at Pacey, who was just sitting there smiling, happy to be in the middle. Happy to feel like he belonged.

Pacey didn't really remember how Mike was. As far as the way Mike avoided him, Pacey never seemed to realize that was what Mike was doing. He had never known anything better, and I think Pacey just believed it was normal for his father to act like that. So now, that Pacey was experiencing the way Edward was with us, and the way he would talk to him and play with him, he was eating it up.

We sat and watched the movie, laughing at whatever was happening on the screen. I couldn't really pay attention because I was too enthralled by the scene on the couch around me. Claire was snuggled into my side. Pacey was leaning against Claire, with his eyes half open, but trying his best to stay awake. Edward had his long arm draped over the top of the couch with Patrick leaning against him. Patrick wasn't snuggled up to him like Claire was to me, but it was still something that Patrick wasn't used to doing with a male figure and I'm not sure if Edward would know, but it was a big step for Patrick.

Edward saw me looking at him and stretched his fingers out like he wanted to touch me. I put my arm up on top of the couch, mimicking Edward's stance, reaching out and touching my fingers with his. A jolt ran up through my arm, almost like a static electric shock, but I knew that wasn't it. Any time that he touched me, it was like that. It was just the touch of Edward's skin to mine. Our fingers intertwined and locked together completing that link that we seemed to share.

Once the movie was over, the kids said their goodbyes to each other, and then Edward helped me and the boys to the car. I could see in his eyes that he didn't want me to go no more than I wanted to leave. He gripped my hand tightly, leaning in and kissing me softly on the cheek. "Goodnight," he whispered against my skin, his hot breath caressing my face. "Be careful going home. Please text me and let me know you made it home safe."

I looked up at this man who was slowly becoming the most important person in my life besides my children. I nodded, kissing him chastely on the lips before sitting down in the car. I would have loved nothing more than to hold him to me and kiss him properly, but I sensed that Edward was still worried about what happened. He said goodbye again and waited until I clipped my seatbelt before closing the door. He stood in the driveway and watched as we drove away.

On the ride home, Patrick and Pacey talked about playing the Wii with Edward and Claire and about the movie. Patrick was much more vocal than he was the last time we went out and in a good way. I wasn't sure what the change was. The only thing I could think of was hopefully, Patrick could see how much Edward cared for me, for us, and could see that Edward would never hurt us.

As soon as I got the kids to bed, I put on my favorite pajamas and snuggled in bed. I could tell that the seasons were beginning to change again, from fall to winter. Before I could reach for my cell phone to text Edward, it rang. Of course, it was Edward.

"Hey." I sighed happily into the phone.

"Hey. I'm sorry, I couldn't wait anymore. I had to call and ask…is he upset?" I could hear the concern laced in Edward's voice.

"No, actually, quite the opposite. They both talked all the way home about coming to your house, playing the Wii, and about the movie. Patrick really enjoyed playing the guitar with you. He hardly said two words the last time. The way he acted tonight was much different than before. I think, after you talked to him, it made a difference.

"I hope so. But how?" Edward asked.

"After you talked to him, he knows that you care. And I think that when you told him that you would never hurt us, it finally sunk in. The way you talked to him, gave me no doubt, and I'm sure he could hear the truth in your words."

"That's good. Because I meant every word I said. I will never hurt you. And I would never hurt your children." Edward spoke earnestly.

"I know you wouldn't. And I know that you care for them too." I believed that with all my heart.

"I do. I care for you too. So much." Each time that Edward told me he cared about me, all the fear and anxiety I felt about letting myself be open again melted away. What I told Emmett was true; I want to move forward with my life. I want to move forward with Edward. It was time that I told him.

"I care for you too Edward. And I meant what I said earlier. Tonight was perfect. The kids had so much fun together. Tonight was what I have wanted for my kids for so long. I'm so happy it was with you and Claire."

Edward let out what sounded like a sigh of relief. "You don't know how happy that makes me to hear you say that. You are right about tonight. Claire and I never had anything like that with Tanya. It was nice to share it with you and Patrick and Pacey."

We talked for a little while before being in my warm bed, sleep started to overtake me and I yawned into the phone. Edward chuckled at me before yawning himself. When I looked over at the clock, it was later than I realized. I was glad we could all sleep late in the morning.

"I should let you go so you can get to sleep. I will call you tomorrow. Goodnight, love." Edward whispered softly into the phone. Suddenly I was wide awake with his declaration. How exactly did he mean that? Was it a term of endearment, or could he possibly mean that he loved me? No. No way. I wasn't really sure, but I didn't want to question it either.

"Goodnight Edward. Sleep well. I will talk to you tomorrow." After we hung up, I laid in bed for a long time thinking about the night and the things we said to each other. I wasn't scared of how I was feeling or how Edward might feel about me. I could see it all in my head, us living together, being a family. I wondered if Edward could see our future as clearly. Thinking about what he said at his office that day, I was sure that he did. A sense of calm washed over me, unlike anything I had ever felt before. This is what I wanted, and I believed that Edward wanted the same thing. Everything he had told me and even some things he said without words led me to believe that he wanted this too. The kids seemed to be happy with the way things were progressing between us. Hopefully with time, we could be for each other what we always wanted. A family.

Every day Edward and I talked to each other. Throughout the day, we would text each other little messages – _I miss you _- _I'm thinking of you _- something sweet, just to let the other know we were thinking of them.

Each night like clock work, he would call me at bedtime. After the kids had gone to bed, and it was just us lying in bed talking on the phone, I could almost close my eyes I feel him there next to me. There were no more declarations on his part, or mine. But I could sense the change. It seemed we both knew that this was it for us.

The weather grew colder it seemed with each passing day. Christmas seemed to be growing closer too. I needed to go and do some last minute shopping. Alice and I were going to go to the mall one day soon, and idly I wondered if Claire would like to go. The boys could hardly stand to go shopping with me. They wanted to play instead, which I couldn't blame them. Little girls were meant to go shopping with their mamas, while little boys stayed home with their daddy and played ball. An image came to mind of Claire and I shopping for dresses with me while Patrick and Pacey played soccer with Edward. It put a smile on my face.

Friday morning, when I made my way down to the kitchen to make breakfast, I was surprised to see snow on the ground. It wasn't often that it snowed here. Whenever it did snow, covering the ground with a blanket of white, it made everything look pristine, freezing it all for a time, locking it into place, almost like a picture.

Most of the time when snow was in the forecast, the weatherman predicting exactly what to expect, it was a madhouse. People would run to the grocery store and stock up on all of the necessities.

But it was times like this, when no one put much faith in the weatherman, or a storm like this just wasn't expected, that it was so beautiful. So peaceful.

The sun had barely peeked out and the rays that were shining onto the ground created sparkles of light glistening in the snow. It was still early, and it was quiet outside making everything look magical, like in a snow globe before you shook it up to watch the flakes scatter and fill the ball.

It was supposed to be a school day, so I turned on my laptop not wanting to break the silence with the television, to check on the local news channel's website for school closings. Indeed schools had been closed for the day and from the look of the radar, more snow would be coming our way.

I figured the kids would be up soon anyway, so I went ahead and started breakfast and coffee for myself. Within minutes of drinking my first cup, I could hear little footsteps approach the kitchen.

Pacey walked over towards me, climbing up into my arms and wrapping his arms around my neck. "Good morning mama."

"Good morning sweet pea. Are you hungry?" He nodded into my shoulder, but stayed curled up on my lap. We sat there for a moment, enjoying each other before I heard another set of footsteps, but these were much louder.

"Mama, what time is it?" Patrick mumbled sitting down beside me at the breakfast bar as he began to rub his eyes sleepily.

"It's eight o clock."

Patrick's eyes darted to mine. They seemed to bulge out of the sockets for a moment. "We're going to be late. Why didn't you wake us up? I have a spelling test this morning."

I sighed wistfully. My little boy was a nerd. Too smart for his own good. "Have you looked out the window?" I asked, tipping my head toward the window.

"What is it?" Pacey asked, crawling out of my lap and making his way over toward the window to stand beside Patrick.

Patrick looked out the window, and then turned back to me with a huge grin on his face and his eyes grew larger than they did before.

"It's snow!" Pacey exclaimed, holding onto the window ledge jumping up and down. "Can we go out? Can we go out?"

"Of course we can." They both squealed at my announcement. "But first, you have to eat breakfast. Then we will get all bundled up and go out. Deal?"

They both nodded in tandem before clambering up on the breakfast stools so that we could eat.

As they ate, I had to tell them twice to slow down. It was cold enough outside that I didn't think the snow was going to melt. When the door bell rang, we all looked at each other trying to figure out who would be at our door on this cold wintry morning.

When I opened the door, I was shocked and at the same time incredibly happy to see Edward and Claire standing there. Even though it was cold outside, there was nothing that could have stopped the warmth that spread throughout my body at the sight of him.

"Come in. What are you doing here?" Moving to the side, I waved them inside out of the cold. Once the door was closed, Edward bent down and removed his boots, turning to Claire to help her with hers.

As soon as he got them off, she wrapped her arms around my legs, turning her face up to look at me. Her green eyes were sparkling much like her fathers do and her cheeks were pink from the cold. "It's snowing outside. We came to take you sledding!" She exclaimed fervently before skipping off yelling in a sing song voice for Patrick and Pacey.

When I looked back at Edward, I was completely awestruck. His hair was damp from the snow and was sticking up wildly around his head, I'm sure from running his hand nervously through it like I had seen him do many times before. On his eyelashes, snowflakes were clinging to them making the green of his eyes even brighter. His cheeks were flush from the cold, accenting his cheekbones, reminding me of how much Claire and Edward looked like each other.

Before I could help myself, I blurted out, "You are such a beautiful man." Embarrassed from my outburst, I could feel the heat rushing across my face.

He came closer, his finger traced along my cheek, before wrapping his arms around me, smiling down at me with that crooked smile that makes my stomach do flips. "No, you are the beautiful one. I love it when you blush." His eyes scanned the room, I was positive to make sure that we were alone, before he dropped his lips to mine.

As soon as our lips met, a quiver ran through my body just as it always does when he touches me. His lips were cold, but when his tongue darted out to lick my lips asking to dip it into my mouth, it was hot and the heat shot through me like lightning. I opened my mouth, begging silently that he would plunder my mouth with his tongue like I wrote about in my books so that I could taste more of him.

And he did.

And I was not disappointed.

He turned us slightly, as if he was shielding me with his body, so that the kids couldn't see what we were doing. His clothes were cold against my overheated skin, but it couldn't stop the fire that he was igniting in my body. One hand trailed up my back, slowly, before wrapping his long fingers around my neck tilting my head so that he could deepen the kiss. The other hand moved down to the small of my back, pressing me into him, allowing me to feel his need that matched my own. I wanted to crawl up on him, wrap my legs around him and not let go. There was nothing I wanted more at that moment than to feel him move inside of me. To let him take me like I knew he wanted to.

His lips consumed my own as they always do. Each and every time this man touches me, it's like the first time.

He pulled back slightly looking down at me. "Hey." He whispered before pressing his lips to my forehead.

"Hey back." I beamed up at him.

"How did you get here?"

"Emmett's jeep." Edward looked sheepish.

"Really." I arched an eyebrow in question. I didn't think he knew Emmett that well. In fact, I didn't think they had even met each other.

"Yea. Well." Edward stammered making me giggle at his loss of words. "Jasper called this morning and said that Emmett was going to pick everyone up and take them to this hill on his land that was good for sledding. He asked if Claire and I wanted to go. After Emmett picked us up, he drove us out to his cabin and told me to go pick you up. His friend Ben was already there, so he stayed with him to get all the sleds and stuff ready. And some snowballs too I think." Edward chuckled smiling down at me.

Well isn't this interesting. Wonder what Emmett is up to? I would find out in good time. He couldn't ever hide anything from me. Plus I could bribe him with food.

"Have you had breakfast yet?"

Edward shrugged. "Yea we had some cereal. We didn't have time for anything else."

I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the kitchen. "Come on. We have plenty. And I have coffee too."

"Oh, bless you." Edward smiled at me, dazzling me like he always does.

As we entered the kitchen, Pacey came running towards Edward, and when Edward saw him coming, he crouched down and opened up his arms so Pacey could jump right into them. Lifting him up, he held him up and the smile that they gave one another made my heart flutter.

"It's snowing Edward." Pacey squealed with delight.

"I know sweet pea." Edward smiled back at him, tapping his finger tip to the end of Pacey's nose.

Pacey giggled. "You called me sweet pea. That's what mama calls me."

"Really? Well, that is what I call Claire too. I guess that means that you, Patrick and Claire are all my peas in a pod."

He said my peas. Like mine. Like all of them together. Oh my god, that did it.

"Claire said we go sledding. Are we going sledding?" Pacey asked excitedly.

"Yes, I'm taking us sledding. After we finish breakfast, we will get all bundled up and go." Edward answered walking Pacey back over to the breakfast bar and setting him down in his seat.

Edward looked over to me and I had to shake my head to come back. The little scene between Pacey and Edward and the kiss I just shared with him had all kinds of daydreams running through my head.

Edward helped Claire up into a seat sitting down beside her as they all began to talk animatedly about the snow, getting out of school and going sledding. I worked in a daze as I made a plate of cinnamon rolls and biscuits and jelly for Claire and Edward, and then hot chocolate for the kids and coffee for Edward and myself.

Each time I would look at Edward, he was watching me curiously. I'm sure he was wondering what was wrong with me. But I knew. I wasn't sure he had any idea what he just did for Pacey. It was just like with Patrick, he gave them something that their father had never given them. Time and love. And even though no words of endearment had been said, actions spoke louder than words.

After a quick breakfast and Edward helping me clean up, the boys and I went upstairs to change our clothes. After we changed, Claire and the boys gathered up some things to make a snow man while I grabbed Pacey's medical bag with his inhaler. Cold weather could be either good for people with asthma or have the opposite effect so I wasn't taking any chances.

We all piled into Emmett's jeep and headed out to his property. Emmett had taken the boys out there before to play with his son Masen and his daughter Riley along with Mary, so I knew exactly which hill we were sledding on. Thinking about the steep hill caused me to shudder.

It was so beautiful to see the ground covered with the snow. All the roof tops had snow on top of them, making them look like gingerbread houses. Snow plows hadn't made it down the roads yet, so the streets were still covered too making it all look like a winter wonderland.

As soon as we arrived, I could see Jasper and Alice making snow angels in the snow with Mary. Angela and Ben were standing around the fire pit that Emmett had built outside the cabin trying to keep warm. Charlie and Masen were chasing Cassidy and Riley around through the snow while Emmett and Rosalie were standing on the front porch of the cabin, their arms wrapped around each other smiling as they watched the kids running around.

"Look Mama. There's Charlie." Pacey called out from the back seat.

"I see Mary, Daddy." Claire added.

I turned my head to look at Patrick to see what he was so quiet about, when he looked at me with this gleam in his eyes. I narrowed my eyes playfully at him. "What's going on in that head of yours Patrick?"

"Snowball fight." He stated with a smirk on his face that reminded me of Emmett.

Before we could get out of the jeep, Emmett was at my door pulling me out. "Bella," his voice boomed, echoing off the snow covered trees, "I'm so glad you made it." He wrapped his arms so tight around me I winced.

"Can't breathe Emmett." I gritted out.

"Emmett, don't hurt her." Edward growled from beside me as he helped the kids out of the jeep. That was a surprise. I've never heard anyone speak to Emmett like that. This just got more interesting by the minute.

"Okay. Okay." He set me down gently, sticking his palms out in supplication. "See. She's just fine. Don't get your knickers in a wad Edward." Emmett turned to the kids hauling Pacey up on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes making him squeal with delight. "What about you little people? You ready to do some sledding?"

As all the 'little people' as Emmett called them yelled in acceptance, I turned to Edward. "Okay, how did you get away with talking to him like that? No one talks to Emmett like that. They especially don't growl at him." My brow furrowed in confusion. "How do you two even know each other?"

Edward shrugged. "Claire and I were over at Jasper's and Alice's one night so she could play with Mary. Emmett came over with his kids to pass the time while Rosalie worked on the books. Jasper and Alice introduced us and we all had a beer together. That's all."

"Really?" The more I thought about it, the more I thought something wasn't right. Scowling at him, I gave him the look that I used on my kids to get them to tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth and it must have worked because he started blabbering just like the boys do.

"Alright. Alright. Just stop looking at me like that. Jeez. Do you think you could teach me that look to use on Claire?" Edward rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Okay, so we had a talk. Nothing too serious, he was just looking out for you. He asked me what my intentions were towards you. Wanted to know how I felt about you. He threatened to kick my ass if I ever hurt you and I told him I would let him if I ever did but that he didn't have to worry because I never would."

In a way it surprised me that Emmett had done this. He wasn't my brother or any relative of mine. Alice and Emmett and I met each other when we were children and I would come and spend time with my grandparents. No, he wasn't a family member, but he was the closest thing I ever had to a brother, just as Alice was the closest thing I had ever had to a sister.

Considering the talk that we had not long ago though, I could see Emmett taking a more active roll in protecting me from being hurt again. He felt guilty for how things turned out with me and Mike, and I'm sure that if he could prevent it, he would never let me get hurt again.

"Bella…Bella…Please don't be mad." Blinking up at Edward, I focused on his face and in his eyes I could see that he was worried that I was mad about what had happened between them.

"Edward, I'm not mad." Shaking my head, I reached up and touched my hand to his cheek. "Emmett and I had a long talk the other day about how he felt guilty for the way Mike treated me. He blames himself for the way Mike and I met each other and the fact that he never saw Mike for the person he really was. I understand his need to protect me. I just hope he wasn't rude to you in any way."

"No actually, I respect Emmett for talking to me about you and the boys. I'm glad to know that you have someone in your corner who cares for you that much. He's really a great guy when you get to know him."

"He really is." I answered back honestly. There was no way I could be mad at Emmett for his need to feel like he is protecting me nor could I be mad at Edward for expressing to Emmett his true feelings. Whatever he said must have appeased Emmett, or Edward wouldn't have gotten away with acting so possessive of me.

Edward grabbed my hand and led me over to the rest of the group. Emmett had gotten his four wheelers out and his gator like thing with a small bed on the back to carry the sleds. Ben got on one of the four wheelers and Emmett got on the other and started taking us to the top of the hill so that we could start sledding.

Before we let the kids go down, Emmett, Jasper, Ben and Edward all took turns sledding down the hill in order to see how the sleds would hold up and how far down they would go before stopping.

"You know? We've got some fine looking men in our lives." Angela said in a hushed voice so that the kids wouldn't hear.

"Ew, that's my brother you're talking about." Alice said, scrunching her nose up in disgust.

"Hey and that's my husband your talking about." Rosalie defended, elbowing Alice lightly in the ribs.

"And that's the man I love you are talking about." I murmured, not even realizing I had said it out loud until I heard Alice gasp softly.

My eyes snapped up to hers. _Shit, I did say that out loud._ I must have by the looks on everyone's face.

Alice's eyes were wide as saucers glistening with unshed tears. Her mouth opened and closed several times before she finally decided she could speak. "Bella, are you sure?"

I nodded, not even able to say anything myself. Not only had I shocked everyone around me by saying it out loud, I shocked myself too. Alice wrapped her arms around me tightly, before Rose and Angela did the same thing. "I'm so happy for you. I'm so glad that you have finally found someone who I know will treat you right and return your feelings." She pulled back to look at me. "Have you told him yet?"

"No. To be honest, that was the first time I had ever said it. I knew that I did. The way he treats me and how good he is with the boys, it's what I have always dreamed of. And Claire is just the sweetest thing. I can see me spending the rest of my life with him, all of us becoming a family together. That is something we both wanted from our previous marriages and never had." My eyes became blurry with tears. "Please don't say anything yet. I want to be the one he hears it from. I want to see the look in his eyes when I tell him I love him."

They all ooohhd and aaaahhd and agreed solemnly that they wouldn't say anything until I had had the chance to talk to Edward. I looked over towards the kids, watching them as they all made snow angels. Patrick, Claire and Pacey were all lined up in a row side by side and my heart leapt at the thought of us all being a family together.

Walking over to them, I pulled my camera out of my pocket and started taking pictures of all of them down on the ground and then more of the angels that were left behind. Suddenly it hit me what an awesome Christmas present it would make for Edward to give him a picture of all the kids doing that together, a collage of them playing together, making snow angels, and just being together. I knew that Edward would love it just as much as I would.

When Edward came back up the hill, he offered to take Pacey when Patrick begged me to ride down with him. Claire wanted to ride down with Jasper and Mary first since Alice stated she was just going to watch for a while. Rosalie was going to ride with one of her boys and Emmett was riding with the other. Angela and Cassidy were going together the first time leaving Ben and Charlie to the four wheelers to take us back up.

Over and over, we took turns sledding down the hill, riding with someone different each time. The men were taking turns hauling the others back up so that they could sled again. Finally after begging me over and over, Edward convinced me to ride with him. He sat down on the long sled with the front curled up, ropes extending out from there for you to try and control the direction of the sled motioning me to sit between his legs. It was one of the fastest sleds Emmett had and I was a little nervous, because I knew that some sleds would go faster the more weight you had on.

Once I was positioned between Edward's legs, he told me to hold on just as he pushed us off the top of the hill. As we went down the hill, I could feel our momentum build up causing us to go faster and faster. When we neared the bottom, Edward must have realized that we were going too fast to stop before we hit the fence so he started to pull the rope to one side so that we could turn and slow down. Only when he did this, instead of us slowing down, we began to tip over and then began to roll.

Edward's arms and legs wrapped around me like a vice, encasing my body with his. Our bodies left the sled behind and rolled before we came to a stop. Dizzy from the rolling, I was momentarily out of it until my world stopped spinning. I could hear people yelling in the distance and low oaths and curses next to my ear. The whole thing just seemed so funny to me. I had never had so much fun in my life. The reality of the whole thing hit me and I began to laugh.

"Bella. Oh my god. Bella. Are you alright?" Edward's voice was strained with concern as I continued to giggle. Not even realizing that my eyes were closed, I opened them only to see Edward's bright green eyes laced with fear.

Another giggle escaped my lips before I raised my head up and pressed my lips to Edward's. "I'm fine. That was the most fun I have had in forever. Thank you."

Edward shook his head in disbelief. "You never cease to amaze me. Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded back to him, my face breaking out in a huge grin causing my cheeks to hurt. All I could think about was how much I loved this man. The things he had done for us without even knowing he had done them, and the love he had shown us without a second thought. The way he had taken my body and soul and heart like it was his.

"What? Why are you smiling like that?" Edward asked.

I could hear everyone approaching us, so I shook my head at him to let him know that I wasn't going to say anything with an audience. "Ask me again?" I replied quietly smiling up at him.

He just smiled in return. Everyone gathered around us asking if we were okay. Claire wrapped her arms around Edward's neck, hugging him tightly. Patrick and Pacey did the same to me as I whispered that I was okay to them. To my surprise, Claire came to me, wrapping her arms around me. But what really blew me away was that once the boys had moved to let Claire in, they moved over to Edward and hugged him. The scene made my heart lurch in my chest.

"Damn Bella. You sure know how to make a scene." Emmett laughed.

Rosalie smacked him on the arm. "Language Emmett. Like you call them, all the little people are listening." All of the adults started laughing and then began a play by play description of mine and Edward's sledding crash.

Edward stood up pulling me up with him. "I'm going to take Bella in the cabin for a minute, just to make sure she is okay."

Alice gave me a knowing smirk, then started gathering up kids. "Okay. Show is over. Come on Claire. Let's go do some more sledding."

"Patrick, Pacey why don't you ride on the sled with me this time." Jasper suggested, placing his hands on the boys shoulders guiding them back towards the four wheelers.

Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and began to lead me back to the cabin. As soon as we were in the door, Edward kicked the door shut and I was embraced in his strong arms. I could feel his lips pressing against my hair, his hands stroking down my back. I tilted my head up so that I could see his face and before I could say a word, his lips were devouring mine. Our kiss was full of need and desire and left me breathless.

"Don't ever scare me like that again." Edward murmured against my lips. His hands came up and framed my face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt."

"Hey, I'm not hurt. Like I said, that was the most fun I think I have ever had. Just to be free, and to feel open, and not worry about anything. Please don't worry. You worry too much." My fingers ghosted along his face, letting the scruff of his stubble tickle me.

"It's in my nature. I'm a worrier. That's just who I am." Edward leaned into my hand, moving his head back and forth so that my hand moved roughly against his cheek. "That feels so good."

"I like it too. It's rough in a good kind of way."

Edward's eyes darkened slightly as he gazed at me. "You just can't say things like that when there are kids around. If we were some where alone, I would show you rough." His hand gripped my butt and pulled me into him. "Do you feel that? This is what you do to me. Every single time. I can't get enough of you."

His lips covered mine again. Our lips parted at the same time, his tongue darting out and touching mine allowing me the sensuous taste of Edward. It was desperate and rough as our tongues touched and teased each other. It felt as if he was going to take me right there. And I wanted him to.

Through our coats, I could feel the rise and fall of his chest, his heavy breathing matching mine. My hands ran up under his coat, trying to get to his skin at his back, desperate to feel him any way I could. I pulled his shirt up so I could stroke the smooth skin, feeling the warmth of his body against my fingers, the strong muscles of his back.

He shivered, and then moaned softly in my mouth before he pulled his lips from mine, kissing down my throat over to my ear. "I want you and the boys to spend Christmas with me and Claire. However we can do it. It doesn't matter how, as long as we are together. Will you? Please?" He lifted his head locking his eyes with mine and in them I could see the hope and joy that was breathtaking as he pleaded with me.

"Of course we will spend Christmas with you," I responded without hesitation, pressing my fingers into his back to bring him even closer. "We would love to spend Christmas with you and Claire." And every other holiday, and every day in between for that matter I thought to myself.

_I love you._ It was right on the tip of my tongue. I had said it before to Mike, but this was nothing like that. I never felt a bond with Mike like I do with Edward. We had known each other for such a short amount of time, but even so, there was a connection between us that seemed to span a lifetime. The way we talked, the way we made love. He had given me the love I had always wanted and I just hoped that I could give him everything he deserved in return.

**A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. I will update as soon as I can. Thanks! **


	23. Time Together

**Sorry it took so long to update. Real life is kicking around my house. **

**Thank you to my wonderful beta tawelephant. I couldn't do this without her. This chapter was originally a monster with over 12,000 words and she helped me cut it in half and make all the corrections. I will be posting the rest of this chapter within the next week. **

**A big thank you to 6dbl5 for recommending my story and for requesting it to be listed in the fan fic community Pregnant Bella and Dad-ward. Thank you so much! I am humbled.**

**As always, thanks to Cullenfan524 for being with me since the beginning. Her reviews inspire me.**

**Chapter 23: Time Together**

BPOV

"Are you all buckled up and ready to go?" I asked, looking back in the review mirror at Claire, as she sat in her booster seat, snapping her seat belt in place.

Claire nodded her head eagerly, her bronze curls bouncing as she did. "I'm ready Bella. Let's go."

I turned back to wave at Edward and the boys. They were all smiles standing on the front porch, waving back at me. When I called Edward and asked if Claire could go do some last minute Christmas shopping with me, after he happily agreed to let Claire go, the first thing he asked was where were the boys going to stay.

"There going to stay with Jasper. He offered since Alice and Mary are going. Rosalie and Riley are picking up Angela and Cassidy and we are meeting at the mall." I told him.

He was quiet for a moment, and then tentatively he asked if Patrick and Pacey could stay with him. "Only if they want to, I mean, I think it would be good for us to spend some one on one time with each other. Besides, I would like to play Rock Band with them again. I need the practice if I am going to keep up with Patrick." Edward chuckled, the sound doing something funny to my insides. Although, I wasn't sure if it was him laughing or the fact he wanted to spend time with my children or probably a combination of both.

Of course when I asked the boys if they wanted to stay with Edward, they were thrilled. Neither hesitated for one moment, not even Patrick, which in a way surprised me and a way it didn't. Since he caught Edward and me kissing that night, and the amazing time we had sledding, Patrick had almost been like a different child.

I wasn't sure if it was the thought of getting out of shopping with me, or just being able to hang out with Edward, but whatever it was, I was happy that they were willing to stay with Edward and spend some time with him.

When I dropped the boys off, I went inside with them to show Edward how to give Pacey a puff with his inhaler incase he had any breathing problems or an asthma attack. As I walked in the door, I paid more attention to the way he had the house decorated than I had the last time I was there. The night the boys and I had come over, I was ashamed to admit I hadn't paid that much attention. I was so nervous when I first got there, that I had tried to focus on trying not to be nervous instead of checking out my surroundings. Besides, I didn't want him to think I was being nosy.

_Now, I was being nosy._

Claire was still upstairs getting ready when we arrived. Edward rolled his eyes then tilted his head up towards the stairs. "She is being a little diva. She has been through more outfits than I can count trying to get ready. I blame Alice and my mother for this. I'll be right back." He turned and started up the stairs yelling as he went. "Claire, Bella's here. You are going to have to get dressed."

The boys wandered over to the couch, sitting down and watching the cartoons that were playing on the television. I let my eyes drift around the room taking in the warm color the walls were painted, the fabric covering the furniture, the wide plank wood flooring. His home did have more of a feminine touch to the décor than I thought it would, which maybe was due to Claire or his mother. He had often spoken of his mother and said she did some interior decorating on the side.

A group of pictures caught my eye, drawing me over. They were all of Edward and Claire. His love for her and the love she had for him were more than obvious by the look in their eyes. Each pose, vibrant in color, showing off their bronze colored hair and brilliant green eyes, had me so mesmerized that I didn't even hear Edward come up behind me.

His hand, so soft and warm, grabbed mine, intertwining our fingers together. Our hands fit together perfectly and that familiar jolt when he touched me ran through my body. "I had those done right after we moved here. I wanted something that was natural, something that showed the real us, not some stuffy picture taken in a studio."

"There beautiful. You both look so happy. I can see how much you love each other."

"The first time that I came to your house, I saw the pictures of you and the boys. I could see the love that you shared with each other and I knew." Edward leaned closer to me and whispered, his breath blowing softly against my ear.

"What did you know?" I whispered back.

"That you were the one." His fingers tightened around mine, bringing my hand up to his lips, kissing it softly. Before I could respond, Claire came bounding down the stairs.

"I'm ready Bella." She sang happily. The moment was lost, and I didn't want to ask him what he meant while the kids were so close, so I filed it away to think about and ask him later.

Before we left, I showed Edward Pacey's medicine and how to use it. As I was explaining to him the signs of an asthma attack, he was patient and attentive, asking question after question. He didn't seem nervous in the slightest nor did he seem put off by having to deal with it. It was strange that he was so comfortable dealing with Pacey and his problems when Pacey's own father had practically disowned him because he wasn't healthy like he was. It just showed how much of a better man Edward was than Mike. In reality, there was no comparison.

The boys and I said our goodbyes while Claire and Edward said theirs. I reminded them to be good for Edward, who just winked at me and told me they were going to do man things and for us girls to go do our girl things. As I walked out the door, he pulled me into his arms, kissing me tenderly on the forehead. I wanted to melt into those arms, let him take my body like I knew he wanted to, but I forced myself to pull away from him.

On the way to the mall, Claire and I sang along to the radio. She would ask the occasional question then lapse into singing again. Edward had mentioned signing her up for singing lessons and after hearing her sing when we played Rock Band, I thought it was a great idea.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I called Alice to see where she was parked so that I could find her. I drove around to the back mall entrance, and I could see Alice and Mary standing inside the door waiting for us.

"I see Mary." Claire exclaimed happily.

"I do too, sweet pea." I replied back, pulling into a parking space. After parking the car, I helped Claire out of the back seat and grabbed her hand. "Whatever you do, stay with me okay. If there is something you want to see, don't run off, just tell me and I will take you. Okay?"

"Of course, Bella. Daddy says the same thing to me when he takes me shopping." Claire looked up at me and smiled a smile that so reminded me of Edward that it made my heart flutter. She gripped my hand tighter; I guess it was her own little way to let me knew she understood, as we walked through the lot.

When we reached the doors, Claire let go of my hand so she could hug Mary. It was so sweet to watch these two little girls bond the way they did, reminding me of when Alice and I were little girls.

Alice came up and hugged me too. She pulled away from me smiling brightly, a glint of mischief twinkled in her gray eyes. "You know, I forgot to tell you something the other day." She whispered conspicuously, leaning in closer so only I could hear. "I told you so."

My brows knit together in confusion at her statement. Sometimes I had a hard time keeping up with Alice. "What are you talking about?"

Alice looked over at the girls making sure they weren't listening to us. They were talking excitedly, swinging their hands between them not paying any attention to us whatsoever, giving Alice freedom to spill whatever she was about to say. "I just knew that you and Edward would be good together. I told you so." She repeated again, singing out each word, sounding just like she did when we were kids. "I just knew that you two would hit if off. You are so much alike." Alice grabbed my hand to stop me, forcing me to look at her. "I'm so happy for you. You deserve to be happy and I think Edward and you are perfect for each other."

There was no way I could stop the smile that formed on my face. Alice was so right. Edward and I were very much alike and we were perfect for each other. I wanted to tell him so bad. Each time that I talked to him, those three little words were right on the tip of my tongue, but I wanted the moment to be special. Besides that, I wanted to see his eyes when I told him, and hopefully watch the words leave his lips and hear him say it back to me.

Alice pulled me along, following the girls who were being very good by staying right in front of us. Alice must have told Mary where we were meeting Rose and Angela, because she was walking right towards the huge fountain that was in the center of the mall.

When we reached the fountain, I looked around at all the decorations the mall had set out for Christmas. There were red poinsettias placed all around the fountain along with a huge Christmas tree beside the escalators. It was so tall that you had to tilt your head up to see the top, which drew your eye up even further to the huge glittery balls that were hanging down from the ceiling.

Claire and Mary were standing there, holding hands as they looked around taking everything in. Looking past them, I could see Angela and Rose walking towards us with Cassidy and Riley in tow.

"Hey ladies!" Rose greeted us with a huge smile on her face. "You ready to fight these crazies and do some shopping."

"I'm through with all of my shopping, other than a few little things." Angela piped in.

"Yeah, me too. I just need to get some little things for the boys." By little things, all of us moms knew that was code word for stocking stuffers.

"Well, I'm finished of course." Alice gushed. Of course the pixie was finished, she Christmas shopped year round. She had also practically bought out the stores when we went on Black Friday. "But, I need a little something else for Jasper. And Mary." She whispered behind her hand.

We all set out, walking and talking, the girls following us along. It was nice to be able to just go out and not worry if I was going to make someone mad about what I was doing or not doing. With Mike, I was given the third degree every time I went anywhere without him. The fact that I could just hang out with other women and have a girly moment was nice too. Being a mother to two boys, sometimes I felt like such a tomboy, which was okay with me. But I drew the line at any type of critter. Whether it was a bug or something hairy, I strictly reminded Patrick and Pacey that girls didn't like such things.

When we passed Spencer's, Rose couldn't help but make a comment about the adult toys that were sold in there. "Of course though Bella, I don't think you need anything like that with him around." She tipped her head towards Claire to let everyone know that she was talking about Edward.

Before I could respond, Alice smacked her arm. Only Alice could get away with that because she was Emmett's little sister and Rose wouldn't dare touch her. "There are children present." Alice said prudishly, gaining snickers from Angela and me.

"Oh, I didn't say anything that they could figure out. Besides, there paying about as much attention to me as the man in the moon. They have sugar plum fairies dancing in their head from the Christmas elves who threw up in here." Rose made a sweeping gesture with her hand. Sometimes when Rose said things like that, I believed Emmett was rubbing off on her. But she had always been like that, even back in high school, and being around Emmett didn't help. We are all products of our environment.

"Well I for one think it is great. She has been pining after that boy for months now." Angela put in making my cheeks flame in embarrassment.

"Look!" Claire exclaimed. "There's the book store. Can we go in? Please Bella. Please?" Looking into those deep green eyes so much like her father's, I knew I would never be able to say no to her.

"Of course we can." Alice and Mary decided to go with us while Rose and Angela took their girls on over to one of the department stores.

"A girl after your own heart." Alice commented as we walked through the doors making me smile in return.

Claire wasn't just after my heart, she already owned it. Claire wanted to go see the children's books, so we headed that way as Alice and Mary went to look for a new book Jasper wanted.

Claire pointed to all the books she already had and then to the ones she wanted. "Alice reads _Junie B. Jones_ to us in class. She's a bad girl." Claire's brows creased together into a scowl.

"I agree." _Junie B._ was not only was a bad girl, her grammar sucked. "I really like the _Magic Tree House Books_. They're about a brother and sister who go out to their tree house, pick a book out they want to read, then once they start reading it, they are swept away into the adventure."

"Really. That sounds like fun."

I had already bought Claire an American Girl doll online a couple of weeks ago, but when I saw her eyes light up when I described these books to her, I knew that I would have to get them for her too. While Claire continued to look around again, I sent a quick text to Alice to see if she could give me a few minutes alone so that I could purchase something for Claire. Alice came over asking Claire to go to the bathroom with her and Mary giving me the perfect chance to make my purchase. Patrick and Pacey already had the set, but I found a few Star Wars and Lego books that I knew they would like. No child could ever have too many books. Now if I could just find the perfect thing for Edward, I would be set.

Since they were on my mind, I sent a quick text to Edward to check on the boys.

_how are the boys? are they behaving?_

_bella_

He instantly responded.

_of course they are. we're having a great time. especially patrick. since he keeps kicking my ass at rock band. how is claire?_

_edward_

It was such a good feeling to know that they were playing together and having fun.

_having a ball. we shouldn't be too much longer._

_bella_

_take your time. can you stay for dinner?_

_edward_

_sure. I'll help._

_bella_

_i like the idea of you in my kitchen again. have fun love and take your time._

_edward_

Thoughts of the last time I was in the kitchen with him made my body start to hum in response. On top of that, the fact that he called me love made my heart do flips in my chest. I didn't think my body would ever stop reacting to Edward.

As I was standing in line to check out, something caught my eye and inspiration struck. I knew exactly what to get Edward. I would need Alice's help to get it together, but when she heard what I wanted to do, I was sure she would jump right in.

Alice met me outside the store with Mary and Claire and we went to meet back up with Rose and Angela to go to the food court to have lunch. After we picked up our food, we sat at one table, while the girls sat at a table beside us. They were so cute sitting there. They looked like miniature versions of us talking and giggling.

We mapped out the rest of the stores that we wanted to go to and look around. Rose and Angela talked about business a little and then we all got on the subject of school and how fast the school year had flown by.

After lunch, we hit up a few more stores before we decided to call it a day.

As soon as we settled in the car, Claire yawned, a big wide opened mouth yawn.

"I had fun today." She looked up at me in the mirror and smiled a sleepy smile.

"Me too, Bella. It was so much fun going out with the girls. I've never done that before. I've been with Gammy, but that's just not the same as going with a mommy. I love you, Bella." Claire whispered softly as her eyes became heavy with sleep.

"I love you too, Claire." I whispered back to her. She smiled as her eyes drifted close.

I did love her. I love Edward and she is a part of him. Now that I had found them, I wanted nothing more than both of them to be a part of mine and the boy's life. I wanted to make a family with Edward and Claire and the boys and hopefully have the life we had always wanted.

Claire slept the entire way home. The smile that had been on my face all day just grew bigger thinking of the future. I hoped that there would be other times Claire and I would shop together just like this while Edward and the boys did things together like any other father would do with their sons.

EPOV

Just like time flew from Halloween to Thanksgiving, time had flown from Thanksgiving to Christmas. The old saying that time flies when you are having fun is true. I was having the most fun I had ever had in my life with Bella, her boys and Claire.

We were taking baby steps where the kids were concerned. The first one with Patrick, when he caught me with Bella in the kitchen, explaining to him our feelings so that he would understand how much I cared for his mother and him in return.

Then the next was when we went sledding, which not only allowed me to talk some with Pacey, but I was able to win over Patrick a little more. The biggest and best, where we took more than just one step, was when the boys came over while Bella took Claire shopping.

"Edward, can we play Mario Kart?" Pacey asked right after Bella left with Claire to go shopping.

"Sure, P. We can play whatever you want." It was different being around little boys after it being just me and Claire all these years. "What about you, Patrick? What do you want to play?"

Patrick seemed to contemplate his choices for a moment before answering. "Mario Kart is cool. But I want to rock too."

"Sure, we can rock. Are you going to play lead or bass?" The last time we played, he played lead and kicked my ass even though I was on easy and playing bass.

Patrick's smile was shy reminding me of Bella. "I'll play bass. I've been playing bass on the medium setting. It helps to get better on the lead."

"That's why you're so good." I muttered quietly.

"Yeah. I started off playing bass on easy and then bumped up to medium. Now I can't play on easy anymore. It's too easy." He shrugged like it was no big deal. Yeah, maybe not for him, but he's 7 and I'm older than dirt and he can still kick my ass.

"That's what you say. I guess I'm just too old." I sighed.

"You'll get better. With practice." Patrick grinned at me. I actually saw his teeth, so that means it was an honest to goodness smile. That means something when you see teeth. Besides, his comment sounded a little cocky. Not that I minded at all. That just meant he was comfortable enough around me to be that way.

_I loved it._

For the rest of the day we played the Wii and watched cartoons. It was cool watching cartoons with the boys. They watched cool stuff like _Ben 10_ and _Symbionic Titans_ and _Star Wars - The Clone Wars_. Cartoons made for boys, like Spike TV is for guys. Not like with Claire, where I was subjected to _Dora_ or some other girly cartoon. I didn't mind sitting and watching cartoons with Claire at all. But if I was going to watch them, I would much rather watch something cool like these were. Besides, spending some time with the boys hopefully helped me gain back some points on my man card since I had clearly turned into a girl when it came to Bella.

The boys and I got along well. I can say I truly had a wonderful time with them, even if Patrick kicked my ass at Rock Band. My only worry was about Pacey, and the possibility of him having an asthma attack or some type of breathing problem.

It surely didn't scare me off like it did his father. Every time I thought of him and his selfish ass, it made me see red. There was no way I could ever do that to my child. And even though Pacey wasn't mine, he was still only a child and I would never want him to think that he wasn't wanted just because of a health problem.

When Claire and Bella came back, the boys and I helped unload the car, hauling in what came to my house. Bella shoved me playfully away from the car to keep me from seeing what she had bought. Afterwards, we cooked dinner while the kids played.

"Claire and I had fun today." Bella whispered softly while stirring the vegetable soup that we had put together for dinner.

"Yeah, the boys and I did too. Even though Patrick beat me at Rock Band. Every single time." I muttered, buttering the bread to make toast to go with the soup.

Bella giggled at my sullen statement. "You'll get better with practice."

"That's what he said." My voice sounded like I was sulking even to myself.

Bella laughed out loud at that statement. "He really likes you, you know. If he's joking with you, he likes you." Bella murmured quietly.

I grinned. "I know. He smiled at me today and I saw teeth." Bella gave me a quizzical look. "It was a real smile. Not a fake one."

Bella nodded knowingly then sighed in relief. "I'm so glad everything is working out. I want it to, so bad."

"Me too." Bella and I were in complete agreement about that. We had talked about our future. What we wanted for our children and ourselves. Since Bella's talk with Emmett, she had been much more comfortable with voicing her feelings out loud and telling me how she felt. We were still taking things slow, but slow I could handle.

It didn't bother me one bit that we were taking it one day at a time, trying to be responsible and not rush the kids into something that they weren't ready for. What mattered to me was that in the end, we would be a family, all of us together and that was the important thing. Not how long it took us or what hurdles we had to jump to get there. I didn't mind being patient, because my patience would give me everything I ever dreamed of.

Bella and I deserved to be happy. We had given up so much for our children. It was a sacrifice that I have no doubt we would both make again. As parents, that's what we do, we make sacrifices, willingly and lovingly to give the best to our children. They deserve nothing less.

But as adults, we need someone to love and share our life with. We need a partner, through the good and the bad. Someone we can talk to, admit our fears to, share our love with. Bella and I both needed that. We had never had much of a relationship with the people we thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives with, make a home and have children with. We had been blessed with our children, but not with someone to build a life with.

There was nothing I wanted more than to build a life with Bella. I wanted the happily ever after, till death do us part life. I wanted her to be my wife, and me be her husband, and us be parents to each other's children, with the picket fence and tree house in the back. I wanted it all. For better or for worse and in sickness and in health, I wanted it all.

By building a life with Bella, our children would finally have the family that they should have had from the time that they were born and before. I knew that Bella would be a wonderful mother to Claire. And I would do everything in my power to be a good father to Patrick and Pacey. Our children had missed out on so much when the person that was supposed to be there forever for them walked out of their lives and I was going to do everything I could to make up for everything that we all had missed out on.

Right before Christmas, I was given another opportunity to see what our life would be like together as a family. It was the last day of school before Christmas break. Just as Bella and I had talked about, the kids were going to perform Christmas songs in the gym in front of the entire school and the parents. All of the parents with their proud smiles were gathered around the walls, encircling all of the kids as they sat on the floor.

When I walked into the gym, I started looking for Bella. Even in a crowd of people, I found her easily, just as a compass always points north. She was glancing from door to door in an attempt to find me. The moment our eyes met, she smiled that beautiful smile that seemed to be just for me. She waved her hands, motioning me over to where she and Pacey had found a spot against the wall.

"Look Mama, there's Edward." Pacey announced when he saw me coming towards them. "Hi, Edward!" Pacey greeted me, holding his arms up for me to pick him up.

"Hey Pacey. How are you?" I picked him up and settled him on my hip, placing a kiss on his cheek. It felt as natural to me as when I held Claire this way. He fit, just like she did.

"I'm happy." His innocent statement made me chuckle. "Patrick is going to sing." He said cheerfully as his eyes danced with amusement.

"So is Claire." Looking around, I scanned the gym trying to find where Claire was sitting.

"She's over there." Bella pointed towards Alice, and I could see Claire standing close to her. Just as Bella pointed in their direction, Alice saw us and waved. She grabbed Claire, helping her find us in the crowd. When she saw us, she smiled waving her hands excitedly before Alice put her back in the lineup of kids.

"Where's Patrick?" I questioned, trying to scan over the kids to find him.

"There he is." Pacey said loudly, making Bella blush from embarrassment. The need to touch her, to feel the heat, was almost overwhelming. It was that way every time I was close to her and I knew it would never change.

Patrick looked over at us as if he had heard Pacey talking about him. He smiled that shy smile, but again I was awarded that toothy grin letting me know he was as happy to see me as I was him. We had grown closer over the past couple of weeks and I was enjoying every minute of it. He truly was a smart and wonderful little boy who just had the misfortune of having an asshole for a father who never gave him the attention he truly deserved.

He gave a little wave to us and turned back when the principal stood up in front of the microphone thanking everyone for attending and announcing the start of the program. Each grade sang a different song that was either about Christmas or the cold weather.

The kindergartner's started first with their rendition of _Popsicle Toes_, acting out the different little things in the song: holding their arms around themselves like they were shivering, holding up their toes wiggling them. They were all so cute dressed up in their pajamas.

_There's the girl coming out in me again._

As the thought filtered through my head, I felt Bella's fingers thread through mine to hold my hand. Looking down at her, she was blushing slightly from what I assumed was the public display of affection, but her eyes were shining brightly without fear and what I hoped was love.

It didn't matter that we were in the gym surrounded by hundreds of kids singing silly holiday songs. It didn't matter that we were standing along side other parents listening to their kids. All that mattered at that moment was that I loved her. Those three little words wanted to slip past my lips so that she could hear them and the sincerity behind them. I sighed inwardly knowing that this wasn't the right time or place. It would just have to wait until we were alone.

**A/N: I hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you think. I'll post the rest later this week.**


	24. Wishes Do Come True

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight and all the characters. This Edward is mine and so is his story. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 24: Wishes Do Come True**

"Daddy? What time are we going to Gammy's and Papa's?" Claire came bouncing into the kitchen as I cut up the _Cheerios Bars_ into squares, breaking me out of my daydreams. We had found the recipe for _Cheerios Bars_ and she wanted to try to make them since they sounded easy. They were just like _Rice Krispy Treats_, except they were made with _Cheerios_ instead. We had made a huge mess making them, but we had a lot of fun doing it.

"We'll leave once I get these cut and put in the container Are you excited?" It was a stupid question to ask a child the night before Christmas.

"Yes." Claire bounced on her tippy toes. "Santa Claus comes tonight."

"That's right sweet pea. We'll have to go to bed as soon as we get home. He has a lot of stops to make and we don't want to do anything to hold him up do we?" Claire shook her head. "He can't stop if were still awake."

"I know Daddy. I'll go to sleep. I promise."

My parents' house was decked out for the holidays. My mother had always gone all out, but since I had Claire, she did everything a grandmother would do to make it perfect for their grandchild.

Dad opened the door for us, grabbing presents to carry them inside.

"Where's Gammy?" Claire took her coat off and set it on the chair. "I want to show her the cookies we made."

"She's in the kitchen finishing up dinner. Go see her. She has been waiting for you to get here." Claire hugged his leg, grabbing the container that held the cookies and dashed through the house.

Once she was out of ear shot, Dad turned to me. "Is she excited about Santa coming tonight?"

"Oh yea, she's excited. But I told her she would have to go to bed as soon as we got home so Santa could come." I followed him into the den where the tree stood laden with all the ornaments that Mom had collected over the years. Dad had a fire burning in the fireplace, so I stood in front of it so that I could warm up.

"How is Bella? And the boys?" Dad asked as he placed the presents under the tree. I hadn't brought Bella to meet my parents yet. Before I ever did that, I wanted us to get to know each other first. Starting a new relationship was strain enough without involving family, though I knew that my parents would never make her feel nervous in any way.

"They're good. They are coming over for Christmas tomorrow." The thought of spending time with them made me smile. We had a hard time trying to decide where we should get together for Christmas. Bella talked to the boys and they seemed fine with coming to my house. Then we had to decide when. Claire and I had always come over here and Bella had always gone to her grandmother's for Christmas Eve. This time we didn't want to break tradition, but hopefully by next year, we would be making traditions of our own.

"I'm glad to hear it. I've said this before, but I want to say it again. You deserve to be happy. All the hell you went through with Tanya, raising that beautiful little girl all by yourself. I can see that Bella makes you happy. Every since you found her, I can see the change in you. You don't know how happy it makes me to see you happy. Since you've had Claire, you have learned that your child's happiness is the most important thing in the world. All I have ever wanted for you is to be happy. I'm glad Bella is doing that for you." Dad wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and then pressed his lips to my temple like he did when I was a child.

"I love her." It was the first time I had said it out loud to another person and it felt good to finally be able to acknowledge it.

"I know you do son. I'm so happy that you have finally found someone to share your life with. You two were meant to be together."

"I believe that." I responded sighing heavily. "Since I was a little boy, I've seen the love that you and Mom share. It was so special and I never thought that I would ever find what you have together. That was one reason I settled with Tanya, because I had resigned myself that it wasn't in the cards for me. But now that I've met Bella, I know that together, we can build the kind of life that you and Mom have."

"You deserve nothing less Edward. Have you told her yet?"

"I plan on doing that tomorrow. A hell of a Christmas present, don't you think?" I ran my hand nervously through my hair. "I've had to literally bite my tongue to keep from saying it to her. I almost blurted it out at the Christmas program at school the other day. I want it to be perfect. Not something I just blurt out. Maybe telling her on Christmas day is not the right time?"

"There is no wrong time to tell someone you love them." Carlisle said quietly.

"No, there's not. It's just...I was scared she might think that it is too soon. We haven't known each other very long, but to me, it seems like I have known her forever. I miss her when she's not with me, and when she is with me, I can't keep my hands off of her. I have never felt like this with another woman."

"If you say that to her, I don't think she could deny you. She can't help but love you. Don't worry about it so much, son. Christmas is a time for miracles, not that you are going to need one. When she hears how much you care for her, I'm sure everything will be okay."

Claire walked in the room with a half eaten cookie in her hand. "Dinner's ready."

"Then what are you doing eating a cookie?" I walked over and broke off a bite, popping it in my mouth.

"Hey! Get your own." Claire glared playfully at me with her hands on her hips.

"Okay." I grabbed her up and started nibbling on her. "Mmm. Cookie," giving it my best shot to imitate Cookie Monster.

"Daddy!" Claire squealed as I continued to nibble on her. Just being around her made me forget my nervousness over telling Bella how I felt for her. Things would work out because we deserved to be happy, I had to believe that.

After dinner, we opened presents. Dad and I put together the few things that needed assembling, while Mom and Claire looked at all the clothes she bought her. Claire was their only grandchild, and I was their only child, so to say they spoiled her was an understatement.

We ate dessert and my mother just went on and on complimenting Claire on her dessert skills while she was eating the _Cheerios Bars_. Once dessert was finished, I loaded up the car and a very sleepy little girl.

"Have fun with Bella and the boys tomorrow." Mom helped Claire with her coat.

"How did you know?" I asked, arching my eyebrow in question.

"Why do you think I gave Claire the cookie before dinner?" Mom smiled sweetly. Thinking of my mother bribing my five year old daughter with a cookie to get information out of her made me smile back at her.

"That's extortion."

She shrugged. "That's okay, I know some great lawyers. Merry Christmas, Edward."

"Merry Christmas, Mom. I love you."

"I love you too. Merry Christmas, Claire." Mom hugged Claire against her and whispered in her ear. Claire nodded then went into my father's arms. We hugged and kissed each other with promises of calling them to let them know what Santa Claus brought. They planned on coming by tomorrow to see what all he left, but assured me that they would call first to make sure it was okay with Bella.

Once we were home, I helped Claire into her pajamas and tucked her in bed. Before I could switch off her bedside lamp, she was already snoring softly.

I unloaded the car, and then began to do my elf duties of setting out cookies for Santa and all of the gifts that were to be from him under the tree. Before I got started, I sent Bella a text.

_hope you had a good night. can't wait to see you tomorrow, love. merry chistmas._

_edward_

Within seconds, my phone rang, Bella's name flashing across the screen. "Hello."

"Hey." Bella sounded breathless. "I was waiting for you to call or text."

As always, my mind thought the worst. "Is something wrong?"

"No. Yes. I don't know what I was thinking buying some of the things I bought. I've been trying to put a little bit together here and there so it wouldn't all hit me at once, but it was a waste of time."

"Bella? What are you talking about?" Confused, I interrupted her rambling.

"These Christmas presents I got for the boys." She whispered into the phone. "I'm having trouble getting them put together. I don't care what those damn instructions say, slot A does not fit into slot B."

At the sound of her exasperation, I had to laugh. "I'm sorry you are having technical difficulties."

"Go ahead and laugh. We'll see whose laughing when you are having trouble with those girl toys you bought." Bella giggled and the sound went straight to my heart.

"Okay, point taken. Don't be mad. You're just too funny sometimes." It was true; she would say the funniest things.

"It's just so frustrating trying to get this together by myself." She whined into the phone.

Hopefully, that wouldn't be a problem next year. "I know, love. I wish I could help."

Bella sighed. "I know you would if you could. It's not that bad. I've done them all, but this one is giving me trouble."

"Well, tell me about it, and I'll see what I can do." Bella ended up sending me a link to the directions. Once I looked at it, I could see what she was talking about. I talked her through it and in no time she finished it.

"Thank you Edward. Now you have to do your own stuff to do. I'm sorry I held you up."

"Don't apologize. I don't mind helping you at all. Besides, I don't have anything near as complicated as you to put together. Did the boys have a good time at your Grandmother's?"

"Yea they did." She told me all about their visit and the presents the boys got. She paused a moment and I thought she was finished, and then she whispered, "I miss you."

"I know love. I miss you too. I wish we could be together in the morning." The only thing that was keeping me sane was the fact that I knew we would be together tomorrow.

"Me too. I…l…I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Merry Christmas, Bella."

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

When we ended the conversation, I couldn't keep from smiling. Tomorrow we would be together and I could hopefully have the strength to tell her what was in my heart. Turning on the radio, I set the dial low enough that it wouldn't wake Claire, but hopefully buffer any sounds that I would be making setting everything up for Christmas.

As I hummed along with the radio, I couldn't help but think that my Dad was right. Christmas was a time for miracles, and I certainly had been given one when I found Bella.

BPOV

"Come on guys. It's time to go. Bring whatever you want to with you." Looking around my living room, I let out a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. My house was a wreck, just like any other house would be on Christmas morning.

To be honest, the mess didn't really bother me at all. The boys had fun. They were ecstatic about their presents. When they came barreling down the stairs at the crack of dawn, all the toys that they had on their Christmas list were under the tree. Even that damn _Star Wars_ toy that had taken me forever to put together.

In the end, it didn't matter how long it had taken me to put it together, all the swearing and cursing I did trying to figure it out. What mattered the most was the look of pure joy when they saw it sitting out under the tree.

No it wasn't the mess in my house or the tiredness I felt from staying up half the night setting everything up for Christmas. All of that was nothing compared to worrying over telling Edward how I really felt. I knew he had strong feelings for me. It was more than obvious. Anyone who had seen the two of us together had pointed out to me that he couldn't keep his eyes off me, especially Alice who was beyond delighted at the fact that I had found someone to love again.

I did love him too. It's almost scary at times to think about how much I have grown to care for him, and Claire. After the way things ended with Mike, I never dreamed that I would find love again, especially so soon after everything fell apart. Fear of opening myself like that again and the chance of being hurt, or my boys being hurt, had made me proclaim that I would live life alone rather than going through that again. That was until I met Edward.

What was even more amazing was the instant connection that I had felt with Edward from the beginning. He was easy to talk to. Even though I was shy, all of my nervous inhibitions seemed to melt away when I was near him. My heart and body knew it before I ever let my head catch up.

Everyone seemed to be quicker with how I felt than my brain. My grandmother, always the voice of reason, pointed out to me just last night that she could tell I was in love.

"You love him." My grandmother stated calmly, slipping a piece of _Cherry Yum Yum_ on a plate.

"What?" My mind had been wandering, thinking of Edward, counting down the minutes until I could be with him again.

"You're happy. More so than I ever remember in my life. When you were with that asshole, I never saw you smile like that."

"Grams!" I laughed incredulously. The things she says sometimes never ceased to amaze me. Since I had left Mike, she had voiced her opinion of him on more than one occasion. Asshole was her favorite word for him. There's nothing funnier than hearing my seventy year old grandmother cussing like it was a second language.

"What? It's the truth. Mike is an asshole." Her voice was firm and held no sense of remorse for her feelings towards him. "He never deserved you or those beautiful great grand boys of mine. Now Edward is a different story. I can tell he makes you happy. He's good to you and the boys. I may not have met Edward yet, but I already like him." By the end, her voice had softened, telling me all that I needed to know. She approved of Edward explicitly.

"He is a good man." I replied firmly without any doubt because there was none when it came to Edward.

"I believe you. If I didn't, I wouldn't hesitate to tell you. You and the boys are all I have left. And there's no way I will let you get hurt again." She grabbed my hand, cradling it against her chest. "I love you Bella. I just want what's best for you. It sounds like Edward and that little girl of his is it." Her smile, reminding me so much of my father's, comforted me. Her love and approval steeled my confidence and made me feel strong. I couldn't let another day go by without telling Edward how I felt.

So many times since the day that I realized without a doubt that I loved him, I had almost said it to him. It seemed as if my lips were begging to say those three words to him so he could say them in return. But every time I thought I had built up the nerve to tell him, we were either interrupted or it didn't seem like the right time. Time didn't matter at this point, because the longer I waited, I was just wasting time. We both had wasted enough time, and now more than ever, I wasn't going to let any more time slip through our fingers.

"We're ready Mama." Patrick chirped, holding up his hands, showing me that he had what he wanted to take with him.

I looked over to Pacey. His hands were full of toys, juggling them to keep them from falling to the floor. Looking at their faces, a surge of guilt ran through me that I was taking them away from their home on Christmas day.

"Are you sure it's okay if we go to Edward's? If we didn't, I'm sure he would understand." Spending time with Edward and Claire were important, but so were my boys. I didn't want to spoil their Christmas just because I was being selfish in wanting to spend time with them and Edward.

Patrick rolled his eyes at me. "Come on Mama." My little man basically telling me how silly I was being. Maybe I should be annoyed, but I couldn't be when he was like this. Happy and carefree, not having to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, just like a little boy should be.

"I want to see Edward." Pacey demanded softly, walking towards the door. Pacey had become so attached to Edward. Edward had been to him what Mike never tried to be. I wasn't the only one in love with Edward.

Okay, so it's just me worrying over nothing. I forget sometimes that kids don't read into things like we do sometimes.

As soon as we arrived at Edward's, the door swung open and Edward and Claire both came out to greet us. Claire hugged me, wrapping her arms around my legs looking up at me with those brilliant green eyes full of joy.

The boys attacked Edward, almost knocking him down when they pounced on him. Edward chuckled deeply, gathering them up and kissing each of them on the top of their heads.

The love that coursed through my heart at that moment made it feel like it was about to burst out of my chest.

There is no way I was going to be able to make it through another day without telling him I loved him. This beautiful man, inside and out, needed to know that he was loved. He needed to know he was a good man and he had made me and two little boys very happy. Because of him, we were able to love and trust again. We were able to just be.

Edward looked over to me, a quizzical look on his face. He could read me so easily, sometimes better than anyone, better than myself. It was a wonder that he couldn't look at me and tell what I was thinking.

I shook my head, not only to reassure Edward, but also to clear my head. Smiling at him to reassure him, while inside I hoped that I would be able to move on through the day without blurting it out. No matter how much I wanted to tell him I loved him, I didn't want to ruin it. Hopefully, we could sneak away from the kids for a moment so that we could have some privacy so that I could tell him.

As we walked inside, Edward wrapped his arm around my waist, pressing a lingering kiss to my temple, whispering Merry Christmas to me. I whispered my response, melting into him as I always did when I was in his arms.

We went into his living room, gathering around the tree. It felt so much like home, being here with him and Claire and the boys. His tree looked much like ours did, colorful ornaments and sparkling lights, with ornaments that Claire had made him fixed in visible spots on the tree. Right in front, I noticed the ornament that Pacey had made him at preschool. Edward had been so wonderful with Pacey when he had given it to him, just like a father should.

Edward clapped his hands together, breaking me out of the spell I was under, rubbing them together vigorously like he was nervous. "Let's open presents, shall we?"

The kids all but yelled in agreement. Claire walked over to the tree and started handing the presents out. She tugged on one of the biggest boxes first, Edward helping her some, until it was right in front of us.

"This is for all of us. Daddy said this way we could all play together." Claire smiled up at me then Edward before asking Patrick and Pacey to help.

As soon as the paper was ripped from the box, I heard a small gasp come from Patrick. He stared at the box for a moment before turning to Edward. "It's _Rock Band 3_." He murmured as he looked at the box more closely. "Up to seven people can play. There's even a keyboard."

"Well, not in that box." Edward muttered to low for the kids to hear, motioning Claire to hand out the other boxes to Patrick and Pacey.

Pacey ripped his package open, tearing the paper to shreds. His eyes lit up and looked at me then back to Claire and Edward. "It's _Super Mario Brothers_. Awesome!" He turned to me, a huge smile on his face. "Look Mama what Edward and Claire got me."

Claire moved closer to Pacey, pointing to the box. "It was my idea to get that for you. I knew you would like it." Pacey and Claire hugged each other, huge smiles on each of their faces.

Patrick was quite, which wasn't unusual for him, but still it worried me and I looked to him to see what was wrong. Silently, he tore the wrapping paper from the present that was in his hands. For what seemed like forever, he sat there, staring at the box that held the keyboard that went with the game, gripping it so tight his knuckles were white. He looked over to Edward, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "You bought this? For me? He asked, his voice laced with shock and thick with tears.

Edward moved to sit beside him, wrapping his arm around Patrick's shoulders. "I bought it for both of us. I thought maybe we could learn together." Edward leaned closer to Patrick. "Maybe if we learn together, you won't be able to beat me so bad."

Patrick laughed, turning into Edward, burying his face against his chest, Edward's arms instantly wrapping around him, holding Patrick to him. My heart was torn at that moment, love for the man in front of me for making my son so happy and anger for the man who wasn't there who had hurt my son so deeply.

Edward winked at me, making the angry thoughts I had fade away, talking lowly to Patrick, and pointing out the different things about the keyboard. I had to clear my throat twice before I could speak. "Here Claire, this is from us."

Claire bounced over to me, sitting down beside me taking one of the boxes, slowly removing the paper as if she were cherishing the moment. I knew exactly how she felt.

Once the paper was off, and she saw what the box said, her excitement grew. Instinctively, I helped her like I would my own children, pulling it from the box gently so as not to tear anything up.

"It's an _American Girl_ doll." Claire whispered softly, lightly running her hand over the dolls hair. "And she looks like me." Claire exclaimed with wide eyes.

"That's right, she does. When I saw her, I knew I had to buy her for you. Set her up so you can see her eyes." Claire raised the doll up, and I watched as amazement flickered over her face.

"Her eyes are green, just like mine and Daddy's." Claire stared at the doll for a moment before looking up at me. The look in her eyes was like Patrick's, surprise that someone cared enough to do something like that for them.

"Yes they are." I ran my hand over her hair just as she did to the doll.

"I love her." Claire whispered, clutching the doll to her chest.

"I knew you would. Here, we got you something else." Pacey took the other present and handed it to Claire. My eyes drifted back to Edward and Patrick. They were engrossed in unpacking the _Rock Band 3_ set, diligently going over the instructions.

Claire opened the package, this time a little more zealous in getting the paper off. The second she got it open, she turned to me, her eyes shining with excitement. "You got me the _Magic Tree House_ set."

"I promise you will like it much better than _Junie B. Jones_." Claire was quiet, so quiet that it was scaring me. She was still holding her doll tightly against her chest with one of the books in the other hand. Her face lifted to mine, her lip trembling slightly.

"Thank you Bella." She crawled up into my lap, snuggling up against me just as naturally as if I was her mother. "I love you." She whispered so low I almost didn't hear her.

"I love you, too." I whispered back, my fingers stroking over her face. A sharp intake of breath made my head snap up. Edward was looking at me; his eyes burning into mine, several emotions flicking over his face so fast I couldn't read them. Surprise, curiosity, astonishment, and love. Love, I had recognized that look on his face when he would look at Claire or talk about his parents, but wasn't exactly sure. As we stared at each other, his eyes softened and a beautiful smile stretched across his face.

Claire crawled out of my lap, going over to the tree to retrieve a present. She handed the present to me with a big smile on her face. "This is for you from me and Daddy." Edward came over to sit on the couch beside me.

Slowly I opened the package, looking back and forth between Claire and Edward. Smiles covering their faces, but giving me no clue as to what it was inside.

After I opened the box, there was another small present nestled down inside wrapped in shiny paper with a curly bow on top.

Like Claire, I was more eager by the time I got to the second box, ripping the paper off quickly. The second I opened the box, my vision became blurry. Inside laid a beautiful silver charm bracelet with several charms already fastened to it, each one unique in its own way.

There were two that matched, little boy charms, each with Patrick and Pacey's name engraved on them. They were small little boys, an arm raised as if waving hello.

A little girl charm, with Claire's name engraved on the front, wearing a little dress. One hand was waving hello while the other had the dress she wore stretched out as if she was about to do a curtsey.

There was a Claddagh charm, a small circle with hands resting at the top and a crown with a heart above it, which I knew from doing research for one of my books that the symbol meant love, friendship and loyalty.

Beside that, there was a small silver key. It looked like an old fashioned key with the top loop in the shape of a heart.

The biggest charm, a huge heart, designed to look like a pad lock, with a hole in the middle where a key would go to turn the lock. It was heavy and shiny, and I knew that it was from _Tiffany's_.

Patrick came to sit beside me to study the bracelet that lay heavy in my hands. I couldn't even begin to think of how much something like this cost, much less the significance in each piece.

Claire sat down beside me, Edward moving to sit beside her while Pacey crawled into Edward's lap. Claire started pointing to the different pieces, explaining what each piece meant.

"This charm is for Patrick. And this one is for Pacey. And this one is for me of course." She giggled, pointing to the little girl charm. "This one is…I can't remember the name, but it's from Ireland. It means love. This is a heart charm that is for Daddy. And this is the key to Daddy's heart." She tapped the key, making the bracelet jingle a little. "But he says you already have it." She said sweetly, looking up at me.

I could do nothing but sit there and stare at it in my hand. No one had ever given me anything that was so precious and with so much meaning. The boys had made me things at school, little things that meant the world to me because they were made by them, that I would treasure for the rest of my life. But besides that, no one had ever put so much thought into a gift like this for me. One that was planned out, that had meaning and I was completely humbled and speechless.

Edward took the bracelet from my hand, gently latched it on my wrist. It was heavy, the weight a beautiful reminder of the people I love. Taking my hand, he turned it showing off the charms, each one shining from the glow of the Christmas lights.

I looked up at him, my eyes swimming with tears. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing but a small whimper came out. I wanted to tell him this was the most perfect gift anyone has ever gotten me. There were so many things I wanted to say. But at this moment, breathing seemed to be the only thing I could make my body do.

His hands tightened around mine calming me slightly. Looking in his eyes, I could see him struggling just like I was, unable to say the words we wanted to say.

"Wait!" Pacey exclaimed, jumping out of Edward's lap causing us both to break out of the moment. With kids, it happened a lot. Pacey grabbed the present we had for Edward and handed it to him. "We almost forgot. This is for you Edward."

He kept glancing at me as he tore the paper from the present. I could see in his eyes the war that was going on inside of him, torn about what to say to me just as I was to him. At that moment, there was no way I could tell him how I felt.

After he got the paper off and opened the box, he pulled the frame out. Patrick pointed out to him how to turn it on and we all sat quietly as Edward watched the pictures begin to play.

When I had seen the digital photo frame, I knew that I had to get it for him, remembering our conversation about his pictures with Claire and mine with the boys and how he loved them so much. Hopefully Edward would take it to his office and keep it on his desk so that he could see us anytime he wanted to when we were apart.

When I told Alice my plans of loading all the pictures that I had of us together, she had offered to contact Esme to get some pictures from her to load on there as well. In the end, I had loaded all of the pictures I had taken of the kids so far, some of us just hanging out at the house, many from where we went sledding. There were pictures of me and the boys on there, especially the ones that Edward liked so much that hung on the wall at my house. Esme had even been able to get me copies of the ones that I had loved so much of Edward and Claire. It was a beautiful mix of current pictures of all of us together and older pictures of the boys that were favorites of mine and ones that Esme knew that were favorites of Edward's of Claire. Esme had sent a small note telling me how much Edward would love this and she couldn't wait to meet me.

Silently, just like I had been when I opened the bracelet, he watched all of the pictures as they faded from one picture to another. His smile was breathtaking as well as the happiness that I could see in his eyes.

When the last picture came onto the screen and the slide show started over, he abruptly stood up from the couch walking over to the television, crouching down to turn on the Wii. "How would you little people like to play _Super Mario Brothers_?" He asked totally throwing me off kilter and making me want to laugh at his Emmett like statement.

He motioned for the game, ripping the clear wrapper off as soon as it was in his hands. The kids, un-phased by his sudden change of behavior, clapped excitedly grabbing the remotes synching them in so they could start to play.

"I need to show Bella something upstairs." He mumbled, once he had the game all set up. Coming over to where I sat on the couch still dazed by his actions, he held his hand out to me beseeching me to go with him. Without question, I placed my hand in his, allowing him to lead me wherever he wanted. There was no doubt in my mind that I would follow him anywhere he asked.

Slowly he led me up the stairs, no words passing between us, the only sounds besides the blood rushing through my ears, were the kids laughing at the game that they had started. They were completely oblivious to what was happening. I on the other hand, was nervous as hell. Not because of what I wanted to say to him, but because he seemed so edgy.

Edward walked to his bedroom door, standing to the side, gesturing me in. His scent filled the room and I couldn't help but breathe in deeply, inhaling his smell of soap and man, allowing it to seep in and calm me somewhat.

As soon as I looked at his bed, I could feel the heat from my blush running all the way up to my hair line, my mind filling with all of the things he had done to me and the way he made me feel.

This was right. The way we made each other feel, the way we had healed together. There was nothing more right than this.

Turning back to look at Edward, instead of the confident man I had come to know, he was nervous, rubbing his hand over jaw roughly. Knowing all too well that nervous feeling, my heart went out to him.

"What's wrong Edward?" He looked at me a moment, his brow furrowed in concentration. He finally cleared his throat after what seemed like forever before speaking.

"Uh, Bella. I need to talk to you." Edward ran his fingers through his hair, looking up at me through his lashes, his eyes swimming with emotion.

"Okay." I would let him go first, tell me whatever he wanted to tell me. When he finished, hopefully I could tell him those three little words that were dying to burst from my lips.

"Bella, I know we haven't known each other very long. Our relationship has progressed so fast, and I know at times it might have scared you, the intensity of our feelings and the physical attraction we have for each other. But I want you to know, that this has been the happiest time of my life. I mean, besides Claire, you have made me happier than I have ever been in my life." His words came out in a rush, the cool calm demeanor I had become used to, had fallen away, leaving behind someone that reminded me of myself.

It was weird how the tables had turned.

"The moment I saw you, you took my breath away. You were so beautiful. Are beautiful." He corrected, stroking a finger gently down my cheek. "Then when I got to know you, I knew you were not only beautiful on the outside, but on the inside too. Seeing the way you were with your boys, the first thing that came to my mind was that you were exactly what a mother should be." He shook his head as if to clear it. "But that wasn't the only thing that drew me to you. Your strength and courage, the way we could talk forever and never get bored, the way you gave yourself to me, all of it made me want you that much more."

His words were all that I wanted to say and more. But no matter how hard I tried to come up with something to say to him like he was saying to me, I knew that there were three words that would say it all.

"I meant what I said about you were the one," he continued. "From the moment that I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were what I had been looking for all of my life. You were the one I was meant to be with. I never thought I would find the kind of love my parents shared with each other until I met you. We were meant for each other."

It was almost funny to watch Edward stand here in front of me and be so nervous and unsure of himself as he rambled the most beautiful words I have ever heard. The strong man, the one that had told me not so long ago, that he wasn't going anywhere and he wasn't going to let me push him away. The irony of this was almost comical. Here I was so sure of my feelings for him, ready to tell him what he wanted to hear most, and he was standing here babbling. I couldn't let him suffer anymore.

"I love you." I blurted out loudly, interrupting him.

"You mean so much to me. I want to tell you that I love…What?" His eyes snapped to mine, the green of his eyes intensified, shining brighter than I had ever seen them before.

"I love you," I repeated softly, placing my hand over his heart. "I love you."

His hand came up and covered mine, holding it closer, allowing me to feel the rapid beat of his heart and the warmth and comfort of his touch that I never want to live without again. He closed his eyes briefly, before opening them, staring straight into my eyes mesmerizing me with the love I could see there. "Say it again. Please?" He whispered.

"I love you." My voice was stronger, unwavering as I repeated the words to him. I wanted him to know that I was surer of this than anything. "You're right. Everything happened really fast between us, but I don't regret one minute of it. It scared me at first because I had never felt such a connection with anyone else before. You have shown me what love really is. When I'm with you, and even when I'm not, there is no one or nothing else that I want more than you."

"Oh Bella," he whispered, his hands coming up to cradle my face. "I love you. I've been struggling to keep it to myself because I didn't want to do or say anything that might scare you off. You mean so much to me. I love you. I love Patrick and Pacey. I want us to be together."

"I love you. And I love Claire. There's nothing I want more than to be a part of your life. For us to be a part of your life." I corrected, bringing my hands up to his face, running my finger tips gently over his jaw.

"You are. You always will be." He whispered against my lips before devouring them with his. I could feel all the love he had for me as he kissed me. His hands stroked down my face and neck, over my shoulders and then he was embracing me so tight it literally took my breath away.

I'd meant what I told him. I wanted nothing more than to be a part of his life. The way he was holding me and kissing me, I knew that there was no way I could live without him. Just as he said, we were meant for each other.

For a moment I felt like I was floating, then I could feel his soft mattress on my back and his weight on top of me, pressing me down. His body covered mine as his mouth peppered kisses all over my face whispering his love for me.

"I would love nothing more than to worship your body and show you how much I love you, but we have little people down stairs." Saying again that silly statement, causing me to giggle. He moved off me, standing beside the bed pulling me up with him. "Let's go celebrate Christmas with our kids."

"I would love too." I replied honestly, standing up in front of him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I love you Bella." Gathering me close, he kissed me softly once more. It started out slow, then turned passionate making my head swim. His lips released mine, my head dropping down to rest against his heart as I tried to remember to breathe again.

"I love you too Edward." I whispered back to him. He released me, taking my hand in his before he lead us back downstairs.

After everything that had happened with Mike, I never thought that I would trust another man again, never once dreaming that I would love again. With Edward and the way things had been with Tanya, I'm sure he never thought he would let another woman in his life. This was a big step for both of us. And it was a step we were going to take together.

**A/N: Thank you tawelephant for being my beta, fixing all of my mistakes, brainstorming with me, and making up awesome chapter titles. I'm glad I amuse you.**

**Thank you to all of my wonderful readers, especially cullenfan524 who despises **_**Junie B**_**. with me.**

**Welcome, to all of the new readers. So many have put my story on alert and added it to your favorites, I would love to hear from you. **

**I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! May all of your Christmas wishes and New Year's resolutions come true.**

**Please review and let me know what you think. I'll update as soon as I can. **

**~freakybella**


	25. A New Year

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight and all the characters. This Edward is mine and so is his story. I do own the new Vanity Fair magazine with Rob on the front and can I say, 'come on, baby drive my car!'**

**Thank you to my wonderful beta tawelephant. I couldn't do this without her. We were talking and it gave me some ideas for this and I rolled with it. Also, I want to thank Cullenfan524 for pre reading this and being with me since the beginning. Thank you to all who have me on alert. Please review, I would love to hear from you.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 25: A New Year **

**BPOV**

The worst thing about when Christmas is over is that you have to take the decorations down. You spend your time, decorating your house, making it have the yuletide glow. Then it's over in a matter of minutes. The presents are all gone from under the tree and even though it still has the ornaments on there, once there gone, it kind of reminds you of the Christmas tree Charlie Brown had.

It looks so lonely standing there with nothing underneath it. So after the presents are gone, I just can't take it standing there looking like that and I begin the daunting task of taking everything down, packing it away carefully for next year.

But even though I'm taking down all of the decorations, and the usual disappointment and tinge of sadness I feel when Christmas is over is present, I can't get this grin off my face.

Edward loves me.

He told me so. After I blurted it out to him after I had been trying so hard not to do just that. But he was so darn cute acting like me, all nervous and worried, that I just couldn't help myself. I had to put him out of his misery and let him know that I loved him too.

It was so easy to tell him. Just like everything else with him is so easy. Spending time with him and Claire, doing all the things that a normal family does is as easy as breathing.

After he told me, we went downstairs to be with our children. The idea of that thrilled me. "Our children" had such a beautiful sound to it.

The kids were still playing the Wii and hadn't even noticed that we were gone, much less that we were confessing our love for each other. Edward held on to my hand and wouldn't let go, not that I wanted him to.

We sat out the couch together, his arm wrapped around my shoulder holding me close. His free hand was intertwined with mine, his thumb stroking the skin at my wrist making my bracelet jingle each time. More times than I could count, he would press his lips to my temple, lingering there, causing his hot breath to warm my skin.

After the kids tired of playing _Super Mario Brothers_, they asked us to play _Rock Band 3_. We eagerly agreed with them so that we could all play together. Patrick and Edward easily set everything up, and as I watched them, it made me so happy that Edward was finally able to break through to Patrick so that he could be the child that he never was able to be around his father.

Once they had it all set up, Patrick wanted to try out the keyboard while Pacey took his regular position on drums and Edward strapped on one the guitars. Claire grabbed the microphone so she could sing, taking the remote in the other hand so she could start the game and synch us all in. Edward grabbed the other guitar and handed it to me.

"Uh, I'm not very good at that," I said, nodding towards the guitar that he held in his outstretched arm.

Edward just smiled that crooked smile that made me weak in the knees. "Like I told Patrick, we'll learn together."

Grumbling to myself, I took the guitar from him, adjusting the strap before slipping it over my head. Edward gave me a cocky smirk before we all decided on a song and then we started to rock. I'll show him cocky. I may not be very good, but I don't suck either.

It wasn't as hard to play the guitar as you would think. It was just a simple thing of remembering what fingers pushed what buttons. When I first bought the _Rock Band_ for the boys, I purchased an extra guitar in case none of us wanted to sing. It also worked out great as Patrick and I learned together how to play the guitar. Although Patrick had far surpassed me, I could still hold my own.

When I told Edward that I would play bass and set it on medium, I thought his eyes were going to bulge out of his head. After the song was over, I was the one giving the cocky smirk to Edward as he arched his eyebrow at me. We both started laughing when he told me I had some 'splaining to do, the kids laughing along with us.

From then on we played song after song. It was easy to get into it and lose track of time. Edward and Patrick took turns playing the keyboard, and I swapped up from guitar to singing back up with Claire, while Pacey stayed on the drums. It was hard for him to play the guitar because of his little fingers, but Edward promised him they would work on it together creating a huge smile from Pacey. Each time I watched Edward with my boys, the love I had for him filled my heart to the point I thought it would burst.

We had just finished a song when Claire turned around to face Edward and I and hollered out "Gamma and Papa," and took off running into the arms of the man I knew had to be Edward's father.

Edward muttered a curse word under his breath before raking his hand through his hair and looking over to me, his eyes pleading with me apologetically.

I should have been nervous that I was about to meet Edward's parents for the first time. Meeting people always made me nervous and caused my palms to sweat. Considering that first impressions mean everything, I should have been real worried about meeting them. But one look at them and I knew that there was nothing to be worried about. Besides, as comfortable as I felt around Edward, I could tell that it would be the same with his parents.

His parents hugged Claire before turning to look at me and the boys sheepishly. I could tell that they regretted showing up without me having any prior knowledge of their coming. I decided right then to not let them worry anymore.

"Hello, you must be Edward's parents." I stated without hesitation holding out my hand for them to shake. There was no way I was going to hesitate greeting them out of fear that the boys might sense my hesitation and pick up on it. "I'm Bella. It's so nice to meet you. And this is Patrick and Pacey." I pointed to each of my boys who both had shy smiles on their face.

Pacey stepped forward without fear as always and stuck his hand out to Edward's mom. "I'm Pacey. Are you Claire's granny?"

For a second, I could see that she was so charmed by him that she was at a loss for words. She smiled, her crooked grin reminding me of Edward and Claire, before she bent down to Pacey's level. "Yes I am. My name is Esme, but you can call me Gamma." She looked him over, studying his face before she turned towards Patrick.

She stepped forward looking Patrick over the same way that she did Pacey. Patrick squirmed a little under her gaze. "Hello Patrick. It's so nice to meet you."

Surprise flickered across his face that she knew his name. "Hello." Patrick murmured, stepping over closer to me reaching his hand out for mine. Instantly, I gripped his hand in my mine, trying to reassure him.

Edward's mother watched the exchange between Patrick and me, before bringing her eyes back up to meet mine. "They are so precious." She whispered, never commenting on Patrick's trepidation leading me to believe that she already knew about his shy nature.

"Thank you." I replied, the heat covering my cheeks from her words.

"I'm so sorry. Where are my manners? I'm Esme and this is Carlisle," she said grabbing his hand. "We were supposed to come over to see Claire's presents from Santa Claus and meet you, but I assume that Edward forgot to tell you that we were coming." Esme gave a knowing look to Edward. It was funny to watch him squirm under the watchful gaze of his mother. "We did knock, but when you didn't answer the door, we knew you couldn't hear us over the music."

"Oh! Let me show you what I got." Claire grabbed Esme's hand, tugging her over to the Christmas tree. Claire turned back to look at me with her crooked little smile, before beaming up to Esme. "See Gamma. I told you they would be here," Claire whispered not so quietly.

Edward moved to my side, whispering quietly in my ear. "Bella, I'm so sorry. Mom told me to call her and let her know that it was alright to come. I meant to tell you and ask if it was okay if they came, I promise that I did. Just, with everything else, it totally slipped my mind."

His nervous rambling, like he did when we were talking earlier, made me smile. Inwardly I did a happy dance at what '_everything else'_ was that made him forget that his parents were coming.

Turning to face him, I gently placed my fingertips against his lips, trying to ease his worrying. "It's okay Edward. Really, it's fine." He kissed my fingers before smiling down at me in response. Lacing his fingers through mine, he tugged me to the couch to sit beside him.

His heated gaze made my stomach flutter in anticipation, but as always, our children and family came first. One look at Esme, and I knew that she had witnessed our little exchange. She had that smile on her face that a mother gets when she knows her child is happy. I was sure that we would be having one of those conversations soon, the kind of discussions that consists of how much you love your child and you just want them to be happy, but I wasn't the least bit worried. Being a mother myself, I knew all too well about worrying over your children and wanting to know that they were happy. She didn't have to worry. I would do whatever it takes to make Edward and Claire happy.

We all sat on the couch as Claire showed off her presents to Esme and Carlisle. Once she was finished, with the help of Pacey, they started showing off the gifts that we had exchanged between us. With pride and joy, they showed off everything as any happy kid would do on Christmas morning, even coaxing Patrick to join in on the fun.

"Look at what Bella got for Daddy. It's got our pictures on there." Esme took the frame from her little hands starting the slide show. Carlisle moved closer to Esme so that he could watch with her over her shoulder.

Once it was over, she looked at me, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears and a huge smile on her face. Even Carlisle was smiling so much his eyes were crinkled at the edges. "This turned out so beautiful."

"Thank you again for all your help." I answered back, swallowing happy tears down. My face flamed again under the praise Esme was giving me.

"It was worth it to see the smile on my son's face." Esme smiled at me then at Edward. Looking at Edward, his cheeks were pink with a shy smile on his face. I don't think I had ever seen Edward blush before, but I have to say, it was damn sexy.

Carlisle patted Esme on the leg then announced it was time for them to leave. Esme looked a little disappointed, but she got what Carlisle was trying nonchalantly to do. He was trying to give us some space. I had a feeling that he knew that Edward and I had confessed our love for each other.

"Bella, would you have lunch with me one day." Esme asked sweetly after she hugged Edward and Claire goodbye. Edward looked at his mother with wide eyes.

"Of course, I would love to." Again, I didn't hesitate because I knew that this woman would be an important part in my life and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.

Besides, Edward loved me and that made everything good.

"Mama? Mama!" Pacey tugged at my shirt breaking me out of my Edward daydreams.

"Yes sweet pea." The kids were still off for Christmas break. They had helped me take down decorations when I asked, but for the most part I let them play with their Christmas presents. At times I would have to go in search of them they were so quiet.

"Your phone is ringing." He smiled up at me, his head cocking to the side as if saying 'are you deaf.'

"Oh. Sorry sweet pea, I was zoned out. Thank you." Setting the ornament box down, I ran my fingers through his hair before grabbing the phone off the table, smiling when I saw that it was Alice. "Hello."

"Hey, Bella. Whatcha doing?" After I explained that I was taking down my Christmas decorations, Alice solemnly told me she was doing the same thing and together we commiserated over the end of Christmas.

When Alice started crying, I knew there was something more than the end of the holidays upsetting her. Alice hardly cried anything but happy tears.

"Alice, why are you crying? What's wrong?"

"Oh, Bella, there's nothing wrong. Everything is right." She broke off, another round of hysterical weeping and sobbing.

"You're scaring me Alice."

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out between sobs.

"Oh, Alice," I whispered lovingly, "I'm so happy for you." After Mary was born, Alice and Jasper were so happy that they decided then and there to have more. They waited until Mary was two before trying to start again, but for the past four years, she had been unable to conceive. "How far along are you?"

"Not even six weeks." She went on to explain that she missed her period and instead of taking the chance on a home pregnancy test, she went straight to the doctor. "I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. Besides, it didn't even dawn on me that I was almost a week late until the day after Christmas. With being so busy at school, then Christmas, I didn't even notice."

"I don't blame you one second for waiting and being positive." I knew how disappointed she had been each time she thought there was a chance that she might be and she wasn't.

"I bet Jasper is over the moon." Jasper was as saddened as Alice had been that they were unable to have another child.

"He went with me to the doctor. When they did the ultrasound, he cried. We were both blubbering messes."

I remembered the first time I heard my babies heartbeat when I found out I was pregnant. With Patrick it was unplanned, by me anyway, but the moment I heard that faint echo and swishing sound, it was the most beautiful sound in the world to me, until I heard Pacey's heartbeat.

The one thing I had never understood with Mike was the inability to bond with his children. He wanted me to have babies, but it was the control he wanted, not the love.

It didn't matter anymore. The boys and I had found what we always wanted, the love and the feeling of family with Edward and Claire. And it was more special than anything I could have ever dreamed of. I always knew that I wanted to make a family of my own, the love that one shared with each other, like I had with my parents. There was no way that I could ever replace my parents, but the love I had with Edward, and the way were together, was more than I ever could have hoped for.

"This is so awesome! We get to play with a baby again. And we will have to have a baby shower. You'll need some new stuff, especially if you have a boy. I've got a few things that I saved that you can have if it's a boy. Are you going to find out what you're having?" I gushed into the phone sounding like Alice, happy tears streaming down my face.

I missed my boys being babies. They grow up so fast. Now that Alice was having another baby, it made me miss that time in their lives so much. Alice and I both had lamented on the fact that our babies had grown up too fast. I'm sure it felt that way to any mother as they watched their children grow.

Inside, my uterus seemed to sigh with me over wanting another baby. The thought of one day being pregnant with Edward's baby instantly had my fingers ghosting over my belly. Closing my eyes, a vision of Edward's long fingers gliding along with own across my burgeoning stomach made me giddy.

"And we'll have to shop," Alice added giggling happily, before sniffling again. Instantly I was relieved when she started talking about shopping. "I'm so excited and scared shitless at the same time."

We continued to talk about the baby, her due date and whether or not she was going to find out the sex of the baby or let it be a surprise. Then she started dying laughing saying there was no way that she would be able to wait.

"What are you and the boys doing for New Year's Eve?" Alice asked when her laughter subsided some. "Jasper and I want to tell all of our friends and celebrate. I know some people wait until there further along, but the doctor said everything looked great and I don't think I could wait that long to share the news with everyone. I thought it would be fun to have you and the boys over, and Emmett and Rose, along with Angela and Ben and all of their kids. Maybe Edward and Claire can come too. We can drink sparkling grape juice for a toast and the kids can play with each other while we have some adult time."

Alice knew of the 'I love you's' that Edward and I had shared with each other. She called Christmas night after we had gotten home from Edward's and asked how he liked his Christmas present. It was easy to share my happiness with her over us spending Christmas together, the gift swapping, and meeting Edward's parents.

Edward and I had discussed doing something together with the kids for New Year's Eve and celebrating the coming of the New Year. We hadn't decided on what to do, but knew that we wanted to be together.

"We haven't made any definite plans yet. I'm sure that Edward would love to come over. You know Claire or the boys wouldn't miss a chance to play with Mary and the rest of the kids."

"Great! Talk to Edward and let me know. I'm gonna let you go. My house is still a wreck and you know I can't stand clutter." After telling her not to overdo it since she was pregnant, which started another round of giggles and tears, I promised to call her once I talked to Edward and promised to help anyway I could.

As soon as I hung up with her, I called Edward wanting to share the happy news. "Hey, love."

Just hearing his voice made me smile, but when he called me love, it made me delighted and warm and fuzzy inside. "Hey, you. I had to call and tell you. Alice is pregnant!"

"Really? That's great news."

"It is. I'm so happy for her and Jasper. It's taken them so long to get pregnant again. She called to tell me and asked me if we would like to come over New Year's Eve and celebrate."

"That would be great, on one condition."

"And what is that?" I purred into the phone, hoping I sounded seductive and not like a dying cat.

"Well, I was going to see if you and the boys wanted to come over and spend the night that night. I thought maybe we could call it a sleepover," Edward chuckled nervously, making me giggle in return at the thought of a sleepover. "Besides, I don't like the idea of either one of us being on the road after midnight. So, if you want to go to Alice's, you drive here, and then we'll go over. We'll never have to leave the neighborhood. Do you think that will be okay?"

The thought of sleeping with Edward in his bed sounded more than okay with me. The only time that we had actually slept together was on the night we had our first date. I crossed my legs at the memory.

"I'll talk it over with the boys, but I don't think they will mind. Especially when I tell them that we're going over to Alice's and all the kids are coming. Where would we sleep?"

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about that too," Edward stammered, sounding very anxious, and I could just picture him sitting there running his fingers through his hair. "What would you think about me buying some bunk beds for them? I mean, if that would be all right. We could set them up in the extra bedroom. That way, when you stayed they would have a bedroom of their own."

Listening to him, I knew that this was more than just setting up something like a guest bedroom. This was him making a room for my boys. The way he acted towards them was like they were his own kids. Edward just made me fall in love with him more and more.

"That sounds like a wonderful thing Edward," I whispered into the phone.

Edward cleared his throat. "Great, I'll take care of it." He didn't ask me to help, so I figured this was something that he wanted to surprise the boys with and I was going to let him have his fun.

Considering the way Mike wanted to control everything, I guess I should have been wary that Edward was doing this without involving me in the decision, but in my mind, there was a difference. Mike never did anything like this for his own children whereas Edward wanted to. It was a huge difference to me.

We talked for a little while longer about Claire and the boys and how they were enjoying their Christmas break. He asked again if I was sure that I wanted to go to lunch with his mother, and for some reason he seemed genuinely worried about it. So, I assured him that I would love to get to know his mother and I could tell that made him happy. We said our goodbyes and promised to call each other later on that night after the kids were in bed.

"I love you Bella. You don't know how happy it makes me to be able to say it out loud." He told me right before we hung up.

"I love you too, Edward. And it makes me happy too," I giggled like a school girl into the phone, earning a moan in response from him. I giggled again, because his moan was doing the same to me that my giggles were doing to him.

That night over dinner, I talked with the boys about going to Alice's and Edward's plan of us spending the night. Patrick shrugged, but he smiled afterwards letting me know in his own way that he was okay with our plans. He was still being careful, and considering what he had been through in his short life, I understood.

Pacey, on the other hand, was hung up on the bunk beds. "Edward's going to buy us bunk beds? Like real bunk beds. Will it be our room? Can we stay more than one night?" He bombarded me with more questions than I could keep up with, but instead of being inpatient, I was enamored with my little boy. He was so excited.

"Yes, they are real bunk beds." I laughed and so did Patrick. He looked over at me and rolled his eyes giving me that look that said '_kids_'.

"And, I guess in a way, it will be like yours and Patrick's room." I glanced over at Patrick to see his expression. He was smiling, so I took that as a good sign. "As far as staying more than one night, we'll have to wait and see."

That night, after the kids went to bed, I called Edward and told him we would be staying with them after Alice's party. He was as excited as Pacey that we were coming and staying the night. He had talked to Claire and she was completely on board with us coming over. I had a feeling that Claire was as excited to be around me as Pacey was to be around Edward. All of our children had missed out on having both parents caring for them and I was more than happy to fill that void for Claire and to have Edward fill that void for my boys.

When I fell asleep, I dreamed of Patrick and Pacey playing in the back yard with Claire chasing each other around while Edward and I stood watching over them, his arms wrapped around me, supporting my very pregnant belly. It was a beautiful dream.

Alice had requested me to bring my Cherry Yum Yum to her party. Supposedly, she was already having cravings. Deciding that she deserved it, I made three of them, one for her, and two for the party. It was a lot of work, but I knew that Emmett would be there and between him and Edward's new found passion for my dessert, they could probably eat one by themselves.

As soon as we pulled into Edward's driveway, we jumped out of the car, grabbing our bags and heading for the door. Edward and Claire greeted us with their beautiful smiles as we greeted them with our shy smiles. When the hellos were over with and I was granted a kiss and a whispered I love you, Claire started jumping up and down.

"We have something to show you? Come on," she said excitedly in a sing song voice, and then turned to run up the stairs with Patrick and Pacey right behind her.

When I walked into the room, I gasped in surprise. He didn't just go buy bunk beds. He bought the ultimate set of bunk beds, the big heavy ones with all the built in features and the entire bedroom set to match. _Star Wars_ sheet sets and pillows with the comforters to match were on each mattress along with a _Star Wars_ lamp that sat on the desk that was built into the end of the bunk beds. On the walls, he had hung some of those clingy fat heads, each one a _Star Wars_ character or robot or ship or vehicle of some type.

Tears sprang to my eyes before I could stop them. Edward immediately noticed and pulled me out into the hall where I could still hear Patrick and Pacey oohing and ahhing over everything while Claire showed it off to them like she was one of those girls showing off the prize on a game show.

He cradled my face in his hands, brushing the tears away from my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. "I'm sorry Bella. Please don't be mad. I got carried away, and I made the mistake of taking my mom and she got carried away too. Then between Claire and me and mom, we all got carried away. Please don't cry," he murmured softly.

Wrapping my arms around him, I buried my face in his chest. "Happy tears," I mumbled against him, hoping he could understand me. "That is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for them. I'm not sure you have any idea of what you've done for them."

Here I am, the one who is supposed to be articulate with my words, and I couldn't even explain to him what this meant to me or the boys. "Not only did you give them a bed, but you made them a room. And not only a bedroom, but you made room for them in your life."

Edward sighed in relief, holding me closer burying his face in my hair. "I would do anything for them. I would do anything for you," he whispered. "I love you. And I love them too."

I looked up at him and was a bit surprised that his beautiful green eyes looked a little shiny. My fingers caressed his cheek lovingly. "I love you Edward. And everyday, you do something to make me love you even more. You don't know how much it means to me. How much it means to them. Thank you."

Edward kissed me, sweet and loving, letting me know exactly how much he loved me. The need and hunger I always felt for him seemed to pulse around us. Edward seemed to sense it too and deepened the kiss, our tongues caressing and teasing and tasting. My fingers tangled in his bronze locks earning a growl of approval from him. What was slow and languid at first, was now hot and almost desperate.

He slowed the kiss, sucking gently on my bottom lip, tugging it playfully as our breath mingled between our mouths, warming me in the most delicious ways. He took a deep shuddering breath, dropping his forehead to mine. "As bad as I hate to, we have to stop. We have all night after the kids are asleep." He whispered in my ear, before pulling back, a wicked grin on his handsome face.

I pouted up at him, earning a chuckle. "You're right," I said sullenly, "but, it's really hard to be responsible when you kiss me like that."

He laughed again heartily. "Come on. Let's get our kids and go." When he talked like that, I couldn't refuse.

When we turned towards the boy's room, and I have to say, my heart warmed at the thought of it being their room, there were six eyes staring up at us. Pacey and Claire were standing side by side with Patrick standing behind them. They formed a triangle of sorts, and I could see them standing in that same formation in the years to come as a united front.

Patrick had a shy smile, his cheeks blushing pink, but his eyes were happy and not one hint of worry. Claire and Pacey were standing there looking at us with a blinding smile, and if it was possible, there would be little hearts floating around their heads like you see on cartoons.

Alice's house was already a madhouse by the time we got there. Emmett and Rosalie, and Angela and Ben were already there along with all of their kids. Once Patrick, Pacey and Claire mixed in with the fray, they had a party of their own going on. Claire, Mary, Riley and Cassidy went off into Mary's room talking about all the things they got for Christmas. The rest of the boys, including Emmett took off for the Wii and started playing _Super Smash Bros. Brawl_. Emmett was just as big of a kid as they were, claiming he wanted to be player number one.

When the kids were sufficiently occupied, all of the adults went to the kitchen to help Alice set the food out. Jasper was at her side most of the night helping her anyway possible so she wouldn't be doing too much. Rosalie and Angela worked together on putting the finishing touches on everything. Edward spent his time going back and forth between us and checking on the kids, each time giving me a kiss when he reentered the room. I have to say that I was enjoying his affections.

Almost as soon as the food was set up on the table, Emmett came bounding into the kitchen, Masen, Charlie, Patrick and Pacey on his heels, starving and ready to eat. The girls joined us and we ate until we were stuffed. When we were finished cleaning up, we all sat down at the table while the kids went to play. Alice couldn't wait a second longer to tell everyone and I was surprised that she had waited this long, but Alice was big on making a production.

As soon as she announced that she was pregnant, there was chaos, but in a good way. Emmett was first to jump up and wrap his big arms around his baby sister congratulating her. When he hugged Jasper, Jasper's eyes bugged out of his head, but then there were whispered words between them and both their eyes became glassy.

All the women surrounded Alice wishing her the best. Alice glowed with happiness, and a little of it was being pregnant too I'm sure, and being the center of attention, which Alice loved. The kids all encircled Mary asking her questions about being a big sister and if she wanted a brother or a sister.

We all toasted with the sparkling grape juice and opted not to drink any alcohol out of respect for Alice. Besides, none of us wanted to be drinking and driving, especially since the kids were going to be in the car with us. None of us were heavy drinkers anyway, so it wasn't a big deal.

It was nice to sit around and talk about happy things. It was especially nice to be around other adults. The best thing was Edward sat beside me, holding my hand twining our fingers together, or an arm around my shoulders. For once in my life, I was able to just be me and not worry if I was making anyone mad.

When Pacey came and crawled up in Edward's lap and his eyes began to droop, I knew it was time to go. After that, it seemed one by one, each of the kids came seeking out their parents. Claire walked up and when she saw Pacey in Edward's lap, she smiled then crawled up in mine. Patrick was not far behind, snuggling up beside me, yawning tiredly.

We all said our goodbyes and congratulating Alice and Jasper again and went home. It was a wonderful feeling knowing that were going home together.

As I was changing the boys into their pajamas, Patrick kept looking at me like he wanted to say something. Finally, as I was tucking him in, he seemed to muster enough courage to ask.

"Mama?" Patrick asked, "Where are you going to sleep?" He bit down on his lip nervously, his eyes looking at me, curious.

The question surprised me a little, but I should have expected it. Inside I wondered how long Patrick had been waiting to ask me that or if the thought just occurred to him now that we were here. I never lied to him before and I wasn't going to start being dishonest with him now.

Edward and I had talked about this, what the sleeping arrangements were going to be and how we were going to handle it. Claire and Pacey didn't seem to care. They were just so happy about us being together. It was more than obvious, they were all into Edward and I being together. With Patrick, I should have known that my wise one would wonder and worry.

"I guess I'm going to sleep in Edward's bed. Is that okay?" His eyes seemed to study mine as he thought it over. I figured he would shrug and say whatever, but he never ceased to surprise me.

"It's cool. I like Edward."

"Okay," I answered surprised, fussing with his sheets. "There is a nightlight in the hall and if you need anything, you just come and get me. I love you. Sweet dreams." Pushing his hair back, I kissed him on the forehead and then the cheek.

"I love you, too," he replied, yawning widely, his eyes starting to drift closed.

I kissed Pacey once more before making my way out of the room. When I turned back to say good night again, I could hear their soft snores filling the room. I left their door half way opened so they could see a sliver of light in the room from the night light.

I walked over to Claire's room, leaning against the door jam and watched Edward tuck her into bed. When she saw me, she smiled and motioned for me to come in, then patted the bed beside Edward. As soon as I sat down on the bed, she crawled into my lap and nestled herself into my arms.

"Good night Bella," she murmured, twirling a piece of my hair around her finger. "I love you."

"I love you too. Sweet dreams." She kissed my cheek, and then snuggled back into the bed. Edward kissed her, tucked the sheets around her again before we made our way out of the room.

We walked hand in hand downstairs to get my bag and get the coffee maker going for in the morning. It was way past my bed time and I knew that I would need a pick me up in the morning.

"Go on up to bed and I'll lock up down here," Edward said once we were finished. He kissed my forehead and turned me towards the stairs.

I didn't argue with him. It was late and I was tired so I did as he said. Besides, I couldn't wait to be in his bed.

I'd brought a pair of pajamas to wear to bed just in case the kids came into our room. Thoughts of being without pajamas in bed with Edward made my body heat and sinful thoughts fill my brain. Once I changed, I turned on the light beside the bed, climbed in under the covers, snuggling into the warmth and Edward's smell.

Just as my eyelids began to grow heavy, Edward came through the door closing it behind him, leaning back against it looking at me. His eyes were smoldering as he gazed at me, the desire I could see in them making them liquid fire as they glowed in the dim light of the lamp.

"Everything is locked up tight downstairs. The kids are asleep and tucked safely in bed. I think we could get away with locking the door for a little while." The distinct sound of the lock clicking echoed through the room. "Don't you?"

He walked slowly across the floor, pulling his shirt over his head, tossing it on the chaise. My sleep addled brain quickly filled with lust at the sight of his bare chest. "We would have to be really quite. Do you think you could be quite, Bella?"

His words were low and husky causing a shiver to run up my spine. I was so entranced by him that I couldn't respond, only nod my consent. He stopped at the edge of the bed, popping the button open on his jeans lowering the zipper down slowly before sliding them off his legs and letting them drop to the floor, leaving him in nothing but his boxers, clinging to his body leaving nothing to the imagination, his need more than obvious.

He pulled the covers back and crawled over to me with a hungry look. As he hovered over me, he nudged my legs apart with his knee. My legs spread willingly so my body could cradle his as he lowered himself down on to me. He pulled the covers back around us before settling his body on top of mine, our bodies lining up perfectly. His body was warm and strong as he held me to him.

"You're so warm Bella," he murmured. "It's a shame I am about to take your clothes off." He kissed me softly on the lips before leaning back to look at me. "But, I'm sure I can find other ways to keep you warm." His crooked little grin dazzled me as always, making me fall further under his spell.

He slowly undressed me, kissing each part of my skin he exposed. It was difficult to do while we were still under the covers, but we giggled and laughed like teenagers as we discarded the remainder of our clothes. Laughing was something I never imagined that I would do when I was about to make love, but with Edward, I believed that all things were possible.

Once our clothes were gone, Edward crawled under the blanket stroking my skin gently, teasing me with soft kisses and hot licks with his tongue. His fingers found me, caressing me, my hips arching into his touch.

"You're always so ready for me," Edward growled before he began to lick and suck me until I was grinding in his face.

"Only for you," I mumbled incoherently, my eyes rolling back in my head, stars winking behind my eyelids as he took me over the edge.

Edward crawled back up my body, holding himself over me. "That's right, only me," he whispered, kissing my collarbone, up my throat, along my cheek to the corner of my mouth. "That's the way it'll always be. I told you…now that I've found you…I'm not letting you go." Then he kissed me hard and deep, our tongues caressing each others, our tastes mingling in our mouths.

He lifted my left leg, hooking it over his arm, spreading me open before slipping inside of me. I pressed up against him, rubbing my nipples shamelessly against his chest. He dipped his head down, taking one between his lips, nibbling and sucking it tenderly making my stomach clench and fires erupt again down below.

This was the first time that we had been able to make love since we had declared our love for each other. We both were trying to show how much we loved each other and consummate that love. Being with him this way made me feel loved and cherished and complete like I never had before and I knew that it would always be like this with him.

He began moving slowly, in and out, allowing my body the time to adjust to him being inside. It was slow and tender like it was our first time. I met him stroke for stroke, swiveling my hips against him gaining a deep guttural groan that rumbled through his chest.

My fingers dug in his back as he rocked into me, his hips moved faster, going deeper and harder. The pleasure of him being inside of me was more than I could handle and I began to come apart. He whispered he loved me against my lips, then captured my mouth with his, smothering my cry of ecstasy.

We held each other for a little while, exchanging gentle strokes to the skin and tender kisses, as our breathing calmed. We whispered to each other about the kids, his work and my writing. We talked about the little things and some big. There were still things I needed to tell him, more he should know. But, I didn't want to talk about the bad when everything was so good. The rest could wait.

Neither of us wanted to move, but knew we had to clean up and get dressed. When we were finished, we unlocked the door and went to check on the kids one more time before going to bed.

Edward pulled me into his arms once we settled back in bed. "Happy New Year, Bella," he whispered softly, kissing my temple, my cheek, and then my lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered against his lips before returning his kiss. Wrapped in Edward's embrace, I fell asleep dreaming of more nights just like this, cuddled in his arms with our kids sleeping soundly down the hall.

The next morning, I awoke to a small, warm body snuggled against me. Edward and I weren't alone in the bed anymore. Sometime during the night, we had been invaded and each one of our kids had climbed in bed with us.

It was really kind of wonderful.

Before I was completely awake, I knew that it was Claire lying beside me. Her head was resting on my shoulder, my arm cradling the rest of her body against me, her little ringlets of hair tickling my cheek.

Turning my head slightly so that I wouldn't wake anyone just yet, I noticed that Pacey was snuggled up against Edward; his arm was wrapped around Pacey protectively. And Patrick, he was wedged in between Edward and me with his little arm draped across Edward's chest alongside Pacey's arm. The sight of all of us in bed together just warmed my heart.

There is an old saying, that whatever you do on the first day of the year that you will do it every day for the rest of the year. Well if that's the case, then I know that every day for the rest of the year, and hopefully the rest of our lives, will be as perfect as this moment.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. There is some drama coming, just so you know. I only anticipate a couple of more chapters and maybe an epilogue.**

**Please remember that real life comes first and it kicks ass around my house. I'll update as soon as I can.**

**freakybella**


	26. A Change of Seasons

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. This Edward is mine and so is his story. **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 26: A Change of Seasons

New Year's Day seemed to be the start of a perfect year. I woke up that morning, in Edward's bed surrounded by all of the people I loved, quietly soaking it all in.

When Edward finally stirred, his eyes were sleepy and he looked a bit disoriented. His hair was sticking up all over his head in that way like he had bed head or a case of sex hair, making him scrumptious looking to say the least. Thoughts of my fingers gliding through his hair and of what we had done behind locked doors made my blood heat up, and of course, cue my blush.

He glanced around, noticing that we weren't alone. His eyes met mine and he gave me that panty dropping smile before mouthing 'I love you'. Reaching out, his long finger gently stroked my cheek. We both snuggled back in, enjoying the moment, giving the kids more time to sleep.

After the kids got up, we all had a tickle fest in the bed, laughing to the point of tears. Edward and I cooked breakfast together, stealing kisses and hugs, while the kids ran around the house. We sat down together and ate like most families do every morning, and there was nothing awkward or weird considering that we had stayed at Edward's and I had slept in his bed. It was exactly how a family should be.

During breakfast, Patrick would look up at Edward nervously then back down at his plate. When he finally broke the silence, instead of him saying something about Edward and I sleeping together like I worried, what came out of his mouth surprised me.

"Edward?" Patrick asked, chewing his bottom nervously, a habit I know he acquired from me.

"Yes, Patrick," Edward answered, giving him all of his attention.

"Thank you for our room," Patrick responded sincerely. "For the bunk beds I mean," he elaborated, the corner of his mouth curling up in a soft smile.

"You're welcome Patrick." A huge smile broke out across Edward's face. I knew what that meant for Patrick to speak out like that and from the look on Edward's face, he knew too.

"Me too," Pacey whined a little as his lips pursed into a pout. He obviously felt left out and upset that Edward wasn't paying any attention to him. "Thank you too."

I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing at him it was so cute.

"Of course you too," Edward consoled him, reaching over and ruffling Pacey's hair. "You're welcome, too."

Pacey smiled brightly as if he had been given a standing ovation to his performance and the response he garnered.

Unable to help myself any longer, I giggled at the exchange between them. Edward laughed, a deep throaty belly laugh, and then reached over and kissed my cheek, causing me to blush crimson in response.

Claire and Pacey had the little hearts swirling around their heads again while Patrick smiled, but wrinkled his nose up in mock disgust.

It was a beautiful day.

Edward and I talked before the boys and I went home, deciding to try and spend every weekend together, but refrain from having sleepovers every time, no matter how bad we both wanted to. We had kind of pushed our luck by doing it the first time, but the kids had no idea about sex and in their eyes, we were just sleeping in the same bed like any other mama and daddy do.

A couple of weeks after the holidays, I wasn't surprised to receive a call from Edward's mother inviting me over for lunc1h. She bribed me easily into going to her house offering to show me pictures of a young Edward.

When I pulled into the driveway, I wasn't surprised at how large the house was, but not in an overstated, overwhelming kind of way. It felt warm and inviting. She greeted me at the door, immediately embracing me. She asked where Pacey was, and when I told her that he was at preschool, she pouted with disappointment that reminded me so much of Edward.

We ate lunch in the sitting room at a small table close to the fire. She pulled out album after album of Edward, from the time he was a baby, to when Claire was born, till now. We both giggled and carried on as she shared stories that went along with the pictures.

When I saw Edward's wedding picture to Tanya, Esme must have noticed the way my eyes narrowed at the woman standing beside Edward.

"She was something else," Esme commented with obvious contempt, tapping her polished nail at the picture. "I never liked her. I begged Edward not to marry her, but he was so stubborn." She sighed thoughtfully, looking up at me with a soft smile. "But he would have never had Claire if he had listened to me."

There were many things I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue. The things that Edward told me about Tanya made my blood boil. But, no matter how I felt about that woman, she was Claire's mother. Even though Tanya didn't deserve my respect, I would never say anything bad about her. I'm sure no one in this family needed a reminder of how terrible of person she was. She was out of their lives, and that was the most important thing.

"Claire is such a sweet and beautiful girl," I whispered sincerely, returning her smile.

Esme nodded, "You love her. And you love my son."

"I do," I breathed reverently, "with all my heart."

Esme took my hand in hers, the warmth instantly calming me after my declaration. "I know you do. I'm so glad. He loves you, too. I've never seen him this happy. I know Claire loves you. You are the best thing that could have happened, to both of them."

"Thank you," I whispered, gently.

"Edward loves Patrick and Pacey, too," she mused adoringly before continuing. "Each time he talks about them, you can see it in the way his eyes light up, he loves them like they were his own."

Esme wiped a tear from her cheek, smiling brightly at me. "Now, let me show you pictures of Edward when he was a baby. It might give you some ideas," she winked playfully at me.

My mouth dropped open, a deep crimson blush spread from the top of my head down my chest. At my wide eyed expression and very obvious embarrassment, Esme laughed loudly before setting another photo album in front of me.

I officially fell in love with his mother. Sure I was beyond mortified by the fact that she was insinuating the very thing I had daydreamed about, having Edward's baby. But in her very sweet way, she accepted my relationship with Edward and Claire, was more than happy about the fact that I loved them, and I knew deep down that just like she suggested, Edward thought of my boys as his own, and she did too.

We spent the rest of the afternoon cooing over more pictures of Edward and Claire until it was time for me to go and get the boys from school. She hugged me when I left, making me promise to bring the boys over for dinner. It was a promise that would not be hard to keep.

Because Valentine's Day was on a weekday, Edward and I talked about it and decided that we would take the kids along for dinner and a movie and attempt another sleepover. We both thought it was a great idea to include them on our date and I didn't mind in the least. The more time we spent together as a family, the easier the transition would be on them. Edward and I had hinted about the future, but never actually had a discussion about it. We were still in the dating phase, but inside, I think we both knew that this was it for us. I know it was for me.

When I told the boys we were thinking about another sleep over, they both readily agreed, thrilled about sleeping in 'their room' at Edward's. Edward said Claire was just as excited as the boys were and we happily made plans.

We made reservations for dinner and the kids thought it was fun that we all got dressed up to go to a fancy restaurant. Edward wore a suit and my mouth watered at the sight. Thoughts of him ripping his shirt open, exposing his bare chest to me, made me wet between the legs. When he looked at me, I blushed and his smirk let me know that he was thinking about the same thing I was. Maybe another office visit could be made in the future.

While we were at the restaurant, the kids had fun acting like adults, sipping their water out of water goblets and using all the different sized spoons and forks. They were very well behaved, barely fidgeting while we were served our five course dinner.

After dinner, we went to see a movie the kids had been dying to see, gorging ourselves again with popcorn and candy. The kids wanted to sit a row in front of us, claiming they were big kids since they did so well at dinner. Edward and I willingly agreed so that we could sit beside each other, holding hands through the entire movie and sneaking kisses when we could. The cutest thing all night was when the boys needed to go to the bathroom, they would automatically ask Edward and Claire would request me to take her. It was just like the first night we went out together, except this time, it just felt natural, like we did it everyday.

When we got back to Edward's we got the kids in their pajamas and tucked them in bed, kissing them goodnight. We shared a piece of chocolate cake that Edward had bought us for Valentine's, wasting time to give the kids a chance to fall asleep so we could have a little alone time.

We made love that night, starting out slow and gentle, but soon we gave into the desperate need to be one with each other. It had been like that from the very first time that he touched me and I knew that it would be that way for the rest of our lives.

Pacey's cough, deep and forceful, echoes throughout my bedroom, bringing me back to the present. Patrick stiffens beside me, sitting up and looking over me to where Patrick is laying on the other side.

"Is he going to be okay Mama?" Patrick whispers, his voice quivering with worry.

"Don't you worry, sweet pea. Okay?" I reply shakily, brushing my fingers through his hair in a comforting gesture. I try my best to soothe his worry, but it doesn't sound convincing to my own ears. He nods stoically, but I can tell that my answer doesn't placate Patrick in the slightest, and to be honest I am worried to death.

It is three in the morning on Monday, I had given Pacey a breathing treatment at midnight and he really needs another, but he is only allowed one every four hours. Each time I listen to his lungs with the stethoscope, I can still hear him wheezing, and if anything, it keeps sounding worse. The doctor told me to watch him, but if for any reason he wasn't responding to the medicine, I need to take him the hospital.

He isn't responding to the medicine and we need to go. Like now. But I have Patrick who is trying his best to hide the fact that he is worried about Pacey, but I can tell he is. He remembers so much more than I wish he did.

"Why can't you call Edward?" Patrick asks softly, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. That question proves to me how important Edward has become in his life. If he didn't trust Edward and didn't believe he could rely on him, he would have never asked me that.

It is an excellent question. One I can't seem to find the answer to. My old fears are seeping in as I watch Pacey's labored breathing. Memories that I have long tried to forget are haunting me making me doubt every decision I am trying to make.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that I can rely on Edward, but each time I think about calling him, the way Mike had acted each and every time that Pacey was sick, causes me to hesitate. Edward loves me, I am sure of that and I know he loves the boys. And I know that he would do anything for us. But my insecurities are getting the best of me.

"It's late Patrick. And he has Claire," I explain gently, blinking away tears. I am making excuses and by the way Patrick is looking at me, he is ready to call me out on it. "I don't think I can wait any longer. I'm going to call Alice and see if you can come over there while I take Pacey to the hospital."

"But I want to go with you Mama," Pacey murmurs dejectedly.

"I know you do," I say sincerely, wrapping my arms around Patrick, kissing the top of his head. Deep down I know that he wants to be there for us because he always has been. "But you need your sleep. Besides, I don't know what the hospital will do."

That is a lie. And I hate to lie. I know that as soon as they check him out, Pacey will be admitted. It is hard enough for me to watch him being poked and prodded. There is no way I will subject Patrick to watch Pacey suffer through that if I can help it.

The whole reason Pacey is sick lies squarely on my shoulders. I had given him his normal daily dose of the oral asthma and allergy medication he takes and the puffs from the inhaler of his preventative treatment. It isn't the fact that I forgot his medication. It is the fact that it was spring and everything is in bloom, the trees, flowers, and all the other things that make spring beautiful.

But all those things that are the herald of spring's arrival are a real poison to my child.

Two days ago, we had the most amazing day out at Emmett's farm. Everyone brought their kids and enough food to feed an army. It was the first truly warm day of spring, the sun was shining making everything bright, all the different hues of green from the grass to the trees blooming, standing out in the sunny day.

The kids played, running through the field and into the woods exploring all that nature had to offer. The wind was strong enough to fly a kite, and at one time all of us together had six flying high.

Edward had bought kites for each of the kids. For Claire, he had chosen one shaped like a butterfly, with the design printed in bold colors that stood out against the blue sky. Pacey had a traditional, diamond shaped kite with _Star Wars _characters on it and a little tail that would spiral around in the wind.

The kite he purchased for Patrick, and maybe a little for himself, was made of a thick nylon material in a rainbow of colors, the shape of a triangle. He attached a thicker gage of string, stating that the sales person said it would really fly. They weren't kidding. Edward and Patrick had put on five hundred feet of string, and the kite was soaring up so high, it looked more like a bird instead of a kite.

The kids and I had never experienced a day like it, except of course when it was just us. We had never shared anything like it with Mike as a family. He never took the time to spend the day like that with us. He was either busy or away for work or avoiding the family that he wanted so badly, but once he got it, he threw it all away.

Watching Edward play with the boys and Claire, I could see that he loved every second of it. He was patient and let them drag him this way and that, making him do everything. When they were flying the kites, he ran from one to the other, helping when he was needed.

When we all sat down to eat lunch, we positioned our picnic blankets in a circle, setting the food in one blanket in the middle. Emmett and Rosalie had the cabin open so we could use the restroom, but we knew the kids would love to be outside and have a real picnic, and that way we could all talk to each other much easier as we sat in the circle.

We stayed until dark, allowing the kids to play as long as the light would allow. When it was time to leave, Edward and I went our separate ways. Edward and Claire had to go home because they had to get up early to drop Esme and Carlisle off to the airport. They were flying out to some convention that Carlisle wanted to attend, so Edward offered to drop them off since Claire was invited to a birthday party at a tea room for little girls in the city.

It was another beautiful day, but now my son was suffering. I should have known better than to let him spend so much time outdoors when the pollen count was so high from everything blooming, but he was so happy and they were having such a good time that I hated to spoil it.

On the way home, Pacey coughed a little, instantly sending me into worry mode. When I helped each of the boys with their baths, I noticed Pacey had begun sniffling some. As soon as he was out of the shower, I started giving him breathing treatments with his nebulizer. All that night, he coughed on and off.

By the next morning, I knew that he was having trouble and needed to call his doctor. Dr. Cole instructed me to keep giving him treatments as prescribed and to give him some extra antihistamine medication, but if he wasn't better by the morning she wanted to see him in the office. She warned me though, that if he got worse, since it was Sunday, to take him directly to the emergency room.

All day Sunday, I kept him on the couch entertaining him with books and movies and video games, trying to keep him calm and quite. It seemed to be working, and his coughing subsided some, but by nighttime his coughing fits were increasing. With asthma, it's normal for your coughing to increase during the night, but this was much more than his normal asthma.

"Mama," Pacey croaks out, before another round of coughs consume him, "my chest hurts."

Without hesitating, I pick up my phone, ignoring all of the missed calls and text alerts. "Alice, I need you."

_Please understand Edward. And please forgive me._

Twenty minutes later, we are pulling in her driveway. Jasper is already dressed, and comes out to the car to meet us. He opens the door where Patrick is sitting, reaching in and helping him out of the car, pulling him in for a hug and kissing the top of his head. He grabs Patrick's backpack and overnight bag, handing one to me and the other to Patrick.

"Walk Patrick to the door and hug my wife," he says quietly, waving his hand at me gesturing for me to go on.

I gape in surprise when he sits down in the back seat beside Pacey. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going with you," he smiles softly while raising his eyebrow up in challenge.

I start to object, but I can see in his eyes there will be no arguing. Besides, I have spent too many nights alone when Pacey was sick or in the hospital, wishing I had someone to lean on or someone to reassure me that everything was going to be okay.

Patrick opens Pacey's door leaning in and giving him a hug. "I love you little brother. I'll see you in a little bit." When they part, they smile at each other, some silent communication passing between them. The scene is too much and I have to turn my head before I break down in tears.

Grabbing Patrick's free hand, I walk him up to the porch to a very sleepy looking Alice. My fingers cup his chin, gently bringing his face up to look at mine. "You be good for Alice and as soon as I hear something I will call. Okay sweet pea?" I wrap my arms around him, crushing his body to me. "I love you," I whisper tearfully trying to ignore the familiarity of this scene.

"I love you, too," he whispers back, his little arms tightening around me. He breaks the hug first walking into the house. I am almost glad because I couldn't find the strength to let go.

Alice spins me around, hugging me to her tiny body. "I'm so glad you called me. I'll take care of Patrick. Don't you worry," she comforts me, pulling back, her blue eyes shiny with tears. "You concentrate on Pacey."

Unable to speak around the tears lodged in my throat, I nod to her and sprint for the car.

When we arrive at the hospital, I gather Pacey in my arms and carry him inside while Jasper parks the car. One look at Pacey and the attendant on duty checks us in quickly. As soon as we are placed in a cubicle, the nurse checking his vital signs knows he is in respiratory distress and puts a rush on the doctor on call to look at Pacey.

The doctor asks his usual questions then proceeds to check his pulse ox. Leaning over, I try to get a look at the read out. My heart clenches when I see that his oxygen level is only ninety-one percent. When the doctor looks at me, I can see in his eyes the answer to my unspoken question. They are going to admit him.

Within an hour of arriving at the hospital, Pacey is issued a room and placed under an oxygen tent. In the large hospital bed, covered by a thick clear plastic tent, Pacey looks so small and vulnerable as he continues his struggle to breathe.

He is started on two different types of inhalation medication through a nebulizer as soon as he is settled under the tent. Every four hours he will be receiving treatments until his oxygen level returned to normal.

The doctor explains that at the moment, he will not have to put an IV in, but if Pacey can't keep hydrated on his own, they will start him on a saline drip. He also informs me that if being under the oxygen tent and the breathing treatments don't bring his oxygen level up, then he will have to start an IV anyway to administer steroids to help regulate his breathing.

He looks over Pacey once more, making a few notes in his charts, promising that he will be back to check on him before excusing himself to see other patients.

After the respiratory therapist finishes up Pacey's breathing treatment, she checks his oxygen level again, noting that it has increased two percent since the doctor first checked it downstairs. She explains more thoroughly the difference between the albuterol that we had used at home, and the oral epinephrine that has been added to the inhaler to help him.

Pacey drifts in and out of consciousness during his treatment, until finally succumbing to sleep while we are talking. She assures me this is normal due to his respiratory distress. Between how hard it is on his body coughing and struggling to breathe, and the medicine, it will make him a sleepy.

The more she talks and explains, the tears began to flow, and all the worry and concern over Pacey begins to overwhelm me. She pats me on the shoulder, reminding me that she will be back in four hours or sooner if need be and exits the room.

The moment she walks out, Jasper embraces me, and I begin to fall apart in his arms. "Shh, Bella," he soothes, gently rocking us back and forth. "He's going to be alright."

"I shouldn't have waited so long. I should have got him here sooner," I cry against him.

"Don't!" he replies sternly. "You said yourself that he seemed to be improving. You did everything you could." Jasper moves us further from Pacey's bed. "Now, I want you to calm down, for Pacey. He needs you to be strong."

Knowing he is right, I nod against his chest. He holds me for a while as we watch Pacey sleep. His chest isn't heaving as much nor is he breathing abdominally, and his face isn't as pale. His lips, that had turned blue from the lack of oxygen earlier, are slowly turning back to their normal pink color.

The room is quiet; the only sound that can be heard is the noise from the oxygen being forced into the tent and the whirring of the machines. I've seen and heard all of this before. Asking Alice to help me, leaving Patrick with her, watching as my son has to rely on something else to help him breathe, all of it is like reading the same chapter over and over again to get the feel of it, but the problem is, I don't want to relive this.

Sunlight slowly filters into the room announcing the morning. Jasper and I have set up camp on each side of Pacey's bed. He has been asleep for a long time, and I have to take comfort that he is resting peacefully and struggling less.

My eyes flit over to Jasper. His head is lolled back, snoring just loud enough to be heard over the humming of the machines. The fact that he is here with Pacey and me brings tears to my eyes. If it wasn't for Jasper and Alice, I don't know what I would have done sometimes.

A nurse comes in, and when she sees Jasper, she smiles knowingly, and then sets out to do what she came in here for. Pacey stirs a little as she places the stethoscope on his chest to listen to his breathing.

Jasper's eyes pop open at the sound, sitting up in the chair, immediately looking towards the bed to see what is happening. Pacey continues to sleep through the nurses' observation, completely unaware of what is happening around him. In a way, I'm grateful that he is sleeping so much, hopefully enduring all of what is going on a little easier.

Once the nurse leaves, Jasper stands up, stretching his body from left to right, trying to relieve the stiffness I'm sure that has settled into him from sleeping in the chair.

"Why don't you go home Jasper and get some rest before you have to go to work?" I implore him, feeling responsible for the back ache I'm sure he is going to have later.

Jasper looks at me like I have lost my mind. "If you think I'm leaving you here alone, you're sadly mistaken. Besides, Alice would kill me if I left you by yourself with Pacey."

"Jasper," I sigh, guilt for relying on them so much weighing on me.

"I know what you're thinking, so stop," he says, smiling at me tenderly. "You would do the same for us."

A small smile forms on my lips at what he said. He is right, I would do anything for Alice, Mary or him, and the new little life that Alice is carrying inside her.

"Is Edward coming after he drops Claire off at school?" My smile instantly fades from my face at Jasper's question.

Regretfully I shake my head. "I don't think so." I look over at Pacey. "He doesn't know," I whisper shamefully.

"What? Why?" Jasper asks, his voice soft, but bewildered.

Tears prickle my eyes. "I was scared to call him," I say tearfully.

Jasper is quiet for a moment before gazing up at me with his soft blue eyes that can always read me so well. "Honey," he drawls, "Edward is no Mike. If he was, he wouldn't have ever gotten this far with you. Emmett and I wouldn't allow it," he says flatly.

The tears that I was holding back begin to flow. "I know he's not like Mike," I whisper. "That's not it." Jasper cocks his head in confusion. "I don't know how to explain it, other than I was scared. Seeing Pacey so sick, it brought back all the bad memories. I know Edward would never reject Pacey, or Patrick for that matter, but I couldn't think straight at the time. He's going to be so hurt for not trusting him."

Jasper comes over to where I sit, kneeling down in front of me. He grabs my hands, encasing them in his large ones, the gesture easing the discomfort of my thoughts somewhat.

"Bella, just call him, okay. If he hasn't talked to you since Pacey got sick, he is going to be worried sick about you three. Just talk to him," Jasper encourages sweetly.

"Alright, I'll call him now. Okay?" Rolling my eyes at him, I grip his hands back with mine. It is hard not to miss the triumphant look on Jasper's face.

He chuckles softly at my reaction. "You better before Alice tells him."

When my eyes pop to his, his body begins to shake in silent laughter.

Just as I stand up from the chair, the door swings open.

_Oh shit._

"What the fuck Bella?" His voice is laced with anger and my spine immediately stiffens. Fear like I hadn't felt in a long time courses through me.

Before he can say anything else, I rush toward him and all but push him out the door. My fear is replaced with anger. There is no way I am going to let this happen in front of Pacey.

**EPOV**

It is hard to stop the shit eating grin I have on my face. My jaw is beginning to hurt from it. I'd had the most amazing day yesterday and it all had to do with Bella. Well, to be honest, it was because of Bella and her boys and Claire.

Yesterday was more than I could describe. Everything about the entire day was perfect and special it its own way. We spent it together like a family. A real family. Claire and I had never had anything like that with Tanya, and I knew that Bella and the boys had never done anything like that with her ex-husband either.

I was disappointed when I had to go home alone last night. I wanted her, and the boys too, in my home, with me and Claire. And I wanted Bella in my bed. From the few times that she and the boys had stayed, I had quickly grown accustomed to them being in my house. I knew that I wanted them there forever. If I would just grow a set of balls and stop being so girly about everything, then maybe I could tell her that. But hell, I had stumbled through trying to tell her I loved her. How much better would I fair when I asked her to marry me?

I am missing her desperately, and even though I can't be with Bella today, I figure I will at least text her to let her know that I am thinking about her. There were many nights, when we were both too tired to talk or we had gotten the kids to bed late, that we would text each other just to let the other one know that we were thinking about the other. When we first started dating, it would be little texts saying how much we missed each other, but since we had admitted our love, we always tell each other we loved one another.

Any chance I have, I take a moment and text Bella. After the first few texts go with no response, I figure she might be busy and will text when she has the time.

Throughout the day, I end up sending her ten text messages. By the time Claire and I get home, I am concerned. It isn't like Bella to not respond back with something. After I get Claire to bed, my worry gets the best of me and I start calling Bella's number. When I call her cell phone, it goes straight to her voice mail, so I leave a message telling her to call me and that I am worried and to please call me.

I try to do some straightening up to give her a chance to call me back. Finally I can't take it anymore and call her house phone. The answering machine picks up, so I am resigned to leave another message, begging her this time to please call me.

My mind is going crazy trying to figure out what might be the problem. We hadn't so much as had a cross word, much less a fight, so I know that isn't it. The only conclusion I can come to is that something is wrong, bad wrong for her not to call me.

When I look at the clock and see that it is after eleven, I groan in frustration. There is nothing I can do at this late hour. Claire is in bed and she has school in the morning and I don't want to look like a complete Neanderthal and rush over there and demand to know what is going on. She has had enough of that with her ex-husband and I surely don't want to be compared to that asshole.

Finally I force myself to just go to bed trying to make myself believe that I am overreacting. If it is something really bad, she will call me. Maybe she is just tired from the beautiful day we all shared together yesterday. A smile instantly spreads across my face remembering how much fun we had. Closing my eyes, I let myself be carried away in the dream of us being a family together.

The next morning, the worry that had settled into me from not hearing from Bella comes back full force after checking my phone and seeing that there are no missed messages or calls. I decide that I am giving her until I drop Claire off at school, and if I don't see her at school and I haven't heard anything from her by then, I am going to her house.

When the phone rings just after seven, I snatch it up to answer it. One look at the screen tells me it is Alice calling from home. A sick feeling creeps up my spine as I push send to answer.

"Alice," I answer, "what's wrong?"

"Edward?" The little voice that comes through the phone is not who I expect and my fear shoots up tenfold.

"Patrick? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry…Please don't be mad…I didn't know what else to do…Mama said you had Claire and that you couldn't come…But I think she was scared to call…And I know why she's scared…But you're not like that…And I know you're not or I wouldn't have called…I started to argue with her…But she had enough to worry about...," His words are rushing out fast in his nervous rambling, but I understand enough to know something was wrong, especially if Patrick was calling me and not Bella.

…"you're not mad are you?" he finishes, taking a deep breath, expelling it shakily into the phone.

"Of course I'm not mad," I say gently, hoping that he believes me. "Tell me what happened."

"It's Pacey. He's sick," Patrick whispers tearfully into the phone.

"Are you okay?" I am more than worried about Pacey, but if Patrick called me, he has to be upset. He is the man of the house in my eyes, and besides, I know how protective he is about his brother and especially Bella.

"Yes, but Pacey and Mama are at the hospital."

I suck a harsh breath in through my clenched teeth. "I'll be there in five minutes. Tell Alice I'm coming and bringing Claire. Don't worry Patrick. You did the right thing. I love you."

Patrick sniffles into the phone, "I love you, too, Edward."

Later I will ponder over the fact that I just told Patrick I loved him and he told me he loved me too, without even hesitating in his reply.

Quickly I hang up the phone, rushing around to get everything together for Claire for school. Until I talk to Alice, I'm not going to tell Claire anything. There is no way I can talk to Alice and get out of the house at the same time, so I opt to just hurry up and get there.

Alice opens the door as soon as I pull in the driveway. She starts talking to me before I even make it inside. "I was going to tell you this morning at school. I would have called you sooner, but me, and the porcelain god have been praying together. I guess that's when Patrick called you."

"Claire, go on inside and see what Mary's doing," I instruct her, giving her a kiss on the top of the head. Claire goes on without questioning me. There had been times before that I had an early meeting out of town and had to drop her off here so I could make it on time.

Once Claire is off with Mary, Alice leads the way into the kitchen. "Patrick is brushing his teeth and getting dressed," Alice informs me as she sits down in the chair. Now that we are inside, I can see how she is pale from being sick.

"What's wrong with Pacey?" I ask impatiently, my tone harsher than I mean for it, but I am worried and I need to know what is going on.

"He started having breathing problems Saturday night after being outside all day. Bella tried giving him breathing treatments at home, but it wasn't enough.

At three this morning, she brought Patrick over here and took him to the hospital."

Anger and hurt bubble up inside me that Bella didn't call me, but the worry and fear soon take back over. Surely she would have a good reason not to call me. Until I can find out, I was going to concentrate on Pacey and Patrick.

"I need to go to them. What room and floor are they on?"

Alice quickly tells me all she knows. As soon as she is finished, I ask her to watch Claire and go to talk to her and Patrick.

When I turn to walk out of the kitchen, a glassy eyed Patrick is standing in the doorway. Instantly, I grab him and hug him to me. His little arms wrap around my neck as he begins to cry.

"Thank you for calling me Patrick. I promise you that I will take care of them and let you know what is going on." Pulling back, I look him the eyes hoping that he will see that I am telling the truth. "Okay?"

He nods silently, before burying his face back in my neck. Patrick hugs me hard one last time, and then goes to Alice. She wraps her arm around him and he rests his head on her shoulder. Looking at him, I know how hard it is for him to feel so helpless when the two most important people in his life are hurting and he can do nothing to help them. He may not be able to do anything, but I will.

"You sure you don't mind taking Claire," I ask taking in consideration Alice already has her hands full with Mary and Patrick and dealing with morning sickness on top of everything else.

She rolled her eyes at me playfully. "I take care of sixteen five year olds all day long Edward. I promise it's not a problem. Go. Take care of them."

Nodding at her, I go to find Claire to explain as much as I can without upsetting her. She surprises me at how grown up she acts by telling me to stop wasting time and go. I hug and kiss her and tell her 'I love her', doing the same to Patrick again before taking off like a bat out of hell to my car.

The drive to the hospital seems to take forever but in reality it only takes minutes at the speed I am driving. I park the car in the first available slot jumping out and sprinting for the door.

The elevator moves at a snail's pace to the floor where the pediatric ward resides. The moment it stops, I am slipping through the doors before they are fully opened.

The nurse's station is a flurry of activity when I approach. "Excuse me," I say trying to gain the attention of someone. When no one seems to notice me, I became irate and my volume turns up a notch. "Excuse me!" I demand. "Could you please tell me where room 18 is?"

Alice had already given me the room number, and I know better than to ask for the room by Pacey's name because of privacy regulations, but I have no idea where it is and I don't want to waste precious time running around searching for it.

One of the nurses narrows her eyes at me in what looks like disdain but I really don't care. She must sense my urgency and gives me directions to Pacey's room. Without so much as a backward glance, I call out a thank you to her, and take off down the hall she directed me towards.

Before I round the corner, I can hear someone yelling and cursing, echoing loudly through the hallway. When I look in the direction from where the sound is coming, I can see Bella pushing a man out the door where Pacey's room is.

"Be quiet Mike," Bella hisses, reaching back and shutting Pacey's door. "Pacey is sick! He doesn't need this right now."

So this is her ex-husband. From what I had heard, I thought he would be bigger. He is a couple of inches shorter than me, and though I'm not as big as Emmett, this guy has nothing on me.

"Watch your fucking mouth," Mike seethes, taking his finger and poking Bella in the chest. My pace instantly quickens to get to her. "Do you think I fucking want to be here? You stupid bitch! I wouldn't have come unless the hospital called me! Why the fuck did the hospital call me?"

"I don't know," Bella yells back at him. "We sure as hell don't want you here. Just go!"

Mike reaches out with his left hand and grabs Bella around the throat, shoving her into the wall.

_Oh hell no. _

Before he can say or do anything else, I go for him. I grip his wrist tightly, making him break his hold on Bella and spin him around to face me. Bella slides down the wall, her hand wrapping around her throat as she gasps for air. Everything in me screams to go to her, but I know that I have to take care of this first.

His eyes are shocked when he looks at me, and then narrows into thin slits. "Who the fuck are you?" He grounds out between clenched teeth.

"Who am I?" I snarl back at him. "I'll tell you, you sorry son of a bitch. I'm the man you never could be. I'm the man who loves that little boy in there like he was my own. And I am the man who loves Bella more than life itself. I don't know why or how you got here, but I suggest you leave before I throw you out."

Mike laughs. "You can fucking have them!"

I push his hand out of mine and knock him back a little in the process. "They are already mine you piece of shit. And know this. If you ever touch her again, it will be the last thing you ever do."

His eyes widen in surprise at my threat. Little does he know that it is not threat, but a promise I fully intend to keep. Before Mike can respond, Jasper walks out of Pacey's room. He looks down at Bella then steps between her and Mike. Then out of nowhere Emmett walks up flanking Mike's other side.

"You never learn do you Mike?" Emmett says fiercely, as he grabs Mike by the back of the neck. Mike winces when Emmett's fingers press into his flesh, it turning white from the pressure.

"Bella," Jasper whispers softly. Instead of looking at Jasper, her eyes lock with mine. Tears began to spill over, running down her face. "Pacey needs you."

It is all she needs to hear to pull herself together. Slowly she gets to her feet, skirting around Jasper to stand in front of Mike.

"You're a bastard Mike," she says strongly with as much venom in her voice that she can muster. "Don't ever come around us again. I don't care who calls you." She reaches back for me and I instantly grab her hand offering and taking reassurance. "You will be hearing from my lawyer to make sure of that."

She tugs me along with her. Reluctantly I follow hoping that I can get another shot at Mike before I go with her. Jasper must sense how I am feeling.

"Go with her," Jasper tilts his head towards Bella. "They need you. We'll take care of this asshole," Jasper says with an evil grin before he turns to walk down the hall as Emmett guides Mike by the neck.

There are so many questions I want to ask. I want to know why she didn't call me. I want to know why Mike was here. And I want to kill that fucker for putting his hands on my Bella. Then I want to hold her and let her know that I will take care of her and Pacey. But now is not the time for me to be all possessive. Bella needs me to be calm. And right now all I want to do is take care of her and Pacey.

Bella's free hand wipes the tears from her face, and then straightens her shoulders, taking a deep breath before she pushes the door open and leads me into the room.

Bella had told me before about Pacey being sick. She had described in great detail all that he had suffered through when he was having breathing problems. But nothing, absolutely nothing she told me prepared me for the jolt of fear I feel when I see that little boy lying in that hospital bed, sick and helpless.

She moves quietly to the side of his bed. He is sleeping, and Bella's sigh of relief I'm sure from the fact that he had slept through all the commotion was audible in the sterile room.

Her hand slips under the tent, stroking his cheek. Pacey stirs a little, turning his head into her hand. His eyes flutter open, looking up to Bella. Once they become focused, he looks around. When his eyes lock on mine, there is surprise and relief in them.

"Mama. Edward," he rasps out, his eyes flitting from me to Bella. His face is pale, and around his eyes and mouth, and even his lips, seem to have a blue hue to them.

"Yes, sweet pea," Bella chokes out tearfully in response. "We're here."

Slowly, I reach my hand under the tent, taking my finger and tweaking his nose. His smile in return is breathtaking. He starts to laugh, but the action makes him cough fitfully.

Bella pushes the red button alerting the nurse's station. Within seconds, two women in scrubs walk in. One woman tilts the bed up into a sitting position before she lifts the tent up, attaching a small clip to one of his index fingers, and then places a stethoscope against his chest to listen to his breathing. The other begins to hook up some sort of tubing to a machine, attaching a mask to the other end, flipping a switch and placing the mask over Pacey's nose and mouth.

As soon as the mist begins to fill the mask and Pacey inhales it, his coughing begins to subside somewhat. The entire time, Bella holds his hand, whispering words of love and support to him.

When the nurse finishes examining Pacey, she puts the tent back over him with Bella underneath. I watch as she rests her head on the pillow beside him, whispering softly to him. She is trying so hard to stay strong for him, but I can tell that she is on the verge of breaking.

Now that I can really look at her, I can see how much all of this has taken a toll on her. She looks exhausted. Under her eyes are blue smudges from lack of sleep and are puffy and swollen from crying.

Before the breathing treatment is finished, Pacey's eyes grow heavy and he falls asleep. The nurse, who I later find out is a respiratory therapist, removes the mask from Pacey's face and turns off the machine. She motions for Bella to come out from under the tent so she can speak with her.

Although I focus on the sweet little boy that was now comfortably sleeping, I listen to the conversation between Bella and the respiratory therapist. He is breathing easier, not as labored as he first came in the woman informs Bella, and his oxygen level is up to ninety five percent, which I can tell relieves Bella greatly.

As soon as the woman leaves, Bella turns to face me. Anger consumes me when I see that bruises are beginning to form around her neck where Mike had grabbed her. As she looks at me, her eyes are swimming with tears and emotions that have built up in her from everything that has happened. Her lip trembles as she opens and closes it several times to speak. "I'm sorry Edward," she finally whispers, then sways slightly on her feet.

Closing the distance between us, I pull her into my arms, holding her securely against me. The need to protect her and comfort her almost overwhelms me into tears, but I rein it in so that I can be strong for her. Hot tears soak my shirt as she buries her face in my chest and starts to cry. "Shh, love. Calm down."

"I'm so sorry," she whimpers. "I'm sorry I didn't call you. I wanted to call you so bad. But I was scared," she murmurs.

This surprises me. "What were you scared of? You know I would do anything for you and the boys. Don't you?" I ask softly.

She looks up at me, peering at me sadly. "I know you would," she whispers quietly, "I just…" She stops, taking a deep breathe. I can see that she was battling inside with herself with what to say next.

"When Pacey was a baby, he was sick. A lot," she shakes her head, "but you know that." She pauses briefly. "What you don't know is how Mike treated him." Anger seeps into her voice and I am glad that it is bringing some color back to her skin. "The first time that Pacey was admitted to the hospital, he walked out on us. He claimed he couldn't take all the sickness. It made me angry and I confronted him about it. Something I never did. He was furious that I said anything. He hurt me that day," she says solemnly, wiping tears from her face, "and from then on, he hardly acknowledged Pacey existed. He tried to spend time with Patrick, but he didn't have the patience for him either."

Her eyes glaze over with a sadness that I haven't seen in them in a long time and I don't like it. The thought of him pushing his child away because he was sick makes me sick. How could anyone treat their child that way? But look at Claire's mother, she was just as bad. At least she didn't physically abuse us. A terrible thought enters my mind.

"Did he hurt the boys?" I all but growl. The idea of him touching one of them causes me see red. It is bad enough that he had hurt Bella, but to physically hurt a child was unthinkable.

"No," she declares firmly, relief instantly filling me. "He never touched them in anger. From the moment we found out Pacey had asthma. No," she shakes her head, "even before then when he was just sick, Mike turned his back on him. Once he turned away from us, it was almost like he didn't exist, even when he was home. Patrick was old enough and smart enough to see that Mike was pulling away from us. Patrick stopped talking about Mike when he wasn't around and I just went with it because of Pacey. Pacey didn't need a reminder that his father wasn't around and didn't want him when he was. Thankfully he doesn't remember that his father abandoned him. But Patrick does. That is why I worry about him the way I do because he saw that his own father was rejecting his brother. And abusing me," she whispers tearfully.

Pulling her back into my arms, I cradle her head in my hand as my other hand rests on the small of her back, holding her to me almost possessively. Resting my head on the top of hers, I nuzzle against her, trying to soothe her and myself with the contact. Everything makes more sense to me now.

"I'm here for you. And I'm here for them, too. Never doubt that. I always will be. I love you. I love Pacey and Patrick. They're a part of you, and I love everything about you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want…" _to marry you_ is what I want to say, but I can't do that to her now when, just as Patrick had said, she has so much to worry about right now. "…you. You and the boys. Do you understand? The three of you and Claire are my world now."

She nods against me, sniffling softly. "I love you Edward. I love you so much," she whispers again, desperately clinging to me.

With Bella safely in my arms, I look over to a peaceful sleeping Pacey. This defenseless little boy and his mother, along with Patrick, suffered so much, that I can see so clearly now why Bella was scared to show her feelings for me and let me in because they had been hurt so badly before. I can see why Patrick takes on the role of protector and worrier for this family. And I can see why Pacey has taken to me so easily, because he wants a father. But none of them will have to worry about anything anymore because I am going to be here for them from now on. This is my family now and Claire and I am theirs.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. Real life kicks ass around my house and always comes first.**

**As always, thanks to my awesome beta tawelephant. She fixes my shit and makes it sound so much better. I couldn't do this without her! ****I also want to thank Cullenfan524 for pre reading and telling me it doesn't suck. Thank you to all who have me on alert. Please review, I would love to hear from you. I'll update as soon as I can.**

**We're getting close to the end, just a couple of more chapters. (Sigh)**

**Flora 73 and TheGreatAli, where are you?**


	27. Where We Belong

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. This Edward is mine and so is his story. **

**Remember me? (Waving and shouting from the distance.) **

**Sorry for the long wait for an update.**

**Chapter 27: Where We Belong**

"Read it again Edward," Pacey pleads to me, using the full power of his eyes on me like he is Obi Wan Kenobi trying to use the force, to bend my will and make me do his bidding.

With his lips pouted out, full and pink so much like his mothers, and using the power of his Jedi mind tricks, resistance is futile. The force is strong in this youngling and I know that I will never be able to say no to this little boy.

He spent three days in the hospital. Three long days he was in that bed, with an oxygen tent over him, helping him breathe. It was like he was in a bubble, protecting him from the outside world, and I wanted to keep him there forever if it meant that he would be safe. From the beginning, I had fallen in love with this little boy. But now, the responsibility of making him safe and taking care of him, like a father should, has fallen to my footsteps, and I am not going to fail him.

No one is going to fail any of them ever again. Not while I am in their life. And I plan to be here for as long as they will let me. Longer than that really, because there is no way I am letting them walk out of my life.

When he was released, I wasn't sure who was more relieved, Bella or me. Worrying about Pacey had been hard on Bella, especially since she was also worried about Patrick and felt so guilty for having to be away from him. She knew it couldn't be helped. The hospital was not a good place for Patrick. He didn't need to sit there and watch his mother worry over his little brother, or watch Pacey as he helplessly lay in that bed.

Alice brought Patrick to see Pacey that afternoon after school, and when Bella saw him, she began to cry again. Patrick's concern was evident, not only for his mother who was crying almost hysterically, but for his brother too, who he knew was not well since he had to be admitted to the hospital.

But I reassured him that Pacey was fine and that Bella just missed him. Bella held him tight against her, nodding in agreement to my words, while Patrick melted into her arms reassuring not only Bella, but himself, that everything would be okay.

Then I wrapped both of them in my arms, letting each of them know that they no longer had to do this alone. As I held them, Claire came over wrapping herself around us the best she could and even though we were in a hospital room, with Pacey smiling and watching us from under the tent as I gripped his hand in mine, I felt complete.

Pacey flips back to the first page. His little fingers nimbly guiding us back to the beginning of _How I Became a Pirate_. He laughs and giggles at my horrible imitation of a pirate voice. And it is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.

Bella walks into the room, her hands filled with breathing masks and the medicine cups that she has washed, bringing them over and setting them down on the table beside us.

She looks at us with a smile that could light up the world. Pacey is home, breathing fine on his own, although he has to be given breathing treatments until his cough is gone.

Reaching out, she pushes her fingers through Pacey's hair, then presses her lips against his forehead, lingering long enough to close her eyes and inhale the scent I have become as familiar with as my own child. Without hesitation, she does the same to me and I wish that I could pull her down and kiss and devour her lips with mine with all the need that has built up inside of me.

I have never been a jealous or possessive person, but with Bella, I was becoming that way. Since I saw bruises on Bella's body from another man, I have become almost irrational with the need to be with her and make her forget that another man has touched her and remind her that I am that only man that ever will again.

Sometimes when I watch Bella hold Pacey, as I am now, giving him one of his breathing treatments, both looking vulnerable and so innocent, I think of that asshole putting his hands on her and casting his child aside and I have to restrain myself from hunting that selfish asshole down and finishing the job that Jasper and Emmett started.

The day that Pacey was released from the hospital, that night everyone came over to welcome him home. While Bella, Alice, Rosalie, Angela and my mother cooed over Pacey, and the other kids played, Jasper, Emmett, Ben and my father retreated to the backyard so that we could hear the story of the beat down that Emmett and Jasper bestowed upon Mike.

_Ben, my father and I, listened in rapt attention as Emmett described how Mike sobbed and carried on, as he begged them not to kick his ass. Emmett and Jasper had walked Mike out of the hospital and escorted him out to his car. Once they made sure that no one could see them, Jasper stood by while Emmett repeatedly punched Mike in the ribs while he held him by his throat. _

"_I've wanted to get a hold of that asshole for a long time," Emmett seethed through clenched teeth. "I can't believe that I was ever his friend."_

_Jasper clapped his hand over Emmett's shoulder. "Feel better man knowing, that every breath he takes for a while, the pain he is going to feel will be a reminder to him not to every come around Bella and the boys again._

_Emmett instantly calmed, an evil grin lighting up his face. "I hurt that fucker," he said happily._

"_I wish I could have gotten my hands on him," I grumbled bitterly, clenching and unclenching my fists. Every time I thought of him, anger welled up in me. _

_This time, Emmett was the one to console me. "I know you do, man. But you needed to be there for Bella. He was never there for her or those boys. She could never rely on him. Besides, it's my fault that asshole was ever a part of her life. I owed him."_

_Reluctantly, I nodded in agreement. My place was with Bella no matter how bad I wanted to hurt him. And considering the way I felt after I saw him put his hands on her, I would have probably ended up in jail. It was for the best that I let Jasper and Emmett handle him._

_My father's words forced me to pay attention to the conversation again. "Considering the fact that he attacked Bella and the circumstances around it, and then bringing into account that he has attacked her before, I think I could get you off if he tries to press charges," my father advises Emmett and Jasper. He smiles slyly with a hint of mischief in his eyes. "If it even comes to court, I've got some favors that are in need of repayment, that I will be all too happy to collect on in your favor, and maybe it won't go that far." _

_Jasper and Emmett fist bump each other, laughing at getting away with Mike's beat down. My father reminds them that Bella will still need to find an attorney to represent her for applying for full custody since Mike obviously doesn't want anything to do with his kids._

"_Why didn't she ever fight him for full custody when they divorced? I thought he told her then he wanted nothing to do with the kids." My father asked the question I had wanted the answer to since I've known Bella. Bella has never offered many details about her divorce from Mike and I wasn't sure if it was because she was embarrassed about the situation or scared to tell me for fear of my reaction. Now I believe it was both._

_Jasper and Emmett looked at each other somberly. _

"_That is something that you'll need to ask Bella. I know she doesn't like to talk about it. I'm sorry. I don't even know all that happened," Jasper's eyes are full of regret as his eyes flit from mine to my dad's. _

"_She hardly told anything to Alice or Rose," Emmett added sadly in agreement. "Other than it was over and she could move on. I don't think he gave her anything though. No child support or alimony." He shook his head in disbelief and I gaped at him._

"_Well, I have some good men in my firm that I can get to represent her. Since he has the fear of you two in him, she needs to act quickly." My father added, chancing a glance at me. He could tell that I was upset and confused about what happened between Bella and Mike. _

Bella attaches the mask to the medicine cup, then to the tubing and turns on the breathing machine breaking me from my thoughts. She holds the mask against Pacey's nose and mouth and I watch as it fills with a fine mist. As Pacey breathes in, he inhales the medication that has become essential for getting his breathing back to normal. Hopefully soon, he will no longer need to do this, but until then, we will make the best of it.

I wrap my hands around the mask to help hold it for Pacey. Bella looks up to me and our eyes lock. She tilts her head in question at my expression. Silently, I shake my head to let her know that I will talk to her about it later. She leans down kissing Pacey and then my cheek before exiting the room.

We have become inseparable since Pacey has come home. Claire and I pretty much moved in the night that he was released. While Jasper had taken Pacey in his arms, giving him a small toy and talking to him about his bravery in the hospital, Alice informed Bella and me that she had picked up enough clothes for a week for Claire and me so we could stay with Bella and the boys. She had given Bella a look that said 'don't argue with me' and Bella didn't argue, but instead wrapped her arms around my waist holding herself to me as close as she could.

It was a silent agreement between Bella and me, that Claire and I would be moving in with her for however long she needed me. Bella never asked if I was sure and I made certain that she knew that my place was with her, never leaving any room for her to doubt my feelings for her and the boys. Claire and the boys didn't say anything about it either. Patrick gave me a quizzical look when I took my suitcase into Bella's bedroom, but he didn't mention anything and I could tell he was relieved that I was staying to help out with Pacey.

In fact, that night he told me.

_I was doing a walk through the house to make sure all the doors were locked and the lights were off. Just before I went into Bella's room, I went into Pacey's to see about him. He was resting peacefully. Seeing him in his bed at home, I sighed in relief before kissing him on his forehead, turning back to the door. When I turned around, Patrick was standing in the doorway watching my interaction with Pacey._

_As I approached him, his eyes met mine and he straightened his shoulders and stood as tall as he could. "Thank you, Edward," he said sincerely._

"_You don't have to thank me Patrick," I replied, running my fingers through his hair. "What I'm doing is out of love, not because I have too. Do you understand?"_

_He nodded at me and latched on to me with his little arms that held all of the strength of a man and the insecurities of a child. All the love and trust that he was giving me at the moment was almost overwhelming. Bending down, I picked him up and carried him to his room. He let me tuck him in his bed like a father would and smiled up at me with one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen on his face._

"_I love you, Edward," he murmured. His eyes were heavy with sleep and slowly began to drift shut._

"_I love you, too, Patrick," I whispered to him, kissing his forehead._

So for the past couple of weeks, we have been living together like a real family. Pacey's breathing is still not back to normal and Bella has her hands full taking care of him besides all of the other day to day running of the house.

Every morning I help Bella with breakfast then drive the kids to school. Even though I am here because Bella needs the help, and there is no way I want to be apart from them anyway, it feels really good to interact this way with her and the kids.

In the afternoon, I pick the kids up from school. We grocery shop or run whatever errands Bella needs done since she is afraid to leave the house with Pacey.

I quickly learned that when you have asthma, your immune system is weakened and you are easily susceptible to other germs. Besides, the fact that it is still spring and everything is in bloom, Pacey can easily have another breathing episode. So it doesn't bother me in the least to help out anyway that I can so that Bella won't have to take him outside of the house. Sometimes the idea of a bubble for Pacey to live in is very appealing.

At night, we do homework together. We eat dinner at the table and talk about whatever happened that day. Patrick and Claire will talk about school, while Bella and Pacey talk about whatever they did together that day. We act like a family in many ways and I love every second of it.

This night is no different. After dinner, we give the kids a bath and then snuggle together on the couch. At bedtime, we read a story to the kids and tuck them in bed.

Once I make sure that everything is all right for the night, I make my way back up to Bella's room.

When I walk into the bedroom, Bella is sitting with her back against the headboard of the bed and her lap top resting on her legs, focusing on whatever she is reading on the screen. She has that little crease between her eyebrows that she gets when she is concentrating on something, with her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, chewing on it slowly. Just the sight of her doing that makes my dick twitch.

For a long time I just stare at her, the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. The desire I've had for her since all this happened, is building up inside of me like a fire. No longer able to keep from touching her, I move toward her and when she hears me, she looks up at me.

"Hey," she says sweetly, before closing her lap top and setting it on the night stand.

There are no words that I can say at that moment. All I can of think of is touching her, holding her as close to me as I possibly can, then pounding deep inside her.

"Is there something wrong?" She questions me, but I can only shake my head, afraid to speak aloud for fear of what I might say.

"Edward, what…" Before she can finish her sentence, I grab her face with my hands and begin to devour her mouth. She instantly responds, her hands delving into my hair, pulling me closer as she mewls in pleasure against my lips.

It has been far too long since I have had her. Even before Pacey became sick, we were only allowed little snatches of time alone where we were free to touch and kiss as we wanted. The kids were always with us and although things were going well for us, we didn't want to make it a habit of spending the night together, for fear that it might upset the children.

Since Pacey has been home from the hospital, there has not been one moment that we were alone, except for at night. By the time we made it to bed, we were both too exhausted to be intimate, falling into each others arms to just hold each other and sleep. Not that I mind waking up with her snuggled up against me, it's just that I need to claim her body and show her who she belongs to.

_I'm a Neanderthal when it comes to this woman!_

Bella's fingers tug at my hair then drift down, lightly stroking my neck shooting a jolt right down my spine. She grips my shoulders, pulling me down on top of her. As our centers line up, we both press into each other, and even though I have my pajama pants on and she has some kind of little boxer shorts on, I can feel the heat radiating from her.

Our lips never lose contact as I continue to greedily consume them without giving her a chance to breathe. It is so easy kissing her, dipping my tongue into her mouth the way I want to dip into her pussy. I lap up the sweetness that is Bella over and over again until I can tell she is just as drunk as I am on our desire for each other.

My mouth reluctantly frees her lips, but never looses contact with her skin, peppering kisses along her jaw and down her neck, darting my tongue out to lave at her soft skin.

With more force than is necessary, I pull one strap of her tank top down moving my lips along her collarbone then down to the swell of her breast. Impatiently, I jerk her top down under her breast instantly taking her nipple into my mouth, sucking and twirling my tongue around it over and over as she moans softly, grinding herself into my hard aching dick.

She writhes beneath me as I suck harder and pinch her other nipple between my fingers, raising it into a peak. I lick my way across the valley of her breasts, tasting the salt of her skin, taking her other one between my lips, alternating between licking and suckling her soft nipple.

"Edward, please…," she begs me as she pulls my shirt up, stroking my over sensitive flesh making me shudder in response as she pulls it off.

"Anything…anything you want," I pant against her breast.

"I need you…" she rasps out as her hands began to push my pants down. Her fingers find me, hard and throbbing as she strokes me. She squeezes me with her small fingers and my eyes roll back in my head at the sensation.

We each pull and tug our clothes off, throwing them on the floor before she pushes me down on the bed. She straddles me and leans over, pressing her lips against the skin right over my heart.

"Only you, Edward," she breathes. Her hot breath stokes the flame that is burning inside for her, arousing me more. "Only you can touch me. I'm yours," she whispers again, answering all my thoughts as if she can read my mind and reassuring her at the same time.

Lost in my own mind, I almost gasp when she rubs against me, heat to heat. There are no barriers this time, nothing between us, and not only can I feel her heat radiating out, I can feel her slick wetness against my flesh.

"God, Bella," I groan, my voice low and rough. "I love you. So much."

I have needed this like I need air to breath. Everything that has happened to Pacey and watching that asshole manhandle her has had me on edge. Desperately, I've wanted to show her that I love her and that I'm here for her. She knows that I would do anything for her or the boys, but I've needed this connection to physically show her what she means to me.

Her little hand disappears down between us. I feel her grip my dick, rubbing it slowly against her, coating it with her hot juices. She stops, lining it up perfectly with her and I growl when I feel just the head of my dick dip into her.

"Show me," she whispers right before she slides down onto me all at once until I am balls deep in her.

"Fuck, yes," I murmur, grabbing her hips and begin moving her frantically back and forth against me.

Bella leans back, placing her hands on my thighs bracing herself, allowing me to work her against me. Her back arches and she throws her head back as she cries out in pleasure. The way her body moves above me and the sounds she is making is the most erotic thing I have ever seen. I reverently watch the woman I love with all my heart ride me.

The more I watch her, the more I want her. I want to take her hard and fast and show her that what she said is true, there is only me. And there will only be me. Ever.

"Harder, Edward," she rasps out throatily.

That is it. There is no stopping it now. The cave man is unleashed.

Slipping out of her, I flip us over, pinning her beneath me earning a whine from Bella. Before she can protest more, I spread her legs apart, holding her open wide and slide my hands under her, lifting her pussy up to me for easier access.

Dropping my head down to her sweet essence, I plunge my tongue in her. In and out I dip my tongue driving her insane and making me drunk on her juices. With slow languid licks, I move my tongue up and down her lips, stopping at her clit, nibbling on it softly before I bite down on it hard. Bella screams out, her head thrashing back and forth on the pillow in ecstasy.

Reaching up, I take one of her nipples between my finger and pinch and twist as I continue to lave her sweet pussy with my tongue. Right now in this moment, I know that I will never be sated when it comes to Bella. No matter how many times I do this, I will never tire of seeing her body get pleasure from mine.

Just as I complete that train of thought, her body tenses and I know that she is about to cum. I move one finger to continue to work her clit while I close my lips around her and suck everything she has to offer and more. When I finish, I climb up her body and kiss her deeply allowing our tastes to mingle between our mouths.

As we devour each other, I grab one leg and hook it over my arm and line my dick up to her swollen pussy. I thrust into her as deep as I can and begin to pummel her with everything I have. This isn't going to be gentle. As far as I'm concerned, we have all the time in the world for making love. Right now, I need to remind her and myself that she is mine.

The only sound in the room is our mutual moans and slapping of our skin against each other. She is the most beautiful thing in the world to me when she starts to come undone. Her eyes are looking up at me, swimming with love and lust. When they start to roll back in her head, I feel her clench and tighten around me as she starts to cum again and I am lost. With everything I have, I pump in and out of her pussy until I spill inside of her.

I hold her to me until I worry that I'm smothering her. Moving over to my back, I pull Bella with me, wrapping my arms around her as she rests her head against my heart. As soon as she settles, I feel hot tears hit my skin and I'm instantly alarmed.

"Bella?" I question. I am worried about her. I sit up and drag her into my arms as she cries softly, burying her face in my neck. Deep down, I know that I didn't hurt her, I never could. No, I believe what is pouring out of her is all the pent up worry and fear of everything that has happened in the past few weeks.

It breaks my heart to see her this way. "Shh, baby," I coo to her, softly stroking her skin to try and comfort her. "Everything is okay. It's over now. He's better. We're all together," I say sincerely, telling her everything I can, trying to reassure her that Pacey is out of the woods and that I'm here for her and she has nothing to worry about.

She sniffles and I feel her nod against my neck. She continues to cry silently as I hold her close. It's a long time before she speaks and when she does I'm surprised at what she says. Though it's not the conversation I want to have after just having sex, it is something that I know we need to talk about.

"There are things I need to explain to you. You know the most of it, but you don't know the worst," she whispers against my skin. "I know that Alice told you some about my life with Mike, and I've told you some, but there are parts that I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. It was never because I didn't trust you. It was more that…I don't know…I was ashamed mostly and also that if I didn't talk about it or think about it, I would forget it. Sometimes I think that's why Patrick is the way he is. He told me once that he didn't talk about his daddy because he didn't want to think about it. I guess that is why I never tried to make him talk to me about Mike. I wanted to forget as much as Patrick did. I'm thankful that Pacey doesn't remember much."

She looks up at me, searching my eyes for my reaction. Smiling gently, I nod, encouraging her to continue.

"My parents were gone, and even though I had my grand parents, it was never the same. When I met Mike, he reminded me so much of my Dad, and I thought that maybe my mother had seen the same thing and that was why she was with him. I don't know. I was young and naïve and not thinking straight."

"All I ever wanted was my family back. I thought that with Mike, I could have that again, that feeling where I belonged and was loved. I had my grand parents, but it just wasn't the same. At first, he was so good to me and I was happy, missing or ignoring all the signs that told me just how in control of me he wanted to be. You know that Mike intentionally got me pregnant? He didn't do it out of love. He did it for control. He was all about control." Her voice trails off, her eyes getting this far off look and I know she is going back. "Mike was a control freak. He wanted to know where I was at all times and what I was doing."

She shakes her head to dispel the bad memories. "I'm getting off track. It just makes me so angry when I think about how weak I was." Bella grits her teeth before she continues with her story. "The first time he grabbed me was on the day that I told him I was pregnant with Patrick. He was mad that I wouldn't quit school. He gripped my arm so hard that he left bruises. It was the first time, and it wasn't the last. Anytime, that I did something that he didn't like, or if the kids got on his nerves, he would take it out on me."

"Even after I discovered how he really was, I just couldn't leave him. I thought that if I did everything that he asked me to do, that it wouldn't matter and I could have the family I so longed for."

There is no way I can fault Bella for thinking this. I had stayed with Tanya for almost the exact same reason.

"It wasn't until after Pacey was born that I realized that even though I wanted us to be a family, and had worked so hard to make us one, that the way we were living, wasn't a family at all."

"Even though I knew that deep down everything I was doing, and he was doing was wrong, I still couldn't bring myself to try and fix it. I wanted my children to have a family and I didn't want to be the one who would take that away from them. I had lost my parents and I didn't want to be the one to make them go through that."

"When Pacey became sick and Mike distanced himself the way he did, I thought that maybe I could keep it all together for them. But it was too hard to keep up the charade, and Patrick knew and saw everything, which made it that much harder to continue on. He saw the way Mike treated me and Pacey and it hurt him," Bella laments sadly.

No wonder Patrick is so protective of Bella and Pacey. He has been watching out for them since the beginning. It makes perfect sense to me why he acted the way he did. And it makes me hate his father that much more.

"It had been over between us for a long time and he was never much of a father to Patrick and none at all to Pacey. But it took what he did to me in front of the kids to finally see that enough was enough. You know what happened that night and that was the night we left him."

I do know what happened. Alice and Bella had told me that Mike was cheating on her and she came home and caught him. That he went so crazy and tried to attack her in front of the boys and Jasper and even the police.

"During the divorce, he was horrible. We were settling out of court because it was a no contest divorce. He yelled at me and called me names in front of the mediator and our lawyers. The mediator even asked me if I was scared of my husband," she laughs sarcastically. "But I knew that if I said anything that Mike would hurt us one way or another and I just couldn't take that chance. The boys had been hurt enough."

"My lawyer informed me that I was due child support and alimony, but I knew that it would just drag it out. Mike wasn't going to give me anything. I wanted it over and I rejected anything my lawyer suggested so that I could get a divorce as quick as possible. I didn't need his money and I didn't want it. It was bad enough that I kept my children in an abusive relationship. I didn't want to do anything to prolong the inevitable any more."

She sighs deeply. "I hated myself for putting my children through what I did. I am so ashamed that I let him treat me and the boys that way. I just wanted a family. Then in the end, I just wanted out. That is why I did what I did about the divorce and all the legalities. That is why Mike probably showed up at the hospital, because he was on the list of emergency contacts. I didn't do what I needed to do to get him completely out of our lives. And I'm sorry for it."

Bella's eyes meet mine and the emotions I see swirling would bring me to my knees if I was standing. I pull her back in my arms and hold her tightly against me.

"Bella, none of that matters to me. I don't care what happened before. Sure, I was curious about what happened, but it doesn't change a thing. You are still you and so are the boys. I love you. The past doesn't change a thing. Don't be ashamed of anything. We both did things that we thought were right so that we could make or keep a family. If we hadn't, Patrick and Pacey and Claire wouldn't be here. You told me once that you didn't think any less of me because of what I did to keep Claire. And I'm telling you now that I don't think any less of you because of the choices you've made in the past."

It is true. To me, the ends justified the means. I wouldn't do anything different if it meant that I wouldn't have Claire in the end.

"Don't you see? I love you. Unconditionally. I want to marry you. This is where we belong, together, with each other." There. I said it out loud. Instead of pulling away from me, like I worried she might, she holds me even closer to her. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you and the boys and Claire. And be a family. Just like what we've wanted all along. Do you understand?"

I feel her nod against my chest. She is quiet and I let her be after all she has just confessed to me.

"I love you, too, Edward," she declares. "And I want the same things you do," she whispers quietly. She nuzzles into me and I press a lingering kiss to her temple.

My heart swells at her admission.

Inside I want to laugh at my shy, sexy as hell, writer woman who has such a hard time expressing her feelings out loud. Then I want to strut around like a peacock and preen at the thought that it is because of me that she becomes so flustered.

She didn't say the words out loud, though I knew what she means. Our future is with each other and I know that she feels the same way. Bella and I are enough alike for me to know that we both want the same things. We both want a family and all the wonderful things that go with it.

I told her we belonged together. And I believe it with all my heart. The only thing to do now is make it official.

**A/N: I apologize for taking so long to update and I know I totally suck for it. Real life kicks ass around my house and always comes first!**

**Please review and let me know what you think.**

**I am participating in Breathe-of-twilight's Countdown to 2012 Farwell to 2011. There are some awesome writers involved! It is an anonymous contest, so go check it out and see if you can figure out which one is mine! **

**Read the countdown at:**

**http:/ www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7348457/1/**

**Thank you to my awesome beta tawelephant. She corrects my many mistakes and turns my shit to gold. I am so thankful that she has stuck with me since the beginning and I would have never gotten this far without her. She is entering the Totally 80's Contest. I'm sure it will be filled with lemony goodness. **

**Check out the entries at:**

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**There is only one more chapter and an epilogue if anyone is even interested in one. (Sniffles) I'll update as soon as I can.**


	28. For the Rest of Our Lives

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters. This Edward and Bella are mine and so is their story.**

**I hope you enjoy the last chapter of A Long Way to Go!**

**Chapter 28: For the Rest of Our Lives**

**Bella POV**

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

_Fuck!_

_Damn it!_

_Hell fire!_

_I_…

…can't think of any more expletives.

_What am I going to do? _

My mind reels faster than my stomach.

_How did this happen?_

Oh, well wait. I know how this happened.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you look back and see exactly where you went wrong? Well, right now, that is exactly what is happening to me.

_Stupid Bella!_

While Pacey was in the hospital, I forgot my birth control pills.

_Must not think of that now or I will cry._

Stupid hormones!

_Stupid Bella!_

After everything that had happened with Pacey being in the hospital and Mike showing up and acting like the ass he is, Edward and I both seemed to have this need to claim each other again. It was as if we needed each other like we needed air. Anytime that we could sneak away and have sex, we were fucking each other like there was no tomorrow. Just the thought of him between my legs again had me aching for more.

_Which is just crazy considering my need to throw up, again._

The fact that Edward and I were fucking like rabbits, as if we were trying to re-populate the world of bunnies, attributes to the condition I'm in.

And while we were procreating like our lives depended on it, I continued to forget about my pills, because honestly, that was the last thing on my mind.

My mind had been pulled in so many directions, that I didn't know up from down at times.

Pacey's trip to the hospital tore me all to pieces. Then, Mike's little appearance and his attempt to man handle me like he always did in the past, just about finished me off. I was not prepared to see him nor deal with him. But I had to stand up to him for Pacey's sake so that Pacey wouldn't see his absentee father go totally ballistic because he had to come to the hospital because of his sick son.

_Bastard!_

Oh! Another bad word. That is one bad thing about being pregnant. I lose my train of thought easily.

Back to my baby drama. Baby. Edward's baby. Just the thought of it makes me giddy.

_Focus Bella!_

On top of Pacey being sick, I was worried about Patrick too. No parent should have to choose between their children, but in this case, because Pacey had to be in the hospital and the hospital was no place that Patrick needed to be hanging out, I had no choice. But that didn't make it any easier knowing that he wasn't with me like he should be.

I mean, I knew Alice was taking care of him. That wasn't the problem. The fact that he was away from me just upset me so much.

Then there was Edward. Oh my. That man was more than I could ever imagine. Not only did he stand up to Mike for me, he stayed with us the entire time Pacey was in the hospital, never leaving our side for a moment. He stepped right up to bat and hit a homerun.

_Why the hell am I thinking of baseball?_

I shook my head to get back on track.

Whoa. Reminder to self. Do not shake head while pregnant. Dizziness is so not good.

Cue the barfing.

After retching again in the toilet, I sit back against the bath tub. "Only seven more months of this. Great," I sigh heavily, my hand involuntarily stroking my stomach. A smile creeps over my clammy face.

_Great indeed._

Where was I? Edward. Yes, Edward. He is absolutely wonderful. Why I had ever worried about talking to him and telling him about everything I will never know.

"Oh no," I groan, dropping my head in my hands. Thoughts of all the conversations Edward and I have had since Pacey became sick flitted through my head. Did I explain myself well enough? Did he understand what I was trying to tell him? Did he believe me?

Cue the crying.

_Stupid hormones!_

Cue the barfing, again.

After heaving in the toilet like the morning after a good drunk, I resume my position against the tub.

Yes, Edward is everything I could ever imagine, and more. He was so good to Pacey while he was in the hospital. Edward stayed by his side the entire time, never once acting like it was a burden or that he was waiting for his chance to escape. Nothing like Mike acted. Edward was nothing short of amazing.

Then the way he is with Patrick melts my heart. They have formed some sort of bond and some of the nervous energy that had surrounded them has faded away. Now there are times that I see them interact like father and son. Seeing them together like that gives me so much hope that Patrick and Pacey have both found in Edward what there own father could never give them.

And he said he wants to marry me.

He is almost too good to be true. But he is real and he is mine. And if he is serious about marriage, then I would be his forever. Because, I would accept nothing less than forever with Edward.

"Mama?" Pacey's voice drifts through the door. "Are you sick?"

It's okay. I can deal with this. We'll deal with this. He will want this. I want this.

Am I crazy?

Maybe…

Some would say that it is too early in our relationship for this. But we did everything too early. Hell, we slept together the first time that we had a date. Some would say I was a ho. Others would say Edward was a man whore.

But when you've had to wait so long for the right one to come along, you take that chance. I've often told my boys that sometimes you only get once chance in life to do something, and if you ever get that chance, you should take it. If there was anything I learned from being with Mike, it is don't let one moment pass you by, because you might not have another chance at it.

All those days of seeing Edward at school, watching and learning what a good man and father he is. All those times I dreamt of him. How I lusted and wanted him like I needed air to breathe. I knew that if I ever had a chance to be with Edward, I would take that chance. Something just told me that we would be happy together.

And I was right. We are happy together. Sure we have bumps along the way, but nothing is perfect in life. Life is far from perfect. But with Edward, and the boys and Claire, it is the closest thing to perfect for me that I think we will ever have. In our own way, we are a family. That is all I ever wanted, to have a family of my own.

We can get through this. It's not like we don't know what we're doing. We both have kids…

Shit. The kids. What are they going to say? How are we going to tell them that we're about to have a baby?

Pacey slowly opens the door, his eyes popping open at the sight of me down on the floor. I can only imagine what I look like to him. I'm sweaty and clammy, and I'm sure I am white as a ghost.

"Mama," he asks tentatively, "are you 'kay?"

Mustering a smile, I look up at him trying my best to reassure him. The last thing I want is for him to worry about me. "I'm sick to my stomach. That's all. I just threw up. I'll feel better now."

I do feel a little better. As long as I keep the head action to a minimum, I'll be okay.

He comes closer to me, placing his hand on my forehead. My eyes tear up at his sweet gesture. "You don't have a fever." His little forehead puckers in question.

I shake my head in response. Damn, that was a mistake. I close my eyes, inhaling slowly through my nose, trying to keep the sickness at bay.

"No, sweet pea, I don't." How do you explain to a child that you're just knocked up and spewing chunks because of morning sickness? "Something is making my stomach sick. It's not so bad that I have to go to the doctor."

At the word doctor, I see panic cross over his features.

"Don't worry, I promise, everything is going to be okay," I offer in reassurance, trying to soothe his fears.

Everything is going to be okay. It will be. For some reason, deep down, I know that everything is going to be perfect.

**Edward POV**

There is a smile on my face that won't go away. If I am to be honest, it has been there since the first time I set eyes on Bella. From that very first day, when I saw her with the sun shining on her like she was an angel, talking and laughing with her boys, it put a smile on my face that hasn't faded.

I knew right then she would be mine.

Here lately, my happiness can hardly be contained because everything is out in the open, and I can love her openly and show what I feel without restraint. There is more love there than I ever thought I would have in my life and it only gets bigger and better with every day that passes by and so does my smile.

We are still living together. I didn't leave after Pacey felt better. No, I stayed and Bella never asked me to leave. I probably wouldn't have even if she asked me. I am happy and content. Claire and the boys are happy with our living arrangement. And from what I can tell, so is Bella.

It would be a lie to say that it has been perfect. But when it comes to a family, nothing ever is. The boys leave their Lego's or other toys lying around and I have to bellow at them to pick up their stuff. Claire will be having a drama queen moment and Bella has to tell her to cool it.

It's not perfect, but it is the most perfect thing I've ever had. It's a family, with all the things that go along with it. The ups and downs, the highs and the lows, the love and the bond that goes with being a family, are everything I've ever wanted and more.

I was serious when I told Bella that I want to marry her. She is everything I've ever wanted in a woman. Our relationship has filled the missing piece in my heart. She is my soulmate.

My cell phone ringing on my desk breaks me from my thoughts. When I pick it up and see who it is, that big smile is still on my face, until I hear the voice on the other end.

"Pacey? Slow down. I can't understand you."

"_Mama is sick, Edward. You have to come home. Now." _There is silence except for his breathing into the phone. "_Please, Edward."_

His plea is soft, but no less fearful. I can hear the tears that I cannot see. My heart slams in my chest. "What do you mean sick? Where is she?"

"_She's in the bathroom. Something is making her stomach sick."_

What he describes to me doesn't ease the dread that is welling up inside of me. "Is she throwing up?"

"_Yes."_ He is quiet now, and not only do I hear his ragged breathing, but I can hear him sniffling too. "_Help her Edward. Please."_

And though I can't think straight and my mind is waging a war as to what I need to do first, I do what is most important at the time. "Listen to me Pacey. I am on my way home. Stay with your mother. Keep the phone with you and stay with her. I'm on my way. Okay?"

I'm sure he is nodding, but I need to hear the words. "Did you hear me Pacey? I'm coming. Everything is going to be alright." I hope and pray that everything is going to be okay, but there is no way I'm going to let this little boy hear the fear I have in my heart and the dread building in the pit of my stomach.

"_Okay Edward. I wove you. Please hurry."_

"I love you, too. Don't worry. I'm on my way." I'm doing enough worrying for both of us, but that is not what he needs to hear.

We say goodbye and I instruct him once more to keep the phone with him and to stay with Bella.

As I drive, I try to think of what could be wrong with her. The kids have been well. No stomach viruses or other illnesses that would cause her to throw up. We have been so careful since Pacey has been home, trying our best to stay healthy so he won't catch anything. The doctor warned us the day Pacey was released from the hospital that a common cold right now could put him right back in the hospital.

Between extensive hand washing and sanitizing every surface, we have tried to keep the house as germ free as possible. It is the closet thing to a bubble we can provide for him, but Bella and I are not willing to take any chances. Over protective – yes – but after seeing him in the hospital, there is no such thing as being too protective.

When I pull in the driveway, my thoughts have not revealed an answer as to what could be wrong with Bella. Running for the door, I quickly make my way inside and up the stairs, taking them two at a time to get to her as fast I can. Before I enter the bathroom, I hear her retching into the toilet.

When I open the door, she is hunched over the toilet, holding her hair back with one hand and bracing herself with the other. Once she is finished, she leans back and notices I am there, her eyes instantly fill with tears. From what I can tell, the look she gives me isn't because she is sick. I don't think it's because Pacey called me. No, she looks as if she is afraid and now I am too. Her fear has my anxiety level shooting up and my body locked in place.

"Edward," Pacey whispers, relief swimming in eyes when he sees me. He jumps up from Bella's side and wraps his arms around my leg looking up to me. "See. I told you she was sick."

"You were right." I crouch down and pick him up, giving him a hug that I hope will reassure him that everything is going to be okay. "Do me a favor okay?" He nods enthusiastically. "I want you to go down and get your mom a Sprite. That will probably make her feel better."

He jumps down and takes off like a kid on a mission. It gives him something to do and it gives me a moment alone with Bella.

I kneel down in front of her and run my hand across her forehead. She is clammy, but doesn't have a fever. She laughs a little and I look to her in question.

"Pacey did the same thing," she answers my unspoken question. She looks up to me with eyes that are brown and deep with fear and what looks like hope mixed in. "I'm sorry he called you. It's just been really bad today for some reason. But it was this way with the boys."

I have no idea what she is talking about and can offer no response. She continues in what seems like nervous babbling. "I don't want you to think I did this on purpose. It's just…with everything going on…I forgot. Then we were…you know…like all the time." She blushes and the first hint of color on her face relieves me. "I know it's too soon. But I want you to know that it feels right to me. It's the only thing that has felt right to me in a very long time. In fact it feels perfect."

Bella's lips turn up at the corner in a timid smile. Then I watch as one hand moves down her body and her fingers lightly stroke her stomach. I'm mesmerized by the action and then everything seems to click into place.

Without even knowing I am doing it, I reach out and place my hand over hers. I look into her eyes and what I see there takes my breath away.

"Are you sure?" I whisper softly, almost scared to ask the question out loud. The answer would change our lives irrevocably and at the same time mean everything in the world to me.

The thought of a baby with Bella is everything I could have ever dreamed and hoped for. I love Claire with all my heart, and I love Bella's boys just like they are my own. But a baby with Bella would be a symbol of the love I feel for her. Besides that, I can always find room for one more in my heart to love. Or even two or three more. Especially if it is with Bella.

She nods her head slightly. As soon as she does, she moans and darts her head back over the toilet. With all the happiness in the world and an even goofier grin on my face than I've ever had, I hold her hair back while she pukes because she is pregnant with my baby. _Our_ baby, I correct myself internally, giddy with all the joy of becoming a father again.

Bella raises her head up once she is finished and leans back against the side of the tub. Her eyes warily search my face for anger or reproach, but she will find none here. I quickly grab a washcloth from the closet, run it under cold water and begin to wipe her face clean for her.

"How long have you known? When did you figure it out? Did you take a test? Have you talked to a doctor?" My questions bubble over and out with my excitement.

She giggles at my exuberance. "I haven't taken a test. I've felt bad for the past couple of mornings, but I didn't actually figure it out till this morning. I couldn't understand how I was even sick considering we have been so careful because of Pacey. Then it just hit me that I had forgotten my pills. Plus my boobs have been sore for a few days, but I thought maybe that was because it was time for my period." She smirks up at me. "Obviously, it's not my period. As far as talking to the doctor, I plan on doing that as soon as I can stop throwing up." She grimaces at her own words.

"Edward," she whispers to me before I can say anything in response. "I want you to know – no I need you to know – that this was an accident, I didn't do this on purpose. But even though it was an accident, it is not how I feel about this baby." Her small hand covers her non existent bump like the protective mama I know she is. "I know we've only been together for a short time, but to me, it means so much more than that. You are everything that I could ever hope for in my life. You are so good to me and the boys. Having a baby with you and sharing that joy will be more than perfect to me."

Tears start to stream down her beautiful pale face and I know have to assure her before she mistakes my silence for anything other than awe and delight about our baby she is carrying inside of her.

"Oh, Bella," I whisper, sitting down beside her and wrapping my arm around her, pulling her close, resting my cheek on top of her head. I would jerk her up and hug her and spin her around to show her how happy I am, but I don't want to do anything that will make her sick again. "I want you to know, that you have made me the happiest man alive. It doesn't matter to me if it was an accident or not, I will love this baby, I mean _our_ baby," I correct with a smile, "with all my heart just as I love you and Claire and the boys."

I take a deep breath to settle myself before I make the rest of my declaration to her. It may not be the time or place, but she has to know my intentions. There is no way I will let her think that she will be alone in this. Pulling back to see her face, I just hope she can see how happy she has made me and how serious I am about my intentions.

"Marry me Bella. I meant what I said when I told you that I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. I want us to be a family in every sense of the word. I'm sorry that I don't have a ring right now to give to you. I know this isn't a very romantic proposal, and we're sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor and you just threw up. But I want you to know that I love you and I want you to marry me. I know we had a long way to go to find each other. Both our lives before we met each other were rough and we've had enough heartache to last a lifetime. But I think that what happened before we met each other, happened for a reason and everything that happened brought us to each other. "

"I will promise you this. I will never hurt you or the boys. I will love you for who you are and I will love the boys as if they are my own. From now on, I want us to both be happy and not worry about if the other person cares enough or loves us enough. What we have is real. And I want it forever." Taking her hand, I place it over my heart and let her feel what she does to me. Let her feel the love I have for her coursing through my veins and making my heart thump faster.

"Say yes. Please say you will marry me. Let me love you. Let me spend the rest of my life with you," I beg with all the love I have for her. I'm not above begging and will do so until she says yes.

Bella's tear stained face looks up to me. "Yes," she whispers without hesitation, gripping my shirt in her hands. "I love you Edward. I would love nothing more than to be your wife. I will promise you something too. I promise you that I will love Claire like she is my own. I promise that I will love this baby, and any other babies, when we have more." My heart swells at the fact that she wants more. I never thought that I would have more than a few, but now I can see us having a brood of kids together.

"You are right Edward. We did have a long way to go to find each other. But now that we have, I don't want to waste another minute. I love you, Edward."

She reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck holding me to her. "You don't know how bad I want to kiss you right now. And even though you think this isn't a very romantic proposal, I think its perfect for us."

At that moment, Pacey walks in the bathroom carrying a Sprite in his hand. When his eyes lock on Bella's and that she is crying, I can see that he is beginning to panic again. Before I can say anything Bella starts talking to him.

"Oh, sweet pea. Thank you so much for the drink." Pacey holds the drink out to her and I take it, popping the tab and handing it over to Bella.

"Sip slowly baby, not too much at one time" I murmur to Bella, the protective side of me already kicking in. Bella smiles and winks at me, letting me know in her own way that she knows what I'm thinking.

"Are you okay, Mama?" Pacey questions Bella worriedly.

She gives him that smile that makes me weak at the knees. "I'm more than okay Pacey." She reaches out for him, silently asking him to join us on the floor. He settles in between us and I have to remember that there will be four kids in our home, and possibly more one day, and I will have to learn to share Bella. Inwardly I chuckle to myself over my jealously over our kids and the attention they will receive.

"In fact Pacey, everything is perfect. Just as it was always meant to be," Bella gushes and gazes up at me adoringly leaving me no doubt of her love for me or our future together.

Once Bella is able to move without getting sick, I gingerly pick her up and move her to the bed. She weakly protests, but nuzzles against me and sighs contently. Pulling the covers back, I settle her in and tuck the sheets around her. Pacey climbs up beside her and gently snuggles into her side being careful with her without me having to tell him. It's as if he already knows to be easy with her.

I run down to the kitchen and grab her more Sprite and some crackers. It's something my mom told me to do when Claire feels sick. Since it is almost lunch, I make Pacey a plate of grapes, cheese and crackers. He would rather eat that than anything else.

When they are settled, I tell Bella that I need to call my dad and let him know what is happening. I ran out of work so fast that I didn't even tell anyone I was leaving. My dad has called on my cell several times since I left work; I'm sure trying to find out what is going on.

She looks at me nervously, playing with one of the crackers I gave her. "Are you going to tell him?" She whispers to me.

"No, not yet," I whisper back. "I want to tell the kids first. We are going to tell them, aren't we?"

She looks over at Pacey. He is so involved with eating his grapes and watching cartoons that he isn't paying any attention to us. "Yes, I want to tell them. I want to tell them everything. I don't want to hide anything from them." She smiles encouragingly.

"Okay," I say before kissing her forehead. She sighs happily, and then snuggles back into the bed with Pacey.

Grabbing my phone, I head downstairs to call my dad. As soon as he answers his phone, the questions start.

"_Edward, what's wrong? When I went to your office, your secretary told me you ran out of the office without a word. Is everything okay?"_

"Everything is perfect dad," I breathe into the phone. I want to tell him so bad, but I want to tell the kids first. "Pacey called and said Bella was sick, so I rushed home to check on her."

"_Is she alright? I'm sure your mother would come over and help her. You know she would do anything for her." _

I smile knowing that he is right. My parents love Bella and the boys. They are going to be so happy for us when they find out that we are going to get married and have a baby together. "No, Dad. That's not necessary. She's feeling better. I'm just going to stay home with her for the rest of the day and pick up the kids at school for her."

He doesn't ask anymore questions after my explanation, but I get the feeling that he knows something else is going on. He doesn't push and I am grateful. It wouldn't take much for me to spill the beans. I am bursting at the seams with the news I'm holding in and want to yell it from the rooftops that Bella and I are going to have a baby.

When I go back upstairs, Bella and Pacey are lying in bed snuggling quietly with each other. I can't resist the temptation, so I crawl in behind Bella, spooning her body with mine. My hand drifts down to her stomach, and I splay my fingers wide against her.

Her head lolls back against me, gazing up into my eyes. She is not as pale as she was earlier and I feel better knowing that it has been several hours since she was sick. I glance over at Pacey and see that he has fallen asleep.

"How are you feeling?" I ask quietly.

"I'm feeling much better. Only eight or so more months of this," she smiles and places her hand over mine.

"I can't wait. We are going to have beautiful babies, Mrs. Cullen."

"I love the sound of that," she murmurs softly.

I'm curious. "Which do you like the sound of, the babies or the name?"

"Both," she answered quietly.

"So do I," I declare happily, nuzzling against her. "So do I."

We lay there while Pacey sleeps beside us, whispering quietly to each other, figuring out the best way to tell the kids. Patrick's reaction to the news makes us both anxious, but I assure her that he will be fine and that we'll figure it out together. She sighs in relief, and closes her eyes and before I know it, she is out like a light. Until it is time for me to pick the kids at school, I just lay there and watch her, thanking all that is holy that she came into my life.

When Patrick notices that it is me picking him up instead of Bella, he looks concerned. No sooner than he gets in the car, his interogation begins. He sounds like my father. Hmm, maybe he would make a good lawyer I muse thoughtfully.

"Where's Mom? Why didn't she pick us up today? She's been picking us up since Pacey is better. Is she okay? Is Pacey okay?" I can hear fear of the unknown in his voice.

"You're mom's fine," I try and reassure him. "She's feeling sick. Pacey is fine. We'll tell you all about it when we get home." My response seems to mollify him for the moment. Claire begins her run down of her day and Patrick can no longer get a word in edgewise. He is quiet the rest of the ride home, but I can see the apprehension of what awaits him plainly on his face.

Before I can shut off the engine, Patrick bolts for the house. By the time Claire and I make it upstairs, Patrick is sitting on the bed next to Bella. She is sitting up against the headboard, with Pacey still snuggled in beside her, smiling up at his big brother. Her hands are holding his, reassuring him that everything is okay.

Claire and I sit down on the bed, and I wait with baited breath until Bella gives me the signal. Once she has calmed Patrick's fears, she looks up at me and smiles, giving a slight nod of her head for me to start.

"Hey kids," I stutter nervously, my voice cracking slightly. Bella giggles at my nervousness, and then quickly covers her mouth to stifle her obvious amusement. "Bella and I have something to tell you."

Pacey and Claire immediately perk up, but Patrick is clearly on alert at our impending news. Bella and I both knew that there was not going to be an easy way to say this, so we decided to just come out with it.

"Bella and I are going to get married." Pacey and Claire start clapping their hands together with obvious delight. I can almost see little hearts circling around their head.

Patrick looks stunned. For a moment, he just sits there, his eyes darting from Bella's to mine. A myriad of emotions swirl through his eyes before he turns to Bella. "Are you sure, Mama?" he whispers, his voice laced with concern and fear.

"Patrick, I'm more than sure," she whispers back in response, taking his hand in hers. "You know Edward is a good man." Patrick looks to me, then back to Bella and nods his head.

I sit down beside Patrick, sticking my hand out to him, hoping he will place his little hand in mine. When he does, I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I want to tell you something Patrick. I can't promise you that everything will always run smoothly. Or that we won't have problems along the way. But, I can promise you this. I will never hurt your mother, or Pacey or you," I pledge looking him straight in the eye. "I can promise that I will always be there for you, for all of you. And I won't leave or run away." I pause hoping that what I am saying will sink in.

"I love Bella, with all my heart. She is everything I have been looking for. I want to spend the rest of my life loving her and cherishing her for the love she brought back into my life. And I love you and Pacey, just as I love Claire. I don't want you to think that I am trying to take anyone's place. I'll be what you want me to be. I'll be here for you anyway you want me."

Pacey and Claire crawl into my arms, hugging me, their excitement palpable throughout the room. Patrick climbs up beside Bella and wraps his arms around her. They whisper quietly to each other, both nodding at the whispered words passed back and forth. Then Patrick comes over to me and I wait with baited breath to see what he will say.

He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders. Bella nervously bites her lip waiting to see what is about to unfold. "All I ask is that you be good to my mother and my brother." Patrick requests softly, his words sounding the maturity that a child his age shouldn't have.

"I promise you that I can do that." I affirm confidently, squeezing his shoulder. "And I'll promise you something else, Patrick. I promise I will be good to you, too." Patrick's cheeks turn a soft shade of pink before he nods his head to my response. He reminds me so much of Bella.

I look to Bella, giving her the go-ahead to take over. We didn't know if we should tell them about the marriage and the pregnancy at the same time, but decided to just give it all to them straight. Besides, children aren't as unaware as most people want to believe. And it's not like we can hide the fact that Bella is pregnant forever.

"There is something else." Bella pauses until the children calm down and give her their full attention. "We're going to have a baby, too. You're going to have a little brother or sister." She smiles wide, joy and excitement radiating from her.

Pacey and Claire squeal with delight and almost tackle each other with their exuberance, claiming how they will be brothers and sisters and now they will have a little brother or sister to play with too.

The pink stain of embarrassment that was on Patrick's face moments before has drained and he now looks pale. He is far from stupid. Besides that, we've watched enough of the Discovery Channel together that I'm sure he knows babies don't come from the stork.

Patrick's eyes begin bugging out of his head just like you would see in a cartoon, but this is far from funny. He looks from Bella to me, then back to Bella. There is no doubt in my mind that the he is putting two and two together.

"Really," Patrick squeaks. "You're having a baby?" he asks, astonishment clear in his voice. His bottom lip begins to tremble and his eyes become glassy.

Oh shit! It is time for me to do something before Bella starts crying and getting upset causing her to throw up again. I am trying so hard to be strong for all of us, but if Patrick starts crying and that makes Bella cry, then I may lose my shit. I can't take both of them crying, it will break me.

"Hey, listen to me," I whisper softly to console him. "This is just going to bring us all together. It will tie and bind us together in a way that will be irrevocable. Not only will Bella and I have you and Pacey and Claire, we will now have a baby to show that we truly are a family. There will be no separating us. We will always be together."

Because I need it just as much as he does, I pull him into my arms. To see him in pain, the worry and concern emanating from his little body, is more powerful than anything I have felt before. I don't know for sure what the right words are at this moment, but I have to tell him how I feel hoping that he will understand and trust me.

"I promise you that we will always be a family. Nothing will ever tear us apart. I'll never leave you, or your mother or brother. We're a family now. Do you understand?" I lean back, taking his little face in my hands, forcing him to look at me so that he can see the sincerity in my eyes. "We're a family now," I repeat over and over, praying that he will believe me.

Fat tears roll down his cheeks. He nods in understanding and wraps his arms around my neck, burying his head against me. Bella crawls to us, tears flooding her eyes. She wraps her arms around us, cradling Patrick between us. And as we hold on tight to each other, Pacey and Claire join us in our family group hug.

This is right; this is the way it is supposed to be. I close my eyes and relish in the warmth and love that we all share. What Bella and I have together is all I've ever wanted, a family and someone to share my life with.

In a way, we've each had a long way to go to get to the point where we are now. From our ex's not playing their part of a parent and then abandoning our children. Patrick, watching as his father physically and mentally abused his mother, and neglected and mistreated his brother. There were many ups and downs that we had to face separately and together, but each move brought us closer to each other. There are many things I regret, but I wouldn't change any of it if it meant that I couldn't be where I am now.

And now that we're together, I plan to spend the rest of our lives making up for it, filling it with happiness and love and being the family that we were always meant to be.

~The End~

**When I wrote the one shot that inspired this story, I never thought that I would end up writing a full story. That was almost two years ago and I never believed that anyone would read it, much less leave reviews. **

**It has taken me a long time to write this and for that I apologize. My updates were sporadic and my hectic life made it impossible for me to keep up with a timely schedule. Being a swim, chess, accelerated reader program, school volunteer and PTO mom for my two boys makes a busy life for me! **

**The best thing about writing on fan fiction is that I have met some wonderful people along the way.**

**First and foremost, I want to thank tawelephant for being with me since the one shot that inspired my full story. If it weren't for her words of encouragement, I may not have had the courage to start nor finish this. Not only did she support me in my writing, but she took the time to work her magic and make it better for everyone else to read. I can't thank her enough. If I've gained one thing from doing this, it is a friendship that I hope I can keep forever! I love you Tiffany! **

**To cullenfan524, you have been with me since the beginning and I can't thank you enough. You were kind enough to read a chapter if I asked and left me reviews that inspired me and made me smile. I hope that our friendship that grew out of our love for Twilight and hatred of Junie B. Jones (lol!) will last as long as our love of all things Twilight does. I wish you nothing but the best with your writing and all that you try to do.**

**To all the other readers and reviewers out there, I can't thank you enough. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have finished writing this story.**

**Keep me on alert. You don't know what I might write next!**

**If anyone is interested, I might do an epilogue and some outtakes in the future.**

**Thank you all again. I hope to see you around the fandom that brought us all together.**

**Till then…**


	29. Epilogue

**This is written simply because why else do we read fan fiction to begin with…the love and no fades to black. This is for you Tiffany ;)**

Chapter 29: Epilogue

~Edward~

"Um, Edward," Patrick mutters, as he comes up beside me. "Mom and Alice are crying again." He shifts nervously on his feet, tucking his hands in his pockets.

Ever since we told the kids that we were getting married and then dropped another bomb on them that Bella and I were going to have a baby, Patrick has been very protective of Bella.

He dotes on her and takes care of her like I imagine he did when she was pregnant with Pacey. But when he sees her cry, it unnerves him and he comes running to me.

"Hey," I console him, running my hand over his hair. "It's just her hormones. They're all out of whack because she's pregnant. I promise she is fine."

"I don't like it," he mumbles, his lips pursing out in a pout. His pout controls me just like Pacey and Claire's does.

Inwardly, I chuckle at his response but outside I give him the serious look. I don't think he would appreciate me laughing at him regarding his misgivings about his mother's condition.

"I know you don't like it. I don't like it either when she is upset. But remember this. She isn't hurt or sad. Everything that is going on inside her body is just making her emotions go all over the place." I sigh knowing that the only way to placate Patrick's worries is if I go and see about her. "Don't worry, Patrick. I'll go check on her." He smiles up at me, the one that reminds me I would do anything for this boy.

I work my way through the house to Bella's office. Every time Alice comes over, they go in there and look at baby stuff on the computer. As I pass through the living room, I see Pacey and Claire are playing Mario Kart on the Wii laughing and having a good time. I'm so glad our kids get along. It makes everything so much easier.

Just as I enter the door, I hear Alice. "Look at that! Isn't that cute. I just love those colors." Alice exclaims while sniffling. Oh, yeah, she's got it bad too.

"Aww, it is cute. Do you think it would go for a boy or a girl?" Bella asks dreamily. "I just don't know if it will or not. I can't make up my mind."

"It would help if you would just find out what you're having." This time, Alice sounds almost irritated. She doesn't understand why Bella and I decided not to find out the sex of the baby and just let it be a surprise. Her determination to make Bella find out what we are having has been relentless. She's more worried about decorating the nursery than anything else. Besides that, she hates surprises worse than Bella does.

"I know. But Edward and I want it to be a surprise. The only thing we're worried about is if the baby is healthy." Bella whispers, and this time she was the one sniffling.

"Oh, Bella. I didn't mean to make you cry. Again," Alice wails and wraps her arms around Bella. They sit there sobbing on each others shoulders. If Alice keeps upsetting Bella, I am going to ban her hormonal ass from the house. Maybe I should speak to Jasper. She's due soon, so maybe her emotional roller coaster is almost over and she'll stop upsetting Bella.

Bella and I debated back and forth for a while, but finally in the end decided not to find out what we are having. We are worried that if we show more interest in one gender or the other, we might hurt the kid's feelings. It may be stupid reasoning, but we don't want to show a preference for a boy or a girl. We just want a healthy baby to add to our already made family.

I can't take it anymore and move over to her. "Bella? Are you okay?" Bella's tear stained face meets mine. She gives me a small smile and nods her head.

"Alice," I admonish gently. I didn't need her going hormonal on me. "Please respect our decision. You know why we choose not to find out."

She sighs dejectedly rolling her eyes up at me. Something I'm sure she picked up from Bella. "I know. I know. But I just don't understand it," she grumbles grumpily like a child who doesn't get her way.

Of course she doesn't. She is always prepared and loves any reason to shop. I like being prepared too, but this is different. We have the necessities and anything else our baby might need. We just don't have gender specific things.

"I know you don't understand, but please. And you know how I feel about you upsetting Bella."

"Oh, believe me I know. You are so over protective," she mumbles petulantly, but then grins widely before wrapping her arms around me giving me a hard hug, which surprises me because of the baby bump between us. "And I'm so glad you are. You take such good care of her, and the boys. Thank you." There is no need in saying why.

"I should be the one thanking you. If it wasn't for you, we might not be where we are today." Alice's face lights up at my compliment.

"It was my pleasure." She taps her finger on her chin in thought. "Why don't I take the kids with me for a while?" Alice questions with a wicked gleam in her eye. "That way, the newlyweds can have some much needed alone time together."

"That would be perfect." Bella answers in response, sighing softly.

Yes we got married. Neither of us wanted to wait. Within a month of Bella telling me that she was having my baby, we were married in my parent's back yard surrounded by our family and friends. I wanted to make her mine in every way possible before the baby was born.

We didn't want a large wedding or anything resembling the ceremonies that we had during our previous marriages. We wanted it to be just my parents and Bella's grandmother. Alice, Jasper and Mary, were there, along with Emmett, Rosalie and their two kids. Angela and Ben, whom we had grown closer to, and their children joined us.

It was small and intimate and perfect for us. Pacey was our ring bearer and Claire was the flower girl. We made it a family affair because that is what we were now, a family.

Patrick escorted her down the make shift aisle, and then proceeded to give her away to me. That was a huge step for him. We had come a long way, him and I, and we had arrived at an understanding of sorts. He realized how much I loved Bella and that I would never hurt her, physically or emotionally. The fact that I would do anything for her was more than evidence enough for him.

When Bella walked towards me, barefoot in the grass I almost forgot to breathe. She was everything that I ever wanted in a wife and partner, someone to love and to love me back, that I could share my life with in every way possible. I never dreamed that I would find this much happiness.

After our wedding, we went to Disney World for our honeymoon. Again, we wanted it to revolve around our family. We didn't want to leave the kids behind. Neither of us wanted to be separated from our kids. Bella and I had a lifetime to be together so we weren't worried about missing out on anything because the kids were with us. Besides, my parents went along and stayed with the kids when we wanted some alone time.

Before the wedding, we moved in together so that after the honeymoon we could start our lives together. Bella's house was bigger and it made sense to move there. Claire and I talked about the move and she informed me that wherever Bella was, that was our home. We had made a home of our own in the beginning when it was just us, something that we had desperately needed to do after Tanya had left and we were trying to move on. Now though, living with Bella and the boys, it was more than just a home, it was where we lived and made our life together. In all, the transition from us living separately and to us living together after the wedding was fairly simple.

Becoming a family had its ups and downs, but we navigated through it without too much trouble. Patrick and Pacey welcomed us into their home with much love and happiness but there were times at first that things were a little awkward. It was nothing bad, just all of us adjusting to living in the same house together.

Although it did take some time for Patrick to get used to seeing me sleep in the bed with his mother. He never really said anything. There were times that he would give me that look that said ew, giving me the idea that it was a way too much information kind of thing for him. He was far from stupid. He knew where babies came from.

Alice walks out of the room, yelling for the kids to grab their shoes that she is taking them to the park. I turn to Bella, smirking when I see the look on her face. One of the best things about Bella being pregnant, besides watching her belly swell with my child, is the sex.

The kids don't waste time grabbing their things and kissing us goodbye. No sooner than Alice and the kids are out the door, I have Bella in my arms, my mouth covering hers, tasting and teasing with my tongue. Her hands are roaming all over my body, deftly tugging my shirt out of my pants. She then tugs at my snap and unzips my pants, easily getting inside, her small hand rubbing my hard on.

"Please," she begs, "I need you inside me." I waste no time, sweeping her up in my arms carrying her up the stairs and to our bedroom while she kisses and licks my neck.

We make quick work of our clothes, but take our time touching each other. Her skin is so soft to the touch and she has that healthy glow about her because she is pregnant. I turn her and lay her down on the bed, with her delectable bottom right on the edge of the mattress. With her burgeoning belly, this is one of the most comfortable positions we can find, besides when I have her on her hands and knees. But I like it this way because I can play with her breasts and watch them bounce as I fuck her.

Her back arches, pushing her breasts up, letting me know she wants me to touch them. They are larger now that she is pregnant, full and soft. I take one in my hand, squeezing gently, thumbing the nipple, making it elongate more with each stroke of my thumb. Small beads of milk escaping her breast.

I can't take anymore and lean down, wrapping my lips around the peak, drawing it deep in my mouth, suckling it. The thought of our baby doing the same soon just makes me harder. I take her other breast in my hand and do the same, lapping and teasing until she is writhing beneath me.

Once we were reading one of her pregnancy books, and in great detail it told of how a woman was so sensitive when she was pregnant that she could have an orgasm just from the stimulation of her nipples. We tried it and within minutes, I had Bella cumming so hard she screamed so loud that I thought she was going to wake the kids.

She whimpers with need and I don't want to make either of us wait anymore. I grab her legs, hooking my arms under her knees. She grasps my penis, lining it up with her and I thrust forward. Her eyes roll back in her head as we both moan loudly at being joined together again.

Her heat and wetness surrounds me causing my own eyes to roll around in my skull at the pleasure of being inside her. Since she has been pregnant, she is always wet and ready to go.

"Oh, Edward," Bella rasps huskily. "So good…touch me," she pleads, her hands clutching the bed covers.

I shift her legs up higher, letting her feet rest on my shoulders. Now that my hands are free, I let them reverently touch her body. I grab her breasts again, loving the weight of them in my hands. Once I have her trembling for a second time from touching her sensitive nipples, I let my hands roam.

My hands splay out across her belly, skimming softly over our baby that is resting inside of her. I love the sight of her pregnant and naked underneath me like this as I slip in and out of her. If I could have my way, I would keep her with child like this as long as she would let me.

At last, I touch her where she wants me the most. My finger circles around her clit, slowly increasing the pressure. As my strokes grow faster, I can feel her clenching around my aching flesh. She explodes around me, and I continue to pound into her until I follow her.

Spent and sated, I gently move her up onto the bed and wrap myself around her. Pulling the blankets up around us, I smile thinking about the first time I had sex with Bella on our first date in this very bed. We've come such a long way since then.

My hand rests lightly on her stomach, our baby moving around from our vigorous activity.

"Will it always be like this?" Bella whispers to me.

I think for a minute. "What? The way I love you?" I whisper in return kissing her softly. "The way we love each other? The way we love our kids? Always."

That is the only way to describe the way I love her and our children. Forever and always…

Bella's pregnancy progresses without any problems. I reduce my work hours and work from home so that I can spend as much time with Bella as possible. When Tanya was pregnant, she didn't like for me to pay attention to the baby or try to be close to her. She would get mad if I wanted to touch her belly so I could feel the baby moving around inside her.

With Bella, it is as if she knows I was deprived of that before and encouraged me all the time to touch her. I am allowed to touch her and feel the baby kicking and moving around any time I want to. It is hard for me to keep my hands off of her.

I enjoy watching Bella go through her mood swings, from being really happy to downright mad sometimes. Then there are the cravings. She wants everything from strawberry milk to grape slush's, to chicken salad or fried rice. I am more than glad to run out and get her anything she wanted.

It was all so amazing and I am so happy to be a part of every minute of the pregnancy. The kids love it too. They have fun trying to guess whether it is a boy or girl. Some of the names they come up with are just too cute.

Before we know it, I am rushing Bella to the hospital to have our baby. My parents meet us at the hospital and Dad takes the kids home with him so they can wait for news of the baby's arrival. Bella doesn't like the kids being away from us, but she relents when we tell her that this is no place for them during the delivery and promise that I will send for them as soon as our newest addition makes its arrival.

Bella's grandmother and my mother come inside the room with us right up until it is time for Bella to push. They take turns to help keep Bella calm, and me too. Even though the doctor assured us all along that Bella will have an easy delivery, I am still worried about her.

Bella isn't in labor very long though. It is her third child, and the nurse explained that each time they would come quicker. Bella is a natural at giving birth. She doesn't scream or holler. She does everything the doctor says as I hold her hand and watch in wonder as our baby is brought in to our little world.

When our newest addition comes out screaming at the top of her lungs, I gently take her in my arms after the nurses check her over.

"Come on, little one, Mama wants to see you," I coo at her. Bella looks at me with watery eyes, her arms outstretched to welcome our newest family member. My mother and Bella's grandmother left to go and call my dad so that he can bring the children up to see their new little sister.

"Oh, Edward. She's beautiful," Bella whispers as she inspects little hands and little feet and everything in between.

"Yes, she is. Just like her mother." I prayed that I would have a little Bella and my prayers were answered. She will probably change over time, but right now, I can see Bella perfectly in her little nose and pouty lips.

"What are we going to name her?" Bella muses softly as the baby latches on for her first feeding. "Which girl name are we going to use?"

We had picked out a few boy names and girls names, deciding that once the baby was born, we would figure out which one suited the baby best. Each name we picked out started with a C. That way, we would have two P's and two C's. Pacey and Patrick, Claire and another name beginning with C. Confusing, I know.

"I think she looks like a Caitlyn." I respond softly as I gently trace the curves of her little face. It means pure, just like my love for Bella.

Just as Bella finishes feeding Caitlyn, the nurse makes her way in the room with a big smile announcing that we have visitors.

Pacey, Patrick, and Claire make their way into the room, each of them holding little fingers up to their lips mimicking the need to be quiet. Bella and I explained to them that when they visited, they would have to whisper like they did when we were in the library.

They crawl up slowly on the bed with Bella, crowding around her to see their newest little sister. Each one oohing and aahing at her, small hands touching gently, reverently the way I did moments before.

I stand back for a moment and gaze at my family in awe. I never dreamed that I would have the kind of love that I share with Bella. Long ago, I settled because I never believed in a happily ever after. I do now. Looking at the family Bella and I made together, how could I not.

For the first time in my life, I feel whole. When I found Bella, I discovered what I was missing to make my life complete. And with our children, I can't imagine anything better than this.

**A/N: Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts since I started writing this. I hope you enjoyed a glimpse into their future. With a heavy heart, I mark my first story complete.**

**I can't say enough kind words about my beta, and above all else, my friend, tawelephant. The best thing I have found here at fan fiction is her.**

**I also want to thank Cullenfan524 for being with me on this ride from the beginning. I have found some great people on this journey and I am so thankful for them all.**

**I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Be safe and may all your wishes come true.**

**~freakybella~ **


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